Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor internet random

Tuesday Timewasters – 04/17

We’re back with a weekly roundup of five awesome timewasters for you to avoid doing anything productive today!
Sorry not sorry.
Happy Timewasting!

  1. 10 Honey Recipes For Every Occasion – Buzzfeed

One can never have too many honey recipes. Although, if anyone has any hints on how to stop my honey hardening, requiring a soak in hot water and then…well, it explodes.
Ugh. Honey on the floor.
Why?
(Bonus points for the awesome URL with this one! ‘those donuts tho’!)

2. Periodic Table of Condiments That Periodically Go Bad.

It’s exactly that.
EXACTLY. THAT.

3. Magnets and Marbles

Still from Magnets and Marbles

*Rabbit Hole Alert*
Ok, so this I became every so slightly obsessed with one day and wasted a lot of data on my phone watching You Tube videos of magical magnetic marbles doing their own version of Rube Goldberg Machines.

4. …I am genuinely unsure how to describe this….

Safe for work.
Also don’t sit too close to the screen.
I warned you.
Yep.

5. 12 Weird Things The Have Washed Ashore – Mental Floss

God, I wish I was there the day they found the life-sized E.T.. Could you imagine?
(I had trouble typing that sentence as I was laughing so much!)

Still got time to waste? For more Timewasters, check out:

Categories
Canada comedy diet funny humor internet

The Energy Crisis Is Over!

You will all be happy to know the energy crisis of 2016 has been resolved.

The Red Bull energy crisis that is.

You see, I eat a gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, sesame-free and preservative-free diet (not by choice) and, because The Canadian One is diabetic, we also eat low-carb. Salad. Lots of colorful vegetables. Salad. Fruit. Grains. Salad. Chickpeas. Lentils. Did I mention salad?

Given this, I do not feel bad about my 2 Red Bull a week habit.

Not at all.

Not one little bit.  

The Canadian One: “Do you want a coffee?”

Me: “No. I don’t. I wish coffee came cold…and carbonated…and came in a tropical flavor.”

The Canadian: “That’s a completely different drink you are describing. That’s not coffee.”

Me: “No. It’s Red Bull. I want a Red Bull.”

Now, a few weeks ago, I started to noticed stock of Yellow Red Bull dwindling in the local Walmart. Thinking nothing of it except maybe Wally’s was not stocking it anymore, I wandered to the 7-11 across the street to discover they were sporting just the original and no-sugar versions.

A week later, I noticed the convenience store in my work building had only original flavor and a few color flavors and Shoppers had ONLY colored flavors.

I mentioned to The Canadian One I thought something was going on in Calgary with the Red Bull and I started to get suspicious.

A few days later, I mentioned it again.

And then again.

And then last week, I went into full ‘WHAT IS HAPPENING THE RED BULL??’ mode when Shoppers’ designated Red Bull fridge was completely empty and Safeway only had 8 Green Red Bulls in stock.

Green.

Like seriously, what bullshit.

Green.

Who drinks Green Red Bull? Nobody. That’s why it was the only flavor in stock. It’s like Blue flavor. Why does it exist?

So The Canadian suggested asking Reddit. He loves Reddit. My only interaction with Reddit has been him showing me things on Reddit on his phone.

A quick tutorial on Reddit later and my question is up online.

Lo and behold, within 10 hours, I had heard from someone who works in the building of the old distributors and someone who works for the new distributors, someone who got suspicious like me and emailed Red Bull HQ, several people who had noticed it but not to the point of investigating it, and a bunch of usual suspects complaining about Red Bull in general (bad taste, unhealthy, blah blah blah) that I kinda just glossed over.
 
Turns out the changeover to the new distributors did not go as smoothly as hoped and there was a supply problem in the west of Canada. The problem has since been resolved and Red Bull shall be winging its way back into stores very shortly.

My excitement at solving this mystery was slightly dampened when The Canadian One pointed out that at any point in the past three weeks, I could have solved this with one question to any of the staff members of any of those stores by asking:

‘Hey, so what’s going on with the Red Bull shortage?’

But my way was more fun.

Now to solve the next mystery: Why were there 4 police cars and an ambulance outside the Wendy’s yesterday?!!

Categories
funny humor internet Korea South Korea Travel

I’m an Irish girl and I lived and worked in South Korea for five years…

Korea flagAnd I’ve only ever experienced any kind of direct, to-my-face discrimination because I am Irish twice.

And it was in Korea.

And it was from another Irish person.

Well, two, in fact. It happened twice on separate, years apart occasions. It was because I am from Dublin and they were from Northern Ireland. They didn’t like that and once it was discovered, the people in question promptly ignored me completely. I found it highly odd.

So here’s the thing, I’ve been sent / involved in offline conversation / watched my newsfeed fill up with this particular article that came out over a week ago now and have been waiting and watching the ‘wow, that escalated quickly’ nature of Internet threads with sad bemusement. If you don’t want to click the link, let me sum it up for you. Irish girl Katie Mulrennan applies for job in South Korea. Recruiter responds with ‘I am sorry to inform you that my client does not hire Irish people due to the alcoholism nature of your kind’.

A short time later, a story appeared in the Korea Observer about Sean Jones (who clearly skimmed over the first rule of resume writing being have a professional email address…) and his recent run in with racism in Korea. Jones was on the way to a job interview when he received a text that said ‘Sorry, they just told me they actually want a white teacher’ and then two days later, received a Facebook message that said ‘I’m sorry. I just found out today my school is one of ones [sic] that won’t hire black people’.

Now, I’m a white Irish girl who lived in South Korea for five years and The Canadian One worked as an in-country liaison between Korean schools and American recruiters of ESL teachers for part of that time so I’m very familiar with the ins and outs of people Koreans will or will not hire for schools. It makes sense people would bring both articles to my attention and expect comment. But I, for the most part, stayed out of it.

Looking at the second article though, over the years I’ve had non-white friends apply for jobs in Korea and ask me what I think their chances are. It’s a hard situation to be in because I know, no matter how qualified you are, the sad fact is more often than not it comes down to what you look like. It’s not right. It’s not fair. But it happens. And I’ve seen it over and over and over again.

1923802_33000761345_5717_nI’ve been declined for jobs in Korea for one main reason, my Irish accent, which is non-existent as I worked hard on Americanising my accent to make sure I got jobs. I started putting in my cover email to recruiters that I have a neutral accent and they should call me before rejecting me. Most, however, just write back that they are looking for an American. Equally, I’ve been offered jobs in Korea for a wide array of reasons ranging from my Irish accent, (again, non-existent), my British accent (I don’t have a British accent), the fact that they think I’m British, I’m white, I’m ‘pretty’, I’m not a vegetarian (that was VERY important to one school) and that I’m a girl.

The weirdest reason I ever got a job though was because of Enya, an Irish singer…

No, seriously.

I later quit that job in the middle of the contract as I started to slowly come to the realisation that my director was just a teeny bit crazy, had no money and we were pretty sure he was going to just stop paying us at some point. Afterwards he sent me several emails, including a goodbye email:

Screen Shot 2014-11-08 at 00.08.15

His name was the next thing on the email. And that was it. When he’d picked me up from the airport six months earlier, we had listened to his Enya CDs in the car all the way to Incheon.

After that, I got a job in Cheonan and then later moved to Seoul. Three years later, the school I was at was shutting down and I was on the job hunt again. I interviewed with a recruiter on a Thursday, was offered the job on the Sunday, and asked to come meet the school on the Tuesday at 3pm. I worked 1:30-5:50pm, so this was not going to be a possibility and it’s a situation I’d never come across before where the school is not accommodating to a teacher’s schedule. I made it clear I could go to the meeting if it was arranged before 12pm. I was starting to get the sense of the dramatics from the recruiter, who would be in charge of my visa, contract and pay for the time I was dealing with the school so it was important I got along well with him.

Our texts went like this:

IMG_1680

There were phone calls. There were emails. And finally, my school confirmed I had the day off and I could go to the meeting at 3pm.

Then I get this:

IMG_1681

An unpublishable swear word comes to mind.

And look at the time of that message…

While all this was happening, my current manager was arranging to get me a Letter of Release to transfer my visa to a new school. She wasn’t delaying giving me my letter, she’d told me the date she’d give it to me and I had agreed to it.

The recruiter wanted it earlier, even though I was due to get it Wednesday and my immigration meeting was set for Friday.

He insisted on calling her…which he did. She then promptly called me and told me he was nuts. Even in Korean, he was nuts, dispelling my reasoning that maybe my suspicion of his behavior was a lost in translation problem. She liked me and didn’t trust him and made that very clear.

Despite this, I met with him and the school to sign the contract and then decided to rescind my acceptance of the job offer, mainly due the my distrust of the recruiter and the fact that he couldn’t tell me much about the job and had ‘forgotten’ my contract on the Wednesday contract signing meeting (before the Monday start date) and could only show me a ‘sample contract’.

Our later correspondence after I declined the offer confirmed my suspicions that I didn’t want to work for him:

IMG_1682

IMG_1686

IMG_1684 (1)

Again…the times of these messages…

With three days left on my current contract and facing certain unemployment and risking my visa status, The Canadian One and I started to come up with contingency plans. Would I go home? What about my Canadian visa application? It hadn’t been approved yet. Would leaving Korea jeopardise it? At around 10pm that same night, my manager called me saying that his friend had recently had a teacher leave suddenly and that she needed a teacher starting Monday. Needing a job, I gathered my documents and applied before 11pm. My phone rang 20 minutes later. It was the school inviting me to come in the following morning (Thursday) for a meeting.

