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comedy entertainment funny humor random

Where’s the outcry? WHERE?!

This week, the internet has been all abuzz about this photo:

Found by Emma Barnett, an editor at The Telegraph in London, and subsequently uploaded to Twitter and then appearing in The Telegraph itself, everyone has had their say on the label.

Deemed ‘sexist’, people complained it was ‘putting women back decades’ and ‘painting a Neanderthalic portrait that women should only clean the house and do the laundry’. I mean, personally, I laughed at the label and upon Googling it, laughed at the outrageously serious responses it got. It got so much press, this statement was released by the retailer, Madhouse:

“The chinos in question are manufactured by a jeans brand that we stock but the care instructions on this product were not proofed by our buyers who normally concern themselves with quality, style and price of the products they order.The first Madhouse was aware of the care instruction on this product was today. The wording was not instigated or ordered by Madhouse.The wording is clearly meant as a joke but now it has been pointed out to us it is something we will need to be more careful about in the future.”

Man, if I were them, I’d be the first to say, ‘Yep, yep we did that. That was us. It was a joke. Smile people, smile’. In all likelihood, Madhouse have either been part of an awesome practical joke or the best marketing strategy in the world.

I mean, maybe I’m wrong here, but whoever looks at that label and thinks, ‘Yes, you’re correct washing label on my jeans, my woman should be doing my laundry. Woman, where are you?! Come do my laundry!’

If The Canadian One said that to me, I’d smack him. Or at least take a swing at him, miss, fall down and have him comfort me and help me back up off the floor. He’s tall and can duck and weave surprisingly well.

Take a look at it this way, there was no outrage over this label:

Where’s the outcry in defense of Christmas?! Where?!

Or indeed for ANY of these:

Looks suspiciously like the one that sparked the original article…just sayin’

Come on, lighten up masses of Twitter folk. When I was at university, having shrunk a sweater, caused another sweater to be the proud owner of a million small bobbles and completely destroyed a t-shirt, I was constantly on the phone to my mother for advice on how to wash things.

Why?

Not because I think it’s her job as a woman and as a mother but because SHE KNOWS HOW TO DO IT AND I DON’T!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s Saturday night and I’m about to make The Canadian One take me out to dinner. What? Whatever about girls and laundry, boys still pay for meals, right? That’s still a rule in 2012, no?

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entertainment funny humor kids quotes South Korea

‘It’s so bling bling.’ – New Quotes Added

The Canadian One and I discuss why cows are the main animal that provides milk to people.

Me: ‘What about giraffes?’

TCO: ‘They’re from Africa.’

Me: ‘Don’t be racist, they can still give us milk!!’

TCO: ‘PLEEEEEASE put that one on your blog!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Kid: ‘I like the many money. It’s so bling bling.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

In a continuation from last week’s conversation (and proof they use the new vocabulary I teach them especially when it’s not lesson-related):

Kid 1: ‘Is your poop water poop?’

Kid 2: ‘What? No, my poop is health!’

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comedy entertainment funny humor random timewasters

Thursday Timewasters – 04/05

Some of my favourite (because I’m NOT American it gets a ‘u’) eCards so far:

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Uncategorized

Tuesday Timewasters – 04/03

Tis Tuesday and what lovely spring weather I’ve woken up too…Urm…This morning when leaving the house I found myself donning my winter coat, my boots, tights, and cardigan all before I could open the front door. Then, and only then, armed with my umbrella, could I venture out into our spring weather. Although it could be worse. From what I gather from my Facebook newsfeed, it’s snowing in my old hometown of Cheonan. In April. Snow. It’s that Leap Year thing I was talking about in my Leap Year article. Adding a day didn’t work, the seasons are changin’ anyway!

To keep you amused and entertained during your period of forced indoor playtime, here’s some timewasters to keep you busy!

Happy Timewasting!

First up, with only 266 sleeps til Christmas, I present (get it, present, present…nevermind…) two Christmas themed timewasters…and yes, I do have an app that’s counting down the days.

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Tuesday Timewasters – 04/03

Tis Tuesday and what lovely spring weather I’ve woken up too…Urm…This morning when leaving the house I found myself donning my winter coat, my boots, tights, and cardigan all before I could open the front door. Then, and only then, armed with my umbrella, could I venture out into our spring weather. Although it could be worse. From what I gather from my Facebook newsfeed, it’s snowing in my old hometown of Cheonan. In April. Snow. It’s that Leap Year thing I was talking about in my Leap Year article. Adding a day didn’t work, the seasons are changin’ anyway!

To keep you amused and entertained during your period of forced indoor playtime, here’s some timewasters to keep you busy!

Happy Timewasting!

First up, with only 266 sleeps til Christmas, I present (get it, present, present…nevermind…) two Christmas themed timewasters…and yes, I do have an app that’s counting down the days.

Categories
entertainment humor Korea South Korea

‘What do we do with the photo?’

In my time in Korea I’ve taken a lot of taxi rides, mainly because they’re cheap, easier than battling the subway sometimes and, to be fair, I’m downright lazy at some points in time. I mostly get ignored by the taxi driver and we continue to our destination in silence. Some insist on practicing their English with me.

‘American?’

‘No, Ireland.’

‘England?’

‘No, Ireland.’

‘Ah, England.’

‘Yes. Yes, England.’

‘English teacher?’

‘Yes.’

Some ask if I’m Russian…akin to asking if I’m a prostitute. Some insist on telling me stories about their lives, their children, their problems with their wives ‘I like my wife, but she is old now and her breasts, they’re low.’ (I kid you not), and, of course, there are the taxi drivers who won’t pick you up because you’re western, will pick you up because you’re western (and they can overcharge you and take you ‘the long, scenic route’) and then there are the taxi drivers who stop, you get in, they ask where you’re going and they decide they don’t want to go there and kick you back out.

Categories
entertainment funny humor kids Korea quotes South Korea

‘She’s a ninja!’ – New Quotes Added

Quote Friiiiiday!! YAY!! And what a week it’s been. With the mild surge of not-freezing weather mid week to the now rainy, dreary sky outside my window, it almost feels like I’m home…except at home they’re apparently having a heatwave. Well, a heatwave for Ireland so take from that what you will.

Happy Quote Friday and enjoy the weekend!

I draw a picture on the board. It’s a river with a house on one side and a girl on the other. We’re discussing problems and solutions. We conclude the problem is the girl can’t get home. The solution:

Kid 1: ‘She build a bridge.’

Me: ‘Ok, how?’

Kid 1: ‘She cut the tree and push and bridge.’

Me: ‘Ok…how will she cut the tree?’

Kid 1: ‘Oh, she’s a ninja!’

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘How would you make the air in Korea cleaner?’

Kid 1: ‘Plant the trees.’

Kid 2: ‘Kill all the cows.’

Me: ‘WHAT?!’

Kid 2: ‘Teacher, they make the gas. They die. No gas. Clean air.’

Categories
entertainment funny humor internet random timewasters Uncategorized websites

‘Dude, where’s my pic?!’

Hello, I’m Jenny and I’m a Draw Somethingaholic. I honestly think I say ‘Did you get my pic?’, ‘Did you see my pic?’, ‘WHERE’S MY NEW PIC?!’ more than I say ‘I love you’ to The Canadian One recently.

It all started about a week ago when a friend called to say ‘You gotta download this app, it’s called Draw Something’. Ok, that’s not why she called but it is the main thing I remember from the conversation. Next morning, on the train, I download the app. Instantly I get a text from The Canadian One: ‘You downloaded an app?’. Ohhhhh yeah, we share an iTunes account so we each get messages whenever the other downloads something. (It was a credit-card-can-only-be-used-with-one-account-situtation that meant one iTunes account for the both of us.) I quickly work out that I need an opponant, this is not a one-player game, and within minutes, The Canadian One has ‘Draw Something’ too.

