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Tuesday Timewasters – Break Room Stories – 12/04

419In terms of sourcing Timewasters for you lovely folks, I usually do it myself. While away the hours at the computer playing on the Internet when I should be writing aka staring at my computer screen and the mocking blinking line on the white paper. Sometimes The Canadian One will send me something he thinks is Timewasters worthy, and why not, he’s already trying to start his own Quote Friday full of stuff I say but won’t publish. (Keep an eye out for that!). Very occasionally will someone else send a link but never, has a Timewaster come to me quite the same way as this week’s.

They started following The Ketchup War.

No, seriously.

A while back, while in the middle of hell-month NaNoWriMo November, Breakroomstories started appearing in my WordPress feed. ‘Liking’ stuff and ‘Following’ me. I immediately became intrigued about who they were, what they were and what was with the name? A few clicks later, and I was hooked. I began reading it everyday…well, everyday until my school copped on and recently blocked from our computers.

But not Facebook.

Logic: Missing.


Born and breed in the good ol’ USA, founder Chris Simon put in his time in customer service industry, spending five years ‘getting extra ranch, trying to figure out how to describe the degree of spice an entrée pack [has], avoiding co-workers that are on the breaking point, and getting stiffed for no reason’.


He tells The Ketchup War, ‘I was attending college in Southern California and I needed to find a job that had flexible hours and could provide me with enough income to first of all maintain my drinking habits (I was in college) and second of all put a roof over my head. Boom, I landed a server position at America’s favorite place to get diabetes….The Olive Garden. Italian food at its finest. While working there I noticed one very specific thing that united a very diverse work force, their desire to commiserate on break by recounting the horror stories of the current shift.’

‘Servers and bartenders are a very unique bunch,’ Simon continues, ‘They usually possess a very dynamic set of communication skills necessary for a position dealing with the general public and after dealing with that general public and their food they have also developed a general disdain for humanity. So I would sit and listen to very animated group of  individuals recount the most outrageous stories of what happens to them on a day to day basis, usually adding quips and insults to the story that would make me belly laugh to the point of crying. I remember thinking one night that if I could find a way to build a public forum for these stories to be published it could be quite entertaining but I didn’t do anything at that time.’


After quitting The Olive Garden to work at Yardhouse in Southern California, Simon once again found himself listening to his fellow employees commiserate and bond through these ‘break room horror stories’. It was then that he knew he had to make them public and, much like The Ketchup War and its quotes, Break Room Stories was born.

Now with over 75 submissions a week, Simon finds himself inundated with stories from all around the world.

When asked what his favorites from the site are, Simon tells us:

‘”I know my shift is almost over when I can smell myself, I smell like ranch and B.O.’ – A Waiter in Dallas

“I just witnessed a 250 pound woman take a body shot off of another 250 pound woman” – A Bartender in Chicago

“Some lady just sent her roast beef sandwich back because it tastes too much like roast beef, really?”  – A Waitress in Los Angeles

But his all time favorite story (not just because it happened to him) goes like this:

“I work at a restaurant across the street from a hotel and a big convention center so we often get customers from business conventions. One night a late 30’s business women came in solo and sat at my table. Four martinis later she and I got real chatty. She told me all about her directional drilling company blah blah blah I was trying to act interested to get a big tip. She is finally ready to go and I drop the check. She leaves and winks at me on the way out. I go back to the table and open the check presenter. Inside was exact change for the bill, a room key, a condom, and a note. The note said I have the rest of your tip in room 613 and I got you something to wear….”

He tells us he does get ‘some pretty weird submissions. But there is one guy who sends me the same story every week. It goes like this:

“It is my duty to the serving community to fart on all these needy geeks and tweaks. Thug Life forever son.”

No joke I get this story every week. I have no idea what it means nor do I want to know.’

Personally, I have to say the following are my favorites but for a daily dose of waiter horror stories and funny Restaurant Randomness Galleries, please check out

Got a story to share, send it on into them and let us know!


Don’t forget, The Ketchup War needs YOUR help! We’ve been nominated for an Expat Blog Award.

Uh huh! Insert happy dance here.

But we need YOU. The winner will be announced in December and is based on reviews left on the site from its readers. That’s YOU! Just pop on over to The Ketchup War’s page and leave us an awesome review. You just KNOW you want to!

Dooooooo ittttttt and also have a lovely day!!

If only I could learn how to do this with chopsticks over here!
If only I could learn how to do this with chopsticks over here!

Still got time to waste? For more Timewasters, check out:

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