I went to the interview – and was told I look ‘better in person’ than in my resume photo (!) – explained what was happening with my job status, met the principal, got the job, went to my immigration meeting on Friday, changed over my visa and started on the Monday.

On my first day, the school told me they discovered the teacher had a criminal record and he was fired, which is unusual as you need a criminal record check to get a visa to get to Korea in the first place but I accepted it as an answer and moved on.

I later found out the parents were told the teacher only worked there for two weeks before leaving for a family emergency.

Curious, I asked the kids about their previous teacher.

They told me he was black.

Going back to the school’s response to Mulrennen, it was a bad choice of words and reason, no doubt, but as I read the BBC article I began to remember something that happened four years ago.

With every job application in Korea, you apply with a resume and a photo. I usually used a standard passport-sized photo of me smiling which was rendered unusable as an actual passport photo.

But I went to a job interview once and found the school had a completely different picture of me than the one I’d sent the recruiter. It began to slowly dawn on me that the recruiter had trawled through my Facebook photos – back when my privacy settings weren’t as high – and picked the one she thought best represented me and sent it to the school.

She’d chosen this one:

Wine Train (1)

The photo was taken when I went on a wine train trip where you go on a train through the Korean countryside to a vineyard and have a tour. It’s awesome. I recommend it. You taste test wine all the way there, while there and then all the way back. When I got on the train, I was operating on almost zero sleep – having stayed out until 4am doing shots with a friend at a local bar – was very quickly drunk again after the wine tasting breakfast on the way TO the vineyard. Once off the train, I pounced at the chance to take the photo that would later be included in my resume package to the school by my recruiter.

I was offered the job but declined it.

On a side note: I was supposed to go to a music gig in Seoul later that night but didn’t make it due to extreme wine consumption. This was November 2010 and it was my friend’s band playing. It would have marked the first time I met their much-heard-about-but-never-actually-met-yet guitar player but alas, it was not meant to be and it would be another month before we were to met for the first time, fall in love, move to Canada and get engaged.

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor internet random timewasters

Tuesday Timewasters – The TruthFacts Edition – 06/17

Aaaaand we’re back with an all new Tuesday Timewasters! Woo hoo! A weekly round up of the awesome, weird and wonderful world of the Interwebbie.

First up, and a site I have become increasingly obsessed with checking out on my way to work in the morning, is Truthfacts!

Correct responses to your girlfriend's question When do you discover spelling errors in an email Ingredients in a successfull chicken:bacon sandwich
Wasting Time How to utilize hashtags on Facebook Statistics about Statistics Stone's Throw Most difficult things to complete

What Smoke Detectors Warn You Of Statistics Blame the heterosexuals Varying levels of entertainment value When electronics don't work Know the difference between various fruits When you want to hear a song on YouTube

What helicopters do in movies

Remember all media here belongs to TruthFacts. Head over there and check them out for more awesomeness!

Categories
comedy funny humor internet random

Toy Story Vs The Walking Dead

Well, that’s a title I never thought I’d write…especially since I don’t actually watch The Walking Dead BUT The Canadian One does and I feel like I know enough about it to string together the storyline. The dude from Teachers is married to the chick from Prison Break, there are zombies and an annoying small kid named Carl. And a prison. And a governor. And zombies. And guns. And zombies. Right? His name is Carl, right? That’s the only name I know from that show. Unless Rick is Andrew Lincoln’s character’s name. I could be making that up though and I’m too lazy to Goolge. I’m sure someone will hit up the comments to correct / congratulate me.

Anywoo, I saw this and thought of you guys on this fine, sunny, apparently-last-day-of-warm-weather-here-in-Calgary, day.

walking dead v toy story

Categories
comedy entertainment humor internet random

Without A Doubt, THREE Of The BEST Ads I’ve EVER Seen!

Every once in a while, I come across an ad I just LOVE. It moves me, it makes me think, it elicits some kinda emotional response in me and then I promptly watch it 15 times on YouTube.

Below I’m sharing these three with you and before you start to watch, just a small disclaimer, neither I nor The Ketchup War is responsible for any tears that may be produced during the watching of these videos.

First up, an ad that would put any Hollywood movie to shame:

Next, proof that changing your words really will change your world:

And lastly, Go Guinness, Go Guinness:

What do you think? Got a different favorite? Link it below.

Categories
comedy funny humor internet

Unicorns and Patience

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...
Image via CrunchBase

A while back, The Canadian One messaged me on Facebook while he was out and I was home. I wrote back and heard the familiar ‘beep’ of a Facebook message and realized he’d left his laptop on and his Facebook logged in. I told him the next time he left his Facebook logged in, I was changing his profile picture to a unicorn.

I then told everyone about my plan. I told his friends in Canada. I told my friends in Korea. I told everyone.

And I waited.

And he got more and more cautious about his computer. Always logging out. Always taking his phone with him.

And I waited.

And waited.

And THEN it happened:

Unicorn!

And it was GLORIOUS!!

But alas, now I await his revenge…

***If you own the above picture of the unicorn, please please PLEASE write and tell me so we can credit you. It’s my favorite picture ever and it was totally work the wait!***

Categories
comedy funny humor internet

Five Things Friday: Lions and Tigers and Jails Cells, Oh My! – 06/21

If you’ve been watching the news in Canada, you’ll know there’s been some flooding in Alberta. Calgary’s declared a local state of emergency and the trains have stopped running.

No trains = No transport = No work for me!

In case there’s any concern, Me and Louie, the kitten, are fine. We’re sheltered three floors up while The Canadian One is away this week. Oddly enough, back in July 2011 was the last time The Canadian One went away for a week and Seoul flooded to the point where I was sent home from school as my classroom had flooded. Today, almost two years later, he went away again and alas, I’m off work. Why?

Flooding.

It’s a sign. And no, Canadian One, the sign is not you’re God-like…no matter how many times you say it.

Also, if the flooding continues, the lions and tigers are gonna go to jail. Literally.

Moving on.

Welcome to the new weekly, Five Things Friday, five interesting things you may have missed this week.

1. Reasons My Son Is Crying

A collection of fantastically funny photos of kids crying for random reasons.

tumblr_mog6k6VolO1sn7lxto1_1280(‘He put himself in a timeout…for no reason’ via Reasons My Son Is Crying)

2. Doctors Inject Sick Girl With HIV Virus

Fighting fire with fire. This is amazing!

3. A little boy’s reasons for not eating meat. This is glorious!

4. This girl started a feminist movement at school and here’s what happened.

And finally…

5. Cabbage Patch baby wigs are becoming a thing! A real thing…it’s creepy.

Categories
comedy funny humor internet timewasters

Tuesday Timewasters – 365 songs in 356 days – 04/23

So, some of you may be wondering where I’ve been for two weeks. TWO. WEEKS. I’ve not posted anything for two whole weeks. That’s like, a lifetime in blog-years. BUT I do have a good excuse.

Today is my one month anniversary of living in Canada! Whoop whoop. And it’s my 18th day of living in my new hometown of Calgary. The Canadian One and I have been super busy. In fact, we’ve been more than busy, we’ve been downright unstoppable. In just 18 short days, we’ve landed an apartment, jobs, health cards, I got a SIN, we got two phones, a whole host of furniture and I’ve experienced both ankle deep snow and IKEA for the first time. Quite frankly,  I’m surprised I survived either one of them.

photo (11)

I also finished the Quote Friday book: Watch Out For The Hedgehog. Double Whoop Whoop. For more information on that, and to join in in our ebook elaunch the-party-without-the-mess, check out the Facebook Event Page for discounts and free copies.

So, previously on: The Life of Jenny

Let’s go back a few weeks.

The last thing I did before I left Korea was to volunteer for the Irish Association of Korea’s annual St. Patrick’s Day festival:

Somewhere a child is crying
Somewhere a child is crying

My friend’s baby won second place in the costume competition:

photo (9)

And I won in the raffle. You’d swear there was a fix goin‘ on.

I was a volunteer co-ordinator. Which is just a fancy way of saying I organized, liaised with, scheduled and supervised all the volunteers. I’ve done this type of job plenty of times before so this was a doddle for me. Here I am:

IMG_0004

There would later be a hoopla about the return of the t-shirts and some not being returned…which lead to me leaving the country with one by accident. It wasn’t even my t-shirt, mind you. I returned mine like I was supposed to. Anywoo, it makes a great pajama sweater for Canada weather.

The IAK threw an after party, as is traditional for the Irish. Really, any excuse and there’s a party and alcohol. I manned the door, then I got yelled at, there was a dispute, I stormed off (well, I walked away politely, I mean you don’t want to be THAT Irish girl at a party on St. Patrick’s Day storming around like a Loonie Toon), THEN I managed to bag FOUR free Guinness tokens (because I was yelled at and was felt sorry for).

There’s a lesson there. Be angry – Get nothing. Be pouty – Get free Guinness. Remember that if you ever visit Ireland.

Unfortunately, I don’t drink Guinness and The Canadian One was off at a non-St. Patrick’s Day party…o.O…Feel free to judge him…

I’ll wait.

…So I gave my Guinness away. To this guy (with The Canadian One’s blessing):

photo (12)

He had us all up dancin‘ and jiggin‘ and had one tall blonde guy in particular just going mental.

No, seriously.

Less than two weeks later, I see him again at The Canadian One’s LAST. EVER. GIG with the Bears (and our leaving party).

And HE is the focus of this week’s Tuesday Timeswaster!

Does anyone remember when I tried to do a photo a day for 500 days? No? Me neither. He’s trying to do a song a day for 365 days and so far, so good. He’s on day 113, which is further than I got.

