I’ve never finished a game of Monopoly. Not once. Not ever. I’ve not even ever come close to finishing a game, since most games have ended in crossed arms, pouted faces and claims of ‘that’s not how you play!’ and ‘NO, you can’t trade a beer for the Water Works!!’.
Last weekend, we headed off to The Canadian One’s friend’s house to have a few drinks and play a few board games like civilized adults. Due to an overwhelming vote of no Killer Bunnies (dammit!), South Park Monopoly won out and we soon found ourselves wondering if the game will actually end or will it be another one of those times The Canadian One and his friends find the game has come to an abrupt halt with a hockey puck being thrown into a wall / a person being thrown into a wall / an adult-sized tantrum being thrown, delete as appropriate.
We started off slowly. There were the usual Monopoly related problems such as:
‘Do we play house-rules or follow the book?’
‘Do we put the money from Community Chest in the middle and get it when we land on Free Parking or no?’
‘Tradesies allowed for beer and favors?’ It was important to establish that right at the start. It was voted ‘no’ but I later traded The Canadian One one of my red properties for a glass of water, a vodka and orange, one of his blue properties and some cash.
‘Is buying allowed after you’ve gone around the board once or right now?’
And then, since some at the table don’t watch South Park, there were the less traditional questions of:
‘Who’s Butters? I don’t know who he is.’
‘Wait, who am I again?’
‘We have two Kyles? Someone needs to change.’
‘Wait, I got moved. I’m Kyle. Someone moved me!’
‘Who’s the SD card?’
‘Ah, Chef. I know who he is. He sings all those racist songs.’
‘I don’t know who Butters is!!’ ‘You wanna be my engagement ring instead?’
As some points in the game, as there were six of us playing, there were long lags between turns and I felt like bursting into some:
It is the game that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends,
Some people started playing it not knowing what it was,
And they’ll continue playing it forever just because,
It is the game that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends…
Until it ended.
And it ended in the spectacularly traditional way of accusations of cheating, money stealing, swearing,
name calling and threats of ‘I’ll flip this board, I’ll flip it right now!’. A quick toss of some money into the pile on the board and the game was done.
No one won. We’re adults who fight over Monopoly, none of us deserved to win.
The last time I played Monopoly was at home in my mother’s house at Christmas in Ireland. The Canadian One and I were visiting and my brother and I decided to break out the Monopoly game. My mother, brother, Canadian One and I all sat down for a game and a drink. Two hours later, with no clear winners in sight, my mother making up her own rules and me stealing money from The Canadian One while he wasn’t watching, the game ended in a four-way tie.
Although my mother will probably swear she won.
Like mother, like daughter, eh?
Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? What other games have you had end in craziness?