Ah, Friday, and what a week it’s been. Kicking off on Monday with the demise of HMV, a beloved music store in both Ireland and the UK, which just happens to be the place of employment for my brother. As the longest-serving employee of his branch (besides his manager), my little bro now faces the rest of winter jobless and perhaps payless if HMV decide not to pay their employees this month.
Slightly worse than losing his job, my brother tells me, is the fact that they all found out on Sky News on Monday evening. Their bosses didn’t even phone them to tell them personally. Although he did go to work on Tuesday (the store shut down for good on Wednesday).
I call him at work on Tuesday.
Me: ‘You’re working?’
Him: ‘No. They don’t know if we’re getting paid so we’ve been told to not work but stay in the building. We might get paid. They don’t know so they want us all to stay here.’
Me: ‘But do no work?’
Him: ‘Yeah, except answer the phones. People are calling about the vouchers. We can’t accept vouchers. Head office told us. Sky News told everyone to go cash in their vouchers today though so we’ve had people all day comin’ in with vouchers and we can’t take them.’
Me: ‘So what have you been doing all day?’
Him: ‘We set up a mini Olympics out the back. We’re playing football.’
On Tuesday night, all the stock in the store got boxed up and it was announced that staff may not get paid for December-January. Some store plan a sit-in protest to get paid. Mam calls me.
Mam: ‘Some of the other shops are planning a sit-in but yer brother’s isn’t. He said there isn’t enough DVDs for them to watch so they all went home.’
He was in the paper yesterday and my mam calls to tell me.
Mam: ‘Yer brother is in yesterday’s paper. I’ll photo it and get him to send it to you. He’s smiling though. I told him he shouldn’t be smiling, he just lost his job.’
Although, I do have to say, the mall where his store is are being great and accommodating to the HMV staff and the gym he goes to, which has a strict no instalments-whole fee payment system in place, is allowing his to pay his yearly fees throughout the year.
***
I write down an animal, kids have to guess what it is.
Me: ‘Name an animal.’
Kid 1: ‘A piranha.’
Me: ‘No.’
Kid 1: ‘Poodle.’
Another kid: ‘Snail.’
Kid 1: ‘Hyena’.
The answer was ‘hamster’. They’re seven!
***
I’m sitting at my desk while the kids study. I stand up to pass out the test.
Kid: ‘NOOOO, WAIT!! DON’T STAND UP!! SIT DOWN!!’
***
Kid: ‘SHE HAS A STRAWBERRY!!!’ (in the exact same tone I fear he’d use if she was holding a weapon of mass destruction)
***
I accidentally give a kid a point on the board.
Kid: ‘I have no homework. Why you me point?’
***
To a kid who missed the test:
Me: ‘Do you want to do the mid-term test?’
Kid: ‘Do I want?’
Me: ‘Yes.’
Kid: ‘I want? Do I want? No, I want.’
***
Me: ‘What should you do to be a good student?’
Kid: ‘You should do your homework so that you don’t see teacher’s ugly face.’
***
A kid said to me: ‘Teacher you our tests?’ asking if i’d corrected the tests yet.
I said ‘No, no time. Many classes and no time.’
He looked at me and did an impression of someone sitting on the toilet pooping and correcting a test at the same time and nodded to me. I laughed for like a full minute!!
***
I have three small paper origami stars on my desk. Each smaller than the size of your little finger’s nail and made by one of my grade one students and then given to me. One of my kids picked one up.
Me: ‘Put that down.’
He holds it. I go to grab it from him and he puts it in his mouth. I stare at him. His eyes widen.
Kid 2: ‘HE ATE IT!!’
ME: ‘YOU ATE MY STAR?!!’
***
While explaining ‘move away.’
Me: ‘Like if you moved from Seoul to Busan.’
Kid: ‘It’s 10 kilometers.’
Me: ‘No…No, it’s not.’
Kid: ‘Yes!’
Me: ‘No. It’s 87 kilometers to Cheonan.’
Kid: ‘No…really?’
Me: ‘Yeah, I lived there. I know how far it is.’
Kid: ’10 kilometers to Busan.’
Me: ‘No.’
Kid: ‘No, by airplane.’
Me: ‘That…no, it’s still the same distance. Even by airplane.’
***
A kid picks up a 10 sided die off my desk.
Kid 1: ‘What is cube?’
Kid 2: ‘No cube, dice.’
Kid 1: ‘Ah, what is dice?’ holding the die out in front of me.
Me: ‘It’s a special dice.’
Kid looks at it and then at me.
Kid 1: ‘Wow, good job!’
And he puts the die back down.
***
Kid: ‘Teacher, you color your hair?’
Me: ‘No.’
Kid: ‘You look different.’
She stares at me.
Kid: ‘You get botox?’
Me: ‘What? No.’
Kid looks skeptical and pinches her forehead, cheeks and chin.
Kid: ‘Really? Here? No botox?’
Me: ‘No, no botox.’
***
From Brendan WB:
Him: “What’s bigger than an elephant?”
Student: “Jesus.”
***
I got three fillings done on Wednesday and as a result of them being on either side of my mouth, my entire lower half of my face was numb.
The Canadian One looks at me.
Him: ‘You look sad. Why do you look so sad?’
Me: ‘Oh, I’m not sad. I just can’t make any other facial expressions.’
Later, while walking to the store.
He says something funny. I stare at him.
Me: ‘I am smiling…inside…’
***
The Canadian One after I said something stupid: ‘That’s going on my Quote Friday!’
***
***ENDS TODAY!!!***
Don’t forget, here at The Ketchup War, we like to give back so we’re continuing our RANDOM KOREAN PRIZE giveaway. Will it be a packet of Psy sponsored ramen? A cute, kitschy phone dangle? Or something more awesome? (probably not that last one!) All ya gotta do to be in with a shot to win is to ‘like’ a post published between December 18th 2012 and 23:59 (KST) January 18th 2013. Why the 18th? Well, why not the 18th?
For more Quote Fridays, check out:
- ‘KUNG FU PANTIES’ – January 11th 2012
- ‘Oh my God, I’m YAWDA!!’ – January 4th 2012
- ‘Do you Obama?’ – December 21st 2012
- ‘YOU are OUT of the line!’ – December 14th 2012
- ‘He’s on a date.’ – December 7th 2012
- ‘Are you many many crazy?’ – November 30th 2012
- ‘I rolled too far.’ – November 23rd 2012
- ‘Robot Making Class.’ – November 16th 2012
- ‘Throw in giant spiders.’ – November 9th 2012
- ‘Hey, don’t call people pandas!’ – October 26th 2012
- ‘I am NO potato.’ – October 19th 2012
- ‘I am from Martian Land.’ – October 12th 2012
- RE: Obama: ‘I don’t wanna see his mustache all over the TV’ – October 5th 2012
- ‘Teacher, STOP TALKING!’ – September 28th 2012
The Ketchup War 
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