A serialistion of the popular Quote Friday book: Watch Out For The Hedgehog, four years of hilarious kids’ quotes from the ESL elementary school classroom in South Korea.
Chapter Five: On Grammar
While reviewing the present continuous, I point to a girl sitting at her desk.
Me: “What is she doing?”
Kid 1: “She is living.”
Kid 2: “Amy, look at teacher.”
Amy looks at me.
Kid 2: “She is looking at you!”
***
While teaching the present continuous, we were playing charades. As an example I acted out ‘dancing’:
Me: “What am I doing?”
Kid: “You are annoying.”
***
Me: “What’s the difference between ‘this’ and ‘that’?”
Kid: “One has an ‘s’…so spelling.”
***
Me: “What do you use a blender for?”
Kid 1: “Milkshake.”
Kid 2: “Strawberries.”
Kid 3: “Oh teacher, hamster!!!”
Me: “What?”
Kid 3: “Seriously, my neighbor. Hamster. Maaaaany blood teacher.”
***
Me: “OK, give me an example sentence of what scares you.”
Little Boy: “Women scare me.”
***
While teaching: ‘If you combine….you will get….’:
Kid: “If you combine blood and cheese, you will get strange food.”
***
While teaching ‘…is important for…’:
Kid’s example: “A badge is important for saving your life.”
Me: “Um….what?”
Kid: “If you are in a gun fight and you have a star badge, it can save your life.”
Followed by a demonstration of how if a bullet hits a badge, it can bounce off and not hurt you.
Long pause.
Me: “OK, I’ll allow it…but ONLY if you’re in a gun fight.”
***
While teaching the word ‘bother’:
Me: “Give me an example sentence using bother.”
Kid: “Teacher, you bother me by teaching me English.”
***
***
Kid: “What does ‘my tiny nipples went to France’ mean?”
While teaching: ‘If I could do anything tomorrow, I would _________ ‘:
My example sentence: “If I could do anything tomorrow, I would fly to the moon.”
Long pause.
Kid puts his hand up.
Kid: “But teacher, there’s swine flu.”
***
During a fill in the blanks question in the book:
Me: “I _____________ like my mother….What’s the answer? I….”
WHOLE CLASS: “DON’T!!”
Me: “Um….no…Try again…”
Kid: “No…wait…look….I look like my mother!”
Keep in mind; we’d been studying ‘look like’ for about a week!
***
While teaching ‘be good at..’:
Me: “What are you good at?”
Naughtiest (but smartest) kid in my class: “I’m good at making teacher angry.”
Girl: “I’m good at sleeping.”
Third Kid: “I’m good at doing this.” (he puts his head on the desk and looks bored…)
***
While teaching ‘escape plan’ in relation to fire safety:
Me: “What’s the escape plan for here?”
Kid 1:”Go out door, turn right, go down stairs, turn left, go outside.”
Me: “Good. And what’s the escape plan for your apartment?”
Kid 2: “I live on floor 21. I will just die.”
***
Me: “What can you do?”
Kid 1: “I can make CO2!”
Kid 2: “I can fix a TV. I can hit it!”
***
Me: “Give me a sentence with ‘trip’ in it.”
Kid 1: “Fell down, trip, same.”
Me: “No, a sentence.”
Kid 2: “Fell down is the same as trip.”
Pause.
Kid 2: “It’s a sentence!”
***
While learning ‘I used to’ with my grade fours:
Boy 1: “I used to hate math. Now, I like math.”
Me: “Really?”
Boy 2 sitting in front of him turns around, raises his eyebrows and stares at him skeptically…then shakes his head slowly.
Boy 1: “Yes, really.”
Me: “Ok, next?”
Boy 2: “I used to don’t like computer games. Now, I like computer games.”
Boy 1 jumps from his seat, pointing at Boy 2.
Boy 1: “LYING!!!! Him all the time like computer games. Lying, Teacher!”
***
I show my students a picture of earmuffs.
Me: “What is it?”
Kid 1: “Headphones…no…no wait a minute.”
Kid 2: “I don’t know.”
I write ‘earmuffs’ on the board.