And so it starts….

Categories
kids South Korea Uncategorized writing

Dear Students…

Inspired by this, I wrote this:

Dear Students,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry due to company restrictions I can’t teach you to the best of my ability.

I’m sorry if you do not understand something we’ve done in class, we’re not afforded the time to cover it in more details so you can conclusively understand its meaning.

I’m sorry the books cover topics in a vague, rushed way that only serves to hinder your learning process.

I’m also sorry the books must be finished in 12 weeks and that due to this timeframe we never do anything but pages and pages of work in class.

I’m sorry we’ve stopped playing games.

I’m sorry Grade Ones that one of your teachers doesn’t trust you enough to do work at home and so you must work tirelessly in class copying answers to questions in your workbooks from the board. Some of the students aren’t following the class as well as you are and there’s no time to go back and help them. I’m sorry if this bores you.

I’m sorry your workbooks stifle your creativity, your brilliant imaginations that all children have, in favor of Fill in the Blanks, Tick A, B or C and Listen and Repeat exercises.

I’m sorry you’re in the wrong level class because of parental pressure / a time conflict with another lesson / your grade / your age. (delete as appropriate)

I’m sorry one student is noisy, loud and disrupts every lesson to the detriment of your learning. He cannot be removed as you would not be removed from the class for doing the same thing. His parents pay for his lessons and therefore he must remain.

I’m sorry you get hot in class because you refuse to take your jacket off but I did not run up and down and up and down the hallway just prior to the lesson so I won’t be turning on the air conditioning for you.

I’m sorry you are saddened by a meaningless test that took me 5 minutes to make and handout and took you 20 minutes to fail. In the real world, that test is just paper destined for the recycling bin.

I’m sorry your friend touched your pencil and you felt that warranted tears.

I’m sorry the company won’t pay for my printer ink and so you can’t have fun worksheets and puzzles to do.

I’m sorry I don’t have fancier flashcards.

I’m sorry they won’t give me office supplies or a prize budget but I do my best and I will always make sure you get your stickers, presents and candy.

But most of all, dear students, I’m sorry the company’s unrealistic demands on you and your progress along with its business-like approach to your education has left me with a lethargic attitude towards teaching you. It’s hard to keep up a high level of enthusiasm when faced with the realities of expectation and for that, above all else, I apologise.

Your Teacher.

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Tuesday Timewasters – 03/27

So today at school I was a little busy with stalking the Canadian embassy here in Seoul and playing with my iPhone so Tuesday’s Timewasters have come a little late in the day however it is STILL Tuesday and after coming home and making homemade cheeseburgers for today’s dinner and homemade meatballs for tomorrow’s dinner, I’ve sat down to share with you my favorite timewasters of this week. Enjoy. And Happy Timewasting!

Ta Daaaaa!

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Uncategorized

‘A hand jacket!’ – New Quotes Added

It’s Quote Friday!! YAY!! And a rainy one at that.

Excuse for today for being late (I arrived at 11:16am, not 11:00am) : ‘I walk slower when it rains. I think I might fall over.’

Co-Teacher: ‘Ok, I understand.’

🙂 Happy Friday! And don’t forget, you can find more quotes on the Wall and the Index.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

While learning ‘I used to’ with my grade fours:

Boy 1: ‘I used to hate math. Now, I like math.’

Me: ‘Really?’

Boy 2 sitting in front of him turns around, raises his eyebrows and stares at him skeptically…then shakes his head slowly.

Boy 1: ‘Yes, really.’

Me: ‘Ok, next?’

Boy 2: ‘I used to don’t like computer games. Now, I like computer games.’

Boy 1 jumps from his seat, pointing at Boy 2.

Boy 1: ‘LYING!!!! Him all the time like computer games. Lying, Teacher!’

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

I draw a mitten on the board.

Me: ‘What’s this?’

Little Girl: ‘A hand jacket.’

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

While doing listen and repeat:

Me: ‘Wound.’

Class: ‘Wound.’

Me: ‘Bleeding.’

Class: ‘Bleeding.’

Me: ‘Sawdust.’

Class: ‘Sawdust!’

I drop the open-topped board marker. It bounces off my skirt and lands on the floor.

Me: ‘Oh shi…’ (and I stop before I finish the swear word)

Class: ‘Ocean!’

Me: ‘Ummm…’

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

While teaching history on Monday:

Me: ‘Ok so way way way back in time they had no electricity and no lights and no running water, no TV. When do you think way back in time was?’

Kid: ‘Wednesday!’

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Same class as above:

Me: ‘Ok, so we live in the olden days and we have no cars and no trains and no planes. How do I around?’

Kid 1: ‘Walking.’

Kid 2: ‘Horse and carriage.’

Me: ‘Excellent. So I’m in Seoul. Where can I go in a horse and carriage?’

Kid 3: ‘Mexico!’

Me: ‘From Seoul?!’

Kid 3: ‘Yes.’

Me: ‘But why??’

Kid 3: ‘It’s fun.’

Kid 4: ‘Oh, it take a long time!’

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Let’s all bear in mind, I teach in a Korean elementary school. One of my grade two students is called ‘Jenny’ as am I. A conversation I overheard while on break time. These kids have been studying English for a year. Three little girls, sitting in my classroom.

Kid 1: ‘Hmmmm, teacher is Jenny and you are Jenny. YOU can be black Jenny.’

I glance up from behind my computer.

Kid 2: ‘No no, BROWN. She’s BROWN Jenny.’ (correcting her)

I start wondering where this is going.

Jenny: ‘Yes, I am brown Jenny.'(confirming)

I look at the three girls and they look up at me.

Kid 1: ‘YOU are green Jenny.’

I look confused.

Kid 1 points at me. I look down. I’m wearing a green top. I look at the other Jenny. She’s wearing a brown dress. I shake my head and return to my computer.

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Canada conversations funny humor random Uncategorized

‘But then how do you pay your strippers?!’ – Conversations with TCO Part 1

Recently, The Canadian One and I were having a conversation in which he pointed out that I say ridiculous things….ALL. THE. TIME. If I were on a reality TV show, I’d come off as the stupidest person in the world. Seriously. The amount of things I say, without thinking, are insane. For example:

Me: ‘God, you’re like that ten year old who outsmarted me last week!!’ (I don’t think any context is needed but it was said during the recent poker game featured here.)

Then he says, ‘You’re writing down all the things other people say, who’s writing down all the things YOU say?!’

So here, for your amusement, are some of the most ridiculous things I’ve said recently. I’m sure The Canadian One can add more…a lot more! These mainly focus on The Land of the Maple Leaf as we’ll be moving there and I’m learning all about it.

First up, The Canadian One and I discuss where to live in Canada: (Now, at this point, I’d just like to say I got straight A’s in Geography but unfortunately knowing how a river was formed, how coastal erosion happened and the difference between and stalagmite and a stalactite serves me no real purpose in the real world)

TCO: ‘If we move to Northern Canada, I’ll earn more money but it’s really REALLY cold.’

Me: ‘Why would it be more cold? Isn’t it closer to Hawaii?’

TCO: ‘What? Hawaii?’

Me: ‘Yeah, it’s like right next to Canada, right? Why would is be colder?’

TCO: ‘Hawaii’s an island in the middle of the ocean!!’

Me: ‘It’s not next to Canada? At the top?’

TCO: ‘That’s ALASKA!!!!’

Me: ‘Ahhhh, I always wondered why it never snows on Hawaii 5-O.’

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘If we go live in Calgary, can we go to the giant waterfall?’

TCO: ‘Niagara Falls? Sure. But it’s quite far away.’

Me: ‘Like a really long drive?’

TCO: ‘No, we’d have to fly there.’

Me: ‘Fly? Really? It’s that far?’

TCO: ‘You have no idea how big Canada is, do you?’

