Categories
Cooking food recipes

Monkey Quesadillas aka Peanut Butter and Banana Quesadillas

I’ve got a new food addiction. Well, no, wait, that’s no technically true. I’ve always had a deep love for anything containing peanut butter and bananas as any avid readers will recall from my Peanut Butter and Banana Milkshake:

photo 2

Buuuuuuut Monkey Quesadillas are genius! Warm, tasty and filling! I love them. Also, I have no picture because I ate my quesadilla while searching for my phone to take a picture so here’s a picture of a banana instead:

Peanut Butter and Banana Quesadillas

So to make this glorious wrap you will need: For one quesadilla, 1 banana, 1 tortilla wrap (I use whole-wheat flour tortillas), peanut butter (I use smooth, I don’t like crunchy), honey.

Spread peanut butter on tortilla, then either slice or smush banana and cover half the tortilla with banana. Drizzle honey over the banana and fold tortilla. Heat pan on a medium heat. Place quesadilla on pan for a bit until warmed then flip and warm the other side. Slice in half and eat.

Mine is never very warm because I get impatient staring at it and then just end up eating it. Usually eat this for lunch at the weekends…or when I arrive home from a friend’s house drunk. Monkey Quesadillas + Alcohol is a winning combination, I’m not gonna lie.

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor kids quotes random

Flashback Friday: ‘I did my homework with a paintbrush.’ – June 15th 2012

Welcome to Flashback Friday: A look back at some of the most popular posts in the archive

This Quote Friday from June 15th 2012 (original link) proved to be one of the most read Quote Friday’s on the entire site:

For anyone who wasn’t following Quote Friday, it was a weekly round-up of the funniest things my elementary school students said to me that week. They were all aged 6-12 and were in my English class in South Korea.

First up, a non-school quote:

Girl at party last weekend: ‘Where are you from?’

Me: ‘Ireland.’

Girl: ‘Oh, Ireland, Texas?’

Me: ‘No, Ireland the country.’

…Pause…

Girl: ‘You must think I’m really stupid.’

Me: ‘Actually, I’ve been asked that exact question before.’

***

In the middle of repeating vocabulary:

Kid: ‘Teacher, I’m hungry.’

Me: ‘That’s nice. I don’t care.’

Kid: ‘You don’t have food??’

Me: ‘I’m not giving you food!’

Suddenly, a piece of candy hits him on the side of the head. We all turn to see one little boy has throw a candy at him. The kid picks it up and throws it back at kid 2. I take it away from them both and put it on my desk.

Kid 2 has a funny look on his face. I look at him, quizzically. He lifts his hand to reveal a second candy, smiles and then bursts out laughing.

***

Me: ‘What’s skipping?”

Papa Smurf
Do I look like I skip to you?!

Entire class, breaking into The Smurfs theme song: ‘La la la la la la la la la la la!!’

Me: ‘What? That’s The Smurfs! Skipping is this.’

I skip across the classroom.

Kid: ‘Yes, you look like a Smurf.’

Me: ‘Did you just call me a Smurf?’

Kid: ‘Yes, look.’

He gets up and skips across the classroom just like I did.

Kid: ‘See, like a Smurf.’

I look unconvinced.

Kid: ‘I’ll do one more time.’

He does.

Kid: “See. A Smurf.’

***

Kid: ‘I did my homework with a paintbrush.’

Me: ‘What?’

Kid: “I didn’t have a pencil.’

***

One kid touches another kid’s arm.

Kid: ‘Teacher, he’s touching ME!!! Teacher, he’s GAY!!’

***

While studying ‘like’:

Me: ‘What does your mommy like?’ (options on the page include a variation of fruits and vegetables)

Kid: ‘My mom likes money.’

Kid 2: ‘My mom doesn’t like dad.’

***

Two boys are hitting each other with pencils.

Me: “What are you doing?!’

Kid: ‘We’re swordfighting!!’

***

There is paper ALL over my floor.

Me: “What the hell is all this on my floor?!!’

Kid 1: ‘Oh my God, you said a bad word!!’

Me: ‘No, I didn’t.’

Kid 1: ‘Yes, you did! You said ‘what the hell’!’

Me: ‘No, I didn’t!!’

Kid 1: ‘I hear you!!!’

Kid 2: ‘The fan and the paper and whoooosh and paper on floor.’

Kid 1: ‘YOU SAID A BAD WORD!!’

***

From The Canadian One and his Kindergarten students:

I was teaching my students can and will.

One wrote ‘I can ride a bike’ and then, ‘Soon I will smoke.’

That’s a good goal!
***
While I’m checking off a name, a kid grabs a marker and proceeds to write on the board. She’s written the first letter, a ‘C’, when I grab her hand.
Me: ‘WAIT!’
The kid looks down to see she’s holding a permanent marker.
Kid: ‘Oh no!!’
Me: ‘Oh my God!’
Kid: ‘Wait, I can fix.’
Me: ‘What?’
The kid grabs a normal board marker, colors in the ‘C’ and erases the whole thing off the board. It’s spotless and no trace is left.
Me: ‘Wow, that’s magic!!’
Kid 2: ‘It’s no magic, it’s SCIENCE!!’ (shaking her head at me!)
***
A kid is looking under the desk and making a disgusted face. She puts up her hand.
Kid: ‘Teacher, come here. Look.’ (pointing under the desk)
I look at her skeptically.
Kid: ‘It’s ok. No bug.’
***
A kid speaks Korean in my class several times so as punishment I make her stand up with one hand on her head and the other over her mouth. She’s wearing a green sweater. Her friend next to her bursts into laughter.
Kid: ‘Hahahaha, she look like a cactus!!!!’
***
For more Quote Friday, check out:

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor internet random timewasters

Tuesday Timewasters – The TruthFacts Edition – 06/17

Aaaaand we’re back with an all new Tuesday Timewasters! Woo hoo! A weekly round up of the awesome, weird and wonderful world of the Interwebbie.

First up, and a site I have become increasingly obsessed with checking out on my way to work in the morning, is Truthfacts!

Correct responses to your girlfriend's question When do you discover spelling errors in an email Ingredients in a successfull chicken:bacon sandwich
Wasting Time How to utilize hashtags on Facebook Statistics about Statistics Stone's Throw Most difficult things to complete

What Smoke Detectors Warn You Of Statistics Blame the heterosexuals Varying levels of entertainment value When electronics don't work Know the difference between various fruits When you want to hear a song on YouTube

What helicopters do in movies

Remember all media here belongs to TruthFacts. Head over there and check them out for more awesomeness!

Categories
Cooking entertainment food recipes

Shepherd’s Pie

SpaghettiBolognese (6)

I love Shepherd’s Pie. A classic, English dish, it’s so easy to make and assemble and it lends itself quite well to a freezer cooking rotation. This recipe is based on one I saw on the back of an OXO box years and years ago.

Shepherd’s Pie

1 tbs vegetable oil

photo (68)
#filter #iatemostofitalready

500g minced beef

1-2 tsp garlic, crushed

1 onion, diced

1 carrot, diced

A handful of peas

2 tbs plain flour / GF flour

2 tbs tomato puree / paste

2 cups of beef stock

1 tbs butter (or dairy-free alternative)

1-2 tsp Worchestershire sauce – make sure it’s gluten free if needed

1/2 tsp thyme and / or marjoram

4-6 large potatoes, cooked and mashed

Salt and Pepper

1. Preheat oven to 200C / 395F.

2. Heat oil in a pan and saute onions and garlic until soft. Add meat and brown, draining fat. Add carrots fry for another few moments.

3. Add flour and stir well.

4. Add tomato puree, stock, Worcestershire sauce, herbs, salt, pepper and peas. Bring to the boil and simmer for 20 minutes until thickened.photo (69)

5. Pour meat mixture into ovenproof dish and top with mashed potatoes. Dot with butter.

6. Bake in the oven for 20-25 minutes.

***If you’re freezer cooking, prepare the meat until step 4 and allow to cool then freeze. Proceed with step 5 after defrosting meat.***

 

Categories
comedy entertainment funny

It’s a Me, MARIO!!

I grew up in a piano-playing household. Primarily due to the fact that my mother is a piano teacher and my brother and I were always surrounded by a piano, sheet music and pupils who struggled to play their scales. Each year we would be bombarded with differing renditions of ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’ and ‘Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer’, all played at different speeds, some in a stop-start jingle and some with so many wrong notes, I’d sit in my bedroom thinking ‘Is that Rudolf they’re trying to play or some unknown Christmas tune I’m about to be introduced to…Nope, no, it’s Rudolf.’

There was one memorable year when I returned home to visit during exam time and all the students seemed to be studying ‘My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean’…I still can’t listen to that song without shuddering. Hours after hours of listening to kids play it over and over again. I feel like I could play it through sheer osmosis.

My mother taught us how to read sheet music as children. I learned the right hand and some of the left and mastered most of the nursery rhymes before I quit. My brother, however, went on to absorb music as an exponential rate. He could read a piece, play it, read it, play it, have it memorised. Whenever I would return to Ireland to visit, he would play me the most recent pieces he learned plus some oldies I liked too. He moved onto a ragtime phase where a favorites of mine came to include almost anything by Scott Joplin. He doesn’t play much anymore, preferring to focus on art and woodwork but I have never, in all my life, never ever wanted to force him to learn a piece and play it via Skype to me so badly:

mario-sheet-music

(via)

It’s Mario.

IT. IS. MARIO.

I mean seriously!

MARIO SHEET MUSIC!

For those of you who have never heard the Mario theme tune, (honestly, I’m surprise you know what the Internet is, but anyway), here it is:

My obsession with Mario dates back to my owning a N64 and every Mario game (and yes, Goldeneye) that was released. Now, we own a WII and the obsession continues with Mario Kart. This month at work we’re even having a Mario-themed staff incentive program running…no, seriously. I spent an entire day cutting out those tiny Mario flowers, Bowser, bananas (I hate them) and shells. Lest we forgot, I still work at a bank.

Mario has dotted my life in random unexpected places here and there as an adult. I once found myself dancing to a disco version of the song at a basement nightclub in Seoul with The Canadian One. My friend and I once stayed at a hostel in South Korea and one of the girls sharing our room had gone out for the night, while my friend and I stayed in. The girl’s phone kept alerting her to a text every so often with a ring that reminded us of ‘It’s a Mario!’…We spent the rest of the trip saying ‘It’s a Mario!’ over and over again each time her phone went off. We were beyond annoying. Now and then, I’d find myself humming the Mario theme tune at work, much to the amusement of my 10 year students who would break into song with me occasionally, surprised I, a 26-year-old teacher, would know who Mario is.

I mean, please, I know no one (NO ONE) my age who does not know who Mario is. NO ONE.

NOW, all I gotta do is find someone who can play the piano, is almost my age and who I can convince to learn to play this piece for me…

I’m gonna go call my brother!

Categories
comedy funny humor

Bunny Versus Barfi

I write to Frightened Rabbit to say hi!
I write to Frightened Rabbit to say hi!

This time last year, The Canadian One and I had been in Toronto for about a week and he was still trying to convince me that Canadians did not call it T-Dot. We were embarking on a trip into the city to see Frightened Rabbit, a Scottish band we both really like, play in a dark bar in a shady area. The Canadian One thought we’d be kidnapped on the walk from the venue to the bar later that night and we spent a good forty-five minutes wandering around looking for a pre-gig place to eat. We settled on a basement bar for fries and cheeseburgers and I wallowed in the fact that having hated my Tim Horton’s earlier in the day, I would never adapt to Canadian culture.

Now, the coincidence of going to see Frightened Rabbit on Easter ‘Bunny’ Sunday didn’t escape me, or my mother who thought it was hilarious, although they did put on an awesome show (the first of two of their shows I would see in 2013). One memorable moment being when the lead singer messed up the words to a song and then just flat out stopped and said “I’m sorry, I’m distracted by a girl in bunny ears at the back just not paying attention to the show…oh wait…no…wait, no she’s working. Sorry!”

Moving on.

Last week, we went over to our neighbor’s (also The Canadian One’s childhood friend and our vet) house for some friendly board game / drinking action. About three hours in, our neighbor’s cat, Barfi (Persian for Snowy) emerged from his hiding spot under the couch. With the declaration of ‘Oh, Barfi’ from our host, The Canadian One lept up, pointed at the cat and said ‘BARFI!’ thus putting him in a solid 4-0 lead in our made-up summer game.

Barfi, incidentally, is one of the most beautiful cats I’ve ever seen. I mean, look at him!

photo 2 (3)

Isn’t he gorgeous?! Here he is with The Canadian One while we were cat-sitting while The Canadian One tries to prove to me his moniker should be changed to The Cat Whisperer.

The Canadian One lies down and the cat just come to him...
The Canadian One lies down and the cats just come to him…

And here’s Barfi helping get ready for the Stampede in April 2013. A little early, but meh.

photo 3 (1)

So, here’s what happened: Last summer, Barfi made a bolt for freedom and we were tasked with helping find him. We wandered. We ran. We shook packets of Temptations and called his name. We asked neighbors. We asked passers-by. One of us, dressed in a hoodie and skirt standing as tall as the average teenager, joined a search-party group of teens and accidentally caused another neighbor to retreat from her porch, shut her door, lock it and turn off the lights. Oops.

The Canadian One and I worked as a duo and several times I spotted what looked like a white furred creature in the bushes which would always ALWAYS turn out to be a bunny.

Always.

It’s hard. In Ireland we don’t have bunnies just wandering around doing their bunny stuff thinking ‘I ain’t no pet’ but here they are everywhere!

And thus began ‘Bunny versus Barfi’, whereby the spotting of a bunny while The Canadian One and I were together and being the first to yell ‘BUNNY!’ would garner the yeller one point whereas the spotting of Barfi would earn you three points. We ended 2013 with me far far faaaar in the lead and so this year The Canadian One has come back fighting and is already ahead with four points but fear not my little Ketchups, I will win this year as I did last year!

Incidentally, I spotted the never-before-seen-mythical-trio of bunnies…a TRIO…a month ago but alas, as The Canadian One and I weren’t together I can’t claim it.

photo (61)

Yells of ‘DOESN’T COUNT!’, ‘THAT’S NOT A BUNNY! MINUS A POINT!!’ (mainly because I thought both a small dog and a small gnome-like garden ornament of a bunny were both really bunnies) and ‘BUNNY!!!’ became commonplace around our house last summer and now this year, the ante has been upped and the game is ON with The Canadian One wanted to reclaim the title and me wanting to keep the title of ‘Awesome Bunny-Spotter’. Keep up with the current score at the top on the right of your screen.

I. WILL. WIN. 2014.

Have you and your friends ever come up with a stupid game to play? Lemme hear about it below so I know The Canadian One and I aren’t the only ones in the world playing a highly competitive, bunny spotting game!

(Oh and Barfu was found and returned safe and sound a week after he went missing!)

Categories
Cooking food recipes

Lazy-Days Lasagna (Oven Version AND Slow-Cooker Version)

Lazy-Days LasagnaI love lasagna. The entire time we lived in Korea, whenever we would go out to dinner in a western bar I would always order a lasagna. Our oven was smaller than a microwave and attempts to make lasagna were usually foiled by either the size of the oven or the sourcing of ingredients as fancy as lasagna sheets. But alas, occasionally, I’d pull it off and we’d feast on lasagna every few months.

Having moved to Canada, however, lasagna became part of the usual mealtime rotation. Well, that was until recently when our oven broke plunging me into an oven-free world once again. 11 months and two weeks of glorious oven-time after 5 years sans oven and I had become dependant on my kinship with the oven to produce amazing things like Apple and Carrot Wheat Muffins or homemade Whole-Wheat Pizzas.

And then, I discovered that I could also make lasagna in the slow-cooker.

Genius.

For your reading pleasure, I’ve included both version here. For the sauce and meat, I use the same basic recipe as my Spaghetti Bolognese recipe and then depending on how busy I am, I either make homemade cheese sauce or store-bought cheese sauce.

Lazy-Days Lasagna

Click here for PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION

1 lb ground meat (usually I use ground beef but sometimes a mixture of ground beef and hot Italian ground sausage)

4 sheets of either no-boil lasagna or regular sheets of lasagna boiled and softened

3 cups of grated cheese

2 cups of cheese sauce (either homemade or store-bought)

1/2 – 1 cup of beef stock

1 clove of garlic, crushed

1 large can of plum tomatoes

1 onion, diced

2 tbs tomato paste (for advice on how to save the rest of the tomato paste in that giant can you just bought, see here)

1 tsp oregano and a pinch of basil OR 1tsp of Italian Seasoning

Salt and pepper to taste

1. Heat oil and add onions and garlic. Fry for several minutes until translucent.

2. Add ground beef and fry until browned (maybe 5-6 minutes) stirring.

3. Drain fat from pan. Now, this is a little tricky if your pan doesn’t have a lid but with some practice and a nifty spatula, it’s almost accomplishable.

4. Return pan to heat. Add oregano, basil, (or Italian Seasoning / bay leaf if using), tomatoes, puree and stock.

5. Bring to boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes, stirring often to crush up the tomatoes.

Oven Version

1. Heat oven to 375F / 190C.

2. In a rectangular or square dish layer, layer lasagna: meat mixture, noodles, cheese sauce, meat mixture, noodles and cheese sauce in dish. Top with grated cheese and cover with foil, being careful the foil doesn’t touch the cheese.