The Ketchup War presents our Top Ten Dara Sheahan A-Song-A-Day Songs: (alternatively, it could have been titled Top Ten Guy-From-Ireland-Plays-Acoustic-Guitar-In-Korea-Every-Day-Songs but it doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well)

Day 113: Someone Like You (Adele)

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRHAxn3axJk?rel=0%5D

Day 66: The Wild Rover (reminds me of Ireland EVERY TIME)

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEasBJp1mc4?rel=0%5D

Day 34: Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves (Same as above)

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2ROuPuyCuk?rel=0%5D

Day 42: Lime in the Coconut

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vup8oRzxPhY?rel=0%5D

Day 39: Ain’t No Sunshine (Does anyone else think Notting Hill when they hear this…or is it just me?)

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4-gFvp1Qww?rel=0%5D

Day 43: Brown Eyed Girl

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iv6HxcV1Cg?rel=0%5D

Day 104: Word Up

…No, seriously…Irish Acoustic Version…

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxiAdJnXxfI?rel=0%5D

Day 86: Dancing in the Moonlight

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tB6R7JnmhJU?rel=0%5D

Day 73: Whiskey in the Jar (If you’re Irish, try not to sing along, I dare you)

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrooG7AW3qI?rel=0%5D

You failed, didn’t you? I heard you sing. Don’t deny it.

Day 49: Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay

Lemme tell you a story. My favorite song in the entire world is Sittin‘ on the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding and besides Otis’s original, my second favorite is Playing for Change’s. Everytime I hear it, I think about The Canadian One and I walking home from a bar, early morning, in Gangnam, it’s raining and we’re huddled under the umbrella, he’s stealing Hawaii Five-O posters from a bus stop for me and we’re listening to his iPhone play this song on You Tube on loud speaker. Ohhh what the Korean’s must have thought of us!

Doesn’t matter who sings it, that’s always the image I get.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL5VVi2dk9M?rel=0%5D

To keep up with Dara Sheahan’s 365 songs mission find him at his YouTube Channel or find him on Facebook.

Still got time to waste? For more Timewasters, check out:

Categories
comedy funny humor internet random

Tuesday Timewasters – Stalking the Public – 03/05

Svalbard
Svalbard (Photo credit: James.Stringer)

The Canadian One has an obsession with an Arctic archipelago called Svalbard. Located midway between mainland Norway and the North Pole, The Canadian One’s love affair with this tiny cluster of icy islands began after he read a book called ‘Four Against The Arctic’. When speaking about it, he enthuses about how four brave Russian sailors end up shipwrecked and managed survive six whole years on this island. He’ll tell you about how they killed polar bears (10 to be exact with homemade weapons), how one sailor continually talks about how much he misses his wife and how amazed he (TCO) is by it all.

Polar Bear, Spitsbergen, Hornsund
Polar Bear, Spitsbergen, Hornsund (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In fact, he loves this island so much, not only have we looked into the idea of visiting the island cluster (and we all know how much I hate the snow), he’s also read several other books about the archipelago and written two songs about it.

All of which brings me to this week’s Timewaster: Stalking the Public.

Sometime, last year, The Canadian One and I were googling Svalbard, entertaining the idea of a trip to polar bear central where it’s mandatory for non-settlers to carry a shotgun at all time. During our search, we stumbled upon this: a webcam in Svalbard where you can watch the island all year round….Nothing much happens except it gets dark and then bright again, but still, it’s interesting. I watch it thinking ‘PO-LAR BEAR! PO-LAR BEAR!’ but sadly nothing. Not one bear in sight.

Of course, where there’s one, there’s more. Many many more. All over the world in fact.

Did you know this? That there are webcams around the world? ALL around the world?! I didn’t!

Last night, The Canadian One and I spent over 30 minutes watching people walking around New York’s Times Square playing the game of tourist, New Yorker or criminal. We were bored. No judging.

Times Square, New York

newyork

Some more interesting web camera setups around the world include:

Temple Bar, Dublin

templebar

The Canadian One and I visited here during our Christmas break and we’ve recently become very excited to think that we may have been featured on it!

Abbey Road, The Crossing

abbeyroad crossin

The famous crosswalk the Beatles filmed on. Now, you can watch normal people cross in a normal way 24 hours a day…unless you see tourists. They won’t be walking normally and you’ll be able to spot them almost immediately. They’ll have cameras and will be running back and forth across the road like chickens. We call them zebra crossing in Ireland. What do you call them?

The Las Vegas Wedding Chapel

weddingchapel

People get married, the staff mill about, the cleaning staff clean up, all in a day’s work over at the Las Vegas Wedding Chapel.

A Cat Shelter in the Netherlands

catshelter

Exactly what it says in the title. Cats. In a shelter. Being cats.

Niagara Falls

niagrafalls

It’s a big waterfall in Canada. I’ll be visiting it soon. Very very soon. Like, this time next month, I will have visited it. Unless there are no boats running. No boat – no visit. That’s my deal.

We also checked out webcams in The Canadian One’s home town of Cape Breton and in his university town of Fredericton.

For more webcam fun check out EarthCam or WorldCam and tell us where YOU like to watch!

Still got time to waste? For more Timewasters, check out:

Categories
funny humor internet random timewasters

Tuesday Timewasters – The Random Edition Take 2 – 01/15

The Death Star in A New Hope
The Death Star in A New Hope (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First up, in case you don’t know, over in the USA, they have a website called ‘We The People’ where The People (obviously) petition the government for various things such as responsible pet ownership, the legalisation of marijuana, the building of a Death Star…no, seriously. It has a very simple premise: people put forward a petition, people sign the petition, if over 25,000 people sign it, the government responds.

The Death Star petition got 34,435 signatures.

And the White House responded.

They said ‘no’…

…but they said no in a beautifully crafted response written by Paul Shawcross, Chief of the Science and Space at the White House, titled ‘This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For’.

Reasons for the non-existence of the Death Star include:

  • It’ll cost $850,000,000,000,000,000 to build.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • And ‘why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?’

All valid points.

He goes on to explain in more detail the whys and whynots as well as the what’s already here and what we have planned for the future (‘floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke’s arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers’).

Proving himself a true Star Wars fan, he signs off with ‘Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.’

If you’re a Star Wars fan, a space fan or just even mildly amused by this, you should totally check out the rest of the response…if only to see a picture of the President wielding a lightsaber!

***

Do you remember when I posted that Coca Cola video of CCTV cameras catching something awesome a while back?! No? Well, Coca Cola are BACK with their new ad directed by Smuggler’s Henry-Alex Rubin.

There are also mini films about a few of the participants including ‘The Secret Gardener‘, ‘Mr. Lucky‘ and Jeff Waldman aka ‘the swing dude’.

***

A follow-on from the Coca Cola segment, one of the participants, Mr Lucky (above), has his own dedicated website. Coming into a lot of money one day, he decided to ‘do something good’ with the money and set about giving away £1,000 every day to complete strangers. The only catch: they must do something ‘good’ with the money and tell their story on the website. An interesting, compelling and downright amazing read for a timewaster this week.

***

And to finish off this week’s ‘wasters, some Random Acts of Kindness:

randomactsofkindness

Don’t forget, here at The Ketchup War, we like to give back so we’re continuing our RANDOM KOREAN PRIZE giveaway. Will it be a packet of Psy sponsored ramen? A cute, kitschy phone dangle? Or something more awesome? (probably not that last one!) All ya gotta do to be in with a shot to win is to ‘like’ a post published between December 18th 2012 and 23:59 (KST) January 18th 2013. Why the 18th? Well, why not the 18th?

Still got time to waste? For more Timewasters, check out:

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Tuesday Timewasters – Break Room Stories – 12/04

419In terms of sourcing Timewasters for you lovely folks, I usually do it myself. While away the hours at the computer playing on the Internet when I should be writing aka staring at my computer screen and the mocking blinking line on the white paper. Sometimes The Canadian One will send me something he thinks is Timewasters worthy, and why not, he’s already trying to start his own Quote Friday full of stuff I say but won’t publish. (Keep an eye out for that!). Very occasionally will someone else send a link but never, has a Timewaster come to me quite the same way as this week’s.

They started following The Ketchup War.

No, seriously.

A while back, while in the middle of hell-month NaNoWriMo November, Breakroomstories started appearing in my WordPress feed. ‘Liking’ stuff and ‘Following’ me. I immediately became intrigued about who they were, what they were and what was with the name? A few clicks later, and I was hooked. I began reading it everyday…well, everyday until my school copped on and recently blocked wordpress.com from our computers.

But not Facebook.

Logic: Missing.

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Born and breed in the good ol’ USA, founder Chris Simon put in his time in customer service industry, spending five years ‘getting extra ranch, trying to figure out how to describe the degree of spice an entrée pack [has], avoiding co-workers that are on the breaking point, and getting stiffed for no reason’.

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He tells The Ketchup War, ‘I was attending college in Southern California and I needed to find a job that had flexible hours and could provide me with enough income to first of all maintain my drinking habits (I was in college) and second of all put a roof over my head. Boom, I landed a server position at America’s favorite place to get diabetes….The Olive Garden. Italian food at its finest. While working there I noticed one very specific thing that united a very diverse work force, their desire to commiserate on break by recounting the horror stories of the current shift.’