Me: ‘I really don’t think I do!’

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘What’s T-Dot?’

TCO: ‘Toronto.’

Me: ‘Can we move to T-Dot?’

TCO: ‘No. I have no family there. Or friends. Or job. Why do you wanna move to Toronto?’

Me: ‘So I can say I live in T-DOT!!’

TCO: ‘No. You’ll just have to tell people you live in Cow-Town.’

Me: ‘Cow-Town? There are cows? In Calgary?’

TCO: ‘Yes. Lots.’

Me: ‘Can I get a cowboy hat?’

____________________________________________________________________________________________

And finally: TCO quizzes me on my knowledge so far.

TCO: ‘What’s a loonie?’

Me: ‘A dollar coin.’

TCO: ‘Good. What’s a toonie?’

Me: ‘A two dollar coin.’

TCO: ‘Very good.’

Me: ‘You guys don’t have paper dollars?’

TCO: ‘No. We have one dollar and two dollar coins and then 5 dollar bills.’

Pause.

Me: ‘But then how do you pay your strippers?!’

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Canada conversations funny humor random Uncategorized

‘But then how do you pay your strippers?!’ – Conversations with TCO Part 1

Recently, The Canadian One and I were having a conversation in which he pointed out that I say ridiculous things….ALL. THE. TIME. If I were on a reality TV show, I’d come off as the stupidest person in the world. Seriously. The amount of things I say, without thinking, are insane. For example:

Me: ‘God, you’re like that ten year old who outsmarted me last week!!’ (I don’t think any context is needed but it was said during the recent poker game featured here.)

Then he says, ‘You’re writing down all the things other people say, who’s writing down all the things YOU say?!’

So here, for your amusement, are some of the most ridiculous things I’ve said recently. I’m sure The Canadian One can add more…a lot more! These mainly focus on The Land of the Maple Leaf as we’ll be moving there and I’m learning all about it.

First up, The Canadian One and I discuss where to live in Canada: (Now, at this point, I’d just like to say I got straight A’s in Geography but unfortunately knowing how a river was formed, how coastal erosion happened and the difference between and stalagmite and a stalactite serves me no real purpose in the real world)

TCO: ‘If we move to Northern Canada, I’ll earn more money but it’s really REALLY cold.’

Me: ‘Why would it be more cold? Isn’t it closer to Hawaii?’

TCO: ‘What? Hawaii?’

Me: ‘Yeah, it’s like right next to Canada, right? Why would is be colder?’

TCO: ‘Hawaii’s an island in the middle of the ocean!!’

Me: ‘It’s not next to Canada? At the top?’

TCO: ‘That’s ALASKA!!!!’

Me: ‘Ahhhh, I always wondered why it never snows on Hawaii 5-O.’

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘If we go live in Calgary, can we go to the giant waterfall?’

TCO: ‘Niagara Falls? Sure. But it’s quite far away.’

Me: ‘Like a really long drive?’

TCO: ‘No, we’d have to fly there.’

Me: ‘Fly? Really? It’s that far?’

TCO: ‘You have no idea how big Canada is, do you?’

Me: ‘I really don’t think I do!’

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘What’s T-Dot?’

TCO: ‘Toronto.’

Me: ‘Can we move to T-Dot?’

TCO: ‘No. I have no family there. Or friends. Or job. Why do you wanna move to Toronto?’

Me: ‘So I can say I live in T-DOT!!’

TCO: ‘No. You’ll just have to tell people you live in Cow-Town.’

Me: ‘Cow-Town? There are cows? In Calgary?’

TCO: ‘Yes. Lots.’

Me: ‘Can I get a cowboy hat?’

____________________________________________________________________________________________

And finally: TCO quizzes me on my knowledge so far.

TCO: ‘What’s a loonie?’

Me: ‘A dollar coin.’

TCO: ‘Good. What’s a toonie?’

Me: ‘A two dollar coin.’

TCO: ‘Very good.’

Me: ‘You guys don’t have paper dollars?’

TCO: ‘No. We have one dollar and two dollar coins and then 5 dollar bills.’

Pause.

Me: ‘But then how do you pay your strippers?!’

For more posts, check out:

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comedy entertainment humor random timewasters Uncategorized websites

Tuesday Timewasters – 03/20

Ahhhh Tuesdays…After a six classes straight no-break-not-even-a-pee-break Monday, Tuesday is always a welcome addition to my week. It’s eases me nicely into Wednesday and sure then it’s almost Thursday which is one day closer to Friday, and I mean, I could practically say it’s almost the weekend…eventhough it’s only 12:30pm…on Tuesday and I’m yet to actually do any work…and won’t for at least another two and a half hours minimum. God, I’ll miss this upon our trade from The Land of the Morning Calm to The Land of the Maple Leaf. I’ll have to get a real job, with real hours, doing real, dare I say it, work! Ewwww.

Moving on. Happy Timewasting Everybody….Hope you’re all recovering nicely from Paddy’s Weekend! 🙂

1. Some of the most popular photos of last year

First up, some photography. Man, I love pictures! Not only do they require less effort to appreciate than reading something (God, I’m lazy!) but they can be just so damn pretty sometimes. Here’s a selection of my faves, check out the rest on the site. They are all awesome. I had my faves narrowed down to five…until a sixth crept in too. (also, credit where credit’s due, if one of these photos is personally yours, shoot me an email and we’ll credit and link you)

2. David Thorne annoys people for our amusement!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this website. Love it. It makes me laugh out loud, literally. Not in the ‘LOL’ type of way where I think something’s mildly amusing so I type that back as a response when in reality my face barely twitched when I read it. Nope. Not like that. Banned from being read in public places such as the bus or the subway as people around me stare and point at the white girl laughing uncontrollably. This is, without a doubt, one of the funniest, random sites out there. Not only does their logo look like this:

Copyright © David Thorne

David Thorne is awesome! The Canadian One even tried to get me his book for Christmas but alas, tis not available in Korea. Fear not, apparently there’s an e-book version and, armed with my new Kindle, perhaps it shall be my next purchase. Check out my favorite post of his about Missing Missy and, of course, his advice for you if you’re feeling sad.

3. The 6 Creepiest Places On Earth

Oh cracked.com, how I do love your random lists of things people really never knew they NEEDED to know! Here’s 6 places I do not, EVER want to go on vacation. And here’s another about 5 Mysterious Disappearances (that turned out to be hoaxes).

4. This Dude’s Blog

Tis funny.

5. Bert Kreischer

Bert Kreischer is a comedian and whenever he stays in hotel rooms, he uses stuff in the room to leave a surprise for the maid. Check it out!

And, finally, I leave you with this picture, cos it’s hilarious and, having had this conversation with The Canadian One recently, I find it appropriate.

TCO: ‘Are there bears in England?’

Me: ‘Like free? No. Why, are there bears in Canada?’

TCO: ‘Yeah.’

Me: ‘Like free?’

TCO: ‘Yeah.’

Me: ‘Like just wandering about??’

TCO: ‘Yeah. Like in the forests.’

ME: ‘WTF? Who looks after them?’

TCO: ‘No one, they’re wild.’

ME: ‘WILD? But what if they get sick?’

TCO: ‘I dunno. They’re wild. No one looks after them. They live deep in the forest.’

Me: ‘Free? Like, just wandering about?….Do they eat people?’

TCO: ‘Sometimes.’

ME: ‘We’re not moving to Canada.’

Enjoy. 🙂

Categories
comedy entertainment humor random timewasters Uncategorized websites

Tuesday Timewasters – 03/20

Ahhhh Tuesdays…After a six classes straight no-break-not-even-a-pee-break Monday, Tuesday is always a welcome addition to my week. It’s eases me nicely into Wednesday and sure then it’s almost Thursday which is one day closer to Friday, and I mean, I could practically say it’s almost the weekend…eventhough it’s only 12:30pm…on Tuesday and I’m yet to actually do any work…and won’t for at least another two and a half hours minimum. God, I’ll miss this upon our trade from The Land of the Morning Calm to The Land of the Maple Leaf. I’ll have to get a real job, with real hours, doing real, dare I say it, work! Ewwww.