3. Bake lasagna for 45 minutes, removing foil for the last ten minutes.

photo (59)Slow-Cooker Version

1. Layer lasagna in slow-cooker: meat mixture, noodles, cheese sauce, meat mixture, noodles, cheese sauce, reserving grated cheese separately. Break up the lasagna sheets so they fit all around the lasagna. It’s OK if there are gaps, the lasagna sheet, if it’s a no boil version, will expand anyway.

2. Cook in slow-cooker for 3-4 hours on high or 6-8 hours on low. I advise checking on it after 3 hours to see if it’s done. Mine only took 3 hours. Sprinkle with grated cheese and put lid back on for 10 minutes until cheese is fully melted.

Freezer Friendly: If you’re freezer cooking, wait until lasagna has completely cooled, then cut into single servings, place in Ziploc bags, label and freeze.

Categories
comedy funny humor

Is A Dancing Potato Too Stereotypical?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this!! It’s genius. This and the dancing potato. I have no idea why I find the dancing potato so funny. I almost cried with laughter. The Canadian One is convinced there’s something wrong with me!

Happy Almost St. Patrick’s Day! And remember it’s PADDY…not PATTY…not now, not ever.

irish stew
source: https://twitter.com/busselling

Now, back to the question at hand, do you think it’s a little too stereotypical to end this post with a dancing potato?

No?

Awesome, here he is then:

source: http://imgur.com/gallery/zs0X9oP
source: http://imgur.com/gallery/zs0X9oP
Categories
food recipes

Quickie Morning Smoothies

Smoothies
© Depositphotos.com/nupix

I drink a smoothie everyday at work. I blend it all up in the morning, pour it into a Mason Jar and throw it into my handbag. I keep straws at work so when I get there I just pop the lid and enjoy the still icy cold breakfast.

While other folks at work like to make fun of me for my ‘healthy nature’ and one of my co-workers noted that I eat a lot of fruit, there’s nothing I love more in the mornings than fruit. Once, when I was particularly stressed, one of them told me I should ‘go home and eat fruit’, which I guess is polite. I’m allergic to chocolate (I KNOW!!!…but we’ll come back to that another time) and thus when I am sad I actually eat family-sized bags of Doritos not fruit.

Moving on.

People always ask ‘How do you have time to make a smoothie each morning?’ and the answer is simple, it takes no time at all.

On Sundays, I wash, cut and prep all the fruit and prepare small sandwich baggies for freezing. In the mornings, all I do is pull out a baggie, add it to the blender with some juice and yogurt and pour it into the Mason Jar. Done. I sometimes do it while brushing my teeth.

Here are six of my favourite morning smoothie recipes for grab and go to get you started on a new morning routine:

Berry Banana Smoothiebanana

1/2 cup of Berries, (i.e. Raspberries, Blackberries, Blueberries, Strawberries)

1 Banana

1 cup of Orange Juice

1 tbs of Plain Yogurt

Blend everything together

Monkey Milk Smoothie

This one I can’t take to work as peanuts are banned from the office, along with raw onions and, rather specifically, kiwis, so this is an ‘at home’ smoothie.

Peanut butter

1 Banana

2 tbs of Peanut Butter

1 tsp of Honey

1 cup of Milk

Blend. Blend. Blend.

Green Smoothie

Handful of Spinach or Frozen Spinach

1 Banana

1 Apple, peeled and roughly chopped

1 tbs of Plain Yogurt

1 cup of Orange Juice OR Apple Juice

Blend.

 blueberryBlueberry Apple Smoothie

1 1/2 cups of Apple Juice

1 Apple, peeled and roughly chopped

1/2 cup of Blueberries

1 Banana

1/2 tsp Lemon Juice

Blend.

Blueberry Smoothie Take Two

1 Banana

1 cup of Milk

1/2 cup of Blueberries

1 tsp of Honey

1 tbs of Plain Yogurt

Blend.

Pineapple Smoothiepineapple

1/2 cup of Pineapple

1 Banana

1 cup of Orange Juice or Pineapple Juice

Blend.

Feel free to add more fruit, change up the juice, don’t be afraid to experiment. For freezing, add all fruit minus yogurt and juice, to a baggie and pop in the freezer. In the mornings, just toss the frozen fruit into the blender and add the rest of the ingredients. If you don’t have frozen fruit on hand, add some ice cubes to the blender if you want to keep things cold. What’s your favourite smoothie?

Categories
Canada comedy humor random

The Wolf of Work Street

So, on Monday, I’m outside work waiting at the bus stop. It’s about 6:15pm and it’s a little chilly but I opt not to go into the little glass bus hut.

During a discussion on the phone with The Canadian One regarding what we were having for dinner (a Betty Crocker Home-Made Beef, Zucchini and Cheddar Pie with Salad in case you’re interested), I say:

“I think I see a wolf. Or a big dog. But it kinda looks like a wolf.”

The Canadian One reacts the way one would when his fiancée says she sees a wolf and you’re 99.99% sure it’s just a dog. He doesn’t react. I tell him to heat the oven to 350 degrees and I hang up the phone to await the bus.

Having forgotten my headphones and my book, I had nothing to do but stare into the abyss, i.e. the car park of my building. I slowly start to realise the ‘wolf’ is zigzagging his way through the stationary cars in the car park. It’s looking more and more ‘wolfy’ as it stalks it’s way down the pathway of snow. A security guard appears at the doorway of my building in an orange reflector jacket, too far for me to make out what he’s doing but not too far away for me to come to the conclusion that he was doing nothing. Nothing at all. Not a Goddamn thing.

There was a wolf in the car park.

A. Wolf.

A. Mother. Fu…

You know what, I’m gonna let that go. Moving on.

So, I’m standing there in my giant winter jacket staring at this wolf. I’m across the street. I think, it’s not going to cross the car park, cross a busy street and attack me….until it starts to cross the car park and cross the busy street.

At this point, there’s one other pedestrian on the pavement far ahead and me, standing at a bus stop, next to a glass, enclosed shelter with an open door. It occurred to me briefly to enter the shelter…then it occurred to me the wolf could also come join me in the glass hut in which case, I’d have no escape.

Glass hut out.

Running?

Doesn’t running agitate wolves?

Didn’t I read that somewhere?

Or possibly seen it in Twilight? Which is, incidentally, the only reason I know what a wolf looks like.

Running was out.

Walking?

Walking fast?

WALKING FAST.

Definitely moving from the bus stop. Walking fast it is.

I started walking with the intention of making it to a nearby bookstore for safety.

I walked. Wolfy followed.

I walked faster and Wolfy was across the street, stalking me on my side of the road.

I walked so fast one could almost call it a ‘small run’, fast enough to escape a wolf but not fast enough that it would realise you were running and chase you. And then eat you. Which is what I was fast becoming convinced would happen to me.

This is it. This is how I die. Eaten outside a Chapters by a rogue wolf.

I came to a stop light and had a decision to make. There was a car and a truck on the opposite side of the road making a right turn. Do I cross or do I stop?

Hit by truck or eaten by wolf?

I was not enjoying how my Monday was progressing so far.

Luckily, as I my foot hit the road and off the pavement, the light turned in my favor and the truck (not the car, mind you) stopped and I ran across the road while Wolfy veered into a bush. I panted my way to the bus stop, hailed the oncoming bus and hopped on. Five seconds between road decision and seat on the bus, not bad.

12 minutes later I receive a text from a friend who’d left work an hour before me:

‘Did u leave yet! I left and there was a wolf outside.’

AN. HOUR. LATER.

I COULD HAVE BEEN EATEN.

EATEN!!

Turns out she was chased by Wolfy to her car where, while on the phone to her mother, she dropped the phone while scrambling to get her car open. Naturally, her mother thought she’d been attacked but luckily, there was a bunny nearby that caught the wolf’s attention.

Obviously I mean lucky for my friend.

Not the bunny.

Shortly after, from the safety of her car, she snapped a picture of it:

photo (13)
Photo by Carah Gibson

I showed the picture to The Canadian One and he admitted he thought I was joking on the phone.

Just goes to show, when your fiancée says she sees a wolf in the car park of the building where she works, you should believe her.

This isn’t the girl who cried wolf!

And no, I have no idea what happened to the wolf but I did eagerly check the Metro on Tuesday and there was no reported Wolfy activity as of yet.

Today, The Canadian One texts me to make sure I made it onto the bus safely. I don’t text back as my phone is still in ‘moon mode’ and doesn’t alert me to the text. When I finally check it there are two texts, sent a few moments apart reading:

‘On your way or did a wolf get u?’

and then:

‘OMG a wolf got u!’

Categories
Canada comedy funny humor

I really hope CSI NEVER goes through my handbag…

So, The Canadian One asked me earlier for some lip balm and I root out my Nivea stick (he bought me) from my bag and hand it over. It’s then that I realise I have a lot of random cr@p in my handbag and really, do I need all that stuff?

 

photo (54)

 

To do an inventory, I have:

 

1 x Readers Digest, which came in the mail a few weeks ago from a free-due-to-Airmiles points subscription I signed up to and that I took to read while sitting around in the ER recently (long story, they ended up doing a CT Scan on me, have you ever have a CT Scan, OMG, lemme tell you…actually I’m getting off topic, back to my handbag…)

 

1 x Wallet, containing cards, money, receipts, a tiny penguin magnet, business cards, bank cards, September’s transit ticket, notes from The Canadian One and some Korean cards I refuse to give up.

 

1 x Umbrella, I’m Irish, we’re raised that way.

 

1 x half a packet of sugar-free Polo mints. I love Polo mints and I buy them whenever I can as I like mints but hate chewing gum. I once swallowed it and now think I’ll swallow it everytime which makes me look super-awkward when I do actually chew gum. Which I don’t. Ever. I don’t like putting things in my mouth that I can’t swallow.

 

I’ll wait while you say ‘that’s what she said’.

 

Moving on.

 

1 x Bag of JuJubes. The Canadian One packs our lunches every night. Last night he packed me an assortment of healthy nuts. (Do I need to pause again or can we continue?) This morning, I took out the healthy nuts and replaced them with an entire bag of Jujubes.

 

Why?

 

Because I’m an adult and I can.

 

1 x Bag of Lego Candy. I work at a call center, one never knows when one may be either peckish or bored or both.

 

1 x Bag of Almonds. To balance things out.

 

5 x Emergency Ketchup. That’s a thing, right? You just never know when you may need Emergency Ketchup.

 

1 x Bach’s Rescue Remedy. For those ‘of-course-let-me-just-place-you-on-mute-while-you-yell-swear-words-at-me-for-five-minutes’ moments.

 

1 x Nivea Lip Balm. That should be self-explanatory but if not…Google it.

 

English: A Swingline-brand Stapler
 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2 x Pens. I was at my manager’s desk the other day and here’s what happened, she pulls open a drawer to get me a Post-it note:

 

Me: “Wow, you have a lot of stationary. I have one pen. Just one pen. And for two days last week, I lost my pen! So technically, for two days, I had nothing.”

 

And

 

Me: “Do you have a stapler?”

 

Her: ‘Yes…Do you?”

 

Me: “No. Can I borrow your stapler?”

 

Her: “Yes.” (handing me the stapler) “One day you’ll have your own stapler.”

 

So now I have two pens in my bag in case the work one ever ‘disappears’ again. It’s also useful for crossing off items on my shopping list.

 

1 x New iPhone earphones. I broke my old ones and paid a crazy amount for these ones. I swore I’d protect them with my life and store them as I would a tiny kitten or my last Rolo. Three weeks late, I find them stuffed into the bottom of my bag. Best laid plans…

 

…lead to buying new earphones.

 

This image shows two whole and a cut green Hay...
 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1 x Body Shop perfume sample. It’s glorious but we’re not allowed to wear perfume at work due to allergies. We’re also not allowed nuts, onions or kiwis.

 

KIWIS.

 

All fruit I understand but specifically kiwis? There’s a picture on the door too reminding us NOT to bring a kiwi to work. A picture. It’s almost like ‘Don’t bring kiwis. This is a kiwi. Also this is an onion. Don’t bring those either. Like your drama and your problems, leave them at the door when you come to work.’ It doesn’t say that. But it should.

 

1 x Small cosmetic mirror my friend got me in Spain. The pink disk on the front fell off and it kinda broke but it was a gift and I refuse to toss it.

 

Random paper. I dunno. I get bored at work and doodle.

 

1 x Imigran migraine medicine. I suffer from horrible migraines. I should take Zomig but I ran out so I take it’s not so smart, not so fast, occasionally completely useless cousin Imigran.

 

1 x Contact Lens Case. I wear contacts but at work I wear glasses because I stare at a screen all day in air conditioning. I’m not sure why this is in my bag.

 

2 x Always Infinity Pads. Because they are awesome. And handy. And I’ve had waaaaay too many it’s-been-three-weeks-already?! moments.

 

1 x Motrin. Life is too long NOT to carry painkillers in your handbag.

 

1 x Keys. Without my keys I can’t leave the house, access my desk at work to do my job or…actually I have no idea what the third set of keys is for. Maybe The Canadian One’s friend’s old apartment?…So I guess without my keys I can’t randomly break into someone I don’t know’s apartment. Or should that be someone I’ve not met yet?

 

1 x Tissue. I’m actually surprised that was still in my bag. Usually Louie is all over my bag and pulls the tissue out.

 

And finally,

 

1 x Transit Pass. I don’t drive.

 

Not pictured: My phone (being used to take the picture), my ID badge for work (for obvious reasons) and my Kindle (which is charging).

 

How about you? What’s in your handbag? Hit up the comments below and lemme know!

 

Categories
Canada comedy entertainment funny humor

Adults playing Monopoly (Game Night No. 3)

Monopoly
Monopoly (Photo credit: Mike_fleming)

I’ve never finished a game of Monopoly. Not once. Not ever. I’ve not even ever come close to finishing a game, since most games have ended in crossed arms, pouted faces and claims of ‘that’s not how you play!’ and ‘NO, you can’t trade a beer for the Water Works!!’.

Last weekend, we headed off to The Canadian One’s friend’s house to have a few drinks and play a few board games like civilized adults. Due to an overwhelming vote of no Killer Bunnies (dammit!), South Park Monopoly won out and we soon found ourselves wondering if the game will actually end or will it be another one of those times The Canadian One and his friends find the game has come to an abrupt halt with a hockey puck being thrown into a wall / a person being thrown into a wall / an adult-sized tantrum being thrown, delete as appropriate.

We started off slowly. There were the usual Monopoly related problems such as:

‘Do we play house-rules or follow the book?’

‘Do we put the money from Community Chest in the middle and get it when we land on Free Parking or no?’

Tradesies allowed for beer and favors?’ It was important to establish that right at the start. It was voted ‘no’ but I later traded The Canadian One one of my red properties for a glass of water, a vodka and orange, one of his blue properties and some cash.

‘Is buying allowed after you’ve gone around the board once or right now?’

Monopoly
Monopoly (Photo credit: urbanwide)

And then, since some at the table don’t watch South Park, there were the less traditional questions of:

‘Who’s Butters? I don’t know who he is.’

‘Wait, who am I again?’

‘We have two Kyles? Someone needs to change.’

‘Wait, I got moved. I’m Kyle. Someone moved me!’

‘Who’s the SD card?’

‘Ah, Chef. I know who he is. He sings all those racist songs.’

‘I don’t know who Butters is!!’ ‘You wanna be my engagement ring instead?’

As some points in the game, as there were six of us playing, there were long lags between turns and I felt like bursting into some:

It is the game that never ends,

It just goes on and on my friends,

Some people started playing it not knowing what it was,

And they’ll continue playing it forever just because,

It is the game that never ends,

It just goes on and on my friends…

Until it ended.

And it ended in the spectacularly traditional way of accusations of cheating, money stealing, swearing,

Monopoly
Monopoly (Photo credit: Mike_fleming)

name calling and threats of ‘I’ll flip this board, I’ll flip it right now!’. A quick toss of some money into the pile on the board and the game was done.

I won.

I’m kidding.

No one won. We’re adults who fight over Monopoly, none of us deserved to win.

The last time I played Monopoly was at home in my mother’s house at Christmas in Ireland. The Canadian One and I were visiting and my brother and I decided to break out the Monopoly game. My mother, brother, Canadian One and I all sat down for a game and a drink. Two hours later, with no clear winners in sight, my mother making up her own rules and me stealing money from The Canadian One while he wasn’t watching, the game ended in a four-way tie.

Although my mother will probably swear she won.

Like mother, like daughter, eh?

Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? What other games have you had end in craziness?

Categories
Apps comedy funny humor random

Getting Appy: Carrot

So, I love apps. I adore them. And I collect them in the same way I used to collect POGS, for no reason other than some are awesome and some are not and some are shiny and pretty and some most are useless. I have way too many and have been trying recently to whittle them down to a select few.

Here’s one of my favorites: Carrot.

promobanner

I also love lists. I just love them. Shopping lists. To-Do lists. To Write lists. Gift lists. Cards lists. Lists of Lists to Make. If it were a choice between making a list and eating a Dorito…no, bad example…eating a cookie, I would pick making a list. I’m not that fond of cookies.

Among the many to-do list apps I have on my phone, this is by far my favorite. For one very unique reason, it freaks me out when I’m being lazy…but also rewards me when I’m good.

I’m now thinking about Doritos. This is probably why I never get any tasks done.

From the brain of Brian Mueller, basically, you create your own to-do list and as you check off items it rewards you.

With. A. Kitten. And who doesn’t like a kitten?

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And when I’m not productive, it hurts my kitten!!

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I didn’t name him. And I haven’t reached the level where I’m allowed to rename him yet. Although, if I want, for 99cents I can buy him a pirate outfit. No, seriously.

