Remember last week when I said ‘this is the last Quote Friday ever, sob sob’, ‘I’ll never teach again, sob sob’, ‘I’m gonna miss Quote Friday so much, sob sob’…well, I lied.
Actually, wait, I didn’t lie. At the time, I was telling the truth. It was the last day of my contract. I was planning on sitting around unemployed for three weeks and then move to The Land of the Maple Leaf but alas, that didn’t happen. After three full days of unemployment, I found a job and went back to work. OK, I didn’t find a job, a job found me. I packed my little lunch bag and my foam die and headed back into the classroom.Now, you remember how I spent my last day of teaching…
…watching kids watch a movie. Well guess what, that’s exactly how I spent my first day back at teaching, watching kids watch a movie. There are some days I can’t believe I get paid for this. Seriously.
In unrelated news, I was looking at this picture the other day when The Canadian One exclaimed, “IT’S YOU!!!”
He also sent me this, claiming it’s also me.
Apparently I‘m the red brick.
I’m saying nothing.
Moving on.
During speaking test to determine level, all during a private test:
Me: “Do you like English?”
Kid, scrunches up her face: “Yes?”
Kid 2, shaking her head defiantly: “No. No I don’t.”
Kid 3 after a long pause: “Yes.”
Me: “Are you sure?”
Kid 3: “Yes, I’m sure.”
Kid 4, eyeing me suspiciously: “No?”
***
During the speaking test, I had to point to three animals and the kids had to name them. There was a bird flying, a cat sitting and a rabbit sleeping.
Kid, pointing to each animal: “Bird. Cat. Sleeping!!!”
***
Kid comes into class while I’m setting up the movie.
Kid: “Hulk?”
Me: “I don’t have Hulk.”
Pause
Kid: “Naver.” – The Korean Google
Me: “No.”
***
Me, my first day in the school: “Do I get an attendance sheet?”
Co-Teacher: “No.”
Me: “Can you tell me how many are in each class?”
Co-Teacher: “No.”
Bare in mind, she’d been teaching these kids all year, and a Korean school year runs March-March.
***
After every Tom and Jerry cartoon, I put it to a vote what we watched next.
Me: “Hands up, Tom and Jerry.”
Kids put their hands up, if it’s a majority, we watch it, if not, we watch something else. Straight after the third episode, one little boy sees his shot.
Kid: “HANDS UP MR. BEAN!!!”
Clever considering I’d only been teaching him for around 15 minutes at this point.
***
Regarding me leaving the bar ‘early’ at 2:30am to attend an 11am meeting the following morning: “WHO organizes a meeting at 11am on a Sunday for a group of Irish people?!!”
The response from my other friend is unpublishable.
***
I scream in the apartment, there was probably a spider.
Me: “I shouldn’t do that. The neighbors will hear.”
The Canadian One: “I could murder you and all your friends in this apartment and no one would come.”
He’s right. No one would come rescue me!
***
Guy: “What are you gonna do in Canada?”
Me: “I dunno.”
Guy: “Well, not teach English, right?”
Me: “No, they all already speak Canadian…No, English…They speak English.”
Pause.
Me: “Please don’t tell The Canadian One I said that.”
***
Me, explaining my plan for unemployment: “Work on my book…and by work on my book, I mean play on Facebook.”
***
Me: “Ah, March, the month when every American claims to be Irish.”
***
Having worked out during a meeting earlier that there are roughly 20 shots in a bottle of Jameson:
Me: “That must mean there are 20 shots in a bottle of vodka too, so like 20 drinks…although probably not the way I drink it.”
***
Just to note, this is what The Canadian One and I bought on day one of unemployment:
Keeping things classy. It’s also worth noting that picture got more ‘likes’ on Facebook that possibly any other picture I’ve posted on my personal Facebook….o.O
***
Me, reading the list of volunteers: “Ou, I have a volunteer named Christopher Brown…I would imagine he likes to go by his full name at all times.”
***
Do you love Quote Friday? Sad to see it come to an end next week? Sob, sob. Well fear not!
COMING SOON: The QUOTE FRIDAY book, the best of four years of quotes including some never before published ones. ‘Watch Out for the Hedgehog’ on sale May 1st.
For more details and special offers, sign up to our Watch Out for the Hedgehog mailing list to stay up to date.
For more Quote Fridays, check out:
- ‘I like the quack quack.’ – March 1st 2013
- ‘No. Very very no.’ – February 22nd 2013
- ‘Teacher….the small ajosshi?’ – February 15th 2013
- ‘YOUR FACE TELLS LIES!!!’ – February 8th 2013
- ‘Your boyfriend many many love?’ – February 1st 2013
- ‘Achoo achoo?’ – January 25h 2013
- ‘YOU ATE MY STAR?!’ – January 18th 2013
- ‘KUNG FU PANTIES’ – January 11th 2013
- ‘Oh my God, I’m YAWDA!!’ – January 4th 2013
- ‘Do you Obama?’ – December 21st 2012
- ‘YOU are OUT of the line!’ – December 14th 2012
- ‘He’s on a date.’ – December 7th 2012
- ‘Are you many many crazy?’ – November 30th 2012
- ‘I rolled too far.’ – November 23rd 2012
The Ketchup War 
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