Moving on. Happy Timewasting Everybody….Hope you’re all recovering nicely from Paddy’s Weekend! 🙂

1. Some of the most popular photos of last year

First up, some photography. Man, I love pictures! Not only do they require less effort to appreciate than reading something (God, I’m lazy!) but they can be just so damn pretty sometimes. Here’s a selection of my faves, check out the rest on the site. They are all awesome. I had my faves narrowed down to five…until a sixth crept in too. (also, credit where credit’s due, if one of these photos is personally yours, shoot me an email and we’ll credit and link you)

2. David Thorne annoys people for our amusement!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this website. Love it. It makes me laugh out loud, literally. Not in the ‘LOL’ type of way where I think something’s mildly amusing so I type that back as a response when in reality my face barely twitched when I read it. Nope. Not like that. Banned from being read in public places such as the bus or the subway as people around me stare and point at the white girl laughing uncontrollably. This is, without a doubt, one of the funniest, random sites out there. Not only does their logo look like this:

Copyright © David Thorne

David Thorne is awesome! The Canadian One even tried to get me his book for Christmas but alas, tis not available in Korea. Fear not, apparently there’s an e-book version and, armed with my new Kindle, perhaps it shall be my next purchase. Check out my favorite post of his about Missing Missy and, of course, his advice for you if you’re feeling sad.

3. The 6 Creepiest Places On Earth

Oh cracked.com, how I do love your random lists of things people really never knew they NEEDED to know! Here’s 6 places I do not, EVER want to go on vacation. And here’s another about 5 Mysterious Disappearances (that turned out to be hoaxes).

4. This Dude’s Blog

Tis funny.

5. Bert Kreischer

Bert Kreischer is a comedian and whenever he stays in hotel rooms, he uses stuff in the room to leave a surprise for the maid. Check it out!

And, finally, I leave you with this picture, cos it’s hilarious and, having had this conversation with The Canadian One recently, I find it appropriate.

TCO: ‘Are there bears in England?’

Me: ‘Like free? No. Why, are there bears in Canada?’

TCO: ‘Yeah.’

Me: ‘Like free?’

TCO: ‘Yeah.’

Me: ‘Like just wandering about??’

TCO: ‘Yeah. Like in the forests.’

ME: ‘WTF? Who looks after them?’

TCO: ‘No one, they’re wild.’

ME: ‘WILD? But what if they get sick?’

TCO: ‘I dunno. They’re wild. No one looks after them. They live deep in the forest.’

Me: ‘Free? Like, just wandering about?….Do they eat people?’

TCO: ‘Sometimes.’

ME: ‘We’re not moving to Canada.’

Enjoy. 🙂

Categories
analogies humor kids random Uncategorized

‘Number 16 never fails to make me laugh…’ – Analogies

***Note: This is a re-post from a now deleted page so sorry to all those who’ve read this already! 🙂

In the spirit of this blog, I wandered upon this little gem. Now, I don’t claim to own this, to have written this or to have devised any of this (and if you are the original owner of this, shoot me an email or comment below) buuuuut I found this on the interweb, oh about a lifetime ago, and it’s also published all over in various places and a quick Google search will bring, well, almost all of them, but here is it, copied and pasted for your enjoyment… 🙂 Keep Laughing!

So apparently the Washington Post held a contest in which high school teachers sent in the “worst” analogies they’d encountered in grading their students’ papers over the years and here are the results:

1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.

3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.

13. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

14. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

15. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at asolar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

16. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

17. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

18. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way abowling ball wouldn’t.

19. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

20. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

21. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

22. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

23. Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it hadrusted shut.

24. He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.

25. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

26. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

27. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

28. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

29. “Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

31. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

32. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

33. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

34. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

35. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

36. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

37. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

38. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

39. Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually.

40. Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.

41. They were as good friends as the people on “Friends.”

42. Oooo, he smells bad, she thought, as bad as Calvin Klein’s Obsession would smell if it were called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural floral fragrances.

43. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.

44. He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes woo woo woo.

45. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747.

46. Her eyes were shining like two marbles that someone dropped in mucus and then held up to catch the light.

47. The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas.

48. I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.

49. She was as unhappy as when someone puts your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows down and then you lose the recipe, and on top of that you can’t sing worth a damn.

50. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

51. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

52. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

53. You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.

54. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

55. Her lips were red and full, like tubes of blood drawn by an inattentive phlebotomist.

56. The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.

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‘The dinosaurs ate each other’ – New Quotes Added

End of the week and that means Quote….urm….Saturday…Sorry, I know it’s a day late. I’ve been ill and not actually in work much this week so this is kinda short. But still….enjoy!

One of my kindergarten kids once wrote in his diary about his mom liking ‘black cock’ and how his mom was sad that ‘there was no black cock in the home’ and how she ‘went out to buy cock’…Took me half the page to realise he’d just spelled ‘coke’ wrong!

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Me: ‘Name a pink animal?’

Kid: ‘An elephant!’

Kid 2: ‘A dinosaur!’

Kid 3: ‘A pig!!!’

Kid 4: ‘NO, a pig is HOT pink!’

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From a written assignment:

‘The opposite of dirty is beautiful.’

The opposite of begin is sun.’

The opposite of dark is deep.’

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Again, from a written assignment:

‘Why do you think the dinosaurs died?’

‘Some people think there was a huge explosion but I think the dinosaurs ate each other.’

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From my Grade 4 class:

Me: ‘What’s a blue animal?’

Kid 1: ‘A hippo!’

Kid 2: ‘A unicorn!’

Kid 3: ‘A jaguar!’

I turn and look behind me to see pictures drawn by the younger kids of animals colored in.

Me: ‘STOP looking at the Grade One coloring board!! They don’t color the animals the correct colors!’

Kid 4: ‘A bird!!’

Me: ‘Yes!’

Kid 5: ‘Ahhhhh, Rio!! The bird in Rio!! He’s blue.’

Me: ‘As is the bird in our storybook!’

They all look down at their desks to see a GIANT blue bird staring back at them from the front cover of their books.

Entire class: ‘Ohhhhhhhh!’

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And finally, random listen and repeat from the book this week:

Me, not paying attention during listen and repeat, reading: ‘Do you want to see my snake?’

Class: ‘Do you want to see my snake?’

Me, reading: ‘It’s in the bathroom.’

Class: ‘It’s in the bathroom.’

Me: ‘One more time. Do you want to see my snake? It’s in the bathroom.’

Class: ‘Do you want to see my snake? It’s in the bathroom.’

Me, jumping to attention: ‘Wait, what???’

I look at the accompanying picture of a little boy and little girl sitting on the couch with the speech bubble coming from the boy. The people in our R and D department have too much time on their hands.

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humor random Uncategorized

‘Oh, you’re Irish! Me too.’

St. Patrick's Day
St. Patrick’s Day (Photo credit: mdid)

It’s been maybe 9 and a half years since I last celebrated St. Patrick’s Day in Ireland and through travelling around this fine world, I’ve had this conversation too many times to count:

Someone: ‘Where are you from?’

Me: ‘Ireland.’

Someone: ‘Oh, you’re Irish! Me too.’

Me: ‘Really? What part of Ireland are you from?’

Someone: ‘Oh, I’ve never actually been to Ireland. My great-grandmother was Irish.’

Me: ‘So where in America are you from?’