Carrot also becomes disappointed when I abandon it for long periods of time:

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But when I’m good, and complete things, it rewards me again, with a self-portrait of myself:

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And then when I ignore it, it starts texting me. A lot.

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Download it in the iTunes store today. Now! Do it! And report back how Carrot has punished you for being lazy.

Categories
Cooking food

Egg-Cellent Breakfast Muffins (Or Crustless Quiche Muffins)

Egg-Cellent Breakfast Muffins

So I’d been searching for a quick and easy breakfast recipe for The Canadian One to just grab and go in the mornings. As a diabetic, his sugars are occasionally high in the morning but that doesn’t mean that he’s not hungry. Normal muffins were out, too many carbs. Toast, eggs, anything like that, took too long to cook. He gets up at 5am for work, he needed something quick, easy, healthy and something he could literally just grab and go. And thus, I stumbled upon a recipe for egg muffins and they are awwweeeesome!

Adapted from Taste of Home’s Scrambled Egg Muffins

Egg-Cellent Breakfast Muffins (makes 6-7) 

6 eggs

1/2 cup of onion, finely chopped

1 heaped cup of grated cheese – I used marble cheese the first time and a mixture of marble and mozzarella the second time.

Pinch of salt and pepper

Add 1 mixed cup of filling of choice:

Chopped bell pepper

Diced cooked Italian sausage

Mushrooms

Diced cooked potatoes

Grated zucchini

Finely chopped chili or japaleno pepper

Sweetcorn

Spinach

Bacon

Ham

Chopped tomatoes

Shredded chicken / beef / pork

Optional (pick one or two to taste): 

1/4 tsp garlic powder

1/4 tsp chili powder

1/4 tsp Inca Fire Salt

1/4 tsp curry powder

1/4 Italian Seasoning

MUFFIN!

  1. Preheat oven to 350F.
  2. Whisk eggs in large bowl. Add seasonings. Whisk about a bit.
  3. Add the cup of filling. Stir about until well mixed.
  4. Add cheese. Mix mix mix.
  5. Spoon into muffin cups filling each about 2/3’s full.
  6. Bake for 20-25 minutes. Check on them after about 23 minutes though. You don’t want these babies drying out.
  7. Serve hot or cold. To reheat, put in microwave for 30 seconds. I take them to work for lunch. They survive in the fridge about three days.

For more recipes, check out our recipes page.

Categories
comedy funny humor Photography

I made my first EVER pumpkin….

After a false start last week in which we bought a pumpkin, then it became soft and we had to buy a new, The Canadian One finally managed to get around to teaching me the ways of the pumpkin.

The Start of the Pumpkin
The Start of the Pumpkin

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Making the first cut
Making the first cut
Louie comes to see what was going on
Louie comes to see what was going on

IMG_9375

Ewwwwwww
Ewwwwwww

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Making my first EVER pumpkin cut!
Making my first EVER pumpkin cut!
Louie's still curious
Louie’s still curious

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Categories
Cat Week funny humor

This week, last year, was CAT WEEK!!!

Does anyone else remember cat week? This week, last year, was CAT WEEK!

CAT. WEEK.

A week filled with all things CAT ‘cos God knows, there’s nothing the internet loves more than cats.

And David Hasselhoff.

No, I don’t get it either.

Last year, I had no cat. Now I have a cat and every day is like frikkin cat week. He’s recently learned how to sleep in the bedroom at night-time without waking me up, paws on either side of my face, licking my lip and meowing at me.

Now, when I saw recently, I mean Friday. The Friday just gone. Today is Monday.

It was weird but he’s past the face licking, hair chomping, random pouncing stage and onto the scaring the s*&t out of me stage.

The other night, I was home alone and the house was quiet. I walked into the bathroom and felt something caress my hand. I screamed and then turned to see Louie, sitting on the edge of the sink in the darkness, reaching out a paw to touch me.

Argh! Anyway, here he is doin‘ his cat stuff:

Playing with his favorite toy, the printer. He'll run from the other side of the house when he hears it!
Playing with his favorite toy, the printer. He’ll run from the other side of the house when he hears it!
Getting in on The Canadian One's birthday celebration. One popped. It was HILARIOUS!
Getting in on The Canadian One’s birthday celebration. One popped. It was HILARIOUS!
Hiding in the shopping
Hiding in the shopping
Inspecting the bathtub after a shower. His daily routine. Sometimes he comes in the shower with me. It's weird.
Inspecting the bathtub after a shower. His daily routine. Sometimes he comes in the shower with me. It’s weird.
Balancing above my head
Balancing above my head
Helping me write a novel
Helping me write a novel

Most Saturdays,  I get up before The Canadian One, open the bedroom door to let the cat in while I go make a smoothie and watch Castle and The Mentalist. When I come back, I’m always faced with this:

Morning One

Morning Two

We put a collar on him once...just once....
We put a collar on him once…just once….

He sleeps like a person and snores. Loudly.

IMG_9228 IMG_9099 IMG_8862

Doing what he does best...Sleep
Doing what he does best … sleep
Categories
Canada comedy entertainment humor

It’s here…The Snow…It’s finally here…

IMG_9295

So I wake up this morning to this text from a friend from work:

‘Did you look outside yet??’

I had not, although given that she had texted me I had assumed that my iPhone app was not incorrect and it had indeed snowed last night. Having spent some of my still-in-bed-yet-awake morning listening to the cat meowing loudly at the window for several minutes in sporadic bursts for about an hour, I had come to the conclusion that he’d spotted a fly / bird / fluff / a person walking half a mile away and was wanting freedom to give chase.

I was wrong.

I had also thought when my friend text me that it was just going to be a little snow. A small smattering of flakes here and there causing a fluffy white yet still specks of green visible on the ground.

I was wrong.

IMG_9307

My response to the text was immediate:

‘OMFG!’

I’d been obsessing about the snow coming for  a few weeks. In the form of ‘Winter is Coming‘ terror, it’s been almost three weeks since I busted out my hat and gloves to start wearing daily. When people were wearing flip-flops on the train, I was next to them in my fluffy Costco coat, blue hat and gloves. One day my supervisor at work told me it’d been snowing near where he lives, but I didn’t believe him. The Canadian One came home from band practice one afternoon to proclaim it was snowing, but I could see no evidence of such in the outside world.

I returned to waiting. Checking the weather each day at work. No snow. Hot weather. I began to wonder about the Chinooks, those mystical winds everyone told me about before I moved to Calgary.

‘Oh, you’re moving to Calgary? You’ll be fine, they have Chinooks.’ – said EVERY. CANADIAN. I. MET. IN. KOREA.

Was I in a big Chinook? Was this a Chinook?

Me: “How hot is it during Chinooks?”

Girl who sits next to me: “People wear t-shirts.”

Me: “Would I wear a t-shirt?”

Girl: “You’d probably take off your coat.”

People were wearing t-shirts and shorts on Thursday, I thought. Maybe it was exaggerated. Maybe there was no snow in October.

And then it happened.

The snow came.

Does anyone remember EXACTLY seven months ago (plus a day) when we moved here and it snowed and it was The Most Snow I’d Ever Seen?! This is almost the same amount of snow.

I posted a picture of this morning’s snow on Facebook and immediately got:

‘Oh no Jenny, your greatest fear realised.’ – My Irish Friend in Korea (the one with the Leprechaun baby!)

BUT alas, The Canadian One returned from Wal-Mart and announced that a) we needed to get our driver’s licenses and b) it’s not that cold outside and we should go outside and play. Quickly followed by him asking several times if I was sure I wanted to go outside and yes, I do need to wear gloves.

Before we ventured into the outside world
Before we ventured into the outside world, Louie’s obsession with paper alive and well in the background

IMG_9309 IMG_9311 IMG_9312

We made a snowman!
We made a snowman!
SNOW!
SNOW!

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We introduce Louie to the snow...he hates it!
We introduce Louie to the snow…he hates it!

Also this week, I survived my first six months at work (celebrating the six-month-mark with breaking a federal law), discovered Louie likes pom-poms and pipe cleaners, Nenshi is still mayor, I learned why one should never ever, not ever, not even once in their lifetime make caramel apples in the slow cooker and I decided no Nanowrimo for me this year. Well, maybe….

Any advice for an Irish girl’s first winter in Canada? Someone’s already suggested vodka…It’s top of the list of survival tactics so far!

Categories
Canada Cooking entertainment food humor random

My First Canadian Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Background
Thanksgiving Background (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So all week I’ve been battling a probably-not-pink-eye-but-definitely-some-kind-of-eye-infection in both eyes. Well, it started in one eye and then spread to the other. The girl who sits next to me at work had an eye infection and the girl on the other side of me threw up in the middle of the work day so really, there was no hope for me. After four days of pondering and wearing glasses (I hate wearing glasses), I relented and went to the pharmacy while The Canadian One was in the ER…different story, he’s fine. The pharmacist told me ‘it’s not pink eye but it’s some kinda infection so we’ll treat it like pink eye’.

Which in a roundabout way brings me to last Sunday, My First Canadian Thanksgiving. I’d spent most of my day Freezer Cooking while The Canadian One was at band practice.

photo (52)

In the evening, we headed off to dinner at The Canadian One’s co-worker’s house for a glorious Thanksgiving dinner. We met his co-worker’s lovely wife, fluffy dog (no seriously, I say fluffy but  what I actually mean is more-fluffy-than-anything-I’ve-ever-seen), his parents, his aunts, his uncle, his cousins and his adorable grandmother. This was the first time I’d met any of these people and opted to remember how they were related to each other as opposite to remembering their actual names.

His grandmother: “It’s easy to remember my name, everyone just calls me grandma.”

I’d spent some time googling Thanksgiving and learning what is traditional and what is not. Sitting down at the table after two glasses of wine with my mason jar of water, I surveyed the colorful table with glee. There was everything I’d read about online. Turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, gravy the color of apples (I didn’t understand it, our gravy in Ireland is brown but meh, it tasted great) and cranberry sauce. The sweet potatoes were mashed in a square dish with melted marshmallows on top and had a sugary taste. There was a small debate over calling them yams or sweet potatoes and I realized that a ‘yam’ and a ‘sweet potato’ are the same thing. Earlier in the day, I’d sent The Canadian One to Safeway with a list for my day’s Freezer Cooking bonanza and he came back with a yam and not a sweet potato. I’d made fun of him. I’d always though sweet potatoes were purple. Yams are white. Eggs here are white too. Canada’s weird.

Moving on.

The best part of the dinner was the pie and drinking water from mason jars. I’ll come back to the mason jar thing in a moment, lemme tell you about the pie. It was pumpkin pie. And ohhhh it was glorious. Soft and delicious, without an overabundance of ‘pumpkinness‘. I‘ve not have much experience with pumpkin. I’ve never carved a pumpkin. We don’t eat pumpkin at home. The only pie I’d ever eaten is apple (and blueberry, but that was only recently and because I’d baked it).

The stuffing is also worth an honorary mention. I maintain my grandmother made The Best Stuffing In The World, and I would bet you my cat that everyone else in the world thinks the same thing about their own grandmother’s stuffing, but this stuffing was pretty good too.

English: My own file, freely available
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On to the mason jars, living in Ireland, England and South Korea, I’d never come across a mason jar in my lifetime up until this summer in Wal-Mart. I saw all these jars in a crate for $10 (or something like that) and made The Canadian One buy them and carry them home. Throughout the summer I’ve been using them to store dry ingredients and random coins for the laundry machine. Some Splenda here, some baking soda there, a bunch of quarters in one jar, a couple of dollar coins in the other. Since my discovery of drinking from a mason jar, I’ve been using them as cocktail shakers, which seems like a natural progression from drinking water. My drink of choice: Lime Vodka: three shots of vodka, three shots of lime juice, a few ice cubes and fill the rest of the jar with water (about three more shotfuls), shake, shake, shake and pour into a small glass with ice. You should get three drinks out of it. In theory. I got two as the second time I went back to the fridge to pour my drink, I just stuck the straw in the mason jar and abandoned my glass.

On Monday, I had my second Thanksgiving dinner. I’m told it’s a usual thing to have two, one on the Sunday and one on the Monday. We hit up The Canadian One’s childhood-friends-we-lived-with-when-we-first-moved-here’s house to enjoy the second turkey coma of the weekend. I regaled stories from my first Thanksgiving the day before and asked if certain things were typically ‘Canadian’. There was no comparison between Sunday and Monday’s dinners. Both were unique and full of new and unusual yumminess. Monday’s featured a stuffing made from what looked like bread rolls of some kind (you know what, I’ll ask and report back), a pink beetroot and carrot side dish, purple cabbage, garlic mashed potatoes that were creamy and delicious with delicate hints of garlic as opposite to an overpowering taste I had expected when told they were garlic flavored, and a wonderful oh-my-god baked acorn squash with sugar and butter (only butter for The Canadian One).

Acorn squash
I Acorn squash (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The best part of the dinner was the acorn squash and the second pumpkin pie in 24 hours. This pumpkin pie was slightly different this time with a pecan topping and a slightly sweeter taste. I slid off as pecans are one of those nuts that remind me of beondegi (silkworm pupae, a popular snack in Korea I was once forced to try while out drinking with my friend’s not-a-date friend, his father and his father’s business associates…that in itself is a story for another day) and I just can’t eat them. By ‘can’t’, I mean ‘won’t’.

And the acorn squash. It was sugary like a dessert but eaten for dinner. Like. A. Dessert. But. Dinner.

As far as I know, it was just sugar, butter and squash baked in the oven. Maybe when I’m asking about the stuffing, I’ll ask about that too.

Just for you.

Also, as an add-on, I had my reservations about eating the beetroot. Lemme tell you why: a few months ago, I ate beetroot at a French dinner in South Korea (!) for the first time in five years and the following day my pee turned pink. I thought I was dying. That this was death. In the form of pink pee. To make a long story short, beetroot makes your pee pink. And vitamin B tablets make your pee bright day-glow yellow. And an antibiotic I was on once made my pee green. No s%*t, frikkin’ green!

Moving on.

Green!

Moving on for real.

Anyone else do anything interesting last weekend? What did you eat for Thanksgiving dinner? And what do you do with your mason jars?!

UPDATE 10/21: So, I got a text regarding the stuffing and the acorn squash. I was correct, the stuffing was made with sour dough bread (and kale…I did not guess kale) and the acorn squash is all butter and sugar goodness. Recipe: Half squash, bake for 40 minutes at 400F, add butter and brown sugar (or no sugar if you’re The Canadian One) and pop back into the oven until melted.

Categories
Cooking food recipes

Freezer Cooking: Part Two

photo 4

And so we come to my second (of probably many…unless I get lazy…MORE lazy I mean) batch of freezer cooking glory. Now, we covered a few of the basics in Part One. If you missed it and can’t be bothered to click the link, the words ‘Ziploc baggies’, ‘Sharpies’ and ‘freeze-flat’ all feature. This time ’round, I’ve got a few more recipes for you that I tested out over the course of two days.

The most important thing about freezer cooking is the prep. How many carrots do you need? How many onions? Do they need to be diced or sliced? How many chicken breasts? Do you have enough bowls to hold all the ingredients needed? You need to plan in advance.

photo 1

Believe me, there’s nothing more awesome than leaving the house at 7:30am and returning at 7:15pm to find dinner already made and almost on the table. To help facilitate this, I leave The Canadian One detailed instructions of the week ahead’s menu:

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Now, as you can see from the first few dishes I busted out below, I had found myself with a half a can of chickpeas in need of using up and an entire bag of lentils sitting on the shelf. I’ve also found that stews are my friend when it comes to freezer cooking. Over the course of two days, I prepped and / or cooked and froze / ate 38 meals.

For these, I cooked them and split them up into 2-people sized portions into medium-sized baggies:

  1. Mexican Lentil Stew (3 days)
  2. Chickpea and Spinach Stew (2 days)
  3. Indian-Spiced Lentils (2 days – This is a slow-cooker recipe I made on the stove instead) I omitted the mustard seed and used my trusty Silk Road curry powder instead of paste.
  4. Ground Beef Tacos (2 days)
  5. Indian Butter Chicken (1 day)
  6. Italian Sausage with Roasted Vegetables (1 day)
  7. Rich Beef Stew (2 days – this was waaaay too orangy and I won’t be making it again)
  8. Whole-Wheat Pizza with Hot Italian Sausage, Peppers and Onion (recipe coming soon – 2 days)

photo 3

For the next few, I prepped all the ingredients in large baggies and then tipped them into the slow-cooker the morning we planned to eat them, then ate one portion of it and froze the rest for another day.

  1. Slow-Cooker Sausage with Peppers and Basil – from ‘Crockpot: Diabetic Recipes‘ (4 days – I made this twice)
  2. Slow-Cooker Turkey Chili Macaroni – from ‘Crockpot: Diabetic Recipes‘ (2 days)
  3. Slow-Cooker Chicken and Sweet Potato Stew – from ‘Crockpot: Diabetic Recipes‘ (2 days)
  4. Slow-Cooker Vegetable Pasta Sauce – from ‘Crockpot: Diabetic Recipes‘ (3 days)
  5. Slow-Cooker Spicy Meatball and Pasta Stew – from ‘Complete Canadian Diabetes Cookbook‘ (3 days)
  6. Slow Cooker Pork Shoulder Roast with White Beans (2 days plus leftovers to pick at)
  7. Slow-Cooker Pantry Chicken Stew (I made it minus the mushrooms as mushrooms freak me out – 2 days)
  8. Slow-Cooker Pork Stew with Dumplings (I made it minus the dumpling, they don’t freak me out, I just didn’t want them – 2 days)
  9. Slow-Cooker Chunky Chicken Chili (3 days)

For lunch, I also made:

  1. Vegetable Pasta (recipe coming soon – 4 days)
  2. Carrot Soup (5 days)
  3. Vegetable Soup (5 days)
  4. Oven Fajitas (3 days)

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Also thrown in for fun was some smoothie prep. Small baggies full of one smoothie-worth of fruit, labelled and put at the front of the freezer. In the morning, just grab a baggie, tip it into the blender along with a cup of orange juice or any other juice you have knockin’ around the house and a tablespoon of plain yoghurt, whirr for a few seconds and enjoy.