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‘Servers and bartenders are a very unique bunch,’ Simon continues, ‘They usually possess a very dynamic set of communication skills necessary for a position dealing with the general public and after dealing with that general public and their food they have also developed a general disdain for humanity. So I would sit and listen to very animated group of  individuals recount the most outrageous stories of what happens to them on a day to day basis, usually adding quips and insults to the story that would make me belly laugh to the point of crying. I remember thinking one night that if I could find a way to build a public forum for these stories to be published it could be quite entertaining but I didn’t do anything at that time.’

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After quitting The Olive Garden to work at Yardhouse in Southern California, Simon once again found himself listening to his fellow employees commiserate and bond through these ‘break room horror stories’. It was then that he knew he had to make them public and, much like The Ketchup War and its quotes, Break Room Stories was born.

Now with over 75 submissions a week, Simon finds himself inundated with stories from all around the world.

When asked what his favorites from the site are, Simon tells us:

‘”I know my shift is almost over when I can smell myself, I smell like ranch and B.O.’ – A Waiter in Dallas

“I just witnessed a 250 pound woman take a body shot off of another 250 pound woman” – A Bartender in Chicago

“Some lady just sent her roast beef sandwich back because it tastes too much like roast beef, really?”  – A Waitress in Los Angeles

But his all time favorite story (not just because it happened to him) goes like this:

“I work at a restaurant across the street from a hotel and a big convention center so we often get customers from business conventions. One night a late 30’s business women came in solo and sat at my table. Four martinis later she and I got real chatty. She told me all about her directional drilling company blah blah blah I was trying to act interested to get a big tip. She is finally ready to go and I drop the check. She leaves and winks at me on the way out. I go back to the table and open the check presenter. Inside was exact change for the bill, a room key, a condom, and a note. The note said I have the rest of your tip in room 613 and I got you something to wear….”

He tells us he does get ‘some pretty weird submissions. But there is one guy who sends me the same story every week. It goes like this:

“It is my duty to the serving community to fart on all these needy geeks and tweaks. Thug Life forever son.”

No joke I get this story every week. I have no idea what it means nor do I want to know.’

Personally, I have to say the following are my favorites but for a daily dose of waiter horror stories and funny Restaurant Randomness Galleries, please check out breakroomstories.com.

Got a story to share, send it on into them and let us know!

brs1brs4brs3

Don’t forget, The Ketchup War needs YOUR help! We’ve been nominated for an Expat Blog Award.

Uh huh! Insert happy dance here.

But we need YOU. The winner will be announced in December and is based on reviews left on the site from its readers. That’s YOU! Just pop on over to The Ketchup War’s page and leave us an awesome review. You just KNOW you want to!

Dooooooo ittttttt and also have a lovely day!!

If only I could learn how to do this with chopsticks over here!
If only I could learn how to do this with chopsticks over here!

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‘Are you many many crazy?’ – Quote Friday 11/30

The best of this week’s quotes from my elementary students in South Korea (and some thrown in from friends too)

This has been a big week for me since the last Quote Friday. First, The Land of the Maple Leaf accepts me, THEN I finished those 50,000 words a day before my time limit of 30 days were up!!

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Me: ‘Green and grey don’t go together.’

TCO: ‘Yes they do!’

I start typing in my laptop.

TCO: ‘Are you asking the Internet?!’

Me: ‘Dammit. It says yes, they do.’

TCO: ‘Told you.’

Me: ‘Fine. I just don’t like that shirt. I don’t like the color. I don’t like dark colors that aren’t black.’

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Speaking of an irrational dislike for things, I recently had to work with a designer designing a poster for a charity music festival The Canadian One and I are doing in TOMORROW for Little Travellers Korea, a charity we run here for the Hillcrest AIDS Center, South Africa.

Her: Is it ‘just the flowers you hate or is any pattern there a problem?’

Me: ‘No, it’s just the flowers. I think it looks like wallpaper. I don’t like wallpaper.’

Her: ‘Ah I wanted it to look like wallpaper! (I actually searched “wallpaper”)’

Me: ‘Ahhh, I seee. I think that’s why I didn’t like the grey pattern too. I don’t like wallpaper. In general. I mean in real life on walls.’

Moments later, I included for clarity:

Me: ‘I don’t hate all wallpaper. I like stripes. I just thought I’d throw that it in case you think it’s all wallpaper. Its not. Just complicated patterned wallpaper.’

We agreed on this in the end:

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I walk into class. A Grade One kid is pointing an umbrella at me. I grab it from him really quickly and hold it high in the air. Little Girl next to him bursts into laughter.

Little Girl: ‘Hahahahaha, you’re small. I’m big.’ (pointing at me)

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I have a kid called ‘Dave’ and every time I say his name he responds with ‘Dave’…I don’t get it.

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Me, calling on a kid to answer a question: ‘Bono?’

He looked up at me from his workbook.

‘Yes, what’s problem?’

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I explain what braids are to the class as the sentence in the book is, ‘Only a few boys can braid hair.’ Almost immediately a boy turns to the girl next to him and starts braiding her hair. It’s the only time in all my years of teaching have I ever had to say:

‘DUKE, stop braiding Alicia’s hair!!’

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Two kids come running into my class during break.

Kid 1: ‘Teacher, teacher, Duke and Bono fight!!’

Me, busying grading tests, not looking up: ‘OK.’

Kid 1: ‘Bono win.’

Me: ‘That’s nice.’

Kid 2, laughing at him: ‘She don’t care!’

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Two kids fight in my classroom:

Kid 1: ‘Are you many many crazy?!!!’

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A kid is messing around.

Me: ‘Baxter, what are you doing?!!’

Baxter, turning to look at me, thinks: ‘Seeing the teacher?’

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Don’t forget, The Ketchup War needs YOUR help! We’ve been nominated for an Expat Blog Award.

Uh huh! Insert happy dance here.

But we need YOU. The South Korea winner will be announced December 12th and is based on reviews left on the site from its readers. That’s YOU! Just pop on over to The Ketchup War’s page and leave us an awesome review. You just KNOW you want to!

Dooooooo ittttttt and also have a lovely day!!

***

For more Quote Friday’s, check out:

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Tuesday Timewasters – The Best of Liz Climo – 11/27

Words cannot describe how much I love Liz Climo’s (@elclimo) drawings! As a storyboard artist for The Simpsons, Climo has done some fantastic work for the screen but it’s her Tumblr site that I’m really fan of. The Simpsons I can kinda take or leave. I wasn’t into it much growing up.

She first came to my attention with the picture above and soon her site became bookmarked under my ‘timewaster favorites’.

She updates the site maybe three times or more a week so it’s definitely worth your time checking out again and again…and again.

Here are some of my favorites but please please visit her site to find more awesomeness.

Snowy did this ALL. THE. TIME.
The Canadian One found this very funny. As I don’t watch the show, I’ll just have to take his word for it.
The Canadian One says this is me…when we get a dog.

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The Ketchup War Needs YOU!!

So, here’s what happened, The Canadian One took me out to a fancy Spanish restaurant in Gangnam (yes, THAT Gangnam) last night for our Date Night. I donned a pretty dress my mother had bought me in Barcelona (a fact I remembered as we left the restaurant) and The Canadian One was sporting a shirt and tie.

I was the type of restaurant where the waiter takes your coat and folds it nicely for you over a designated ‘coat/bag chair’ at your table.

marshmallows
Marshmallows (Photo credit: .m.e.c.)

Food and wine ordered, we sit back and relax while the waiter brings us our bread and drinks. Now, the bread comes out warm (and perfect) and is accompanied on the plate by an oil and balsamic dip and a tiny plate with two marshmallows on it. I eat some bread and then turn my attention to the marshmallows. They look like marshmallows, they are the shape and size of small marshmallows and in the dark, they have the same texture. I try to jab my fork into one of them. No luck. I poke it with my finger and eventually pick it up and try to bite into it. It’s harder than I think so I place it on my plate next to my other food as our main courses arrive. Mine a pasta dish, his a paella dish.

After a few moments, I turn my attention back to the marshmallow on my plate. Thinking perhaps it’s an after-dinner mint, I pick it up and try to bite off the corner of it. It starts to unravel. It’s at this point I pull the entire thing apart and realise it’s a wet napkin.

I had just tried to eat my wet napkin.

I have never, ever been more glad in my life that I didn’t just toss the marshmallow into my mouth and try to swallow it.

I’ll give you a moment to shake your head.

Moving on.

The Ketchup War needs YOUR help. Not only does someone need to teach me the difference between a marshmallow and a napkin, we’ve also been nominated for an Expat Blog Award.

Uh huh! Insert happy dance here.

But we need YOU. The winner will be announced in December and is based on reviews left on the site from its readers. That’s YOU! Just pop on over to The Ketchup War’s page and leave us an awesome review. You just KNOW you want to!

Dooooooo Ittttttt!!

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comedy funny humor internet

I Can Totally Relate!! – A Lil’ Somethin’ Extra Today – 11/13

A friend of mine runs this awesome Tumblr, and if you are on Tumblr (have a Tumblr? Ok, I’m just learning Twitter, one thing at a time) you should friend him (if that’s something you do on Tumblr).

He’s been featured anonymously several times on Quote Friday (he’s Random Dude in bar / at dinner / at gig – delete as appropriate) and today he posted this and I just could not NOT share it! I can totally relate!

(source)

Although given how much I rant in general, The Canadian One is probably reading this thinking what is she NOT ranting about?

My Grade One Class.

The weather.

Why the fridge keeps freezing my our onions? Why, fridge, why?!!

Can you relate?

What are you NOT ranting about on a daily basis? Does your fridge freeze your onions? If so, I can totally relate!