There’s no day in the whole year that this conversation happens more than on March 17th….or the Saturday after if it falls on a weekday. There’s also the whole rigmarole of me also having to prove I’m Irish on occasion due the fact that six years in England and four in Korea has led to my accent being a bit askew. Also living with The Canadian One I pick up little bits of twang…although he doesn’t say ‘aboot’ or ‘ey’ nearly as much as I would have hoped.

Just while I’m on the subject of words said incorrectly differently, please please Americans (and all other people in the world who do it) stop calling it St. Patty’s Day. It’s St. Patrick’s Day, St. Paddy’s Day or just Paddy’s Day. Under NO circumstances should it be called St. Patty’s Day.

Ever.

At all.

Paddy: Short for Patrick.

Patty: Short for Patricia, the name of Marge’s sister in The Simpsons and the name of a small, round serving of meat usually found on a burger. Can be used to cover everything from the dubious stuff that goes on a McDonald’s Cheeseburger to the gourmet homemade thingys The Canadian One makes.

If you don’t believe me, go to Ireland, call a fella ‘Patty’ and see what happens, I dare ya. It’s worth knowing, Ireland’s healthcare costs are astronomical so ye may wanna pick a guy you’ve got a fightin’ chance with.

St. Patrick
St. Patrick (Photo credit: Mark Sardella)

Moving on. Now, not a lot is known about old St. Paddy himself. What is known is that he wasn’t Irish. At all. Not one little bit. He’s British.

Just to recap our geography, before anyone writes and says, ‘it’s the saaaaame’, Britain = England, Scotland and Wales. Not Ireland.

St. Patrick, presumably back when he was just plain Patrick (or Paddy to his friends), at age sixteen was kidnapped by Irish raiders and brought to Ireland to work as a shepard. I kid you not, we properly snatched and grabbed him. Then we kept him for 6 years until he escaped and fled back to his family in Britain.

The story goes, as stories do, that while alone and secluded from other people working on the mountains in Ireland, God spoke to him. God told him he’d soon be free and it was time to leave Ireland. Upon his return to his homeland, he entered the church where he stayed for 15 years (approx, who really knows) and then he returned to Ireland. Seriously, he came back to the people that kidnapped him in the first place.

Now widely blamed for credited with bringing christianity to our small little island (was it really necessary?), we celebrate St. Patrick’s death in the form of drinking, parades with floats, green beer, dying our rivers green (with orange dye no less) and wearing silly hats. Do you think this is what he had in mind when he brought us religion? Floats and alcohol? One can only hope!

So where does the shamrock come into all this?

Well, St. Patrick used the shamrock (a three-leafed clover, NOT four, three…THREE) to explain the Holy Trinity to the people of Ireland and naturally, we adopted as our national flower.

Ah, tell me about the snakes.

Apparently St. Patrick, in his spare time between praying, talking to God, explaining the Holy Trinity to people and spreading the christian word, also got rid of all the snakes in Ireland. Every single one of them. No snakes in Ireland no more. And why? Cos St. Paddy got rid of them all. True story. Probably. Again, who really knows?

Leprechaun with rainbow
Leprechaun with rainbow (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And what about the leprechauns?

They don’t come into this story so we’ll have to deal with them in a different post.

For more information on St. Patrick, you should watch this mini film by Brown Bag Films (it’s only 4:30 mins long). Recorded in 1960, its young children in an inner city Dublin National School telling their versions of bible stories to a film crew. Hilarious, warming and Oscar-nominated, well worth four and a half minutes of your life.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day all, wear green and don’t drink too much!

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Tuesday Timewasters – 03/13

And so starts a new semester of Timewasting Tuesdays, sat at my desk playing on the computer. Happy Timewasting Tuesday Everybody!

The first two are kinda related…If they were novels, they’d be in the same genre anyway.

1. Awkward Break-Up Letters

If I ever break up with The Canadian One, I shall be taking a leaf outta one of their books for ideas on how to do it! On a side note, anyone wanting to send a break-up email / letter, here’s a handy and hilarious generator to help you out: breakupemail.com.

2. Jenny Vs Spencer

Jenny quit her job in a spectacular way. Spencer, her boss, retaliated. And it was all put on the Internet for us to enjoy and laugh at.

3. 7 Scientific Reasons A Zombie Outbreak Would Fail

The Canadian One LOVES The Walking Dead. I am terrified of it and, having watched two episodes with him, promptly gave up on it. However, from what he tells me, I feel this picture sums up the storyline nicely:

(Source

4. 25 Incredible Optical Illusions

Note: This is a static image…stop moving your eyes and the image stops moving!

Numbers 1-4 are freaky….!

5. Should I Have A Cookie?

A helpful flowchart to decide if you should have a cookie or not!

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South Korea Uncategorized

‘How do you feel about Pi?’

PIE = LOVE

Here in Korea they love their couple related holidays. So much so, they have whole days dedicated to coupledom. Normally falling on the 14th of each month, Korea’s couple holidays mean big business for the candy / chocolate / greeting cards / motel companies.

Following on the heels of February 14th’s Valentine’s Day, comes March 14th’s White Day. Originating in Japan in the late 1960’s and initially called Marshmallow Day, a name I really think should have stuck, White Day celebrates love in the traditional way: the art of gift giving.

Unlike Europe and North America, in Japan/Korea/Taiwan/China, Valentine’s Day is traditionally the day women give gifts to men. Usually of the chocolate variety, these gifts are given to the boyfriend, the male co-workers and the men she has regular contact with. White Day, on the other hand, is the reciprocation day of these gifts.

But where the women must give gifts to men she has regular contact with, men must only give gifts to the woman they are in a relationship with. Named ‘White Day’ for the color of the marshmallows, gifts for this day range from white chocolate to white candy to white lingerie and beyond. In Korea, they lean more towards the candy and chocolate arena with convenience stores selling elaborate candy inspired displays of affection and love made especially for the day.

In the same way receiving a Hallmark card on your birthday marks someone’s want to show you you mean enough to them for them to spend $3 on a card, receiving candy from your love on White Day is seen as a validation of your relationship and of his love for you. It’s said the gift should be three times the price of the gift he received from you on Valentine’s Day, which in theory is a fantastic rule to have.

It’s worth noting, however, after two months of love related gift giving, comes April 14th’s Black Day. A day for all the singletons to gather together, wear dark clothing and eat a bowl of jajangmyeon(noodles with black bean sauce).

Jajangmyeon

Incidentally jajangmyeon is one of my favorite Korean foods, however I do feel eating it on April 14th may send the wrong message to The Canadian One. Perhap if I do it while wearing pastel colors and a big smile on my face I might get away with it though.

Now, we aren’t really into these candy related holidays (although I would never say no to a gift – if you’re reading this Maple Leaf, I would like a Forever 21 gift card…it’s worth a try). Instead we celebrate a different holiday on March 14th. In addition to being White Day and Einstein’s birthday, March 14th (03/14) marks International Pi Day. A day when all things pi and pie related are celebrated.

Started in 1988 by physicist Larry Shaw, Pi Day was first celebrated in the San Franscisco Exploritorium with staff marching in a circle and then eating fruit pies. Why a circle, you say. Well, if you remember your high school math classes, you’ll remember Pi is used to represent the relationship between a circle’s diameter (the width) and the circle’s circumference (the distance around the circle).  Don’t worry, I didn’ t remember that either. Google to the rescue. To two decimal points, Pi is 3.14 and hence, March 14th is the day for it to be celebrated.

Like St. Patrick’s Day to my people or Canada Day for the The Canadian One, Pi Day is a day for all Pi enthusiasts to have their moment and wave their flag. Now celebrated around the world, the San Fransisco Exploritorium continues to hold a celebration each year to mark the day. Even MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) has gotten in on the action with their students wishing each other a Happy Pi Day and the school board trying to time its acceptance letters arriving on the morning of March 14th.

So on March 14th, instead of celebrating our love of each other, The Canadian One and I will be celebrating our love of pie.