This week’s smoothies:

  1. Strawberry, Banana, Yoghurt and Orange Juice
  2. Peanut Butter, Banana and Milk (you can add honey to this one too if you want)
  3. Melon, Pineapple, Yoghurt and Orange Juice

For more recipes, check out: 

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor random

I saw this…

I saw this during the week and thought OMG, magic! Well, not magic…but…no, no, I was right…It’s MAGIC!! If you own this / created this / are the person in the photo, get in touch, we’ll link you up!

photo (50)

Magic, right?!!

 

Categories
comedy funny humor internet random

Toy Story Vs The Walking Dead

Well, that’s a title I never thought I’d write…especially since I don’t actually watch The Walking Dead BUT The Canadian One does and I feel like I know enough about it to string together the storyline. The dude from Teachers is married to the chick from Prison Break, there are zombies and an annoying small kid named Carl. And a prison. And a governor. And zombies. And guns. And zombies. Right? His name is Carl, right? That’s the only name I know from that show. Unless Rick is Andrew Lincoln’s character’s name. I could be making that up though and I’m too lazy to Goolge. I’m sure someone will hit up the comments to correct / congratulate me.

Anywoo, I saw this and thought of you guys on this fine, sunny, apparently-last-day-of-warm-weather-here-in-Calgary, day.

walking dead v toy story

Categories
comedy entertainment humor internet random

Without A Doubt, THREE Of The BEST Ads I’ve EVER Seen!

Every once in a while, I come across an ad I just LOVE. It moves me, it makes me think, it elicits some kinda emotional response in me and then I promptly watch it 15 times on YouTube.

Below I’m sharing these three with you and before you start to watch, just a small disclaimer, neither I nor The Ketchup War is responsible for any tears that may be produced during the watching of these videos.

First up, an ad that would put any Hollywood movie to shame:

Next, proof that changing your words really will change your world:

And lastly, Go Guinness, Go Guinness:

What do you think? Got a different favorite? Link it below.

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor kids quotes

Watch Out For The Hedgehog: Chapter Five – On Grammar

hedgehog (4)

A serialistion of the popular Quote Friday book: Watch Out For The Hedgehog, four years of hilarious kids’ quotes from the ESL elementary school classroom in South Korea.

Chapter Five: On Grammar

While reviewing the present continuous, I point to a girl sitting at her desk.

Me: “What is she doing?”

Kid 1: “She is living.”

Kid 2: “Amy, look at teacher.”

Amy looks at me.

Kid 2: “She is looking at you!”

***

While teaching the present continuous, we were playing charades. As an example I acted out ‘dancing’:

Me: “What am I doing?”

Kid: “You are annoying.”

***

Me: “What’s the difference between ‘this’ and ‘that’?”

Kid: “One has an ‘s’…so spelling.”

***

Me: “What do you use a blender for?”

Kid 1: “Milkshake.”

Kid 2: “Strawberries.”

Kid 3: “Oh teacher, hamster!!!”

Me: “What?”

Kid 3: “Seriously, my neighbor. Hamster. Maaaaany blood teacher.”

***

Me: “OK, give me an example sentence of what scares you.”

Little Boy: “Women scare me.”

***

While teaching: ‘If you combine….you will get….’:

Kid: “If you combine blood and cheese, you will get strange food.”

***

While teaching ‘…is important for…’:

Kid’s example: “A badge is important for saving your life.”

Me: “Um….what?”

Kid: “If you are in a gun fight and you have a star badge, it can save your life.”

Followed by a demonstration of how if a bullet hits a badge, it can bounce off and not hurt you.

Long pause.

Me: “OK, I’ll allow it…but ONLY if you’re in a gun fight.”

***

While teaching the word ‘bother’:

Me: “Give me an example sentence using bother.”

Kid: “Teacher, you bother me by teaching me English.”

***

***

Kid: “What does ‘my tiny nipples went to France’ mean?”

While teaching: ‘If I could do anything tomorrow, I would _________ ‘:

My example sentence: “If I could do anything tomorrow, I would fly to the moon.”

Long pause.

Kid puts his hand up.

Kid: “But teacher, there’s swine flu.”

***

During a fill in the blanks question in the book:

Me: “I _____________ like my mother….What’s the answer? I….”

WHOLE CLASS: “DON’T!!”

Me: “Um….no…Try again…”

Kid: “No…wait…look….I look like my mother!”

Keep in mind; we’d been studying ‘look like’ for about a week!

***

While teaching ‘be good at..’:

Me: “What are you good at?”

Naughtiest (but smartest) kid in my class: “I’m good at making teacher angry.”

Girl: “I’m good at sleeping.”

Third Kid: “I’m good at doing this.” (he puts his head on the desk and looks bored…)

***

While teaching ‘escape plan’ in relation to fire safety:

Me: “What’s the escape plan for here?”

Kid 1:”Go out door, turn right, go down stairs, turn left, go outside.”

Me: “Good. And what’s the escape plan for your apartment?”

Kid 2: “I live on floor 21. I will just die.”

***

Me: “What can you do?”

Kid 1: “I can make CO2!”

Kid 2: “I can fix a TV. I can hit it!”

***

Me: “Give me a sentence with ‘trip’ in it.”

Kid 1: “Fell down, trip, same.”

Me: “No, a sentence.”

Kid 2: “Fell down is the same as trip.”

Pause.

Kid 2: “It’s a sentence!”

***

While learning ‘I used to’ with my grade fours:

Boy 1: “I used to hate math. Now, I like math.”

Me: “Really?”

Boy 2 sitting in front of him turns around, raises his eyebrows and stares at him skeptically…then shakes his head slowly.

Boy 1: “Yes, really.”

Me: “Ok, next?”

Boy 2: “I used to don’t like computer games. Now, I like computer games.”

Boy 1 jumps from his seat, pointing at Boy 2.

Boy 1: “LYING!!!! Him all the time like computer games. Lying, Teacher!”

***

I show my students a picture of earmuffs.

Me: “What is it?”

Kid 1: “Headphones…no…no wait a minute.”

Kid 2: “I don’t know.”

I write ‘earmuffs’ on the board.

Kid 3: “Earmuffins?”

Me: “Earmuffs.”

ALL: “Earmuffs.”

Kid 2: “Earsmurfs!!”

Me: “No no, earMUFFS.”

Kid 1: “Earsmurfs!!”

Me: “No, no…”

Kid 2: “I don’t like Smurfs. They’re blue and skin like a snail. And no clothes, Teacher. No clothes. Only hat and pants. Where do they poop???!! I don’t like them.”

Me: “Noooo, but they’re cute.”

Kid 2: “They are not cute. They are horrible. No clothes. I like Gargamel. He usually wears clothes.”

Kid 3: “I like his cat.”

Me: “Me too!”

Kid 2: “Teacher, it is disgusting. They have no clothes.”

Kid 1: “I like Pororo.”

Me: “He’s a penguin. He has no clothes.”

Kid 2: “But that’s OK. He’s cute. And when he take off his glasses and then, he’s more cute.”

Kid 3: “Earsmurfs!!”

Me: “EarMUFFS!!”

Kid 3: “Teacher, if you move ‘s’, it’s earsmuffs.”

Me: “What about the ‘r’?”

Kid 3: “No ‘r’.”

Me: “They’re SmuRfs not SMUFFS.”

Kid 3: “No, Smuffs.”

Me: “SMURFS!!”

Kid 3: “You’re wrong!”

Me: “I AM NOT! Everybody, EARMUFFS.”

ALL: “EARSMURFS!!”

***

While teaching, “I am……because I…….”:

Kid: “I am amazing because I learned earsmurfs!”

Me: “What the….NO!!!”

***

Me: “Who can make a sentence with ‘how much’ in it?”

Little boy (pointing at little girl next to him): “How much is it?”

***

Kid: “I no understand.”

I look at the book.

Me: “OK, so do you go walking?”

Kid: “Yes.”

Me: “Does your friend go walking?”

Kid YELLS across entire classroom: “LUCAS DO YOU GO WALKING???!!”

Lucas: “Yes.”

Kid (to me): “Yes.”

***

While studying ‘like’:

Me: “What does your mommy like?” (options on the page include a variation of fruits and vegetables)

Kid 1: “My mom likes money.”

Kid 2: “My mom doesn’t like dad.”

***

During a tick-the-boxes worksheet:

CD: ‘It’s warm in spring’

Choices a) A snowy picture or b) A spring picture.

Me: “What’s the answer?”

Kid 1: “B.”

Me: “And what’s the sentence?”

Pause

Kid 2: “IT’S B.”

I look at him.

Kid 2: “It’s a sentence!”

***

Two little boys are practicing sentences together.

Kid 1: “He goes go camping.”

Kid 2: “NO!”

Kid 1: “He goes go camping.”

Kid 2: “NOOOO!”

Kid 1: “It says!!! He goes go camping.”

Kid 2: “NO GO!! NOOOOO GOOOOOOO!!!”

Kid 1: “He goes…camping?”

Kid 2 exhales.

***

Me, while doing a unit on ‘should get’: “What should I get my brother for his birthday?”

Kid: “A girlfriend.”

***

While doing finish the sentence: ‘If I could do anything, I would…’

Kid: “Stay home.”

***

While teaching, ‘I wish I could…’:

Kid 1: “I wish I could fly a helicopter.”

Kid 2: “You no fly a helicopter! It’s dangerous!! You…ahhhhhhhh…”

Kid 3, lying on his desk: “I wish I could go home!!”

***

While telling me three things their partner would do:

Kid: “If she could do anything, she would hit Helen.”

Helen, the kid sitting in front of him turns around and stares at him.

Kid: “Really.”

Me: “What ELSE does your partner want to do?”

Kid: “If she could do anything, she would hit me.”

His partner nods.

Me: “And the third thing?”

Kid: “Only those two.”

***

Me: “What’s ‘I’ll never forget’ mean?”

Kid: “My head will never erase.”

***

While explaining ‘move away.’

Me: “Like if you moved from Seoul to Busan.”

Kid: “It’s 10 kilometers.”

Me: “No…No, it’s not.”

Kid: “Yes!”

Me: “No. It’s 87 kilometers to Cheonan.”

Kid: “No…really?”

Me: “Yeah, I lived there. I know how far it is.”

Kid: “10 kilometers to Busan.”

Me: “No.”

Kid: “No, by airplane.”

Me: “That…no, it’s still the same distance. Even by airplane.”

***

While teaching ‘I’m not __________ yet’:

Kid: “I’m not psycho yet.”

***

Watch Out For The Hedgehog, out now at Smashwords (for 50% off at Smashwords, use coupon code ‘HX78J’)Amazon Barnes & Noble and Kobo.

For more, check out:

Chapter One: On Love and Relationships

Chapter Two: On Historical Events

Chapter Three: On World Geography

Chapter Four: On Vocabulary 

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor

Ten Things About Living In Canada

People often ask me ‘what it’s like to move to Canada?’ and ‘is is any different to Ireland?’ and to them I respond with ‘yes, it is very different but it’s also very similar.’

The thing about moving to Korea was I expected things to be different. It’s a different language, different culture, different food, different hierarchy and social structure but with Canada, I had expected it to be pretty much the same as Ireland. Only colder, obviously. And with more snow. A lot more snow. I cannot stress enough how much snow I think we’re going to get. It’s like all the snow in the world…you know, I’ll stop there, there’s a high chance this post may just turn into you witnessing me freak out about the snow.

Moving on.

Some of the differences I have discovered so far:

English: 3 ring binder (opened)
English: 3 ring binder (opened) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1. Three Ring Binders

Why does it need three rings? In Ireland we have two. And our hole punching devices are smaller. Here they’re ginormous and heavy and expensive.

2. Cars Not Trying To Kill Me

This isn’t so much an Irish thing as a Korean thing but the cars stop here. Lemme tell you a story, my first two weeks here, I never went anywhere without The Canadian One. Then we both got jobs, but his started the week before mine. On his first day at work, I decided to venture to the local Sobeys in search of food. I came to a crossing that had two small turning lanes. To describe it in more detail for those who are thinking, ‘what?!’, there was a tiny turning road, small island of pavement, main road, small island of pavement and then another tiny turning road.

I stood and waited by the first tiny turning road for the lights to change for me to cross. A car slowed down. I didn’t cross. He kept driving. Another slowed then drove on, then another, then another and still I didn’t cross. I noticed all the cars were backing up into a small traffic jam when one of the guys in a pick-up truck rolls down his window and yells out: “Why don’t you cross now? Go on.”

He stopped and I crossed.

I didn’t realize the cars just stop for me all by themselves without any light situation happening.

Also, while we’re talking about the lights, a red hand and a white man are confusing.

Period.

English: Pisum sativum var. macrocarpum (snow ...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

3. The Language

For some reason, at work, people just don’t understand my name sometimes:

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling ***, my name is Jenny, how can I help you?”

Woman: “TENISHA?!”

Me: “No, Jenny.”

Woman: “Denny?!”

Me: “Jenny.”

Woman: “Oh…”

***

Me: “Thank you for calling ***. My name is Jenny, how can I help?”

Man: “Hello Sandy.”

***

Woman: “What’s your name? Debbie?”

Me: “Jenny.”

Woman: “Debbie?”

Me: “Jenny.”

Woman: “Debbie?”

Me: “JENNY!”

Woman: “I had a friend named Debbie.”

Me: “…That’s nice…”

***

There also differences in words I use versus words Canadians use:

Me: “We need clingfilm.”

The Canadian One: “What?”

Me: “Clingfilm. Like…it’s…you know, the plastic stuff, we put it on food, it sticks…clingfilm!!”

Him: “Ohhhh, Saran Wrap.”

Me: “That’s stupid. Mine makes more sense.”

***

Me, while discussing vegetables with The Canadian One: “You know we don’t call snow peas snow peas in Ireland. We call them mangetout.”

Him: “What?!”

***

There are others, like:

Black Sacks v Garbage Bags

Crazy Golf v Mini Golf

A Dollar v A Loonie

Two Dollars v A Toonie

ANY Fizzy Drink – Pop

Calgary v Cowtown

Beanie v Toque (I just flat out refuse to say that…)

Two Creams, Two Sugars at Tim Hortons v Double Double

Bathroom v Washroom

Zed v Zee

Police v Mountie (but not ALL police are called Mounties, just the actual Mounties, all the others are just called the police…)

Petrol v Gas

Ladybird v Ladybug

Me: “Louie is hunting a ladybird!”

The Canadian One: “You mean a ladybug? Was that a mistake or do you really call it that?”

Me: “It’s a ladybird!”

The Canadian One: “Ours makes more sense.”

Electricity v Hydro (this one took me a while to figure out but I managed to avoid asking anyone, I just kinda got it from context)

Canadian Revenue Agency was another one I didn’t get.

Lady: “I’d like to pay my CRA bill.”

Me: “I don’t know what that is. What’s CRA?”

Lady: “Like, my taxes.”

Pause.

Me :”Ohhh, I’m not Canadian, sorry, I didn’t know what that was.”

Lady: “Ohhhh, I would be like the IRS in America.”

Me: “I’m not American.”

Lady: “Well, I’m sure they have something like that where you’re from.”

And then she went on to explain in more detail about the CRA. I didn’t have the heart to tell her in Ireland we don’t submit our taxes like they do here. It’s a whole new concept for me. I once had the British government send me a cheque to Ireland for $12 because they owed me tax. I had no idea. In Ireland and the UK, it’s automatic. We don’t touch it. It’s all done for us. Here, well, here I’m gonna have to hire someone cos really, I just have no idea what I’m doing. I’m not even sure when the tax year ends!

A Cisco 7960G IP telephone
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

4. The Phone Number Situation

When I first started work, three weeks after getting to Canada, I didn’t realize that to call out of my own city, I needed to dial long distance. Neither, it turns out, did my trainer realize it would be important to teach me this information.

Me, while trying to dial a number on the screen: “How do you dial not Calgary?”

My Trainer: “Dial 9.”

Me: “I know but how do I dial the number?”

Her: “You press 9 then the number.”

Me: “No, not Calgary.”

My Trainer looks confused.

Me: “How do I dial this number? 416?”

Her: “You dial 9 then 1 then the number…”

She pauses.

Her: “OOhhhhh yeah, you’re not from Canada. For long distance, you dial 1…sorry! I forget you’re not from here!”

***

I read out a number to a customer. After I hang up the phone, my trainer comes up to me.

Her, really awkwardly: “In Canada or North America rather, when we read out a phone number, we usually read it 3 numbers, 3 then 4. To sound more Canadian…you…should read it out like that.”

***

Me, later to The Canadian One: “Do Canadian’s really read out numbers 3-3-4?”

Him: “Yes. Why, how were you reading it out?”

Me: “In blocks of two.”

***

Blank map of Ireland
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

5. Some People Have No Idea Where I’m From

Woman: “You don’t sound like you’re from PEI.”

