The best of this week’s quotes from my elementary students in South Korea (and some thrown in from friends too)
And so we come to the end. Yesterday marked my last day as a teacher here in Korea and while I await my move from The Land of the Morning Calm to The Land of the Maple Leaf, it’s with a great sorrow I have to type up the last Quote Friday in the it’s current incarnation.
Duke: “I have a question, what time is it?”
Kid sitting next to him: “I have a question, why’s Duke short?”
I hand a kid some paper to draw on while we wait for others to finish their worksheet. He looks at it and then at me.
Me, regarding the test: “I hope all of you get perfect in the test.”
Kid: “OLGA?! ONLY OLGA?!!”
Me: “No. All. Of. You.”
Kid: “I hear just Olga.”
Me: “No. Not just Olga.”
Olga looks sad.
Me: “Of course I do hope you get perfect Olga. And the rest of the class. And Olga. All of you…I hope ALL. OF. YOU. get perfect in the test.”
Kid: “Thursday, Jenny teacher bye bye?”
Me: “Yes. But I’ll be here. The next day I won’t be. Friday, no Jenny teacher.”
Kid: “Next day go?”
Kid: “Thursday, yes. Friday…zero?”
Kid writes something in Korean on a page. I don’t know what it says so I ask my Grade Five class. They read it and scrunch up their faces.
Kid 1: “It’s….um….from the TV.”
Kid 2, taking the paper and handing it back to me: “Teacher, it is not for children.”
We hear a loud electric guitar sound next door.
Kid: “Sasha teacher?”
Kids are doing a worksheet quietly. Suddenly I hear: ‘TEACHER, HE’S STEAL MY SENTENCE!!!!’ from a little girl whose desk buddy was copying her worksheet.
Me: “What’s healthy?”
A kid jumps from his seat and does a dramatic reenactment of drowning and lies down dead on the floor. I peer over the desk at him and he jumps back up to his feet.
Kid: “Help me! Help me!”
Me: “Ok, for homework you can do your essay or not do your essay. I don’t care. We have our test next week and I have no time to correct it. You can write it if you want though and I’ll correct it.”
Kid, cautiously: “You don’t care?”
Me: “No. I don’t care. Do it or don’t do it.”
Kid: “YAY!! NO HOMEWORK!!”
Me: “Who’s the person you admire most in your family?”
Kid: “My dog.”
Me: “Um, no. A person. Pick a person.”
Kid: “My father.”
Me: “Ok, good. Why?”
Kid: “He borrow me money.”
Me: “Lend. He lends you money.”
I explain the difference between ‘lend’ and ‘borrow’.
Kid: “No, no lend. I take. No give back.”
My Grade One class: A boy hits a girl, Esther, with his book. She doesn’t even flinch. I teacher-stare at him.
Boy: “Esther’s body is stone!!”
Me, looking at the worksheet: “Do numbers one to four.”
Kid: “Number one to four? No three?”
After I was absent for a day:
Me: “Did you have homework?”
Me: ‘The teacher that was here left me a note. It says you did have homework.”
Kid: “Ouuuu, very smart.”
Me, arranging a substitute teacher for the day: “I found two teachers. Ones from the Netherlands and one’s German.”
Co-Teacher: “Send whoever speaks the best English.”
I hand out a worksheet.
Some kids: “Oh Teacher, very hard!!”
Some kids: “Very easy!”
ONE Kid: “Very middle.”
Kid, smiling: “Teacher, tomorrow is my mother birthday.”
Me: “Ou, nice. You get her a present?”
Kid, smiling: “Yes.”
Me: “Are you excited?”
Kid, deadpan: “MOTHER!!”
He shakes his head and walks away.
Kid, reading: “I have a stomach-cake.” (stomachache)
Entire class, without missing a beat: “STOMACH-CAKE?!??”
Me, to a kid who’s faffing about at his desk: “If you don’t start doing your writing, I’m going to make you write that 10 times for homework.”
Kid: “Can I write on the computer?”
Me: “What? No…why?”
Kid: “Control C.”
Kid 1: “What’s surfing?”
Kid 2: “Surfing. On the beach.”
Kid 3: “NOOOOOO!” (makes typing motion with her fingers) “Da da da da chick chick chick, the Internet.”
I’m eating chilli at my desk.
Kid: “Kimchi rice?”
Me: “No, chilli.”
Kid: “Chilli is….scuba diving….no….”
Kid: “No….um….wait….not delicious!”
Me, reading from the book: “Did you dance?”
Kid: “No. We are young. Dance is old.”
Me: “What are twins?”
Little boy stands up and makes a motion to signal being fat. He then points to either side of his stomach.
Me: “Do you know Denmark?”
Kid: “Yes, elephants.”
We read a roleplay where a little girl calls a little boy and asks him to go to the park. I read the first line.
Me: “Hi Andy. Do you want to come to the park?”
A kid stands up and yells: “DATE!!!!!!!!”
While emptying out the pen box at the beginning of class and giving away all the pens that I don’t want…which is basically all of them:
One kid: “Being late is bad.” referring to kids who’ll come late and not get any free stuff.
