A serialistion of the popular Quote Friday book: Watch Out For The Hedgehog, four years of hilarious kids’ quotes from the ESL elementary school classroom in South Korea. 

Chapter Two: On Historical Events

Me: “What was the first thing Neil Armstrong said when he stepped onto the moon?”

Kid: “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Pause

Me: “No.”

***

From American History class:

Me: “Does anyone know what the Sioux Indians did?”

Kid: “Yes, they ate the Pilgrims.”

***

Me: “Why did the Pilgrims go to America?”

Kid: “To have dinner.”

***

Me: “Why did the Pilgrims leave England?”

Kid 1: “To find delicious freedom.”

Me: “Ummmm…..”

Kid 1: “No….religious freedom.”

Me: “Yes.”

Later: Another kid mishears ‘Pilgrims’ as ‘Penguins’, bursts into laughter.

Kid 2: “Teacher, the penguins left England to find delicious freedom!!!”

***

Me: “Who knows about the Mayflower? It brought the Pilgrims, the English people, to America where they met the American Indians and had the first ever Thanksgiving dinner.”

Kid: “Yes teacher, and the next day the Pilgrims killed all the Indians.”

Pause….

Me: “I don’t think it was the NEXT day…”

***

Kid 1: “What’s the chicken’s friend called?”

Me: “A turkey?”

Kid 1: “No no, that’s a movie.”

Me: “It’s a country.”

Kid 1: “No no, teacher, a movie.”

Kid screams, mimics killing people with a knife and laughs manically with a creepy grin on his face.

Me: “Oh wait, Chuckie?”

Kid 1: “YES!”

Me: “Yes, Chuckie is a movie. Turkey you can eat.”

Kid 2: “Ah, yes, it’s a bird, in the oven, long time, it’s nice.”

***

While teaching history on Monday:

Me: “OK so way way way back in time they had no electricity and no lights and no running water, no TV. When do you think way back in time was?”

Kid: “Wednesday!”

***

Me: “OK, so we live in the olden days and we have no cars and no trains and no planes. How do I get around?”

Kid 1: “Walking.”

Kid 2: “Horse and carriage.”

Me: “Excellent. So I’m in Seoul. Where can I go in a horse and carriage?”

Kid 3: “Mexico!”

Me: “From Seoul?!”

Kid 3: “Yes.”

Me: “But why??”

Kid 3: “It’s fun.”

Kid 4: “Oh, it take a long time!”

Watch Out For The Hedgehog, out now at Smashwords (for 50% off at Smashwords, use coupon code ‘HX78J’), Amazon , Barnes & Noble and Kobo.

For more, check out: 

Chapter One: On Love and Relationships