Me: “No, I’m Irish.”

Pause.

Me: “From Ireland.”

Pause.

Me: “The country.”

***

Me: “I’m from Ireland.”

Girl: “Oh, Texas?”

Me: “…No…”

***

6. The Obsession with Tim Hortons

I don’t get it. I. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

7. People Are Really Nice

I’d heard, before moving here, that people were really nice in Canada. Really friendly and open. When I got here and realised that was true, I immediately became suspicious that the nice people were secretly out to get me. So far so good but I’m still on-guard.

8. People On Public Transport Are Weird All Around The World

train station
(Photo credit: nolifebeforecoffee)

It doesn’t matter where I’ve been to, what mode of transportation I’m on, or what language anyone is speaking, there will always be at least one person on every train/plane/bus that is just plain freaky.

Like the Korean man that does yoga on my train in the mornings.

The Vietnamese man that gets on and yells at other commuters for the full three stops it takes for him to get to his destination. Every. Day.

The woman who sat near me, opened a can of spaghetti (and not a pull-ring type either), pulled out a metal fork and ate it all.

The man who sat opposite me while he and his wife shared a yogurt with their fingers and then threw the empty carton on the floor.

A man who sat next to a guy in front of me with a hot dog and told him how much he liked his (the other passenger’s) hot dog.

The guy who sat in front of me, turned in his seat and stared directly at me for the entire 10 minute train ride.

The time The Canadian One had to get off the train and fill in a witness statement about a punch-up he witnessed between a group of kids and an old man who started on them.

9. Complaining

I find I’m more willing to complain a lot more to companies about their behavior here. Maybe it’s because I expect more of a customer service experience from them or maybe it’s because they just don’t do what they say they will and when I know I’m right I make sure I tell them!

For example, last week, I read that if we bought 100 Aviva Strips for The Canadian One’s diabetic monitor, we’d get 150 Airmile points and a free monitor…and I would in turn be able to use those points to claim my free year’s subscription to Reader’s Digest, my ultimate goal.

Off he went with his Airmiles card, Safeway card and shopping list.

He returns with 21 Airmiles, no monitor and 100 Aviva Strips.

The following day, I send him back down to show them the flyer and claim our points.

They tell him he needs to BUY the monitor AND the strips to get the points.

BUY the monitor?

BUY the FREE monitor?!

I called their customer service HQ after failing to come to an agreement with the store’s customer service.

Customer service HQ called the store, then called me back to tell me it was on a different brand. I responded with “No no, that is also a promotion. MY promotion I’M referring to is underneath that promotion on the same page.” The guy called the store again then called me back to tell me I was correct and I’ve to go back down to the store and claim my free monitor and 150 points.

Off The Canadian One went and back he came triumphant with 161 Airmile points and a free monitor.

Other examples of companies that annoyed me:

Brita – who sent me a $10 voucher as the Brita jug we bought was faulty and kept spilling water everywhere.

P&G – who sent me a free razor and other assorted goodies after my experience of buying a faulty razor from them that I couldn’t return to the store.

10. Points Cards mean Free Sh*t

English: I, Myke Waddy took this photo, Edmont...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In Korea, they love love LOVE their points cards but they’re all in Korean and we couldn’t take advantage of them. Here, however, I’m all over this points card situation. I collect Airmiles, Starbucks stars, Plum Rewards, Shopper’s Optimum points, Sobey’s points, whatever it is that Safeway have a card for and Scene points. I like free stuff and Canada is the LAND of free stuff.

As a side note, The Canadian One says my job is also all about free stuff and is kinda like a Kindergarten. We get Ice Cream Days when we have bad weeks, they give us free coffee throughout the day (a new initiative), points when were are good that we can use to buy things with from a catalogue (The Canadian One tells me it’s akin to giving stars to young children), we have things like Pizza Friday or BBQ Day, we go on field trips to mini golf and get prizes for just showing up (a $25 gift card for a mall!) and there’s a person who dresses as a fluffy bear and hands out gifts each month.

Ok, when you look at it like that, he may be correct…but I still stand by my ‘cling film’ word. As The Canadian One says, sometimes words in British English are just more literal…and make a lot more sense.

The Canadian One, having proofread this article: “A punch-up? Is that a fight? You should add that to your list too.”

Categories
Cooking food recipes

Red Lentil Curry Soup

photo (50)

Words cannot describe how much I love this soup! I love soup. I love all soup. Except mushroom. I don’t like mushrooms. I think they taste like slugs. Well, what I imagine slugs to taste like. I’ve never eaten slugs. Maybe they taste much nicer than mushrooms. I’ll update you if I ever find out.

At work, I eat soup almost daily. I have a 15 minute break at 11:30am so I always heat up 2 cups of soup and bask in the warming goodness. There’s a problem with the air conditioning at work whereby in the mornings it hot and then it cools down and then it’s freezing…and then you go outside and it’s super-hot. It’s a conundrum. Plus, talking on the phones all day can leave your throat a little dry so I find a little spot of soup for my midday break is just what I need.

Red Lentil Curry Soup

2 cups of red lentils, washed and picked over

2 cups of chopped tomatoes and juice. (I usually just dump an entire can in, I’m lazy)

3 cloves of garlic, crushed

3 cups of chicken broth

2 carrots, chopped (technically I just threw these in because I had them in the fridge and needed to use them up but they worked)

1 onion, diced

2 tbs of tomato puree

1 tbs of butter

2 1/2 to 3 tbs of curry powder (or less if you don’t like hot curries). I used Yellow Curry Powder – Medium by The Silk Road Spice Merchant.

1/2 tsp ginger

1/2 tsp ground coriander

1/2 tsp turmeric

A pinch of cayenne pepper (or to taste)

1 can of light coconut milk

Ground cilantro for garnish

Salt and pepper to taste

1. Melt butter in a pot. Add onions and garlic and saute until translucent, maybe three minutes.

2. Add all other ingredients except coconut milk to pot. Bring to boil, turn to low and simmer with lid on for 40 minutes.

3. Stir in coconut milk keeping heat at low. Allow to simmer for 20 minutes. Stirring every so often.

4. Serve garnished with cilantro and enjoy the yumminess.

Find more great recipes on Ketchup Kitchen

Categories
funny humor kids quotes South Korea

Watch Out For The Hedgehog – Chapter Four: On Vocabulary

hedgehog (4)

A serialistion of the popular Quote Friday book: Watch Out For The Hedgehog, four years of hilarious kids’ quotes from the ESL elementary school classroom in South Korea.

Chapter Four: On Vocabulary

Almost every day, the kids learn six new vocabulary words. In the next class, we usually review them.

Me: “What’s different about ‘church’ and ‘Buddhist temple’?”

Kid: “Temple they have shiny heads.”

***

Me: “What’s ‘back to life’?”

Kid: “Zombies.”

Me: “No, zombies are dead.”

Kid: “Teacher, they have an onion allergy!”

***

Me: “What are eyebrows?”

Kid: “People’s eye fur.”

***

Me: “What’s a zookeeper?”

Kid: “The keeper of the zoo.”

***

One of my classrooms has the electrical box in it and recently a timer has been fitted to it. Walked into class to see all my students crowded around it, staring.

Kid: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a timer. It goes to a certain time and then the lights go out.”

Kid: “Like a bomb?”

Me: “No, it just shuts off the electricity.”

Kid: “Like a bomb.”

Me: “No, it’s a timer.”

50 minutes later: Kid: “Teacher, the bomb says class is over.”

***

Me: “Give me a sentence with ‘require’ in it.”

Kid: “Teacher, in a love letter, man writes to woman, I require you.”

***

Me: “Give me an example sentence with ‘suddenly’ in it.”

Kid: “Suddenly I died.”

***

Me: “What lives in the sea?”

Kid: “A corrupt official.”

***

I asked my class what is ‘dark’. One student stood up, all excited and proceeded to explain the word dark using very animated hand gestures and random English words. He made no sense but I could tell he knew what it meant. His friend calmly raised his hand. I looked at him and he leaned over to the light switch next to him, knocked off the light…and then looked at his friend.

***

Me: “What’s shiny?”

Kid 1: “Diamonds.”

Kid 2: “Ring.”

Kid 3: “Silver.”

Kid 4: “Gold.”

Kid 5: “IRONMAN!!!”

***

Me: “What do you call a child with no parents?”

Kid: “Irish?”

Me: “Um…no. I’m Irish.”

Kid: “No, Colin’s Irish.” (The other foreign teacher at the school)

Me: “No, I’m Irish too.”

Kid stares and shakes his head.

***

Me, to my 7 year olds: “What’s the sun?”

Kid: “It’s the yellow ball in the sky that heats the earth”

***

While teaching the smartest two kids, both 12, in the school in an extra class.

Me: “What kind of things does a designer design?”

AT THE SAME TIME: Boy: “Dresses.” Girl: “Cars!”

Me: “Huh, I woulda thought it’d be the other way around.”

Girl, while laughing: “Yes, I should say dresses and he should say cars.”

***

Me: “What’s a chef?”

Kid: “The restaurant king.”

***

BEST definition of sheep from my student:

Kid: “It’s like a cotton bug….”

PAUSE

Kid: “Baaaaaaaaa.”

And then he drew a picture for me.

***

Me: “Give me a sentence with ‘create’ in it.”

8-year-old kid: “My mother created me.”

***

Me: “What is ‘soup’?”

8-year-old kid: “Andy Warhol likes soup.”

***

Me: “What’s a ‘tail’?”

Kid: “A dog’s antenna.”

***

During the Thierry Henry cheating in the World Cup qualifying playoffs scandal:

Me: “What is ‘cunning’?”

Kid, without missing a beat: “Henry.”

***

Me: “Name something that holds over a liter of liquid.”

Kid: “A person.”

Me: “What? Liquid.”

Kid: “Their blood.” – my seven-year-old student during a math class.

***

Me: “Give me a sentence with ‘hide’ in it.”

Kid: “I hide my panties.”

***

Me: “Give me a sentence with ’empty’ in it.”

Kid: “My head empty.”

And then he stares at the wall looking stoned for a minute.

***

Me: “What’s ‘addition’?”

Kid: “Add…plus i-t-i-o-n.”

Me: “No.”

Kid: “IT’S TRUE!!”

Me: “Well, yes, but not the answer I want.”

Kid: “Give me a point please.”

Me: “No!”

***

Me: “What does ‘adult’ mean?”

Kid 1: “Butterfly.”

Kid 2: “Wing.”

Kid 3: “Blue.”

Me: “Ummm, no. I’m an adult.”

Kid 1: “Ohhh, old.”

Me: “What?”

Kid 2: “Young, very very young….can I have a point?”

***

Me: “What’s a campfire?”

Kid: “Ou ou, teacher, people drink the many alcohol and do the crazy singing.”

***

Me, teaching the word ‘sew’: “Sew.”

Kid 1: “Teacher, movie, Sew…”

Me: “Ummm…you mean Saw?”

Kid 2: “Yes teacher, Jigsaw, very cute, little red paint on face, very cute.”

***

Me: “What’s a ‘buffalo’?”

Kid: “We eat them. At Outback. Buffalo wings. Very delicious.”

***

Me: “What has four pairs of wheels?”

Kid: “A transformer.”

***

Having just learned the word ‘tasty’ little boy points at little girl next to him and says: “You are not tasty.”

***

Me: “What’s a ‘broom’?”

Kid: “A small car.”

Me: “What? No.”

Kid: “YES!! Small car, broom-broom!”

***

Me: “What’s a word starting with ‘f’?”

Kid: “F**k.”

PAUSE

Me: “Well, yes, but I can’t write that down on the board…Next?”

***

Me: “What’s a ‘bouquet’?”

Kid: “When a man and woman love, they wedding and woman throw bouquet at her friends and one friend will catch and the next year friend will wedding.”

Me: “Um…yes, or it’s a bunch of flowers.”

***

Me: “What’s a ‘principal’?”

Kid: “School king.”

Me: “Right, so do you like your principal?”

Kid: “No.”

Me: “Why not?”

Kid: “He has a shiny head.”

Me: “You mean he has no hair?”

Kid: “Yes, and his head, shiny!!”

***

Me: “What is ‘run-down’?”

Kid: “It’s when you run and fall down. Runnnnnnn…..then downnnnnn. Run down.”

This was accompanied by him acting out his fingers running and falling off the desk. Totally not the right answer but an amusing two minutes of class anyway!

***

While reviewing community jobs (police officer/firefighter/etc):

Me: “Who do we ask for help if we are lost?”

Kid: “Car navigation.”

***

Me: “Name a community job. A job that helps the community.”

Kid: “Hof house master!!!”

Pause.

Me: “A barman.”

***

Me: “What floats on water?”

Kid 1: “Juice!”

Me: “Ummm, no….actually I don’t know…but I’m gonna say no. Anything else?”

Kid 2: “Poseidon!!”

Me: “The ship?”

Kid 2: “No, king of the sea!!!”

Me: “I don’t think he floats.”

Kid 2: “HE’S THE KING!!”

***

Studying the environment:

Me: “What’s ‘glass’?”

Kid 1: “A wine bottle!”

Me: “OK, what’s metal?”

Same kid: “Terminator!”

Kid 2: “A transformer!!!”

Kid 3: “That thing from Alien.”

Me: “Ok, I’ll also accept ‘a car'”

Whole class: “Oohhhhhhhh yeah!”

***

We’re studying town buildings / places.

Me: “What’s a ‘post office’?”

Little Girl: “Love letter!”

Me: “OK, what’s a ‘park’? ”

Little Girl: “Couples walk!”

***

Me: “What’s ‘rent’?”

Nothing.

Me: “OK, for example, Chris, I will rent your pencil for this class for $2.”

Chris: (shaking his head and moving the pencil away from the edge of his desk) “No.”

Me: “No, no, I won’t keep the pencil. I’ll give you $2 and I’ll borrow your pencil for one class.”

Chris: “No, give me $5.”

***

Me: “Name something yellow.”

Kid: “A color.”

***

I draw a mitten on the board.

Me: “What’s this?”

Little Girl: “A hand jacket.”

***

While doing listen and repeat:

Me: “Wound.”

Class: “Wound.”

Me: “Bleeding.”

Class: “Bleeding.”

Me: “Sawdust.”

Class: “Sawdust!”

I drop the open-topped board marker. It bounces off my skirt and lands on the floor.

Me: “Oh shi…” (and I stop before I finish the swear word)

Class: “Ocean!”

Me: “Ummm…”

***

Me: “Name something blue.”

Kid: “Blue paint.”

***

I draw a feather on the board.

Kid: “Ou, koala candy!!”

I point at the feather.

Me: “That’s a feather.”

I draw a leaf.

Me: “That’s a leaf.”

Kid shakes his head.

Kid: “Same.”

***

Kid: “What is it?”

Me: “A hoodie.”

Kid: “Why?”

Me: “Why is it called a hoodie? Because it has a hood, I guess.”

Kid: “No, really why??”

Me: “I think that’s why.”

Kid: “Ask Google!”

***

Me: “What’s made of glass?”

Kid: “A smartphone screen.”

***

Me: “What’s the difference between a library and a bookstore?”

Kid: “The name.”

***

Me: “Name an actor.”

Kid: “Megamind.”

***

I taught a movie scriptwriting class to some teenage Italian students one year during summer school. While working on their scripts, one of the boys asked:

Kid: “Teacher, Viagra in English is what?”

Me: “Viagra.”

Kid: “Ahhh, good. How do you spell?”

Me: “Why?”

Kid: “My story, baby eat the Viagra and become ninja and kill people.”

Pause

Me: “V-I-A-G-R-A.”

***

Kid: “How do you spell transsexual?”

Unfortunately this conversation took place in the Teacher’s Room later:

Me: “Transsexual has just one ‘s’, right?”

Other Teacher: “No, two, why?”

Me: “Dammit!”

Other Teacher: “You spelled it wrong, didn’t you? You know the rules, teach it wrong, you gotta reteach it the next class!”

***

Kid, in response to what happens next in the soap opera picture: “I think priest make girl pregnant and she….um….what’s….no baby….um….oh, abortion!”

***

Me (teaching them the word ‘fancy’): “Fancy.”

All: “FANCY.”

One little boy: “Teacher! Alex say PANTIE!!!”

***

Me: “What’s ‘grass’?”

Kid: “If you have the many money and the big house, you have many grass.”

***

Me: “What’s a baby frog called?”

Kid: “A snake!”

***

Me: “What’s an animal doctor called?”

Kid: “A vacation…no….wait….”

***

Me: “What’s a vegetable?”

Little boy: “I don’t like vegetables.”

Little boy next to him: “I don’t like YOU.”

***

Me: “What’s ‘skipping’?”

Entire class, breaking into The Smurfs theme song: “La la la la la la la la la la la!!”

Me: “What? That’s The Smurfs! Skipping is this.”

I skip across the classroom.

Kid: “Yes, you look like a Smurf.”

Me: “Did you just call me a Smurf?”

Kid: “Yes, look.”

He gets up and skips across the classroom just like I did.

Kid: “See, like a Smurf.”

I look unconvinced.

Kid: “I’ll do one more time.”

He does.

Kid: “See. A Smurf.”

***

Me: “Do you have a pet?”

Kid: “No. My friend have hamster but it die. It live on veranda and cold and die.”

Sad but really, all I could think was, ‘how do you know the word veranda?!!’

***

Me: “What can you do in winter?”

Kid 1: “Ohhhh ummmmm teacher….ummmm….it….snow….and ummm….ohhhhhhh play…..um…….snow……..SNOW SURVIVOR!!!”