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comedy funny humor internet timewasters

Tuesday Timewasters – Star Disney War – 11/13

English: Opening logo to the Star Wars films
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

With my Facebook newsfeed full of people up in arms about Disney buying Lucasfilm, making more Star Wars, George Lucas ‘selling out’ and with the more recent announcement of Michael Arndt, him from Toy Story 3 fame, being announced as the writer of Star Wars 7.

But with a director still to be announced and with a few of my friends hidden from my newsfeed in anticipation for whatever backlash they feel is appropriate, Conan O’Brien and his funny-as-hell Team Coco have put together a bunch of director audition tapes in lieu of the announcement.

Happy Timewasting!

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Todd Phillips of The Hangover fame:

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Kevin Smith

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Woody Allen

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Wes Anderson

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Michael Moore

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Tom Six, him who directed The Human Centipede, a movie who’s trailer alone made me feel ill…I’m NOT watching the movie.

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Now, while I am aware some people take their Star Wars VERY seriously, let’s all remember folks, they were originally kids movies and heck, if Disney wanna make more, let ’em make more! I mean, just look at what they did with all their other movies: they became REAL!!

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Cat Week comedy funny humor internet random

Cat Week: What the CAT?!

***Welcome to ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’, a week of all things CAT.***

And finally, Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier 2012 comes to an end! Here’s a round-up of all the things we didn’t get to this week:

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THIS cat, Tuxedo Stan, is running for mayor of Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada….Oh Canada!

(via Facebook)

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Man in North Korea claims his dog gave birth to a kitten!

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The Gothamist has some fantastic coverage of this year’s Cat Fashion Show at the Algonquin Hotel.

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There’s a book out there in the world (and on-sale at Amazon) called ‘Why Paint Cats’…Why indeed…

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Yep, there’s a site out there called catsthatlooklikepinupgirls

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Meanwhile, on sadanduseless.com, they’re showcaseing a range of famous paintings that would look so much better with a cat in them!

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Cat are evil:

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Man in 1827 uses beard as cat nest:

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For more Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier, check out:

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Cat Week comedy entertainment funny humor internet

Cat Week: Minus the Cat

***Welcome to ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’, a week of all things CAT.***

‘Some of the strips were slappers: ‘Oh, I could have left that out.’ It would have been funnier’.’ – Jim Davis, creator of Garfield (via The Washington Post)

And that’s just what Garfield minus Garfield creator, Dan Walsh did. He left out the cat. Hailing from my hometown of Dublin (YAY!), Walsh is quick to point out that he wasn’t the first to come up with the premise of minus Garfield but he was the first to make it as popular as it is today. The haliarious and often pointent adventures of Jon Arbuckle without his beloved cat are at times filled with deep sadness and loneliness you kinda just wanna give him a hug. Or just give him his cat back.

See Garfield as you’ve never seen him before.

Buy the book or submit your own to garfieldminusgarfield (at) gmail.com.

For more Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier, check out:

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Cat Week comedy entertainment funny humor internet random

Cat Week: Cats do the weirdest things!

***Welcome to ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’, a week of all things CAT.***

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For more Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier, check out:

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Cat Week comedy entertainment funny humor internet random

Cat Week: Tuesday Timewasters: The Internet Cat Video Awards – 10/30

***Welcome to ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’, a week of all things CAT.***

Above – ‘The Sick Kitten (1903)‘ by George Albert Smith, widely considered as the first kitten video ever made.

‘You know, cat videos are second only to porn as the most watched videos on the internet.’ – My Friend’s Boyfriend on a night out

And he has a point. On August 30th, thousands of cat-lovers gathered at the Walker Art Center to celebrate the phenomenon that is cat videos. With sponsor Animal Planet, the Walker Art Center had over 10,000 submissions to its Internet Cat Video Festival, submissions organiser Katie Hill sat down and watched, trying to narrow down to contestants.

Culled to 79 videos divided into several CATagories, Comedy, Drama, Foreign, Animated, Documentary, Musical, Art House, Lifetime Achievement, and People’s Choice, th videos were shown over the course of 90 minutes at the festival. The People’s Choice award was up for public vote prior to the event and the winner was Henri 2, Paw de Deux, a black and white noir take on the life of a cat in existential crisis.

Below are 10 of our favorite cat videos on the internet and don’t worry if you missed out on the cat film festival, all the films are online for you to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

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Maru, a Japanese kitty obsessed with boxes has been seen by over 8.5 million people worldwide.

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This 17 second clip of a surprised kitten has been seen by over 65.5 million people. 65.5 MILLION PEOPLE!

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‘So “Nyan Cat” is a looped animation with looped music. It’s this, just like this. It’s been viewed nearly 50 million times this year. And if you think that that is weird, you should know that there is a three-hour version of this that’s been viewed four million times. Even cats were watching this video. Cats were watching other cats watch this video.

But what’s important here is the creativity that it inspired amongst this techie, geeky Internet culture. There were remixes. Someone made an old timey version. And then it went international. An entire remix community sprouted up that brought it from being just a stupid joke to something that we can all actually be a part of. Because we don’t just enjoy now, we participate.’ – Kevin Allocca, YouTube Trends Manager on ‘TED TALKS: Why Vidoes Go Viral’

Incidentally, just to add to the insanity, there’s also a 10 hour version that’s been seen by over 18 million people.

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This cat totally looks like Puss in Boots!

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Teeny tiny kitten versus giant dog!

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Momma cat hugs babby kitty having a nightmare…adding some awwwww to your Tuesday.

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51 million people have checked out this video of two cats talking.

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If my cat ever started doing this, well, needless to say I’d be scared video it and put it on YouTube, of course! With over 8 million views, this cat sounds like a toddlers refusing to eat his broccoli!

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And finally, the winner of The Internet Cat Awards, ‘Hendri 2, Paw de Deux’, the black and white tale of a house cat in the midst of an existential crisis. Oh, and it’s in French.

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For more Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier, check out:

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Cat Week comedy funny humor internet

Cat Week: Cats Vrs Dogs

***Welcome to ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’, a week of all things CAT.***

To kick off ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’, we’ll start with the age-old debate of cats vrs dogs. Today we’ll be bringing you a plethora of posts about cats and dogs and you decide which one you’d vote for.

In my household, The Canadian One is a dog-lover while I remain on the cat-side of the fence. Fortunately, we live in Korea so getting a pet is not an option anyway but once we hit the Land of the Maple Leaf, the argument will amp up and no doubt, within the year, The Canadian One will be living with one Irish girl, one cat and most probably also a dog. It’ll happen. Check back in one year!

Moving on.

First up, how I imagine The Canadian One sees all cats:

Proof that cats are more introvert and thoughtful…and perhaps paranoid but it that really bad quility…IS IT?!

Cats do things like this:

And this:

AND THIS!!! Helping to pick up the trash!!!

Whereas dogs do this: Create more trash:

And they STEAL coffee:

And they do THIS!!!

(via)

Wait…that’s quite cute…bad example…ummmm…

Cats can drive:

(via)

Whereas dogs can’t even use the stairs:

(via)

Cats will always laugh at your jokes, no matter how bad they are:

Dogs will look at you with the same expression I give my grade one students when they try to hand me a piece of unwrapped candy with their sticky hands:

(via)

Dogs are easily confused by cats:

And finally, Star Wars cat, for the win…I think I’ve proven my point.

(via)

For further proof that cats are better than dogs look no further than THIS awesome video explaining it:

Although sometimes they can be friends:

(via)

***If you see your picture above and it’s not sourced, drop us an email (jenny@theketchupwar.com) and we’ll link it ASAP!***

For more Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier, check out:

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Cat Week comedy entertainment funny humor internet

A prelude to Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier

***Welcome to ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’, a week of all things CAT.***

To prelude tomorrow’s kick-off of ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’, I wandered upon this online today. The Ketchup War is not affiliated with Shark Week or this video at all…In fact, I’ve never even watched Shark Week due to my fear of being eaten at sea. Other fears of mine include very small spiders, that shushing noise nylon makes when it’s rubbed together and wallpaper…although that may not be a fear so much as a hatred. It’s the flower patterns. I just don’t get it.

Enjoy this wonderful video from the folks at Revision 3, a very cool internet TV company.

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For more Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier, check out:

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Tuesday Timewasters: Some stories require no words… – 10/23

***Tuesday Timewasters, a round-up of things that have drifted into my interwebbie world this week. Every Tuesday. ***

(via)

Photos by Tim Dodd where indicated. See more here: http://timdoddphotography.com/blog/News/taylor-morris

To keep up with Taylor and Danielle or to make a donation, check out: http://www.taylormorris.org/

Photos used with permission.

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Cat Week internet random

Click Click Clickity Click

In the run up to ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’, we’re urging people to click click clickity click over on The Animal Rescue Site’s ‘Click to give FREE FOOD and CARE’ program.

It’s free.

FREE!

It’s costs you nothing. Zip! ZILCH! ABSOLUTELY ZERO!

Except time.

It’ll take about 15 seconds….so about the same about of time it’ll take to read this post and spot the spelling error.

You’ve reread the post to fine the spelling error, haven’t you?

To partake in the ‘Click to Give’ program all you gotta do is click on our lovely Cat Week Cat, Maya, and follow the instructions.

You’ll then be greeted with this:

And then THIS:

And boom, you’re done!

Alternately, you can also take part in any of these ‘Click to Give’ programs…also FREE:

Or pick a different one each day…then start again!

Did I mention it’s free? Cos it’s free!

‘We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.’ – Winston Churchhill

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comedy entertainment funny humor internet random

Tuesday (Mini Star Wars) Timewasters – 10/16

A mini edition for this week! Happy Timewasting!

