The best of this week’s quotes from my elementary students in South Korea (and some thrown in from friends too)

I write something on the whiteboard.

Kid: ‘Oh teacher, your font is very good.’

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I draw a window on the board.

Kid: ‘Ou, Denmark!’

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During a test, two boys are talking:

Me: ‘What are you doing?!’

Kid 1: ‘A test?’

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Two boys are fighting while a girl watches. I look at her. She points at them.

Little Girl: ‘Gay style.’

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Rumors spread through the school that the school had hired a ‘hot, Chinese-American boy’ as the new official school English teacher. This is two days later:

Kid 1: ‘Oh teacher, we have new English teacher.’

Me: ‘Really?’

Kid: ‘Yes, Haley Teacher.’

Me: ‘Oh, a girl?’

Kid: ‘No, a boy.’

Me: ‘Haley’s a girl’s name.’

Kid 2: ‘No, it’s not.’

Me: ‘Fine.’

Kid: ‘Oh, teacher, you and Haley teacher, together, love.’

Me: ‘Um…no.’

Kid: ‘Do you have boyfriend?’

Me: ‘Yes.’

Kid: ‘Is he Korean?’

Me: ‘No, he’s Canadian.’

Kid: ‘Oh, Haley teacher too! Oh, teacher, boyfriend change. Canada. Canada. Boyfriend change!!!’

Me: ‘I don’t think my boyfriend would like that.’

Kid: ‘Think about it.’

Me: ‘OK.’

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Kid: ‘You have smart eyes.’

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Me: ‘Do you like the beach?’

Kid: ‘No, I don’t like jellyfish but they are nice in salad.’

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A kid tries to hand me something stupid.

Me: ‘No thanks.’

Kid: ‘In Korea culture, you should take a gift.’

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I hand a kid a piece of candy. She looks at me, smiles and says: ‘Always look on the bright side.’

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I throw the pen onto the desk after marking the homework as I didn’t need it anymore.

Kid: ‘Oh teacher, bad habit!’

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A kid is messing about in class. I tell him to stop.

Kid sitting in front of him: ‘Hit him!!’

Me: ‘I can’t hit students. I’m not allowed.’

Kid 1: ‘I’ll do it!!’

Kid 2: ‘Me first!!!’

Me: ‘Stop, no…No-one’s hitting anyone!’

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At pub quiz, answering a question regarding who sings the song that was just played:

Me: ‘Kelly Rowland.’

The Canadian One: ‘From X Factor?’

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Me, upon receiving a text, to The Canadian One: ‘Ou, Ursula and Amy invited me over on Saturday to watch Magic Mike, eat pizza and drink vodka. I’m in!’

Pause.

Me: ‘Magic Mike is the stripper movie.’

Pause.

Me: ‘I don’t think they actually appear naked in the movie. I think it’s just about a dude who is a stripper.’

The Canadian One: ‘It’s OK. I don’t think stripper Mike is gonna jump outta the TV and rape you.’

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