Kid 2: (looking at her friend) “Snowfight.”

***

While teaching hobbies:

Me: “What would you like to collect?”

Kid: “Money.”

***

While trying to help another kid spell ‘quiet’, the kid writes a ‘p’ on the board.

Kid 2: “No, NO!! Q!!! Q!!!! No P!!! Q….it’s P’s friend!!”

***

I draw a fat person and a thin person on the board.

Kid: “A SNOOOOW PERSON!!”

***

From a written task, describing her friend: ‘She likes brutal.’

Me: “She likes brutal? What?”

Kid mimes killing and stabbing.

Me: “Oh, violence….v-i-o-l-e-n-c-e.”

***

Kid: “My school teacher called me…um….Goguma….It’s potato’s brother.”

Me: “Goguma? That’s a sweet potato. Your school teacher called you a sweet potato?!”

Kid: “He said I am sweet potato!”

Me: “Why?”

Kid: “I DON’T KNOW!!”

***

Kid 1: “Teacher, how do spell crocodile?”

Me: “C-R-O-C-O-D-I-L-E.”

Kid 2: “SLOWLY!!!!!”

Kid 1: “C-R-O-C-O-D-I-L-E!!”

***

My grade two student and I have communication issues.

Kid: “Zebra spelling?”

Me: “Zed-E-B-R-A.”

Kid looks at me for a moment.

Kid: “Zed? Like Zee? Same?”

Me: “Yes.”

***

Kid 1: “How do you spell crab?”

Me: “Crab?”

Kid 1: “No, crab.”

Me: “Crab?” (doing an impression of a crab)

Kid 1: “NO, CRAB!!!”

Me: “Crab???”

Kid 2 looks over at Kid 1′s book.

Kid 2: “Giraffe.”

Kid 1: “Oh, yes, giraffe. How do you spell giraffe?”

5 minutes later:

Kid 1: “How do you spell crab?”

Me: “Crab?” (doing the same impression of a crab)

Kid 1: “Yes.”

***

Kid: “Is b-boy a job?”

***

Me: “Name a job.”

Kid: “Mayor!!”

***

Kid: “How do you spell TV?”

Kid next to him: “TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!”

***

Me: “What makes you relaxed?” (question in the book)

Kid: “Studying English makes me relaxed.”

Me: “Really?…”

Kid: “Yes, it’s very fun.”

***

Me: “What’s an adult?”

Kid: “A big human.”

***

I draw a window on the board.

Kid: “Ou, Denmark!”

***

Me: “What’s a mystery?”

Kid: “How to make a baby.”

***

Me: “Who made the pyramids?”

Kid: “Aliens. Aliens built pyramids.”

***

After explaining to my grade ones what ‘son’ means.

One little boy: “I have a son.”

Me: “No, you don’t.”

Boy: “YES, I DO!”

And then he mimics rocking a baby.

***

While explaining what ‘shelf’ is to my grade ones, a kid starts shaking his head.

Kid 1: “No. No no no.”

Kid 2: “Yes.”

Kid 1: “No!”

They hold a brief discussion in Korean with the first little kid pointing at my scarf and yelling, “JENNY TEACHER, LOOK!!” at the other kid.

Kid 2: “NO! SCARF!!!”

Kid 1 looks at me.

Me: “He’s right, this is a scarf.”

***

I’m explaining ‘roll over’ to my students. They all nod.

One smart-alec little kid: “I can’t understand…Do.”

***

Me: “What’s a vegetable?”

Kid: “Obama.” (and he KNOWS what a ‘vegetable’ is)

***

Me: “What’s a desert?”

Kid: “The sand land!!!”

***

Me: “What’s a pyramid?”

Kid: “Egypt king die house.”

***

On the day it was reported that the rain contained radioactive materials and you shouldn’t touch it.

Kid: “Teacher teacher, water, rain, touch, me die.”

Me: “Um, no.”

Kid: “REALLY?!! I die!!”

***

In the middle of repeating vocabulary:

Kid: “Teacher, I’m hungry.”

Me: “That’s nice. I don’t care.”

Kid: “You don’t have food??”

Me: “I’m not giving you food!”

Suddenly, a piece of candy hits him on the side of the head. We all turn to see one little boy has thrown a candy at him. The kid picks it up and throws it back at kid 2. I take it away from them both and put it on my desk.

Kid 2 has a funny look on his face. I look at him, quizzically. He lifts his hand to reveal a second candy, smiles and then bursts out laughing.

***

Me: “What’s ‘back to life’?”

Kid 1: “A ghost?”

Me: “No.”

Kid 2: “Dead…then no dead.”

Me: “YES!”

Kid 3: “Zombie.”

Me: “OK.”

Kid 4: “Jesus.”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid 1: “Jesus was a zombie!!”

Me: “No…well, maybe.”

Kid 1: “Yes teacher, Jesus was a zombie!”

Me: “Fine, but …don’t tell your mommy I said that!”

***

Me: “What’s ‘proud’?”

Kid 1: “Prize.”

Kid 2: “Prize?”

Kid 1: “Prize. Yes.”

Kid 2: “Chicken?”

Kid 1: “What?”

Kid 2: “Fried chicken?”

Kid 1: “No, no FRIED, PRIZE.”

***

Me: “What’s ‘hungry’?”

Kid: “Stomach…grrrrrrr.”

***

Kid: “Teacher, volcano is…”

Looong pause.

Kid: “…fire water?”

Me: “Yes.”

***

Me: “What’s a sheep?”

Kid: “Lambs grow.”

***

Me: “What’s ‘dry’?”

Kid: “A grape.”

***

Me: “What’s ‘patient’?”

Kid 1: “Many blood.”

Me: “No.”

Pause.

Me: “It’s like if you’re at a bus stop and you wait and wait and wait and you don’t get angry.”

Kid 2: “Ah, disabled.”

Me: “No…”

***

Me: “What’s ‘healthy’?”

A kid jumps from his seat and does a dramatic reenactment of drowning and lies down dead on the floor. I peer over the desk at him and he jumps back up to his feet.

Kid: “Help me! Help me!”

Pause.

Me: “Healthy.”

Kid: “Oh…no”

***

Kid 1: “What’s ‘surfing’?”

Kid 2: “Surfing. On the beach.”

Kid 3: “NOOOOOO!” (makes typing motion with her fingers) “Da da da da chick chick chick, the Internet.”

***

Me: “What are ‘twins’?”

Little boy stands up and makes a motion to signal being fat. He then points to either side of his stomach.

Kid: “Mommy…two…”

***

Me: “What smells bad?”

Kid: “Alcohol.”

Me: “OK.”

Kid: “But not beer. Other…”

Me: “Soju?”

Kid: “Yes.”

***

Kid: “Teacher…bad word? As*hole? Bad word yes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Son of a b*tch?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “OK good.”

***

Me: “What’s ‘terrible’?”

Kid 1: “War.”

Kid 2: “Die.”

Kid 3: “Kill.”

Kid 4: “Kim Jong-Un.”

Kid 5: “Rain….wet….”

Watch Out For The Hedgehog, out now at Smashwords (for 50% off at Smashwords, use coupon code ‘HX78J’), Amazon Barnes & Noble and Kobo.

Just as a side note, vocabulary, grammar and spelling aren’t really my forte. Ohhhhh the irony! To avoid potentially embarrassing, ‘hey you spelled that incorrectly’ emails, I tried Grammarly’s plagiarism checker free of charge because I’ve learned just because I say something out loud and it sounds both correct and original, doesn’t actually mean it is. It’s always nice to have another pair of ‘eyes’ look over things for you.

Don’t miss next week’s: Chapter Five: On Grammar

For more, check out:

Chapter One: On Love and Relationships

Chapter Two: On Historical Events

Chapter Three: On World Geography

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor kids Korea quotes

Watch Out For The Hedgehog – Chapter Three: On World Geography

hedgehog (4)
A serialistion of the popular Quote Friday book: Watch Out For The Hedgehog, four years of hilarious kids’ quotes from the ESL elementary school classroom in South Korea.

Chapter Three: On World Geography

Me: “What’s your favorite country?”

Kid: “USA.”

Me: “Why?”

Kid: “It’s very big and the economy is strong.”

Me: “I don’t think that’s true.”

Kid: “It is!!”

***

Me: “Where’s London Zoo?”

Kid 1: “Jeju-do.”

Kid 2: “France.”

Kid 3: “Ou teacher, teacher, Mexico!!”

Me: “England.”

Kid 1: “No.”

***

Me: “What’s America famous for?”

Kid 1: “Terrorists.”

Me: “No.”

Kid 2: “Big people.”

Me: “No.”

Kid 3: “New York.”

Kid 2: “No.”

***

The same month of the volcano erupting in Iceland, I started at a new school.

Student: “Teacher, what state in America are you from?”

Me: “I’m not American.”

Kid 1: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “I’m not American.”

Kid 1: “You’re not American?!!”

Me: “I’m from Ireland.”

Kid 2, whispering: “The fire island.”

Me: “That’s Iceland.”

***

Me: “So, why do tourists come to Korea?”

Kid 1: “I don’t know teacher, why did you come to Korea?”

Me: “No, I’m not a tourist. I came to teach English.”

Kid 1: “Tourists teach English?”

Me: “No, what do tourists do?”

Kid 2: “Speak English.”

Me: “Let’s start over….”

***

Me: “OK, so what do you know about Finland?”

Kid: “Xylitol is made there.”

Me: “OK.”

Kid: “Yeah, true, it is a white tree…look, I draw a picture.” He draws a tree. “See?”

Me: “OK.”

Kid: “I’m not lying, Teacher, it’s true.”

Me: “I believe you.”

***

Me: “Name a country in Africa.”

Kid: “South America.”

***

Me: “Name a state in America.”

Kid: “Loveland.”

Me: “What? Loveland?”

Kid: “Yes, it’s a state.”

Me: “No it’s not!”

Kid: “Yes, teacher, my mother and my father go to Loveland and give birth to my brother.”

Pause.

Me: “Your mother and your father went to Loveland in America and had your brother?”

Kid: “Yes…it’s a state.”

I literally couldn’t teach for five minutes I was laughing so much!

***

Me: “When is a strong current good?”

Kid: “Ou teacher, it can give our African friends water!!”

Me: “…?”

***

After I pronounce “either” ahy-ther not ee-ther while reading:

Kid: “In Ireland, it’s ahy-ther?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Same spelling?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Same meaning?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “But say differently?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Like wa-ter and wa-der?”

Me: “Yes.”

Loooong pause.

Other kid, shaking his head: “Irish is strange!”

***

Kid: “Teacher, if North Korea attacks, you will go home, yes?”

***

Kid: “Teacher, your country has no money. They say to IMF give me money please. Beg. Give me money please!”

***

I show my students a picture of a small, country American school.

Kid: “Oh my God, it’s an ant school!!”

***

Kids all have their books open on the wrong page.

Kids: “Teacher, loooooooook, IRELAND!!!”

I look. It’s a page all about Ireland.

Kid: “Teacher, it’s you!!”

Me: “Oh, yeah!”

Kid: “Teacher, boy’s name is Kevin?” (reading the story)

Me: “Eh, yeah, his name is Kevin. Why?”

Kid: “My boyfriend’s English name is Kevin.” (She’s 8)

Later: We listen to the CD reading of the story by an Irish boy with a thick Irish accent.

Entire Class: “WHAT?! WHAT?!! I NO UNDERSTAND!!!”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll just read it to you instead!”

***

Me: “Do you know the United Kingdom?”

Kid 1: “Yes, it’s the same as Lego Kingdom.”

Me: “Not exactly.”

Kid 2: “Oh, a king and queen!! And a wall.”

***

Me: “OK, where am I from?”

Kid 1: “Canada.”

Me: “No!”

Kid 2: “England!”

Kid 3: “Ireland!”

Me: “Yes!! OK, now where is Ireland?”

Kid 1: “Asia!”

Me: “This is Asia!”

Kid 2: “North America!!!”

Me: “North America??!!”

Kid 3: “Europe!!!” (puts his head on the desk!)

***

Kid, (who failed his test) counting the pages left in the book: “Eight pages.”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Teacher, where you live?”

Me: “You mean where do I live in Korea or where is my home?”

Kid: “Your home.”

Me: “Ireland.”

Kid: “In eight pages, you go to Ireland?”

Me: “No. In eight pages, we get a new book.”

Kid: “Oh….”

***

Kid 1: “Teacher, why are you smiling?”

Me: “I’m happy.”

Kid 1: “Why are you happy?”

Me: “Because after this class, I go home.”

Kid 2: “To Canada?”

Me: “I’m not from Canada.”

Kid 2: “Oh Iceland?”

Kid 3: “IRELAND. Teacher live IRELAND!!”

Me: “Yes, I do, but I meant my home here. I’m not going back to Ireland after school.”

***

In my Grade 3 class, I have a Grade 1 student who’s too advanced to be in any other class. She attended my Grade 2 classes when she was in Kindergarten.

Grade 1 little girl: “Teacher, my new name is Erica.”

Grade 3 little girl: “Like America????”

***

I’m talking to one of my more advanced kids in class a little quicker than I speak to the other kids because she understands me.

Kid next to her: “Teacher, you speaking Netherlands??!”

***

Me: “What country do you live in?”

Kid: “Japan!”

Me: “NO!! This is Korea!!”

Kid next to her, pointing at her: “Japan spy!!!”

***

Me: “Where am I from?”

Kid: “Mexico!”

Entire class stares at her.

Other kid, slowly to the first kid: “Ireland.”

***

Kid: “I go to Canada. I see the Canada famous food. I eat the Canada famous food. I step on maple leaves.”

Me: “Have you been to Canada?”

Kid: “No.”

***

Me: “Where’s London?”

Kid: “New York City.”

***

Me: “Where’s San Francisco?”

Kid, looks at map: “Russia?”

***

Me: “Name a country.”

Kid puts up his hand, puts down his hand. Puts up his hand. Puts down his hand. Puts up his hand and nods.

Me: “Yes?”

Him: “KOREA!!”

***

Me: “Do you know Denmark?”

Kid: “Yes, elephants.”

Me: “Elephants?”

Kid: “Yes….Africa?”

Watch Out For The Hedgehog, out now at Smashwords (for 50% off at Smashwords, use coupon code ‘HX78J’), Amazon Barnes & Noble and Kobo.

For more, check out: 

Chapter One: On Love and Relationships

Chapter Two: On Historical Events

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor

Louie Vrs The Box

So, The Canadian One sends me this video while I’m at work:

Then later, sitting around at dinner, this happens:

Me, looking at Louie: “We should give him a box.”

Him: “He won’t get in a box.”

Me: “Let’s give him the Cheerios box!”

We empty out the box of Cheerios we just bought on Sunday and toss the box on the floor.

Within two seconds:

photo (48)

Him: “Oh my God, he’s in the box!!!”

Categories
Cooking food recipes

Cheesy Vegetable Leftovers Pasta

photo (51)Quite often I have a lot of vegetables lying around in the fridge. Half a carrot here, a green pepper there, a zucchini or two hiding in the back. Instead of throwing them out I put them to good use with my Leftovers Pasta recipe, a mishmash of random things found knocking around in the vegetable drawer of the fridge.

Cheesy Vegetable Leftovers Pasta

Olive oil for frying

1 onion, sliced

1 clove of garlic, crushed

2 chicken breasts, diced (optional)

2 cups of diced mixed vegetables (carrots, peppers, zucchinis, peas, etc)

2 tsp of chili powder (or more to taste)

1 tsp of cumin

1 can of chopped tomatoes

2 tbs of tomato paste

Salt and pepper, to taste

2 cups of dried pasta, small shapes work best

1 cup of grated cheese

1. Fry onion and garlic for a few minutes over a medium heat. If using carrots, add now. Add chicken and fry until browned. Add any other vegetables you’re using and continue to fry for a few more minutes.

pasta step 2

2. Add chili and cumin and stir for one minute.

3. Add tomatoes, paste, salt and pepper and bring to a boil. Simmer for 15-20 minutes. Meanwhile, make pasta according to package. I’d forgotten to add the green pepper earlier so I just threw it in now!

pasta step 3

4. Transfer to an ovenproof dish, sprinkle with grated cheese and bake for 10 minutes at 350F.

pasta step 4

Optional: Sprinkle with chili flakes for extra spice.

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor

‘Dude, Telus friended me on Twitter…’

Working in customer service at a contact center, I know how frustrating it can be to suddenly get a customer on the line that was a) pi**ed off to begin with, b) would rather be doing anything else that call you and c) is NOW pi**ed off that they just hate to wait 10 minutes in a queue to speak to you. So imagine how delighted I was when, having played a game of ping pong with The Canadian One when we needed call Telus earlier today, neither of us had much success.

The basics of my issue was, they wrote to us telling us we should switch over to paperless billing to receive a $5 credit to our account. That very day, I switched and then waited. I got my Enmax bill, my Bell bill, The Canadian One’s Bell bill and our credit card bills but no Telus.

Until today.

Today I got my Telus bill dated August 16th and due August 18th.

Now, I work at the bank, I know it takes 2-3 business days to post a bill to an account and payment via credit card will trigger a cash advance fee. It’s Friday. August 18th is Sunday.

Also, where was my $5 credit?

Now, my issues with Telus stem back to when we first arrived in Canada four months ago when I called them for information and they convinced us to sign up to a three year deal to get a free TV to save ourselves ‘buying a new TV’. We agreed. A free TV is always better than no TV and we signed up.

They came. They installed. They said our TV would arrive in six weeks.

