‘No. Very very no.’ – Quote Friday 02/22

The best of this week’s quotes from my elementary students in South Korea (and some thrown in from friends too)

And so we come to the penultimate edition of Quote Friday. In a week where we hit our first birthday, details of the book emerged and the 200th post was written, it’s with great sadness that I write the words and sooooooooo the end is near, and so we face, the final curtain.or something like that. Is that it? I can’t be bothered to Google it, someone will Facebook me and correct me. Someone always Facebooks me and points out a blog error. Always.

This week, I saw this:

quotes on the internet

And it got me thinking. The most asked question that people approach me with is: ‘Are all your quotes real or do you make some up?’

My usual response is: ‘I’ve never made a quote up, what I wouldn’t give to be that creative.’

This is almost always followed by: ‘So how do you remember them all?’

Well, here’s my little secret: Whenever a kid says something funny, I immediately write it down. Now, I don’t want you thinking as soon as a kid says something Quote Friday-ish I rush from wherever I am in the classroom, sprinting like a marathon runner to my desk least I forget the little golden nugget of funny before I have a chance to write it down.

No.

It doesn’t happen like that.

70% of the time, the kids say something funny while I’m actually AT my desk correcting homework, grading a paper, taking the attendance or whatever it is that I’m doing that they’re not doing so they have time to chat amongst themselves…or to me…and by ‘to me’…I mean just ‘at me’. The rest of the time, I’ve usually got a pen and a clipboard in my hand or the book with a post it note stuck on the page in case I need to jot something down. Nothing gets published unless I can remember it exactly and believe me, there are random notes knocking around my desk that look like they’d be hilarious quotes, I just can’t remember how they transpired.

Moving on.

After each lesson, if a kid is absent I have to text their parents to tell them what homework the kid has. I’m sitting at my desk, looking up a kid’s mother’s phone number when another kid comes and stands next to me. She looks at my phone, then at me and leans over to whisper:

“I know you code.”

And runs away.

***

I’m walking to school. A kid yells and stops me.

Kid: “Teacher!! Me mommy no message!! Me no homework. OK?” and then he makes the ‘OK’ sign with his hand.

***

Two little boys are fighting in class. Another little boy sitting nearby stands up and yells:

“GENTLEMEN!!!”

***

Me: “Do you want to be in a movie?”

Little Boy: “Yes.”

Me: “What kind of movie? Action? Drama?”

Little Boy: “Lovely.”

***

Me: “What do you do with your family?”

Kid: “Kakao talk.” (a form of text messaging)

The options were play sports, watch movies or go to the park.

***

Me: “What’s dry?”

Kid: “A grape.”

***

One kid is yelling another kid’s name trying to get her attention to borrow something while she’s ignoring him and shaking her head.

Kid 2: “No. No. You’re ugly boy. No.”

***

Me: “What’s your dream?”

Kid: “I don’t have a dream.”

***

Me: “What’s patient?”

Kid: “Many blood.”

Me: “No.”

Pause.

Me: “It’s like if you’re at a bus stop and you wait and wait and wait and you don’t get angry.”

Kid 2: “Ah, disabled.”

Me: “No…”

***

Me: “Next week you will be my last ever class I teach. When I go to Canada, I might not teach so you will be my last class ever.”

Girl: “What will you do in the future?”

Boy next to her, without missing a beat: “Shopping.”

***

Me, to a kid regarding the test: “Are you ready?”

Kid: “No. Very very no.”

***

A kid points to a pen on my desk.

Kid: “What is it?”

Me: “Oh no! I took it from a kid in the class before, I forgot to give it back. It’s an invisible ink pen.”

Kid: “You are thief.”

Me: “No, I’m not! I just forgot to give it back.”

Kid: “Don’t lie.”

***

From April Lynn Amador:

A girl in my 7 year old class said that she didn’t like boys..and she wanted to marry Sunny teacher, the female Korean co-teacher. Another student said pointed out the problem there, but the first girl responded, “No it’s ok. Mr. Obama said it’s OK!”

***

Also from April:

One of my girls said the other day, “Teacher, do you know what I will do when I grow up?”

“What?” I say, getting ready to feel all proud as her teacher.

Kid: “I will marry a rich man and get a Chanel bag.”

***

And April’s students strike again:

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***

From Joe Jenkinson:

What a twist!

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***

From Michelle Diep (and further proving it’s only my students that think I’m leaving to get married):

Kids: “Teacher, teacher …(something in Korean)”

Me: “Huh?? What did you say??”

Kids: “Teacher, dan dan dan dan dan (cue wedding tune)”

Me: “Get married?!!!”

Kids: “Yes!!!”

Me: “No, no, no!!”

KIds: “Boyfriend??”

Me: “No!”

Kids: “Oh!”

Hahahaha my kindergarten students thought I’m going back home to get married…0_o

***

From Lucy Beauclair:

Russian’s (adults) on dieting:

Student 1: “Cake is not bad if you eat before six. You can eat anything you want before six. No fat.”

Me: “So, I can eat this because it’s before six and not get fatter?”

Student 2: “Yes eating before sex is good for you.”

*group laughter*

Me: “I’m sure that’s true.”

***

Also from Lucy:

On Advertising:

Student: “I would sell this to my friends and homies.”

Me: “I wouldn’t use the word homies. It’s slang. You’re actually not the first student to use it. I’m curious. Where did you learn it?”

Student: “West Coast Niggas rap.”

Me: “Fair enough, they can use it you can’t.”

Student: “What should I use then?”

Me: “Acquaintances.”

***

Do you love Quote Friday? Sad to see it come to an end next week? Sob, sob. Well fear not!

COMING SOON: The QUOTE FRIDAY book, the best of four years of quotes including some never before published ones. ‘Watch Out for the Hedgehog, on sale May 1st.

hedgehog (4)

For more details and special offers, sign up to our Watch Out for the Hedgehog mailing list to stay up to date. 

For more Quote Fridays, check out:

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5 thoughts on “‘No. Very very no.’ – Quote Friday 02/22

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  3. Pingback: “Ms. Ireland?” – Quote Friday – 03/15 | The Ketchup War

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