Little girl holds a pencil out to me: “Lost and found.”
A little girl is laughing uncontrollably.
Kid next to her: “You are happy crazy virus. ”
We’re playing a guessing game in which one of the kids writes down the name of an animal and the other have to guess what it is.
Kid 1, guessing: “Duck.”
Kid 2, with the answer: “Duck?”
Kid 1: “Duck.”
Kid 2: “Dog?”
Kid 1: “Duck.”
Kid 2: “Duck?”
Kid 1: “DUCK!”
Me, to Kid 2: “Dog or duck like quack quack.”
Kid 1: “Quack quack.”
Kid 2: “No.”
Kid 3: “DOG!!!”
Kid 2: “YES!!”
The Canadian One, right after I told him this story: “Ou, we should go for Duck Galbi before we leave. I like the quack quack.”
I make a joke in class and I laugh.
Kid, deadpan and serious: “Don’t do comedy.”
Me: “Are hamburgers good?”
Kid: “No, many MSG.”
Me: “How do you stay healthy?”
Me: “How do you know that word?!”
Me: “What does Santa leave for the children?”
Kid: “Because they change.”
I hold u six fingers.
Me: “Five…no wait…six…”
A kid in the front row gives me a really-you’re-a-teacher look.
A few minutes later, my co-teacher comes in and writes on my board. She writes: A B C A B C B B…the stops and looks at it and changes it.
The same kid turns to me and gives me a priceless you’re-both-idiots look.
Kids are doing a test quietly when suddenly I hear a kid yell at the kid next to her: “STOP BOTHERING ME!!”
I have a screensaver on my computer that changes every thirty minutes. It changed to a lion.
Kid: “Ouuu my boyfriend.”
Me: “Your boyfriend is a lion?”
Me: “I’m sad Quote Friday is ending.”
The Canadian One: “Don’t worry, I saw lots of stupid stuff. You’ll be fine.”
Me: “But you won’t let me publish any of it!!!”
From The Canadian One’s 6 year olds:
A riddle in our book. ‘I’m thinner than string. What am I?’
‘I’m thicker than string. What am I?’
The answer was ‘rope’.
Playing write-down-an-animal-guess-what-it-is game:
Me: “Name an animal.”
Kid: “Elk. YAK!!”
Me: “No, hamster.”
Guy, while explaining how cold it is in some parts of Canada: “It’s so cold in some places, the air freezes in the sky and sparkles.”
Guy: “Yeah, sparkles. Like if the vampires in Twilight were the sky.”
Girl: “Van Gogh was the Instagram of his day. Painting pictures of fruit and his cup and his straw hat. He’d love Instagram now. It’d be like this is my breakfast. This is my straw hat.”
An always-naughty 6 year old kindergarten kid is messing about in class.
Teacher: “Calm down! Why are you always in trouble?”
Kid: “Are you saying I’m like a villain in Disney films?”
One of the new teachers for The Canadian One’s school has been staying at a motel while he awaits his new apartment.
Guy: “I was watching TV and then porn came on. I knew it was Korean porn because the girl was on top doing the Gangnam style dance.”
Guy: “Oh my God, it was like Bangnam Style!!!”
Girl: “Hey, where’s your girlfriend?”
Guy: “She went to visit her mother. I control her like a matador.”
The Canadian One and I discuss a video he’s in. He’s trying to remember which video we’re taking about.
Me: “You’re wearing a green sweater in the video.”
Him: “Is the video in black and white?”
Me: “If it was black and white, how would we know it’s green?!”
I went to a dinner party at The Canadian One’s school and ended up sitting next to April, of past Quote Friday fame.
April: “Ou, I like your perfume. Or your shampoo. You smell good.”
Me: “Ohhh, it must be the Fabreeze. I Fabreezed my clothes before I left the house.”
April: “I LOVE THE SMELL OF FABREEZE!!”
Do you love Quote Friday? Sad to see it come to an end next week? Sob, sob. Well fear not!
COMING SOON: The QUOTE FRIDAY book, the best of four years of quotes including some never before published ones. ‘Watch Out for the Hedgehog’ on sale May 1st.
For more details and special offers, sign up to our Watch Out for the Hedgehog mailing list to stay up to date.
For more Quote Fridays, check out:
- ‘No. Very very no.’ – February 22nd 2013
- ‘Teacher….the small ajosshi?’ – February 15th 2013
- ‘YOUR FACE TELLS LIES!!!’ – February 8th 2013
- ‘Your boyfriend many many love?’ – February 1st 2013
- ‘Achoo achoo?’ – January 25h 2013
- ‘YOU ATE MY STAR?!’ – January 18th 2013
- ‘KUNG FU PANTIES’ – January 11th 2013
- ‘Oh my God, I’m YAWDA!!’ – January 4th 2013
- ‘Do you Obama?’ – December 21st 2012
- ‘YOU are OUT of the line!’ – December 14th 2012
- ‘He’s on a date.’ – December 7th 2012
- ‘Are you many many crazy?’ – November 30th 2012
- ‘I rolled too far.’ – November 23rd 2012
- ‘Robot Making Class.’ – November 16th 2012