Our pie from last year (and the first pie I’ve ever made!)

Although, again, a gift would be more than welcome. And by my calculations, I took him to the movies on Valentine’s Day, a venture which cost $18.

18 x 3 = 54

A $54 gift card for Forever 21 could potentially get me a pretty dress AND a cardigan to wear with it. Then again, he bought dinner that night which came to $56 which means if he paid for that when it wasn’t technically his turn, I should, in theory, pay for something on White Day when it’s not my turn. If it’s got to be three times the amount, that’s $168 so perhaps we’ll just call it even and stick to our plan of ‘drink a beer and eat some apple pie’…with him paying for the apples, obviously.

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‘I did NOT break the coffee machine!’

When The Canadian One and I moved in together, my mother sent him a Facebook message warning him to get insurance for his personal possessions. Now, why, I can hear you wonder, why would my mother do this? Well, let me explain.

I don’t exactly have the best history in the world with not breaking things. Things just break when they’re around me. It’s like my gravitational pull causes inanimate objects to self-destruct.

Take anything nice my mother ever owned and there’s a 98% chance it was broken by me. Not on purpose, just from me being in the general vicinity of it. Her Yankee Candle candle holder bought in New York, fell off the microwave and smashed on the tiles when I opened the microwave door.

Crystal glasses, mysteriously self-combusted.

The washing machine, a coin inside it (we’re not 100% sure that was me but in all probability, it was).

My car I owned less than a week, scratches all over one door from me misjudging the distance between the car itself and the pillar in the driveway.

Every cell-phone, cd player, laptop, iPod, I’ve ever owned. Even my mini-fridge spontaneously started spouting smoked one afternoon.

Umbrellas, mugs, bowls, plates, a turtle tank (seriously), a grill, a TV (perhaps two), several of my own teeth, my leg, a laptop fan, all the DVD players, my God the list could go on and on.

My blender, my suitcase, shelves, a desk, Christmas ornaments (too many to count), the window in my mother’s porch.

All of which brings me to this morning. The Canadian One and I drink a lot of coffee. But while he owns a fancy espresso maker to make his morning lattes, I own a less fancy, more self-preserving / cheap to replace type of device in which to make my coffee with:

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humor kids quotes South Korea Uncategorized

‘I’ll Give You A Sticker.’ – New Quotes Added 03/09

That’s riiiiiiiiight! It’s Friday! End of the week and end of the first week of the new semester. Well, it’s only been a two-day week, but still, it’s nice to see the weekend again. Oh how I’ve missed it. Unfortunately, with only two days and classes full of new, nervous students, there wasn’t a lot of talking done! But with that, it’s still QUOTE FRIDAY!!

‘Why do you think the dinosaurs died?

Kid’s Answer: ‘Some people think there was a huge explosion but I think the dinosaurs ate each other.’

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I stop writing on the board and consider what to write next while my class watch me.

Me: ‘Ummmmmmmmm….’

Kid jumps up: ‘BRELLA!!!’

I turn and look at him.

Kid: ‘UMbrella.’

And then he sits back down, satisfied he has completely solved my problem.

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We have already established what ‘fictional / not real is. We’re giving answers to the question going in a circle.

Me: ‘Name a fictional animal?’

Kids: ‘Cat.’

‘Dog’

‘Panda’

‘Mouse’

One kid meanwhile is freaking out in her seat waiting for it to get around to her.

‘Lion’

‘Tiger’

Freaking out kid: ‘A DRAGON!!!!’

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My brand new grade one class got given their English names today just before my class started.

Me: ‘Ted?’

Ted, looking at me, pointing at his head, looking panicked: ‘Head?? HEAD??!!!!’

Me (looking at my sheet of names): ‘No, Ted. It says Ted. Your name is Ted.’

Ted: ‘Ttttttt?’

Me: ‘Yes, Tttttted. A ‘T’. T-T-Ted.’

Ted: ‘Ah, ok.’

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Me: ‘Did you do homework?’

8-year-old: ‘What page was homework?’

Me: ‘Eh, 53, I think.’

8-year old goes to open his book and then, without getting to any particular page, just shuts it: ‘No, no I did no homework.’

Me: ‘Are you sure?’

8-year-old: ‘Yes. (shakes his head) I did no homework.’

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How I control my class:

Me: ‘If you are good, you get a point.’

Class: ‘Ouuuu.’

‘And with five points, you get a sticker.’

‘Ouuuuu!!!’

‘And with 20 stickers, you get a present!!’

‘Ouuuuuu, hurray!’

‘And if you speak Korean, you get minus one point.’

Entire class gasps and falls silent.

One kid misunderstands the explanation and speaks Korean. Entire class looks at him and gasp again.

Of course, older classes know how to work this system to their advantage:

Me: ‘Who wants to read paragraph one?’

Nothing.

Me: ‘I’ll give you a sticker.’

Twelve hands shoot into the air amid cries of ‘Me, me!!!’

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While playing a ball game in class:

Me: ‘If you hit the light, minus a sticker. If you hit me, minus two stickers. If you touch my coffee, I’ll kill you….Oh and try not to hit the TV. Ready?!’

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Two girls are talking at the back of the classroom.

Me: ‘Stop speaking Korean!’

Girl: ‘I wasn’t speaking Korean! I was listening! SHE (pointing at her friend) was speaking Korean.’

The look on her friend’s face was priceless.

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humor Korea random Uncategorized

‘I’ve taken up origami…’

Recently, at school, we had our final day of the semester, which is dubbed ‘party day’. It is, in fact, movie / candy eating day as oppose to an actual party day. I had four 55 minute classes running from 9:30am onwards and as it was also the last day of the school year (school year in Korea runs March – Feb), my student attendance was waning.

The selection of movies I presented to my students were provided to me by The Canadian One stealing them from his Kindergarten school. Their options were: ‘The Smurfs’, ‘Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs’ and ‘Rio’. Three classes voted for ‘The Smurfs’, except one kid in one class who voted for ‘Rio’ but majority ruled and he was forced to watch the little blue creatures lead by Santa Smurf into the real world.

In case you can’t tell, I had never in my life seen ‘The Smurfs’ before. Not on TV, not on the big screen, not in a storybook. By 9:45am, I was hooked! An hour later, while watching the first 55 minutes again, I was still watching as intently as I had an hour earlier. By round three of the first 55 minutes, I was bored and wanted to know what happened next. The kids, understandably, would not let me show them the last 55 mins of the movie instead so I had to find something else to do.

And cue, playing with the iPhone (movie was playing through my computer so that was off-limits).

As I scrolled through the many (many) apps I have on my little device, I came across this:

And remembering I was once gifted a package of origami paper from a student and had thrown it into my desk, I set off to find it:

Ta-Da!

With my students happily watched the blue not-a-leprechauns being chased around New York by the voice of ‘Moe’ from ‘The Simpsons’ and saved by NPH from ‘Harold and Kumar’, I set about constructing my origami masterpieces at my desk…and tried my best not to swear while saying ‘WHAT THE SMURF?!’ aloud several times.

Also, little known fact, origami takes a lot of concentration. When constructing them at your desk, shielded by your computer screen so passers by can only see your face, you look like you’re very hard at work on something ultra-important.

With 6 piece of paper, I had to carefully choose what I was to make and here’s what I came up with:

‘The Jumping Frog’

He would be green but I destroyed him the first time I tried to make him. This is Take 2….and he really does jump!

‘The Duck’

Ummmmm, body is a bit long but he’s the right color. A step up on the frog.

Next was ‘The Fox’.

Also the correct color. I should get points for that.

‘The Goldfish’

His correct color sheet was used on ‘The Fox’ so he’s a black and beige goldfish, with an almost torn off tail cos I didn’t read the instructions properly.