First up, when Germany does flashmobs, they bring an orchestra! Check out the Star Wars FlashOrchestra:

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Another Star Wars themed video, this time the Star Wars theme done 30 Rock style:

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And that’s all for now! A shortie but a goodie…come on, IT’S STAR WARS!!

DON’T FORGET, IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO ADD ABOUT YOUR CAT TO ‘CAT WEEK: LIKE SHARK WEEK BUT FLUFFIER’ SEND IT TO US: jenny@theketchupwar.com

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Zombies + CPR + Canada = ?

The Heart and Stroke Foundation logo.What do Zombies, CPR and Canada have in common?

Why, this video of course!

Freshly released from the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada, this PSA features a women running from the undead predators only to suffer a heart attack and have them revive her…sorta.

Watch and see what you think. PSA + Zombies + CPR = A win in my eyes!

And remember: CPR makes you undead.

(via theundeading.ca)

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor internet Korea random South Korea

Tuesday Timewasters – Gangnam Style – 10/09

Gangnam_Style_PSY_28logo
(Photo credit: KOREA.NET)

Mam calls me all excited a few weeks ago:

‘Jenny, there’s this song on the radio and you’ll never guess!!! You’ll never guess what it is!!’

‘Is it in Korean?’

‘YES!!!’

‘Is it Gangnam Style?’

‘YES!!!’

‘Yeah….’

‘Do you know it?!!’

Sigh…(Psy?).

While for me, hearing ‘Gangnam Style’ over and over and over again in every establishment in Korea that has working electricity is pretty annoying after the first 5 million times, for my mother all the way in Ireland, I’m willing to bet it was a bit of a head-f**k to hear a Korean pop song on her radio in her house in Dublin.

Last night she rang to ask if I’d seen this week’s X Factor. When I replied ‘no’, I got told:

‘You’ll love it. They all came on stage to Gangnam Style!!!’

Regular readers may remember, I live in Gangnam. The actual Gangnam. The one in the song. Except I live in the part with the hookers and the meat restaurants. Regular readers will also notice Duck Boats make an appearance in the video, as well as the merry-go-round from my Cherry Blossom Date.

So here, for your viewing timewasting pleasure are my favorite ‘Gangnam Style’ videos from around the web, excluding the original which has racked up an impressive 412,216,320 views at time of writing.

Happy Timewasting!

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First up, and in a nod to the upcoming ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’ (more details below), some genius decided to mix cats and Gangnam style. Sent in by The Canadian One.

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In what is quite possibly the BEST EVER cover of ‘Gangnam Style’, an acoustic version by a Korean band called ‘Ra-On’:

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Over the years, the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC) hasn’t shied away from controversy, the most notable being centered around it’s dancing exercise program. Located in Cebu Province, Phillippines, the prison’s inmates learn and perform dance routines as part of their rehabilitation. The most famous dance routine the inmates have had was ‘Thriller’ in 2007, causing Time Magazine to place their viral video fifth in their ‘Top 10 Most Popular Viral Vidoes.

Though the inmates have largely stayed out of the public eye in recent years, on September 29th 2012, they returned to our You Tube screens with their rendition of ‘Gangnam Style’.

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Then there’s the Oregon Marching Band rendition:

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Even Britney got in on the action, getting a lesson in dancing from the man himself.

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And so did this mom and son…OMG I love them!!

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One of the more random parodies I came across: ‘Gunman Style’. Though it’s racked up almost 10 million views, so that’s impressive.

‘You can’t run from sweet justice.’

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Meanwhile, in Indonesia, 1,000 people jumped into a fountain and went all ‘Gangnam Style’:

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14 lifeguards make a ‘Gangnam Style’ video. Then they are fired. Then their story goes viral. Man, all that video does is kinda make me wanna visit the water park! Check it out:

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And finally, courtesy of Jewish News One, comes the story of a 10 month old kid who won’t eat unless ‘Gangnam Style’ is playing…And that’s quite possibly one of the best sentences I’ve ever written!

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And don’t forget, coming Oct 29th-Nov4th, ‘Cat Week: Like Shark Week But Fluffier’. Have YOU got a cat story you wanna share? Send it to us (no more than 500-600 words with two pictures) to jenny@theketchupwar.com.

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‘And so the f**k what?’ – A Quote for Monday

A quote that’s deserving of it’s very own post:

‘You all have fought for him as surely as if you were one of his parents. You’ve changed and are changing the lives of little boys and girls who realize somewhere along the way they’re just different from their other brothers and sisters…and so the f**k what?’ – Sally Field, HRC Dinner 2012

The beautiful Sally Field was presented with the Human Rights Campaign’s (HRC) Ally for Equality Award at their 16th Annual National Dinner on Saturday night. Her youngest and gay son, Sam, presented her with the award and her speech about him, praising him, sharing her love for him, is just adorable.

You. Must. Watch. It.

It’ll make your Monday better, I promise.

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comedy entertainment funny humor internet random timewasters

Tuesday Timewasters – 10/02

Happy Timewasting!!

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Further proving English is just weird! Whenever my students ask me ‘Why?’ with regards to the English language, my response is always ‘Because English is strange and you just have to learn it that way…’

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Two versions of the same thing, both appearing in my newsfeed on the same day by two completely different people!

If you are interested in donating a small amount of money per day to build a kids’ school or to send a kid to school for a year, I suggest these people. The Canadian One and I sponsor three kids to attend school there and my friend has travelled out to work for them.

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And finally, wrapping things up, I hope this is true!! I really REALLY do!

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Tuesday Timewasters – Letters of Note – 09/25

residential mailbox, United StatesA friend of mine LOVES writing letters. She just loves it. I, meanwhile, do not. I’m so lazy sometimes the thought of replying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to an email makes me sigh. But here’s the thing, I love love love receiving letters. I adore it.

The Canadian One leaves a note each morning for me to wake up to (as he leaves before me) and I leave him a reply to come home to (as he’s home first). I find myself jumping out of bed at the sound of the front door closing and scouring the kitchen in search of my morning message. Search over, message found, I smile and retreat back to bed to think of a reply. I save them all. Each and every one of them in a folder all together. Some of the more endearing ones come to live in my purse.

For my Canadian visa application, we had to submit them all to immigration as ‘proof of our relationship’. Sitting on the floor, surrounded by all these letters, notes, post-it reminders and badly drawn pictures we read through each one (mainly to weed out the ones that would make us blush if sent out into the public) and relived moments of our relationship we’d completely forgotten about. The moments we would never have remembered had we not written about them. The moments were we’d be creatively telling each other we loved each other before we’d said the actual words. The moments we should remember and we should treasure and save forever and I guess that’s the point of a letter.

Which brings me to today’s timewaster: Letters of Note.

Started by Shaun Usher and now containing a collection of over 804 letters, Letters of Note has been on my bookmarked favorites list for some time. Although, I have to admit, I try not to go on to it too often as I find myself planning to read just one letter and end up two hours later crying at a letter number 64 of the day! With a book due to be released in November with the help of Unbound (another awesome website, like indiegogo but for books), I thought it would be the perfect time to showcase my favorite letters on the site.

At age 8, Teresa Jusino was a huge Wil Wheaton (him from Star Trek: The Next Generation fame) fan and saved up the $12.00 membership fee it cost to join the then 15-year-old’s fan club, ‘Wilpower’. Having waited and waited and waited and waited for her membership letter and official membership kit items to arrive, a disappointed Teresa realized they never would.

However, years later, in 2009, a 29-year-old Teresa received a surprise in the mail after Wheaton had read about her story.

(source)

In 2003, when Conan-fan, Nikki Simmons invited her idol to her prom, she never expected an actual response, let alone one so funny and touching.

(source)

Next up (and if you’re easily offended, I recommend skipping this one) is Matt Stone’s reply to the MPAA after they’d repeatedly asked him to alter certain parts of his 1999 movie, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.

(source)

Along the same line, the Monty Python boys held a preview screening of Monty Python and the Holy Grail eight months before its release. Afterwards, Mark Forstater, one of the film’s producers who I had the great pleasure of meeting and interviewing years ago, wrote this letter to the BBFC.

(source)

And finally, my favorite ever letter to appear on the site and easily one of their most popular:

In August of 1865, a Colonel P.H. Anderson of Big Spring, Tennessee, wrote to his former slave, Jourdon Anderson, and requested that he come back to work on his farm. Jourdon — who, since being emancipated, had moved to Ohio, found paid work, and was now supporting his family — responded spectacularly by way of the letter seen below.

Dayton, Ohio,

August 7, 1865

To My Old Master, Colonel P.H. Anderson, Big Spring, Tennessee

Sir: I got your letter, and was glad to find that you had not forgotten Jourdon, and that you wanted me to come back and live with you again, promising to do better for me than anybody else can. I have often felt uneasy about you. I thought the Yankees would have hung you long before this, for harboring Rebs they found at your house. I suppose they never heard about your going to Colonel Martin’s to kill the Union soldier that was left by his company in their stable. Although you shot at me twice before I left you, I did not want to hear of your being hurt, and am glad you are still living. It would do me good to go back to the dear old home again, and see Miss Mary and Miss Martha and Allen, Esther, Green, and Lee. Give my love to them all, and tell them I hope we will meet in the better world, if not in this. I would have gone back to see you all when I was working in the Nashville Hospital, but one of the neighbors told me that Henry intended to shoot me if he ever got a chance.

