My top eleven favorite stupid jokes: Happy Timewasting!
This first one was told to us recently while we were drinking in a playground…no judging…we couldn’t drink in the apartment, the cops came and shut us down for making too much noise and scaring the Korean neighbors with the sheer amount of white folk in the apartment…I’m guessing on that last part. Yes, we’re all school teachers. No, it wasn’t a school night. Yes, there was a completely valid reason for throwing a party on a Tuesday…the following day was a day off school. Tut tut, ESL teachers, any excuse…
What did the zero say to the eight?
One of mine, told to me by an old man in a bar in Ireland during halftime in a football match:
What do you call a cow with 11 udders?
12 cows. (Tip: read it again in an Irish accent)
Submitted by my mam:
Three pigs sit in a row. One says to the other, ‘I can see your tail but you can’t see mine.’ How is this possible?
It’s not. Pigs can’t talk.
What did the whale say when the shark was hording all the candy?
Don’t be so shellfish.
Also submitted by mam:
‘When you get your new dog, you should get The Canadian One name it ‘Naked’, then every time he walks the dog he can say, ‘I’m going to walk Naked down the street.”
Submitted by The Canadian One:
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says ‘Hey, man, we’ve got a drink named after you.’ Grasshopper says, ‘Really? You’ve got a drink named Leonard?!’
My favorite dirty joke courtesy of Woody Allen’s claim that it’s his favorite joke:
A chicken and an egg are relaxing after sex. The egg is smoking a cigarette and the chicken says with a pissed off look on his face, ‘Well, I guess we know the answer to that question!’
What did the chicken say to the penguin as he was about to cross the road?
Don’t do it, man, you’ll never hear the end of it!
Oh my God, HOW did you know?!
What’s brown and sticky?
Submitted by The Canadian One:
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Got a stupid joke? Hit up the comments below!
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Dooooooo ittttttt and also have a lovely day!!
Still got time to waste? For more Timewasters, check out:
- Tuesday Timewasters – Break Room Stories – 12/04
- Tuesday Timewaster – The Best of Liz Climo – 11/27
- Tuesday Timewasters – Star Disney War – 11/13
- Tuesday Timewasters – Favorite Ecards Round 4 – 11/06
- My Favourite Ecards round ONE / TWO / THREE
- Tuesday Timewasters – Some Stories Require No Words – 10/23
- Tuesday Timewasters – Mini Star Wars Edition – 10/16
- Tuesday Timewasters – Gangnam Style – 10/09
- Tuesday Timewasters – 10/02
- Tuesday Timewasters – Letters of Note – 09/25
- Tuesday Timewasters – 09/18
- Tuesday Timewasters – Did YOU know about THIS?! – Korean Theme Parks – 09/11
- ‘Dear God, So who made the dinosaurs…?’ (Note: The most popular timewaster on this site!)