And finally, ‘The Table’

Come on, that one’s impressive. I even got my cup to balance on it….Of course, this was after I drank all the water from it. For future reference, ‘The Table’ can’t hold too much weight!

As proud as I was to have made all of these, not to be outdone, one of my 7 year olds then made this:

Yep, I think I’ll just go smurf an eye on the boiling kettle while I await my coffee and leave the origami to the 7-year-olds.

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Tuesday Timewasters – 03/06

Today: In school from 9am (well, 9:13am). No kids, no teaching, am supposed to be cleaning my classroom but I finished that on Friday, am supposed to be planning my lessons but my books and classes have changed twice so far today so I’m waiting it out. I also just had to sit through a 96 minute meeting in an unheated classroom while needing to pee. Oh, and it was also all in Korean, which as you’ll remember from ‘Watch Out For The Hedgehog’, I do not speak. To add to my discomfort, my co-teacher has ‘borrowed without bringing back’ my kettle so I can’t make coffee either. I think I’ll just take a nap. And so I present to you, My Top 5 Tuesday Timewasters: (if a link doesn’t work, shoot me an email and I shall sort it) Happy Timewasting!

1. T-Rex Trying

I do a GREAT inpression of a T-Rex. It’s FANTASTIC, take it from me…and ONLY me. Don’t listen to the other naysayers. My T-Rex impression ROCKS. Check out this cartoon in which a T-Rex tries to do daily activities. I didn’t draw them so they’re funny, don’t worry.

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2. The Doghouse Dairies

Three dudes draw funny comics. New one each Mon-Wed-Fri. The one above I can totally relate to!

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3. Simple Ideas That Are Genius

That title should read Simple Ideas That Are GENIUS And I’m Kicking Myself I Didn’t Think Of It First!!

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4. Things To Remember If I Ever Become An Evil Overlord

I think the title really speaks for itself.

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5. Pinterest

I dare you not to get addicted to pinning stuff to your virtual noticeboard! Follow me on www.pinterest.com/theketchupwar. It’s only a matter of time before I get the ‘Pin It’ button on the school computer and The Canadian One has to come home from work to me, in front of the computer, pointing and saying ‘Loooook, loooooook!!’. As if me sending him pictures of knitted hats via Facebook isn’t enough to deal with.

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humor Korea Uncategorized

‘Wait, what’s a one-eyed Jack?!’

This past weekend I found myself sitting down to a good old poker game at a friend’s house. The Canadian One and I (and The Canadian One’s British friend) gathered up our coins and hit the road for the 70 minute journey south to my first Korean home town of Cheonan. Cheonan, famous for its Walnut Cake, was my happy home for two non-consecutive years. Anyone who reads the BBC news website may be familiar with Cheonan (the town) as it’s also home to the world’s first and only foreigner’s prison. Not to be confused with Cheonan, the South Korean ship, which sunk in March 2010 thanks to a North Korean torpedo hitting it…supposedly. I’m not one to speculate. Although for further speculation you can read here, here, here, here and, of course, CNN’s vast ranging coverage of the event, here.

Having arrived safely in Cheonan (the town) and with little hassle, we acquired our beer, bought our nachos, counted out money and settled in. The Canadian One bonded with our hosts over the Nova Scotian majority at the table while I stared at the cheat sheet, reminding myself of how to win. Which hand beats what, does a Royal Flush beat Four-Of-A-Kind (it does), if they’re all hearts does it matter what the card numbers are (yes, it does), etc.

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humor kids quotes South Korea Uncategorized

‘SURPRISE DINOSAURS!’ – New Quotes Added

In a written assignment: The concluding paragraph of a write-up about ‘Dinosaurs’ (the first written assignment this kid had ever done):

‘Finally, dinosaurs died. Asteroid hit earth and died the dinosaurs. SURPRISE DINOSAURS!!’

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Me: ‘Give me a sentence with ‘trip’ in it.’

Kid 1: ‘Fell down, trip, same.’

Me: ‘No, a sentence.’

Kid 2: ‘Fell down is the same as trip.’

Pause.

Kid 2: ‘It’s a sentence!’

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I fix the pink screen problem on the classroom computer.

Me: ‘I’m a genius!!’

10 year old boy, shaking his head: ‘That’s your suppose. You think. Just you. 100%.’

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Kid throws a glue stick to me. I catch it.

Kid: ‘Oh, teacher, you will be a very good baseball player!’

His friend next to him looks at him, skeptically.

Kid: ‘Women’s league.’

His friend nods.

Me: ‘Ehhh, thanks guys.’

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While talking about pets with my 7 year olds, one little girls whips out her phone to show me a picture of her black and white hamster:

Little girl: ‘Teacher, LOOK, it’s a panda mouse!!!’

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funny humor Uncategorized

‘You know, girls can ask guys to marry them on February 29th.’

And so were the words uttered by my mother at the start of the month. Unfortunately and much to her assumed dismay, it didn’t happen. In hindsight, the proposal would have been in keeping with our holiday related relationship start with us having had our first date on Christmas Day. Following an engagement on Leap Year Day, maybe we could get married on Halloween dressed in costume in a ceremony officiated by a pumpkin and then if ONLY I could time popping out a baby at Easter, I feel we would have covered all the major holidays.

Ah, February 29th. In addition to being Superman’s birthday, it’s also the extra day added for fear that after 100 years our calendars will be 24 days out of time with the seasons thereby causing a Winter-Spring-Summer-Fall discombobulation. Imagine, snow in Spring, sunbathing in Fall. Oh, the calamity!

When a leap year hits, not only do we get an extra day in the year (really, who notices?), but in keeping with Irish tradition, on February 29th, women get to propose to their man. Now, I’m Irish and The Canadian One, well he’s clearly not, so being unaware of this tradition I casually mentioned it to him one day. I say ‘casually’, he overheard me on the phone saying ‘No, I’m not asking him to marry me’ and obviously had some questions.

So I explained.

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funny humor internet random timewasters Uncategorized

Tuesday Timewasters – 02/28

As Tuesdays are usually the day when most of my classes have their day off, only attending my class Mon, Weds-Fri, I find myself with more free time on a Tuesday that one would usually expect. Sometimes, only teaching 45 minutes out of the working day, but required to be present and accounted for at my desk for every second of my shift. And so, I present my Top 5 Tuesday Timewasters for this week: Happy Timewasting!

Where The Hell Is Matt?

Fantastic videos, great music, my favorite is the 2008 video. Makes you wanna travel around the world, dancing and smiling. Not a bad start to your Tuesday. After 4:29 mins, you’ll be smiling, I promise! (And if you’re anything like me, when your hometown comes on-screen, you’ll get very excited!) Watch once and laugh, watch again, looking at all the other people dancing, and laugh harder!

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Pencil Vs. Camera

Like drawing? Like photography? Like art? You like this!

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Oh, The Places You’ll Go

What do you get when you mix imagination, Burning Man and Dr. Seuss? Well, this video of course. I dare you not to love it!


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The Canadian Wood Spider

Just a little video about spiders on drugs (and by far, one of my favorite videos out there on the internet!) Drugs are baaad, kids, even for spiders! If you don’t say no after watching this video, well then, really, there’s nothing else I can do for you. 🙂

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Hysterical Roommate Notes

Having lived with many people over the years, some awesome, some downright bats**t mental, I found this particularly nostalgic of those times. 🙂

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South Korea Uncategorized

‘Watch Out for the Hedgehog.’

I once got onto the subject of ‘ability’ with my advanced English class. Now, when I say ‘advanced’ I use the term loosely but they did speak more English than I speak Korean so I’ll give them that. So we’re discussing ability and this exchange takes place:

Me: ‘Can you speak French?’ (- a question that came up in the book)

Kid: ‘Yes, I can say watch out for the hedgehog in French.’

Me: ‘What?!’