Soooooo we had cable but no TV….o.O…YEP….

Now, they proved themselves very helpful in this instance so I assumed they’d be just as helpful this time if they answered their phones!

Tonight, I came home, heated up my stew and sat down to wait for Telus to answer their phone.

In the midst of listening to bad pop songs blaring through the speakerphone of the iPhone, I was batting back and forth with Chris of 2KoB on Twitter when I decided to write a Twitter rant…and got a reply…:

Screen Shot 2013-08-16 at 21.00.15

THEN I finally got through to a super helpful agent who helped me set up a pre-authorized debit, sort the issue of the late bill arrival and had a general happiness about him for someone working a Friday night.

Among the things said in the conversation:

Me: “Telus are writing to me on Twitter! How did they find me?!!”

***

Me: “In the letter it says I’d get $2 if I signed up for e-billing. Where’s my $2?”

Him, laughing: “Actually it’s $5.”

Me: “Really?!”

Pause

Me: “Where’s my $5?!!”

Lol! He laughed and promised me my $5.

Then I posted this:

Screen Shot 2013-08-16 at 21.01.07

And then I got this:

Screen Shot 2013-08-16 at 21.01.20

I guess we’re friends now.

At my work, we get candy and reward point if we get customer commendations, I hope the dude I talked to gets candy and rewards!

Categories
comedy funny humor kids quotes random

Watch Out For The Hedgehog – Chapter Two: On Historical Events

hedgehog (4)

A serialistion of the popular Quote Friday book: Watch Out For The Hedgehog, four years of hilarious kids’ quotes from the ESL elementary school classroom in South Korea. 

Chapter Two: On Historical Events

Me: “What was the first thing Neil Armstrong said when he stepped onto the moon?”

Kid: “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Pause

Me: “No.”

***

From American History class:

Me: “Does anyone know what the Sioux Indians did?”

Kid: “Yes, they ate the Pilgrims.”

***

Me: “Why did the Pilgrims go to America?”

Kid: “To have dinner.”

***

Me: “Why did the Pilgrims leave England?”

Kid 1: “To find delicious freedom.”

Me: “Ummmm…..”

Kid 1: “No….religious freedom.”

Me: “Yes.”

Later: Another kid mishears ‘Pilgrims’ as ‘Penguins’, bursts into laughter.

Kid 2: “Teacher, the penguins left England to find delicious freedom!!!”

***

Me: “Who knows about the Mayflower? It brought the Pilgrims, the English people, to America where they met the American Indians and had the first ever Thanksgiving dinner.”

Kid: “Yes teacher, and the next day the Pilgrims killed all the Indians.”

Pause….

Me: “I don’t think it was the NEXT day…”

***

Kid 1: “What’s the chicken’s friend called?”

Me: “A turkey?”

Kid 1: “No no, that’s a movie.”

Me: “It’s a country.”

Kid 1: “No no, teacher, a movie.”

Kid screams, mimics killing people with a knife and laughs manically with a creepy grin on his face.

Me: “Oh wait, Chuckie?”

Kid 1: “YES!”

Me: “Yes, Chuckie is a movie. Turkey you can eat.”

Kid 2: “Ah, yes, it’s a bird, in the oven, long time, it’s nice.”

***

While teaching history on Monday:

Me: “OK so way way way back in time they had no electricity and no lights and no running water, no TV. When do you think way back in time was?”

Kid: “Wednesday!”

***

Me: “OK, so we live in the olden days and we have no cars and no trains and no planes. How do I get around?”

Kid 1: “Walking.”

Kid 2: “Horse and carriage.”

Me: “Excellent. So I’m in Seoul. Where can I go in a horse and carriage?”

Kid 3: “Mexico!”

Me: “From Seoul?!”

Kid 3: “Yes.”

Me: “But why??”

Kid 3: “It’s fun.”

Kid 4: “Oh, it take a long time!”

Watch Out For The Hedgehog, out now at Smashwords (for 50% off at Smashwords, use coupon code ‘HX78J’), Amazon , Barnes & Noble and Kobo.

For more, check out: 

Chapter One: On Love and Relationships

Categories
entertainment funny humor random

How To Write With A Kitten

IMG_7593

So, four months ago we moved to Canadaland from Seoul and, almost two months ago, we added to our family in the form of a very small, astronomically fluffy, likes-to-steal-and-eat-people’s-croissants Kijiji kitten. And oh, how my life has changed. I’m now the girl who sneaks ninja-like down the hallway so as not to alert the cat to my awoken presence in the middle of the night. I can’t leave food for more than five seconds without it being commandeered by Captain Louie and everything I own has been reclassified as a ‘toy’.

As for writing, there’s one very important thing you need to remember about writing with a kitten in the house:

You can’t. You won’t. You can try but you won’t success.

At all.

And here’s why:

Cats. Don’t. Care.

They don’t care that you want to write or that you want to watch TV or lie on the couch. They don’t notice that you would love to sleep in longer than 6am in the morning on a Sunday or eat dinner without the background of constant meowing becoming the new white noise in your apartment.

And most of all, they don’t care when you want to write. This article took far longer to write than it should have. Why?

This.

Helping

So far this morning, Louie (my five month old kitten) and I played the Ping-Pong game of sit on laptop, get picked up and placed on floor, jump on laptop, get placed on the floor, try to eat laptop, get placed on floor and around and around we went until he spotted a piece fluff that held his interest for more than five seconds.

In his first few days of living with us, he was afraid of everything.

Those pretty little jingle balls cats love?

Terrified of them.

Feather-on-a-stick toy?

Scampers from the room like it was the end of the world.

A tiny ant on the floor?

Don’t even get me started.

And the bathtub?

Well….

Wet Cat

To be fair, look at what we did to him. If that’s not a ‘you wait til I grow up I will kill you in your sleep’ look, I dunno what is.

Being thrown onto the bed doesn’t suit him either. Check out his best WTF look he constantly gives me:

IMG_7584

What’s he NOT scared of? I hear you ask.

The water bottle. The lamps. My handbag. The printer. He could be anywhere in the apartment, doing anything and as soon as the printer whirrs to life, he’s next to it examining it like it’s a crime scene. Oh, and the screen door, his obsession with the screen door is growing by the day. Here he is doing his daily impression of Spiderman:

Spidercat

He’s also gotten pretty nifty at hide-and-seek:

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As for cooking…well, it’s a little hard when he insists on doing this in the middle of the kitchen:

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And he cries. Oh my goodness, has he nailed the crying malarkey. At the beginning he was so quiet, I though there was something wrong with him. Now, like a two-year-old who’s discovered the word ‘no’, he’s learned can cry and wants to practice as much as possible. I can’t pee without a scratching on the door followed by a high-pitched whine. At night, he screams so loudly, you’d swear he was being stabbed right there in the comfort of our living room.

Don’t get me wrong, when he sleeps, he sleeps. And sleeps. And sleeps. One minute he’s playing, the next he’s out, but don’t start thinking when they sleep it’s easier to write.

It’s not.

It’s just more challenging.

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In saying all that, before we had a cat, when I heard a noise in the middle of the night, I’d immediately think ‘murderer’!

Now when I hear a noise in the middle of the night, I think ‘I really hope that wasn’t my laptop hitting the hardwood floor’.

For more on Louie check out Meet Louie.

Categories
Cooking food recipes

Freezer Cooking

Freezer Cooking with The Ketchup War

I’ve always been a fan of freezer cooking only I didn’t know it. I never knew it had a name. I would just call it being-well-prepared. Back in the days, ohhhhhh maybe 7 years ago, when I would work 1pm-10pm and not have time to cook nice meals at night time, I would spend my Sundays cooking meals to freeze and eat during the week. The only difference between my freezer cooking and a lot of the other freezer cooking out there, I freeze all cooked food as oppose to freezing raw, ready-to-be-cooked food, that way, The Canadian One just needs to reheat it before I get home and dinner is ready to go!

In Korea I didn’t do that. Why? Well, for one, I worked 12pm-6pm so had ample time both before work and after to cook. For another, Korea was the land of last minute invites out to dinner and one could never be sure if you were eating in or out on any given night. Moving to Canada changed that. Now I work 10am-6pm, leaving the house at 8:40am and returning home at 7:30pm. In order to ensure we don’t eat fast food each night or spend an astronomical amount of money on pizzas or bar food, I’ve returned to my 22 year old ways of freezer cooking.

Freezer cooking, as an aside, is a misleading name by the way. It implies you are cooking the freezer not cooking for the freezer but I’ll let that go.

Moving on.

Last weekend, we were supposed to go over to a friend’s house to hang but it got cancelled at the last moment, cue my opportunity to get my cookin‘ on…and The Canadian One’s opportunity to play his new PS3 game Grand Theft Auto 56…or whatever it’s called. I wanna say 4…but it could be 5…I could check but the game is on the other side of the room and I’m lazy.

From 9:20pm until 11:30pm, I cooked eight meals which amounts to nine days of dinner. NINE! In two hours. It woulda been less but I had The Mentalist Season 3 playing on the computer at the same time and OMG, has anyone else seen the season 3 finale?! If you have, you’ll understand why I became super-distracted in the middle of cooking!

Now, the three most important things you should remember when freezer cooking are:

  1. Plan ahead. I cannot stress this enough. Have a plan. Prepare in advance. How many onions do you need? How many carrots? Chicken thighs? Wash, chop, slice and dice all vegetables in advance. Then move onto the meat. Then measure out the spices and herbs needed for each dish.
  2. Wait until the food has cooled a bit before putting it in a baggie. Nobody likes a melted baggie. Nobody.
  3. Flatten baggies and freeze flat. It makes more room in the freezer if the food is flat and stacked.
  4. Label each baggie with the name of the dish, any other important cooking information, I include a carb count if it’s particularly high so The Canadian One doesn’t eat too much rice with the meal and we can prepare extra vegetables instead and include the date the dish was made.

The order in which you cook the meals is also important. I started with the one that uses up one ring and one pot for one hour. Then I cooked several that only take 30 mins until I had a second pot free again. I cooked one that only requires a pan while waiting on a pot to become free and I utilized the Slow Cooker as it was completely separate from the pot dance. I cooked the meals were:

  1. Chicken and Garlic Stew – 1 hour +
  2. Spaghetti Bolognese (ingredients doubled for two days of dinner) – 30 – 40 mins
  3. Beef Vindaloo – 40 – 50 mins
  4. Indian Chicken Curry – 20 – 30 mins
  5. Taco Meat – 20 mins
  6. Pork Meatballs and Pasta Sauce (frozen separately) – Baked in Oven
  7. Pork Burgers – Prepared but not cooked. Wrapped separately in saran wrap – I had to call The Canadian One to ask what this was in American, in Ireland we call it clingfilm…ours makes more sense… – and frozen in a baggie.
  8. Slow Cooker Beef and Tomato Casserole – Used slow cooker or Slowy C as I like to call him.

I also made some Chicken Wing Marinade and Cold Brewed Iced Coffee neither of which required the oven, pots or Slowy C.

Other dinners I’ve frozen in the past include:

  1. Lovely Lentil Curry – which I already had frozen in the freezer from last time.
  2. Lucy’s Mum’s Chili Con Carne 
  3. Irish Stew

For all three above, I doubled the ingredients and froze to make six days of dinner instead of three.

Don’t forget to check out Freezer Cooking: Part Two!

silk road logo

Recipes for all the rest coming soon. In the meantime, if you live in Canada and are looking for a place to buy spices, check out The Silk Road Merchant. I get all my spices from them and they are super helpful and knowledgeable about their spices. Go check them out and get your spice on.

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor kids Korea quotes

Watch Out For The Hedgehog – Chapter One: On Love and Relationships

hedgehog (4)A serialistion of the popular Quote Friday book: Watch Out For The Hedgehog, four years of hilarious kids’ quotes from the ESL elementary school classroom in South Korea. 

Chapter One: On Love & Relationships 

In every school I’ve ever worked at the kids have always been a little more interested in my life than in anything they study in class. Usually after dispensing with pleasantries, names, where I’m from, etc, the kids undoubtedly wander upon the most asked question in Korea: ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’

Some kids ask it before they even find out where I’m from.

I was working in a private school for a while where the kids took extra lessons outside of elementary school. It was across the road from the elementary school. Two eleven-year-old boy students tried to set me up on a date with their elementary school’s native teacher:

Kid 1: “Teacher, Smith, very nice. You 26. He 27. Perfect. I will give you his phone number. Marry?”

Me: “Um…no.”

Kid 1: “You can be dating then. I will bring you his picture.”

Kid 2: “Oh yes teacher, it’s a romantic story….”

Kid 1: “You can write a love letter to him.”

***

Practicing conversations about letters and mail in class:

Boy 1: “Yes, I write letter. To my friend. She move to another land. She write to me ‘love me’. I was scared.”

Boy 2: “I write bottle letter. I throw at my friend’s house. It broke his window. Our friendship exploded. We are not friends.”

Kid: “Teacher, Irish tradition, get married where?”

Me: “In a church usually.”

Kid: “Ahhhh, Christian country…I see.”

Kid 2: “When you marry Smith Teacher, in church, yes?”

Me: “I am not marrying Smith Teacher.”

Kid: “But why?!!!”

***

Kid 1: “Teacher, you have boyfriend?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid 2: “He Korean?”

Me: “No, he’s Canadian.”

Kid 1: “Ou Teacher! He is handsome? Like a singer? His skin is bling bling?”

Me: “Ha, yes, he is very handsome.”

Kid 2: “REALLY??”

Me: “Of course!”

Kid 1: “Ou, you are lucky girl!”

***

Kid: “Teacher, you boyfriend, he will you marry me, you, ok??”

***

Kid 1: “Teacheryou like….boys….um….big arms?”

She makes a muscle gesture with arms.

Me: “Ehnonot really.”

Kid 2: “Teacher, you likeboysthey….ou, chocolate chest?!” She looks to her friend for help.

Kid 1: “SIX-PACK!!”

I was laughing so much and I couldn’t speak!

***

Diary quote: “When I 30 years old, I will wedding. I hope my bride will be beautiful” (He’s 10!)

***

Kid 1: “Teacher, your boyfriend name?”

Me: “Ian.”

One kid looks at me, then stands up, walks across the room to where I keep all the Grade One workbooks and starts sifting through them. He pulls one out of the stack and holds it up.

Kid 1: “Like this?”

I look at the book. It belongs to one of the little boys in the Grade One class named Ian.

Me: “YesHowdidyou know that I have a student called Ian?”

Kid 1: “I don’t know.”

He puts the book back.

Kid 2: “IAn.”

Me: “NoIan.”

I write it on the board.

Kid 2: “Hahahahaha Teacher, change ‘n’ to ‘m’ and write one more time, I AM IAN.”

Then she laughed for a full 30 seconds.

***

Kid: “Today is my mom and dad wedding anniversary but I’m not give my present but my parents say ‘we’re precious in your and be born’. That time my heart is moved and my heart happy cry.”

***

While watching a video about Koko, the talking Gorilla, and her owner, who’s a woman, Koko and the owner hug.

Kid 1, pointing at the TV: “They married?”

Me: “No.”

Kid 2: “She’s old.”

Like that’s the ONLY reason the woman and the gorilla aren’t married.

***

Kid: “Teacher, you boyfriend?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Handsome?”

Me: “Of course.”

Kid looks at me skeptically.

Kid: “Picture?”

Me: “No.”

***

Rumors spread through the school that the school had hired a ‘hot, Chinese-American boy’ as the new official school English teacher. This is two days later:

Kid 1: “Oh teacher, we have new English teacher.”

Me: “Really?”

Kid 1: “Yes, Haley Teacher.”

Me: “Oh, a girl?”

Kid 1: “No, a boy.”

Me: “Haley’s a girl’s name.”

Kid 2: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Fine.”

Kid 1: “Oh, teacher, you and Haley teacher, together, love.”

Me: “Umno.”

Kid 1: “Do you have boyfriend?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid 1: “Is he Korean?”

Me: “No, he’s Canadian.”

Kid 1: “Oh, Haley teacher too! Oh, teacher, boyfriend change. Canada. Canada. Boyfriend change!!!”

Me: “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that.”

Kid 1: “Think about it.”

Me: “OK.”

***

It’s break time and I’m sitting at my desk on the computer, writing school reports and drinking coffee. A kid stands in front of my desk. She’s not doing anything; she’s just standing there. The kids do that a lot. Just stand there and stare at me. Sometimes it’s weird. Other times, I just ignore them.

Kid: “Why you sadly?”

Me: “I’m not sad. I’m tired.”

Kid: “Why you tired?” She scrunches up her face and nods understandingly. “Teaching the kids?”

I laugh.

Me: “No, I’m just tired, that’s all.”

Kid: “No, bed early?”

Me: “No, get up very early.”

She nods and goes quiet. I return to writing my reports.

Kid: “Teacher, you boyfriend?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Really?!”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “You dangdangdada?” (the wedding song)

Me: “No.”

Kid: “When the dangdangdada?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Kid: “How long you boyfriend?”

Me: “Two years.”

Kid: “Two years? Really? You lovely?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “You boyfriend many many love?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Korean?”

Me: “Canadian.”

Kid: “Boyfriend look like?”

Me: “Tall.”

Kid: “Jenny teachertall…?”

Me: “Taller than me, yes.”

Kid: “And?”

Me: “Short hair.”

Kid: “And?”

Me: “Brown hair.”

Kid: “And?”

Me: “Go away.”

Kid: “Just one more..and?”

Me: “And, I don’t know.”