I want to know particularly what the good chance is you propose to give me. I am doing tolerably well here. I get twenty-five dollars a month, with victuals and clothing; have a comfortable home for Mandy,—the folks call her Mrs. Anderson,—and the children—Milly, Jane, and Grundy—go to school and are learning well. The teacher says Grundy has a head for a preacher. They go to Sunday school, and Mandy and me attend church regularly. We are kindly treated. Sometimes we overhear others saying, “Them colored people were slaves” down in Tennessee. The children feel hurt when they hear such remarks; but I tell them it was no disgrace in Tennessee to belong to Colonel Anderson. Many darkeys would have been proud, as I used to be, to call you master. Now if you will write and say what wages you will give me, I will be better able to decide whether it would be to my advantage to move back again.

As to my freedom, which you say I can have, there is nothing to be gained on that score, as I got my free papers in 1864 from the Provost-Marshal-General of the Department of Nashville. Mandy says she would be afraid to go back without some proof that you were disposed to treat us justly and kindly; and we have concluded to test your sincerity by asking you to send us our wages for the time we served you. This will make us forget and forgive old scores, and rely on your justice and friendship in the future. I served you faithfully for thirty-two years, and Mandy twenty years. At twenty-five dollars a month for me, and two dollars a week for Mandy, our earnings would amount to eleven thousand six hundred and eighty dollars. Add to this the interest for the time our wages have been kept back, and deduct what you paid for our clothing, and three doctor’s visits to me, and pulling a tooth for Mandy, and the balance will show what we are in justice entitled to. Please send the money by Adams’s Express, in care of V. Winters, Esq., Dayton, Ohio. If you fail to pay us for faithful labors in the past, we can have little faith in your promises in the future. We trust the good Maker has opened your eyes to the wrongs which you and your fathers have done to me and my fathers, in making us toil for you for generations without recompense. Here I draw my wages every Saturday night; but in Tennessee there was never any pay-day for the negroes any more than for the horses and cows. Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud the laborer of his hire.

In answering this letter, please state if there would be any safety for my Milly and Jane, who are now grown up, and both good-looking girls. You know how it was with poor Matilda and Catherine. I would rather stay here and starve—and die, if it come to that—than have my girls brought to shame by the violence and wickedness of their young masters. You will also please state if there has been any schools opened for the colored children in your neighborhood. The great desire of my life now is to give my children an education, and have them form virtuous habits.

Say howdy to George Carter, and thank him for taking the pistol from you when you were shooting at me.

From your old servant,

Jourdon Anderson.

(source)

I urge you to check out the rest of the letters on the site, in particular, this month’s most recent:

Dear readers of TKW, I promise you your day will be brighter if you check out all of these and more, or just buy the book and enjoy every word on every page.

And to Shaun Usher, thank you. Thank you very much.

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Tuesday Timewasters – 09/18

Day off yesterday thanks to a rain storm. Today, I venture off for the results of the, ehhh, butt swab test…Been an interesting week so far!

HAPPY TIMEWASTING!!

OM NOM NOM NOM…

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I think I’ll go check my email!

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And of course, it’s an Irish bar…

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Always a bright side:

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When Ikea do April Fool’s jokes, THIS is what they do:

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Tuesday Timewasters – Did YOU Know About THIS? – 09/04

The ‘Did YOU Know About THIS?’ Edition

Up first, further proving white people think all Asian people look alike, we present to you: Iceland.

Eldgjá, Iceland

The story goes on August 25th 2012, an Asian women boarded a tour bus in Iceland. When they reached Eldgjá, a volcanic canyon in the south of the country, it was claimed she had gotten off the bus never to return. A search was mounted and carried on throughout night with up to 50 people joining in the hunt until it was revealed that the woman had never been missing at all. In fact, she’d been on the bus all along and even took part in the search for the herself, the ‘missing woman’. Apparently, the confusion began because the woman had gotten off the bus, changed clothes and returned only for her fellow passengers not to recognise her and assumed the ‘Asian woman’ was now missing and then they raised the alarm. The ‘missing woman’ also didn’t recognise the description of herself when it was given. Now, I’ve been the leader on a lot of kid’s tour groups and the one thing you learn is to constantly count the passengers. Count them once, twice, three times, get someone else to count them too. Or else you end up like these people.

Which we felt we had been on by the time we re...

Or like the summer camp coordinator at a camp I worked at who accidentally ‘kidnapped’ a 10 year old Russian girl from another tour group when they left a town. They’d driven the 2 hours home before realising she didn’t belong to them and promptly had to turn around and bring her back to her own clearly panic striken tour guide.

Or like my friend who accidentally ‘kidnapped’ an adult from the city center on her tour…although that woman was just confused and joined my friend’s tour all by herself so I guess we can’t really blame my friend.

Although in saying that, another friend and I once took 32 kids to another town on a tour once. All day we counted 32 kids. 32 on the bus. 32 in the town. 32 back on the bus. It was only when we got back home, we realised we’d only had 31 kids and couldn’t figure out how we’d counted wrong so many times all day.

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Moving on.

I think The Canadian One should get this:

Head over to ObviousWinner for more pictures and a VIDEO!

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Ale to the Chief!

Official photographic portrait of US President...Name: Barack Obama

Birthday: August 4, 1961

Occupation: President of the United States

Hobbies: Basketball, Golf, Brewing own beer

…Wait…What?!

Uh-huh, that’s right this week the internet is all abuzz about the White House brewing it’s own beer. It’s. Own. Beer.

The White House brew not one but two different types of beer: The White House Honey Ale and The White House Honey Porter using honey from the White House grounds’ very own beehive (natch).

Find out more with this video or check out The White House Blog for even more information and recipes. Hmmm, ‘The White House’ and ‘recipes’, two words I never thought I’d write in the same sentence.

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In a move that’s sure to make men everywhere rejoice comes two studies aimed at, well, making their lives a little better. First comes (no pun intended) the study from Gordon G. Gallup, Ph.D., a psychologist at the State University of New York in Albany, which claims semen-exposed women are less likely to be depressed than their condom using counterparts.

Deep breath.

English: Condoms Español: Condones del DIF
Colorful condoms…the least offensive picture I could publish…my mother reads this!

He goes on to explain ‘Semen contains hormones including testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and prostaglandins, and some of these are absorbed through the walls of the vagina and are known to elevate mood.’ Gallup also found that of the 293 college women surveyed ‘those who did not use condoms were most likely to initiate sex and to seek out new partners as soon as a relationship ended’.

So what you’re saying is Safe Sex = Sad Sex and Unsafe Sex = Happy Sex…I literally have no response to this.

It’s worth noting, however, these finding appeared on psychologytoday.com under the heading: ‘Crying Over Spilled Semen: Why women who don’t use condoms feel happier’ on September 1st 2002. Meanwhile, on August 21st 2012, it was reported again in the dailymail.co.uk under the heading: ‘Semen is ‘good for women’s health and helps fight depression’. 

My favorite quotes from the latter being:

‘…which scientists carried out via survey rather than through practical experiment…’

Some nice clarification.

And,

‘The research suggests it is not just that women who are having sex are simply happier, but that happiness levels might be related to the quantity of semen within their body.’

Although this article being rehashed 2 days after Todd Akin’s now-famous comments featuring such gems as ‘If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down’ is probably no coincidence. The Daily Mail article goes on to say:

…women’s bodies can detect ‘foreign’ semen that differs from their long-term or recurrent sexual partner’s signature semen.

They suggest the ability to detect foreign sources is an evolved system that often leads to unsuccessful pregnancies – via greater risk of preeclampsia – because it signals a disinvested male partner who is not as likely to provide for the offspring.

Another article on a study published today on SkyNews.com goes under the heading ‘Housework ‘Helps Cut’ Breast Cancer Risk’.

English: pink ribbon

Face….Palm….Smack….

The article goes on to explain:

In the largest study of its kind to date, the European Prospective Investigation Of Cancer (Epic), co-funded by Cancer Research UK, found women who take part in moderate to high levels of exercise can reduce the chance of getting breast cancer by up to 13%.

So…not housework specifically then, just any type of exercise where you get hot, a little out of breath and work up a bit of a sweat?

Well, if you need any ideas, see the article above regarding semen and happiness. Ah, sex: cut your risk of breast cancer and fight depression all at once.

I’m literally shaking my head as I write this, I’m surprised my fingers are still hitting the correct letters on the keyboard.

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Typhoon Timewasters – Top 10 10s – 08/28

The MODIS instrument on board NASA's Terra sat...

With the day off school today to await the imminent arrival of Typhoon Bolaven, I’ve redubbed today’s post Typhoon Timewasters!

Happy Timewasting!

To help you while away your time indoors during the storm, we here at TKW have compiled a list of the best of the AllTime10s. With all videos coming in at under 3 minutes long, they’re the perfect way to waste at least 30 minutes and perhaps learn something that you never thought you needed to know.

1. Top 10 Most Useless Body Parts

Covering such uselessness as wisdom teeth, male nipples and why some people can wiggle their ears and I some people can’t.

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2. Top 10 Everyday NASA Inventions

Did you know the substance used to make invisible braces was originally used by NASA to protect infrared detectors? No, me neither!

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3. Top 10 Craziest Ice-Cream Flavors

Bacon? Not that weird. Fried Chicken Wings? A little weirder. Breast milk? Ummm…..ooookkkkk. Viagra? WTF?

For more, check out The Food Network’s list.

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4. Top 10 Dumbest Criminals

Take the story of Krystian Bala, who’s 2003 book ‘Amok’ detailed a gristly murder of a Polish businessman. Noticing the eery similarities between the book’s plot and a murder from 2000 of the same nature, Chief Inspector Jack Wroblewski arrested Bala who’s currently serving 25 years for the murder. In my writing class I was always taught to write what you know but…well….

