‘He looks smart.’ – New Quotes Added

Prompted by my 90 minutes spent talking to various call center workers yesterday in a bid to find out some information about Paypal, I’m reminded of some of the best quotes from my student days of call center work:
Caller: ‘Are you American?’
Me: ‘No’
‘Why do you sound American?’
‘I’m Irish, not American.’
‘You sound American, I don’t like Americans. Goodbye.’
And he hung up!
Post spiel regarding security,
Me: ‘So how can I help you today?’
Old lady: ‘I got an invoice for something I didn’t buy.’
Me: ‘Ok, what is it that it says you bought?’
Old lady: ‘I didn’t buy it.’
Me: ‘Ok.’
Old lady (whispering) ‘It says I bought a vibrator.’
Me: (regarding the sales staff a woman dealt with) ‘How flexible did you find the sales staff?’
Woman (slightly confused): ‘You mean like…bendy?’
While doing something COMPLETELY different, suddenly:
I look at him.
Me: ‘Queen mouse?’
Kid: ‘YES!!’
Moments later
Kid: ‘WAIT, QUICK MOUSE….no queen.’
Regarding our story in which a purple alien dog with two tails almost drowns in the water.
Kid: ‘Teacher, dogs swim….but Hoopla no swim!!’
Me: ‘Hoopla’s not a dog. He’s an alien.’
Kid: “NO, he’s a monster dog….Why no swim?!’
Me: ‘I really don’t know.’
Kid: ‘Ok.’
Me: ‘Why are you standing up?’
Kid: ‘I was bad.’
Me: ‘Did I say stand up?’
Kid: ‘…No…but I was bad….’
Me: ‘Please sit down.’
Kid: ‘Teacher, do dolphin ride bikes?’
Me: ‘Ummm, no.’
In our class we have four rules, two of which are ‘Be Quiet’ and ‘No Korean’. A little girl is writing a rule on the board for me. She finishes but gets it incorrect.
Another Little Girl (reading and looking more and more confused) : ‘Be Korean? BE Korean?? I AM Korean!!!’
Yesterday, The Canadian One finished band practice. I call him.
Me: ‘Hey, how are you?’
Him: ‘Eh, I’m good.’
…Him: ‘What’s up?’
Me: ‘Oh I just called to see where you were and to say hi.’
‘That’s it?’
‘I’m on my way home.’
‘Cool….Can you bring home Doritoes??’
‘Is that why you called?’
‘…No…I also called to say hi….Will you bring home Doritoes?’
Kids all have their books open on the wrong page.
Kids: ‘Teacher, loooooooook, IRELAND!!!’
I look. It’s a page all about Ireland.
Kid: ‘Teacher, it’s you!!’
Me: ‘Oh, yeah!’
Kid: ‘Teacher, boy’s name is Kevin?’ (reading the story)
Me: ‘Eh, yeah, his name is Kevin. Why?’
Kid: ‘My boyfriend’s English name is Kevin.’ (She’s 8)
Later: We listen to the CD reading of the story by an Irish boy with a thick Irish accent.
Entire Class: ‘WHAT?! WHAT?!! I NO UNDERSTAND!!!’
Me: ‘Yeah, I’ll just read it to you instead!’
Two little girls are having a conversation while I correct homework.
Kid 1: ‘…your brother….’
Kid 2: ‘I have no brother!!’
Kid 1: ‘Yes, brother!!’
Kid 2: ‘NO, younger brother!’
Kid 1: (staring at her) ‘YES BROTHER!!’
Kid 1 stops talking to Kid 2.
My students are singing a song I didn’t teach them.
Me: ‘Where did you learn that song?’
Kid: ‘Our English teacher.’
Me: ‘The one in there?’ (pointing to my co-teacher’s classroom)
Kid: ‘No, our school one.’
Me: ‘The boy?’
Kid: ‘No, a girl.’
Me: ‘Oh, you have a girl foreign teacher?’
Kid: ‘No, she’s Korean. We have another teacher too. He’s a boy.’
Me: ‘Is he like me?’
Kid: ‘He looks smart.’
Me (teaching them the word ‘fancy’) : Fancy.’
All: ‘FANCY.’
One little boy: ‘Teacher! Alex say PANTIE!!!’
Me: ‘What’s grass?’
Kid: ‘If you have the many money and the big house, you have many grass.’
While teaching hobbies,
Me: ‘What would you like to collect?’
Kid: ‘Money.’
My grade ones have been learning English for 10 weeks. One kid in particular is pretty wild and is constantly having to be told to sit down. He’s yelling.
Me: ‘TED!!’
Ted: ‘Ted, sit down?’
Me: ‘No, Ted,  you are sitting down. Be quiet.’
Ted: ‘No sit down?’
Me: ‘No, be quiet.’
Ted stands up.
Me: ‘Ted…’
Ted: ‘Ted sit down?’
Me: ‘Yes, Ted, sit down….and be quiet.’
Kid: ‘I no understand.’
I look at the book.
Me: ‘Ok, so do you go walking?’
Kid: ‘Yes.’
Me: ‘Does your friend go walking?’
Kid YELLS across entire classroom: ‘LUCAS DO YOU GO WALKING???!!’
Lucas: ‘Yes.’
Kid (to me) : ‘Yes.’
In same class as above: While at the whiteboard explaining something, a kid walked up to me, pulled his tooth out in front of me and spat it out into his hand with a bunch of blood…then tried to hand it to me…then dropped it on the floor…then walked away.

Me: ‘Suhyun, can you read the question please?’

Suhyun: ‘Are there any cucumbers in the music store?’

Me: ‘Really? Why would there be cucumbers in a music store?’

Suhyun (after looking more carefully at the book): ‘Are there any customers in the music store?’

Me: ‘Okay, that’s better. Steve, which answer matches this question?’

Steve: ‘Yes, there are some cucumbers in the music store.’


Find more quotes on The Wall  and Index or submit your own theketchupwar@gmail.com

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