Tuesday Timewasters – Stupid Joke Edition 12/11

Cows on MeadowI love stupid jokes. Love ’em. The Canadian One and I have some go-to jokes we use while out and about with other people, mainly in bars, let’s be fair…or  parks…while drunk in parks.

My top eleven favorite stupid jokes: Happy Timewasting!

This first one was told to us recently while we were drinking in a playground…no judging…we couldn’t drink in the apartment, the cops came and shut us down for making too much noise and scaring the Korean neighbors with the sheer amount of white folk in the apartment…I’m guessing on that last part. Yes, we’re all school teachers. No, it wasn’t a school night. Yes, there was a completely valid reason for throwing a party on a Tuesday…the following day was a day off school. Tut tut, ESL teachers, any excuse…

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

***

One of mine, told to me by an old man in a bar in Ireland during halftime in a football match:

What do you call a cow with 11 udders?

12 cows. (Tip: read it again in an Irish accent)

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Submitted by my mam:

Three pigs sit in a row. One says to the other, ‘I can see your tail but you can’t see mine.’ How is this possible?

It’s not. Pigs can’t talk.

***

What did the whale say when the shark was hording all the candy?

Don’t be so shellfish.

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Also submitted by mam:

‘When you get your new dog, you should get The Canadian One name it ‘Naked’, then every time he walks the dog he can say, ‘I’m going to walk Naked down the street.”

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Submitted by The Canadian One:

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says ‘Hey, man, we’ve got a drink named after you.’ Grasshopper says, ‘Really? You’ve got a drink named Leonard?!’

***

My favorite dirty joke courtesy of Woody Allen’s claim that it’s his favorite joke:

A chicken and an egg are relaxing after sex. The egg is smoking a cigarette and the chicken says with a pissed off look on his face, ‘Well, I guess we know the answer to that question!’

***

What did the chicken say to the penguin as he was about to cross the road?

Don’t do it, man, you’ll never hear the end of it!

***

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Doctor.

Doctor who?

Oh my God, HOW did you know?!

***

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

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Submitted by The Canadian One:

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

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Got a stupid joke? Hit up the comments below!

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Don’t forget, The Ketchup War needs YOUR help! We’ve been nominated for an Expat Blog Award.

Uh huh! Insert happy dance here.

But we need YOU. The South Korea winner will be announced December 12th (TOMORROW) and is based on reviews left on the site from its readers. That’s YOU! Just pop on over to The Ketchup War’s page and leave us an awesome review. You just KNOW you want to! There’s only ONE day left to get your comments in!

Dooooooo ittttttt and also have a lovely day!!

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Still got time to waste? For more Timewasters, check out:

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7 thoughts on “Tuesday Timewasters – Stupid Joke Edition 12/11

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