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5. Top 10 Bizarre Business Ideas That Made Millions

From toilet training kits for your cat to a website that faciliates peole in relationships to have affairs to…well, number three on the list…this list just goes to show, there’s no such thing as a stupid idea an idea that can’t make money.

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6. Top 10 Illegal Baby Names

I once had a co-teacher name one of my students Lucifer. He was the sweetest kid in the world and was only maybe 7 years old when he joined my class but still, I couldn’t help scrunching up my face everytime I had to say or write his name. It’s worth noting, since some of the older kids get to give themselves an English name I’ve had kids named ‘Pencil’, ‘Lightnening’, ‘Apple’, ‘ChocoPie’, ‘Carrot’ who changed her name to ‘Ninja’, the list goes on. The only time I’ve ever refused to let a kid name himself something was when one of my worst student tried to change his name to ‘Smart’, all the other kids complained it was a lie and he got outvoted.

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7. Top 10 Ill-Advised Publicity Stunts

From the US Department of Defence causing widespread public panic and Snapple’s failed world record attempt which resulted in kiwi-strawberry liquid flooding the streets of Manhattan, this list is one of my

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8. Top 10 Accidental Discoveries

Obviously Viagra is on the list but chocolate chip cookies and Play-Doh? Proving some accidents are totally awesome.

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9. Top 10 Suprising Facts About Google

Google have their own dinosaur! Their own DINO-SAUR!! His name is Stan. Stan the Dinosaur.

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10. Top 10 Things That Make You A 90’s Kid

(Sorry, Canadian One, but this ME!!! This is you….) Tamagotchis, Power Rangers and ‘In West Philadelphia born and raised….’

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There are literally hundreds more on their channel so it was hard to just list 10…this may be renamed Part One at some point. Notable mentions: Top 10 Unusual Mating Rituals, Top 10 Greatest Con Artists and Top 10 Lesser Known Natural Wonders.

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Tuesday Timewasters – 08/21

A funny, random pictures edition featuring a round-up of my favourite SomeEcards part 3! (Parts 1 and part 2 are here!)

Happy Timewasting!

On Facebook chat:

Me: ‘I logged onto the internet to write Timewasters but got distracted. Now I dunno what to write about.’

Pomegranate: ‘Write about what distracted you.’

Me: ‘I don’t think Facebook and reading about Tony Scott is Timewaster worthy.’

My favorite Facebookness:

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Sent by The Canadian One:

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Ricky makes a point:

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From the bar menu on Friday night:

Interesting beer bottle…

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Found while reading the news on my iPhone recently. As my mother would say….’WOT???’

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And finally, some Ecards to keep you laughing:

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Half A Year Of Ketchup

It’s been six months today that I started this website full of quotes, timewasters, ramblings and musings. Here’s a round-up of some of the top items on the site from the beginning.

To kick us off:

People Google the WEIRDEST stuff

Why are tadpoles in my toilet

One eyed jack squirts ketcup from eye

irish people using ketchup

how to break a coffee maker

phone scam vibrator

How to pay strippers in Canada

And along the same lines:

What part of Canada do strippers earn more money

A whole plethora of people Googled Women asking men to marry them on February 29th

Why your birthday is worth a day off school

Do Canadians drink coffee with ketchup? (DO THEY?!!)

How to stop timewasters and distractions (If they ended up here, they clearly didn’t achieve their original mission)

How do you spell crocodile pick up line

Kitten zombies

Picture of syringe crane

And finally:

Two of my friends’ FULL names were Googled also

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Number 2: Timewasters 06/05

Top Five Timewasters

1. ‘Dear God, So who made the dinosaurs…’

2. Timewasters 04/05 and Part 2: 06/05

3. Tuesday Timewasters: The Viral Edition 06/19

4. Tuesday Timewasters 06/26

5. Tuesday Timewasters 03/13

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Number 3: ‘Where’s the outcry? WHERE?!’

Top Posts

1. ‘I just forked my hair.’

2. ‘You know, girls can ask guys to marry them on February 29th.’

3. Where’s the outcry? WHERE?!

4. ‘I’ve taken up origami…’

5. ‘People are more into buffet religion nowadays.’

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Top Quotes (excluding the Wall of Quotes)

1. ‘I did my homework with a paintbrush.’

2. ‘It’s so bling bling.’

3. ‘Relax!!!’

4. Top 11 Quotes from the Wall

5. ‘She’s a ninja.’

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Number 1: Pork Burgers

Top Cookin’ in Korea

 1. Pork Burgers / Pork Meatballs / The BEST 4-Ingredient Tomato Sauce EVER

2. Oh-So-Simple Banana Bread

3. Cherry Muffins with Coconut Topping

4. Lucy’s Mum’s Chili Con Carne

5. The Om Nom Nomelette

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor internet Korea South Korea timewasters

Half A Year Of Ketchup

It’s been six months today that I started this website full of quotes, timewasters, ramblings and musings. Here’s a round-up of some of the top items on the site from the beginning.

To kick us off:

People Google the WEIRDEST stuff

Why are tadpoles in my toilet

One eyed jack squirts ketcup from eye

irish people using ketchup

how to break a coffee maker

phone scam vibrator

How to pay strippers in Canada

And along the same lines:

What part of Canada do strippers earn more money

A whole plethora of people Googled Women asking men to marry them on February 29th

Why your birthday is worth a day off school

Do Canadians drink coffee with ketchup? (DO THEY?!!)

How to stop timewasters and distractions (If they ended up here, they clearly didn’t achieve their original mission)

How do you spell crocodile pick up line

Kitten zombies

Picture of syringe crane

And finally:

Two of my friends’ FULL names were Googled also

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Number 2: Timewasters 06/05

Top Five Timewasters

1. ‘Dear God, So who made the dinosaurs…’

2. Timewasters 04/05 and Part 2: 06/05

3. Tuesday Timewasters: The Viral Edition 06/19

4. Tuesday Timewasters 06/26

5. Tuesday Timewasters 03/13

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Number 3: ‘Where’s the outcry? WHERE?!’

Top Posts

1. ‘I just forked my hair.’

2. ‘You know, girls can ask guys to marry them on February 29th.’

3. Where’s the outcry? WHERE?!

4. ‘I’ve taken up origami…’

5. ‘People are more into buffet religion nowadays.’

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Top Quotes (excluding the Wall of Quotes)

1. ‘I did my homework with a paintbrush.’

2. ‘It’s so bling bling.’

3. ‘Relax!!!’

4. Top 11 Quotes from the Wall

5. ‘She’s a ninja.’

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Number 1: Pork Burgers

Top Cookin’ in Korea

 1. Pork Burgers / Pork Meatballs / The BEST 4-Ingredient Tomato Sauce EVER

2. Oh-So-Simple Banana Bread

3. Cherry Muffins with Coconut Topping

4. Lucy’s Mum’s Chili Con Carne

5. The Om Nom Nomelette

Categories
comedy funny humor internet random timewasters websites

Tuesday Timewasters – 08/14

I’m 28 years old so naturally a lot of my friends are currently popping out babies. Or their wives are. Or their girlfriends. Or their sisters / sisters-in-law / that girl their brother met at a club once and knocked up. Now, while its nice that my friends all have cute tiny humans in their lives and given that I live so far away, I do enjoy seeing a photo or two of them every so often.

Note: A photo OR two. Or three.

Not ten.

Not twenty.

Not entire albums dedicated to the tiny human doing nothing interesting but sitting there…and around picture 47, it’s wearing a hat. Oh my God, it’s wearing a hat. Let’s start a new album.

No.

No.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do like seeing pictures of babies but somewhere between picture 24 of baby sitting and picture 26 of baby sitting-but-leaning-slightly-to-the-left, I grow bored.

Cute pictures of baby covered in food? Ok.

Nineteen pictures of baby covered in food from every angle like a crazed paparazzi? No. Just…No.

Baby smiling? Yes. Twenty-eight photos leading up to baby smiling where baby does NOTHING? No.

Of course, you can’t write to your friends and tell them 10 photos of their baby is probably enough for one day, and so enter Unbaby.Me.

A GENIUS extension for Crome which takes the baby right outta your Facebook newsfeed and replaces it with something far cooler. Like cars or dogs or kites if you’re into that kinda thing.

The best thing about this extension is it’s fully customizable. Get rid of cats, replace them with pictures of George Clooney. Get rid of pictures of your friend’s new car, replace them with pictures of snow. Far more interesting.

By changing the keywords the extension is searching your newsfeed page for, you can pretty much rid your newsfeed of anything cute / annoying / pointless /cats with quotes…WHY are there so many cats with quotes??! You can also change the websites the program gets its replacement images from making your newsfeed a much happier place to be.

Of course, once I have my own tiny human, I shall make albums upon albums upon albums of it doing absolutely nothing…and when that time comes, you’ll all be happy I wrote about this invention and you’ll with thank me and send me flowers.

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In other, unrelated news but equally worth timewasting upon:

1. Did you know the United States makes up countries? MAKES UP COUNTRIES. Countries such as ‘The People’s Republic of Pineland’, ‘Attica’ and ‘Atropia’. No, seriously.

2. Chinese subtitles for the bootlegged DVD of the The Avengers are just AWESOME.

Suggestions for The Hulk sequel titles don’t go over too well with it’s main star

And finally:

SPHERO. A robot ball you control with your iPhone or iPad. Needless to say, it’s become imperative that I own this device as soon as possible.

Here’s