This got me thinking about the languages I learned when I was younger and my ability to regurgitate them now. I mean sure I took those few weeks of French, that year of Italian, those six years of German and of course, there’s the 12 years of Irish I had to live through but how much of it do I know now? Even as I write this, I’m sitting in a coffee shop in a non-English speaking country and if a gun was pointed at my head and my life depended on what I said next in the land’s native language, I could probably just ask my killer ‘Where is E-Mart?’, ‘Where do you come from?’ and then recite random nouns like ‘lion’, ‘pencil’, ‘snowman’ or ‘eraser’, followed up with a count from 1 to 6, at a push 7. A step up on my French though, in which I can just say ‘I love you’ and ‘where is the exit?’. If I were held at gunpoint in France, my killer would be forever haunted by my last words.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I never had any desire to learn Korean. In my first year here, I did make a vague effort to learn some Korean, bought a book and a pretty new pencil and for a brief period I did attend some classes. However, as the year went on, and as I was only here for that ONE year, I felt during my last three months, ‘really, what’s the point, I’m about to leave soon anyway’. Then, of course, like everyone here that stays for ‘just one year’, I came back. Figuring I was back for ‘just one year’ and ‘this was my last year’, I’d concentrate on other things besides learning Korean.  Unfortunately, my ‘last’ year is just the same as everyone else’s ‘last’ year here, non-existent. Fast forward three and a half years and that unfortunate mentality is still with me.

Today, despite the small amount of Korean language classes I’ve taken, the years I’ve lived here and the Korean cocktail menu in the bar I’ve studied intently, I still read words like I’m one of my Kindergarten students learning the word ‘cat’.

‘Ccccccc-Aaaaaaaa-Tuhhhhhh? Ca-a-tuh? What’s a caaa-aaaaa-tuh? Oh, a CAT, you say….of course.’

They say it’s easier to learn a language the younger you are as our brains are like little sponges, which is probably why in Korea a lot of kids start English school at 3-4 years old. It’s a funny thing teaching that age-group. They very quickly work out not only do they not understand YOU, you also don’t understand THEM. In the first month, you pick up phrases such as ‘Don’t touch me’, ‘That’s annoying’ and ‘Come here please’.  Also, the ever important ‘Hurry’, as on field trips half the class would dawdle behind staring aimlessly at a ladybug on the ground while the rest cower in fear, hysterically crying nearby evidently waiting for the black and red creature to exact its violent revenge on the human race.

Even knowing how to say the most frequently asked phrase ‘Where are you from?’ hasn’t helped  much either as people can say ‘Where do you come from?’, ‘Where do you live?’, ‘What country do you originate?’, ‘From whence did you come?’ (probably not that last one…and perhaps not the one before it either). Luckily, it’s usually followed by, ‘American?’ and then I know the stock answer to give:

‘Ireland….No…No….Ireland……Ok, yes fine, England. Yes, I’m from England.’

Now, I’m not claiming I’d like to be THIS GUY. I mean, come on, I watch that and think, you’re 20 years old! At 20, despite having graduated university already, I could barely speak English due to my discovery of a horrible liquid called tequila and England’s legal drinking age being 18. Although, it would be nice to know more Korean, be a bit more fluent in the language spoken around me, be able to get my order correct in restaurants, at the same time there’s something nice and tranquil about not having to understand conversations overheard on the bus/train/subway and being able to happily ignore the pointless advertisements that litter the streets and hallways of our world. It makes them easier to drown out and remain oblivious to. Visiting home, with the sudden ability to understand everything, I found this an unnecessary distraction in my daily life.

And besides, this is my last year anyway, so really, what’s the point?!

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funny kids quotes South Korea Uncategorized

‘He’s the King!’ – Quote Friday – 02/24

It’s Friday!! School’s over for the weekend! This can only mean ONE thing: QUOTE FRIDAY!!

The best of this week’s quotes from my elementary students in South Korea (and some thrown in from friends too)

Me: ‘What floats on water?’

Kid: ‘Juice!’

Me: ‘Ummm, no….actually I don’t know…but I’m gonna say no. Anything else?’

Kid 2: ‘Poseidon!!’

Me: ‘The ship?’

Kid 2: ‘No, king of the sea!!!’

Me: ‘I don’t think he floats.’

Kid 2: ‘HE’S THE KING!!’

***

Studying the environment: Me: ‘What’s glass?’

Kid: ‘A wine bottle!’

Me: ‘Ok, what’s metal?’

Same kid: ‘Terminator!’

Kid 2: ‘A transformer!!!’

Kid: ‘That thing from Alien.’

Me: ‘Ok, I’ll also accept ‘a car”

Whole class: ‘Oohhhhhhhh yeah!’

***

My 7 year olds: We’re studying town buildings / places.

Me: ‘What’s a post office?’

Little Girl: ‘Love letter!’

Me: ‘Ok, what’s a park? ‘

Little Girl: ‘Couples walk!’

***

Me: ‘What’s rent?’

Nothing.

Me: ‘Ok, for example, Chris, I will rent your pencil for this class for $2.’

Chris: (shaking his head and moving the pencil away from the edge of his desk) ‘No.’

Me: ‘No, no, I won’t keep the pencil. I’ll give you $2 and I’ll borrow your pencil for one class.’

Chris: ‘No, give me $5.’

***

Me: ‘Name something yellow.’

Kid: ‘A color.’

***

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South Korea Uncategorized

‘But I don’t like God!’

Sunny (song)

So I was having this conversation with my grade 5 class. We were learning the song ‘Sunny’ by Boney M for no particular reason at all other than the fact that there are three girls in the class (and only three girls in the class) and they were singing ‘SUNNY….do do do do do do do do do do dooooooooooo….SUNNY…..’ and I figured with 10 minutes left of class, I’d teach them the words because a) it would be less annoying for me if they were vaguely making an attempt at singing the correct words and b) I really couldn’t think of anything else to do.

We’re going through the Googled lyrics on screen when one of the girls points out the word ‘grace’, to which Grace (the student) says ‘Yes, I know. My name means ………. (<— a word in Korean)’.

Amy: ‘Ohhhhhhh….what does my name mean?’

And cue me on the computer Googling what names mean.

Now, for anyone who doesn’t know, Korean kids who take English class are usually given (if they’re very young) or choose (if they’re older) their own English name. My kids were named before I started teaching them and in previous years, allowing kids to pick their own names has led to an influx of strangely named kids: Pencil, Apple (x2), Lightning, Cyclone, Yoda Anderson (to be addressed by his full name only), Rainbow, Carrot, Ninja, etc. At times my attendance sheet has looked like my weekly grocery list. Luckily these three kids are called Amy, Grace and Rebecca.

Now, both Amy and Grace were both happy with their names meanings, Rebecca not so much. Her name means ‘Servant of God’ to which she responded, ‘But I don’t like God!’.

My name is Jenny, which apparently means ‘White Wave’ although maybe I should start checking a different website. The term ‘White Wave’ conjures up images of tranquil waves crashing along the shoreline while I sit watching the sunset and sipping a cocktail…although to others it probably means surfing the crests and an adrenalin rush. Maybe my name leans closer to the latter. Case in point: In my two separate grade one classes 1A and 1B, I have a Jenny in each. Both are the naughtiest kids in class, seem to have an inability to comprehend the words ‘be quiet’ and are constantly excited about nothingness…or complaining about having to do writing. Ok, well maybe that sounds like me…a little…but ONLY a little.

An example from my first week of teaching at my current school: In my grade four class, kid rocks up, late, no books.

Me: ‘Name?’

Kid: ‘Jenny.’

Me: ‘Of course!’

Kid: ‘Jenny 1.’

If the stories my mother tells me are anything to go by, I was not the easiest Jenny to raise. Although it should be an interesting term though, I have two Jennys in that class.

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