The Ketchup War

The Canadian One and I discuss why cows are the main animal that provides milk to people.

Me: ‘What about giraffes?’

TCO: ‘They’re from Africa.’

Me: ‘Don’t be racist, they can still give us milk!!’

TCO: ‘PLEEEEEASE put that one on your blog!’

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Kid: ‘I like the many money. It’s so bling bling.’

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In a continuation from last week’s conversation (and proof they use the new vocabulary I teach them especially when it’s not lesson-related):

Kid 1: ‘Is your poop water poop?’

Kid 2: ‘What? No, my poop is health!’

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Two 9-year-old boys argue in my class during a poster-making task:

Boy 1: ‘You’re a pig!’

Boy 2: ‘Your IQ is bin! Your IQ is a turtle!!’

Me: ‘BOYS!!’

They both look up at me.

Me: ‘Use your vocabulary. You know how to say ‘the same as’, use it! Your IQ is the same as a turtle’s.’

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I’m teaching my grade twos a song. They’re less than enthusiastic about it.

Me: ‘If you sing nicely and smile and look happy, I’ll give you candy.’

Kid 1: ‘REALLY?’

They ALL smile really big smiles and look slightly demented…except one. One kid’s head hits the desk.

Me: ‘Eavan!!’

Eavan lifts his head up.

Eavan: ‘Oh, teacher, I’m no happy. I’m many tired.’

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The kid’s are shouting out which lettered paragraph they want to read: A or B.

Amy: ‘A ME!! A ME!’

Suddenly she stops yell and laughs.

Amy: ‘Hahahaha, A ME, Amy!! Hahahahaha.’

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Me: ‘Do you have sport’s day at this school?’

Kid: ‘Last year no. Last year, it was a riverside walk.’

Me: ‘Oh, that sounds nice.’

Kid: ‘It was boring and tired and not expensive.’

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From written work:

Q: ‘When you were a baby, did you use to cry?’

Kid’s Answer: ‘They didn’t have toilet paper.’

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***Submitted***

Me: ‘Who can tell me what ‘important’ means?’

Ken: ‘Oh! Teacher! Teacher! Airplane and, wait…’

Ken takes out a mechanical pencil and clips a ruler onto it to make it look like an airplane, and proceeds to use it to mime an airplane taking off and landing, complete with sound effects.

Me: ‘…What? No. That’s not important. That’s just crazy.’

Peter (turning to throw Ken a disgusted look): ‘IMPORTANT! Not AIRPORT!’

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***Submitted***

Overheard on the bus:

12 year old girl: ‘I think Santa is real. I just don’t think Jesus made Santa.’

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***Submitted***

On the bus home on White Day, letting my co-worker and I know the other kid on the bus got a monster load of candy:

Kid: ‘Teacher, Daniel’s coat pocket is candy house!’

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Don’t forget there are more quotes on the Wall and in the Index and of course, every Friday! Also submit your own to theketchupwar@gmail.com