‘But then how do you pay your strippers?!’ – Conversations with TCO Part 1

Recently, The Canadian One and I were having a conversation in which he pointed out that I say ridiculous things….ALL. THE. TIME. If I were on a reality TV show, I’d come off as the stupidest person in the world. Seriously. The amount of things I say, without thinking, are insane. For example:

Me: ‘God, you’re like that ten year old who outsmarted me last week!!’ (I don’t think any context is needed but it was said during the recent poker game featured here.)

Then he says, ‘You’re writing down all the things other people say, who’s writing down all the things YOU say?!’

So here, for your amusement, are some of the most ridiculous things I’ve said recently. I’m sure The Canadian One can add more…a lot more! These mainly focus on The Land of the Maple Leaf as we’ll be moving there and I’m learning all about it.

First up, The Canadian One and I discuss where to live in Canada: (Now, at this point, I’d just like to say I got straight A’s in Geography but unfortunately knowing how a river was formed, how coastal erosion happened and the difference between and stalagmite and a stalactite serves me no real purpose in the real world)

TCO: ‘If we move to Northern Canada, I’ll earn more money but it’s really REALLY cold.’

Me: ‘Why would it be more cold? Isn’t it closer to Hawaii?’

TCO: ‘What? Hawaii?’

Me: ‘Yeah, it’s like right next to Canada, right? Why would is be colder?’

TCO: ‘Hawaii’s an island in the middle of the ocean!!’

Me: ‘It’s not next to Canada? At the top?’

TCO: ‘That’s ALASKA!!!!’

Me: ‘Ahhhh, I always wondered why it never snows on Hawaii 5-O.’

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Me: ‘If we go live in Calgary, can we go to the giant waterfall?’

TCO: ‘Niagara Falls? Sure. But it’s quite far away.’

Me: ‘Like a really long drive?’

TCO: ‘No, we’d have to fly there.’

Me: ‘Fly? Really? It’s that far?’

TCO: ‘You have no idea how big Canada is, do you?’

Me: ‘I really don’t think I do!’

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Me: ‘What’s T-Dot?’

TCO: ‘Toronto.’

Me: ‘Can we move to T-Dot?’

TCO: ‘No. I have no family there. Or friends. Or job. Why do you wanna move to Toronto?’

Me: ‘So I can say I live in T-DOT!!’

TCO: ‘No. You’ll just have to tell people you live in Cow-Town.’

Me: ‘Cow-Town? There are cows? In Calgary?’

TCO: ‘Yes. Lots.’

Me: ‘Can I get a cowboy hat?’

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And finally: TCO quizzes me on my knowledge so far.

TCO: ‘What’s a loonie?’

Me: ‘A dollar coin.’

TCO: ‘Good. What’s a toonie?’

Me: ‘A two dollar coin.’

TCO: ‘Very good.’

Me: ‘You guys don’t have paper dollars?’

TCO: ‘No. We have one dollar and two dollar coins and then 5 dollar bills.’

Pause.

Me: ‘But then how do you pay your strippers?!’

For more posts, check out:

• ‘Dude, where’s my pic?!’ – March 30th 2012
• ‘Dear Students…’ – March 29th 2012
• ‘Number 16 never fails to make me laugh…’ – Analogies – March 19th 2012
• ‘Oh, you’re Irish! Me too.’ – March 17th 2012
• ‘How do you feel about Pi?’ – March 11th 2012
• ‘I did NOT break the coffee machine!’ – March 10th 2012
• ‘I’ve taken up origami…’ – March 7th 2012
• ‘Wait, what’s a one-eyed Jack?!’ – March 5th 2012
• ‘You know, girls can ask guys to marry them on February 29th.’ – February 29th 2012
• ‘Watch out for the hedgehog!’ – February 26th 2012
• And, of course, in the Index.