Kid: “Handsome eyes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Really?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Why no dangdangdada?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Kid: “But ring.” (pointing at the ring on my right hand)

Me: “Not wedding ring.”

She goes quiet.

Kid: “In December, you went to Canada.”

Me: “No, I didn’t.”

Kid: “YES!! You vacation!!”

Me: “No, no, I went to Ireland.”

Kid: “Ohhhh yeah, I think boyfriend Canada, you go to Canadain my headYou go to Canada?”

Me: “Yes. In March.”

Kid: “Visit boyfriend parents?”

Me: “No, to live.”

Kid: “WHAT?! WHY?! HOW?! Jenny teacher no English class???”

Me: “No. I’m leaving.”

Kid: “When?”

Me: “February 28.”

Kid: “Show me.”

Me: “Look, here, this day.” I show her the calendar.

Kid: “You go to Canada?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “With boyfriend.”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “To live?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Dangdangdada?”

Me: “No.”

Kid: “Teacher, boyfriend meeting parents?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “THEN WHY NO DANGDANGDADA?!!”

***

Kid: “Teacher, me go to Canada and to you dangdangdada?”

***

I run into the school’s male foreign teacher on my way back from the bathroom and we were chatting. I come to class.

Entire class: “You and Haley teacher friends?”

Me: “Yes.”

One Kid: “LOVE!!”

Entire class: “NO!! Friends!”

Another boy pointing at the boy who said ‘love’: “He’s crazy!!”

***

Two kids are having a conversation while I’m correcting homework.

Kid 1: “I like tiger.”

Kid 2: “You like Tyler?” (Tyler is a kid in the class)

Kid 1: “No, tiger.”

Kid 2: “Tyler?!”

Kid 1: “TIGER!!”

Kid 2, turning to Tyler: “Oh Tyler, fantastic!!”

***

We read a role-play where a little girl calls a little boy and asks him to go to the park. I read the first line.

Me: “Hi Andy. Do you want to come to the park?”

A kid stands up and yells: “DATE!!!!!!!!”

***

Watch Out For The Hedgehog, out now at Smashwords (for 50% off at Smashwords, use coupon code ‘HX78J’), Amazon , Barnes & Noble and Kobo.

For more, check out:

Chapter Two: On Historical Events

Chapter Three: On World Geography 

Chapter Four: On Vocabulary

Categories
comedy funny humor internet

Unicorns and Patience

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...
Image via CrunchBase

A while back, The Canadian One messaged me on Facebook while he was out and I was home. I wrote back and heard the familiar ‘beep’ of a Facebook message and realized he’d left his laptop on and his Facebook logged in. I told him the next time he left his Facebook logged in, I was changing his profile picture to a unicorn.

I then told everyone about my plan. I told his friends in Canada. I told my friends in Korea. I told everyone.

And I waited.

And he got more and more cautious about his computer. Always logging out. Always taking his phone with him.

And I waited.

And waited.

And THEN it happened:

Unicorn!

And it was GLORIOUS!!

But alas, now I await his revenge…

***If you own the above picture of the unicorn, please please PLEASE write and tell me so we can credit you. It’s my favorite picture ever and it was totally work the wait!***

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor

One Week In September and All The TV Comes BACK!!

TV Calendar

(You can click and print the calendar)

It’s often around early August I start to wonder ‘What happened to my favorite TV show? Did it get cancelled? Is it back on? I should really check that out!’.

While living in Korea, I watched a lot of TV but not actually on the TV itself. As most who live in K-Town will attest to, a majority of us watched TV by getting our hands on entire seasons of the TV show and watching them all over the course of a week..then comes the depression you feel after the show ends and there’s no more to watch.

Image representing Netflix as depicted in Crun...
Image via CrunchBase

We are the Netflix, binge-watching generation and Korea was made for those type of people.

As this is the first year I’ve lived in an English-speaking country in over five years, it’s going to be weird watching my shows and waiting an entire week like normal people! I’ve been watching ‘Under The Dome’ and that’s proved quite difficult. I’ve not actually managed to watch it on live TV yet and we’re six episodes in. I do watch it on the Telus On Demand and it’s usually the day after it airs as I can never remember if it’s on a Monday or a Tuesday. It might be tonight. It might be tomorrow. It’s most likely tonight. I should Google that.

Now, I’ll admit it, I watch a lot of TV. But unless it’s with The Canadian One, I generally don’t sit down and watch TV. I have it on in the background while I’m doing other things. For example, right now, I have season four of The Mentalist playing in the background. As a result of this way of watching TV, I once watched the same episode of The Mentalist twice and didn’t realize until the end of the episode.

I rotate my shows throughout the year. A lot of the time, I wait until the season is over and then watch a whole bunch of them together. But now…now I’ve learned, it’s one week in September, one glorious week in September when everything returns almost at once and I’m gonna have to learn how use the ‘record TV’ button on the Telus box!

Over the past few years, these shows have been in my rotation:

Shows The Canadian One and I watch together:

English: Logo for the television show Modern F...
English: Logo for the television show Modern Family (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Modern Family Season 5: Sept 25th

The Canadian One and I started watching this show last year after 30 Rock ended and we were in need of a short TV show replacement. I love Phil. Words cannot describe how much I love Phil and his Philosophies.

NCIS: Los Angeles Season 5: Sept 24th

OMG the kiss! I need to know what happens after the kiss. Even The Canadian One gasped when it happened. Does Deeks survive? Do him and Kensi become Densi?! Is Sam’s wife dead?

Elementary Season 2: Sept 26th

Lucy Lu as Watson? WHAT?! But it actually works. We started watching this show after watching the British Sherlock when we wanted something to quell the Sherlock-hunger and hold us over until the British version came back on. It’s actually quite good. Not as good as the British one but then again, when Americans remake British shows…you know what, I’ll save that argument for another day.

Homeland Season 3: Sept 29th

Does anyone else hope the daughter is written out this year? Anyone? Speaking of Homeland, for anyone who missed it, Aziz Ansari for a brief time last year was tweeting as SergeantBrody and it was awesome…until he got outed and stopped but still!

Screen Shot 2013-08-05 at 15.22.28Screen Shot 2013-08-05 at 15.23.00

And just today, someone asked if it’ll be resurrection anytime soon…looks like a ‘no’ for now! Booooo!

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Hawaii Five-0 Season 4: Sept 27th

Hawaii Five-0
Hawaii Five-0 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There was a prison break in the last episode? Or an attempted prison break? Or something like that? Wo-Fat was in it. I recall that much!

Shows I watch alone:

Castle Season 6: Sept 23rd

When we last left our hero, he was proposing to the woman who’s hairstyles change each season, Kate Beckett (SP) (I gotta say the last season was her best hairstyle yet) while she was offered a career-making job in Washington, DC.

Revenge Season 3: Sept 29th

I think I got halfway through season one with this show, then they took a break and I forgot about it until I started writing this post. I should really catch up on it, I found it mildly intriguing although evidently not enough to remember it existed when it came back on.

Criminal Minds Season 9: Sept 25th

I haven’t seen the last four episodes of season 8 yet but I’m getting around to it. I’ve been a fan of this show since the beginning when it was the first show to beat Lost in the ratings. It was then that I thought ‘Perhaps I should check it out’. It’s like a darker CSI that I can’t watch at night alone. Some of the episodes just freak me out too much.

How I Met Your Mother Season 9: Sept 23rd

We met the mother! And apparently season 9 focuses entirely on the wedding weekend so this should be interesting…

Intertitle from season 2 of the television pro...
Intertitle from season 2 of the television program The Mentalist (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Mentalist Season 6: Sept 29th

I’m currently on Season 4 of this show. I started watching it after it was recommended to me by some readers after I wrote this. I’m enjoying it. I though Robin Tunney would be more annoying when I started watching it as she was a little annoying in Prison Break but alas, I was proved incorrect and Simon Baker’s suave turn as a former psychic turned detective is excellent. It’s the suits. He looks good in a suit.

Bones Season 9: Sept 16th

I stopped watching this after she popped out the baby, went on the run and then reappeared but it’s included her because it’s one of my friend’s favorite shows. 

The Canadian One’s Shows:

The Walking Dead (season 2)
The Walking Dead (season 2) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Breaking Bad Season 5 Part 2: August 11th

The Walking Dead Season 4: Oct 13th

Sons of Anarchy Season 6: Sept 10th

There are countless new shows also starting this year but as with any new show, I always like to wait and see if they get renewed for a second season and then start watching. I hate it when a show ends on a cliffhanger and then you just never find out the ending. Then again, the irony of my not watching the first season when it airs is that perhaps other people do that and then they get very low ratings and thus the show gets cancelled…it’s a conundrum!

What’s your favorite TV show? Sound off below and let us know!

Categories
Cooking food recipes

Cold Brewed Iced Coffee

photo (64)

There’s nothing in this world as glorious as waking up on a hot summer’s morning and treating yourself to an ice-cold cup of coffee with milk. I love it. I’ve tried countless ways to make iced coffee since the espresso maker when to live in Korea. Actually, it didn’t ‘go live there’, it’s more like ‘we left it there’ but whatever, the point is, it no longer lives with us and thus my mornings of iced coffees and steamed lattes are over and my mornings of drip coffee from the Walmart-bought coffee maker commences. Now, there are several things I’ve learned through this hit or miss process:

Making a batch of coffee and allowing it to cool overnight then using it causes it to be bitter.

Making a batch of coffee and pouring it over ice immediately causes it to be watery…anyone who understands science (or that ice melts) will have problems in seeing the flaw in this plan.

For some reason, pouring it hot into my take-away cup and putting it in the fridge at work makes it grainy. I still haven’t figured this one out.

But alas, I discovered Cold Brewed Iced Coffee and after reading many many MANY recipes and alternating the ratio of coffee to water several times, I’ve come up with the perfect mix.

Cold Brewed Iced Coffee

For Part One, you will need:

2 cups of ground coffee

6 cups of water

1. First, get two cups of ground coffee (your favorite will do) and pour into a container.

IC step 1

IC step 2

IC Step 3

2. Then add six cups of water. I used filtered water.

IC Step 4

IC step 5

3. Stir. Stir. Stir until it looks all sludgy like something a child would make using mud and a nearby puddle.

IC step 6

4. Put the lid on it and store it in a place away from sunlight for 24 hours.

IC step 7

Wait.

Wait.

Waaaaaaaait.

Wait 24 hours.

For Part Two, you will need:

Another container.

A coffee filter. I just used the one from the coffee machine. Other people like to use paper filters or cheese cloth.

1-2 cups of water

Milk

Ice

1. Open coffee container and stir sludge.

2. Carefully pour coffee through filter into the second container.

iced1

iced 2

3. This may take a while. ‘A while’ meaning ten minutes or so, not hours.

ice3

4. Now, at this point, you can just place all the filtered coffee in the fridge and when you want to drink it you can either do half coffee, half water or one third coffee, one third water and one third milk. What I usually do is add 2 cups of water to the filtered coffee and cut out the fiddling about with water in the mornings bit. That way, the coffee is ready to be poured and mixed with milk straight away. The first time you make this, you may want to play about with the amounts of water you add to find the right mix for you but generally I stick to the 2-6-2 method. (2 cups of coffee, 6 cups of water, waaaaait, then add 2 more cups of water)

ice6

iced 7

5. Add ice and milk, if adding, and enjoy.

iced5

iced 8

iced 9

iced10

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Cooking food recipes

Spaghetti Bolognese – GF/DF/FF

Spaghetti Bolognese - Dairy Free, Gluten Free, Freezer Friendly and Full of Yumminess! (Honestly, I make this almost weekly, it's crazy!)Spaghetti Bolognese was one of the first things I learned how to cook. Albeit it was the jar-type where you just brown the meat, add the sauce and wait. I’d grown up watching my mother make a version of this in the microwave in the days where, as a single mother, she’d make dinner in the mornings for us before she went to school and we’d reheat it ourselves in the microwave when we got home from school.

Nowadays, Spaghetti Bolognese is my favourite freezer-cooking recipe. I can buy the ground beef cheap at Safeway or Costco then I double the ingredients, cook it all up, separate it into three different baggies and freeze it for quick weekday dinners.

Spaghetti Bolognese

Olive oil for frying

500g ground beef

1/2 cup of beef stock (gluten free – if making it gluten free)

1 clove of garlic, crushed

2 cans of whole tomatoes

1 onion, diced

2 tbs tomato paste (for advice on how to save the rest of the tomato paste in that giant can you just bought, see here)

1 tsp oregano

1tsp of Italian Seasoning

1/2 tsp ground fennel

Salt and pepper to taste

1. Heat oil and add onions and garlic. Fry for several minutes until translucent.

2. Add ground beef and fry until browned (maybe 5-6 minutes) stirring.

3. Drain fat from pan. Now, this is a little tricky if your pan doesn’t have a lid but with some practice and a nifty spatula, it’s almost accomplishable.

4. Return pan to heat. Add oregano, Italian Seasoning, tomatoes, puree and stock.

5. Bring to boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for up to 2 hours, stirring often to crush up the tomatoes. For the last 30 minutes, simmer without the lid to reduce.

Serve with spaghetti or tagliatelle (GF if needed), grated Parmesan (if not DF) or chilli flakes (The Canadian One’s condiment of choice).

Freezer Friendly: This freezes so well – Allow the meat to cool, the divide into individual portions and freeze. The just defrost, reheat and add noodles for a quick weekday meal!

TIP: To sneak veggies into this dish for little kids, try grating up a carrot and throwing it in in Step 4. The kiddies will never know!

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Categories
Canada random

Sooooo, this happened…

Sooooo, I turned 29 at the weekend and this happened:

My Ring

And I said YES!!

 

Categories
Cooking food recipes

Carrot Soup

photo (63)Recently, I found myself with a lot of surplus carrots lying around the house and at the same time became addicted to eating soup during one of my breaks at work. You can tell where this is going, right?

Ok, the title was a bit of a give-away, wasn’t it?

Alas, yes, I made carrot soup. Lots and lots of carrot soup. This easily feeds 4 people and freezes super-well.

Carrot Soup (print friendly version at the bottom)

Carrot Soup Ingredients

8-10 carrots, chopped. Mine were thin carrots, which I didn’t know existed until I moved to Canada. They kinda look starved. Like starved carrots. I would, at a guess, say 6 plump, carrots would equal 10 starved carrots.

1-2 cloves of garlic

1 onion

1 potato, peeled and cubed. I used to put more potatoes in my carrot soup but it kinda goes all baby-foodie so I cut back on the potatoes. I know, I’m Irish, how could I say that. Hopefully my mother won’t read this post.

2 cups of chicken stock / vegetable stock / water

1 tb of parsley (or any other herb you have lying around the house) Last week I threw some oregano in. This week parsley. One time I threw in a whole bunch of Italian seasoning.

1 tb of butter

A pinch of salt and pepper

1. Melt the butter over medium heat in a pot. Add the onions and garlic and fry for several minutes until soft.

2. Toss all the rest of the ingredients into a pot, covering the contents with the stock / water. If you don’t have enough stock to cover the vegetables, feel free to add a tad bit more water.

3. Bring to the boil and simmer with the lid on for 25-30 minutes until all the vegetables have softened.

4. In small batches, blend all the ingredients on low in a blender. In SMALL batches. SMALL. Seriously, you do NOT want hot soup all over the place and burnt fingers.

5. Add all the small batches of blended soup to the pot and stir.

6. Serve sprinkled with a little parsley and hot, crusty bread.

*Feel free to substitute olive oil for butter in Step 1.

**If you find the soup too thick, add a little more water in Step 4.

Variations:

Curried Carrot Soup

Add 1-2 tsp (or more to taste) to soup in Step 5.

Spicy Carrot Soup

Add 1 tsp of cayenne pepper to the soup in Step 5.

Super Veggie Carrot Soup

I call this Supper Veggie, what I could have called it was, things-in-the-fridge-I-needed-to-use-up but that title seems a little long.

Add some broccoli in Step 2 and a handful of peas in the last 5 minutes of cooking.

Carrot Soup by The Ketchup War – Print Friendly Version, for sticking on the fridge!

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Categories
comedy funny humor internet

Five Things Friday: Lions and Tigers and Jails Cells, Oh My! – 06/21

If you’ve been watching the news in Canada, you’ll know there’s been some flooding in Alberta. Calgary’s declared a local state of emergency and the trains have stopped running.

No trains = No transport = No work for me!

In case there’s any concern, Me and Louie, the kitten, are fine. We’re sheltered three floors up while The Canadian One is away this week. Oddly enough, back in July 2011 was the last time The Canadian One went away for a week and Seoul flooded to the point where I was sent home from school as my classroom had flooded. Today, almost two years later, he went away again and alas, I’m off work. Why?

Flooding.

It’s a sign. And no, Canadian One, the sign is not you’re God-like…no matter how many times you say it.

Also, if the flooding continues, the lions and tigers are gonna go to jail. Literally.

Moving on.

Welcome to the new weekly, Five Things Friday, five interesting things you may have missed this week.

1. Reasons My Son Is Crying

A collection of fantastically funny photos of kids crying for random reasons.

tumblr_mog6k6VolO1sn7lxto1_1280(‘He put himself in a timeout…for no reason’ via Reasons My Son Is Crying)

2. Doctors Inject Sick Girl With HIV Virus

Fighting fire with fire. This is amazing!

3. A little boy’s reasons for not eating meat. This is glorious!

4. This girl started a feminist movement at school and here’s what happened.

And finally…

5. Cabbage Patch baby wigs are becoming a thing! A real thing…it’s creepy.