Kid 3: “Earmuffins?”
Me: “Earmuffs.”
ALL: “Earmuffs.”
Kid 2: “Earsmurfs!!”
Me: “No no, earMUFFS.”
Kid 1: “Earsmurfs!!”
Me: “No, no…”
Kid 2: “I don’t like Smurfs. They’re blue and skin like a snail. And no clothes, Teacher. No clothes. Only hat and pants. Where do they poop???!! I don’t like them.”
Me: “Noooo, but they’re cute.”
Kid 2: “They are not cute. They are horrible. No clothes. I like Gargamel. He usually wears clothes.”
Kid 3: “I like his cat.”
Me: “Me too!”
Kid 2: “Teacher, it is disgusting. They have no clothes.”
Kid 1: “I like Pororo.”
Me: “He’s a penguin. He has no clothes.”
Kid 2: “But that’s OK. He’s cute. And when he take off his glasses and then, he’s more cute.”
Kid 3: “Earsmurfs!!”
Me: “EarMUFFS!!”
Kid 3: “Teacher, if you move ‘s’, it’s earsmuffs.”
Me: “What about the ‘r’?”
Kid 3: “No ‘r’.”
Me: “They’re SmuRfs not SMUFFS.”
Kid 3: “No, Smuffs.”
Me: “SMURFS!!”
Kid 3: “You’re wrong!”
Me: “I AM NOT! Everybody, EARMUFFS.”
ALL: “EARSMURFS!!”
***
While teaching, “I am……because I…….”:
Kid: “I am amazing because I learned earsmurfs!”
Me: “What the….NO!!!”
***
Me: “Who can make a sentence with ‘how much’ in it?”
Little boy (pointing at little girl next to him): “How much is it?”
***
Kid: “I no understand.”
I look at the book.
Me: “OK, so do you go walking?”
Kid: “Yes.”
Me: “Does your friend go walking?”
Kid YELLS across entire classroom: “LUCAS DO YOU GO WALKING???!!”
Lucas: “Yes.”
Kid (to me): “Yes.”
***
While studying ‘like’:
Me: “What does your mommy like?” (options on the page include a variation of fruits and vegetables)
Kid 1: “My mom likes money.”
Kid 2: “My mom doesn’t like dad.”
***
During a tick-the-boxes worksheet:
CD: ‘It’s warm in spring’
Choices a) A snowy picture or b) A spring picture.
Me: “What’s the answer?”
Kid 1: “B.”
Me: “And what’s the sentence?”
Pause
Kid 2: “IT’S B.”
I look at him.
Kid 2: “It’s a sentence!”
***
Two little boys are practicing sentences together.
Kid 1: “He goes go camping.”
Kid 2: “NO!”
Kid 1: “He goes go camping.”
Kid 2: “NOOOO!”
Kid 1: “It says!!! He goes go camping.”
Kid 2: “NO GO!! NOOOOO GOOOOOOO!!!”
Kid 1: “He goes…camping?”
Kid 2 exhales.
***
Me, while doing a unit on ‘should get’: “What should I get my brother for his birthday?”
Kid: “A girlfriend.”
***
While doing finish the sentence: ‘If I could do anything, I would…’
Kid: “Stay home.”
***
While teaching, ‘I wish I could…’:
Kid 1: “I wish I could fly a helicopter.”
Kid 2: “You no fly a helicopter! It’s dangerous!! You…ahhhhhhhh…”
Kid 3, lying on his desk: “I wish I could go home!!”
***
While telling me three things their partner would do:
Kid: “If she could do anything, she would hit Helen.”
Helen, the kid sitting in front of him turns around and stares at him.
Kid: “Really.”
Me: “What ELSE does your partner want to do?”
Kid: “If she could do anything, she would hit me.”
His partner nods.
Me: “And the third thing?”
Kid: “Only those two.”
***
Me: “What’s ‘I’ll never forget’ mean?”
Kid: “My head will never erase.”
***
While explaining ‘move away.’
Me: “Like if you moved from Seoul to Busan.”
Kid: “It’s 10 kilometers.”
Me: “No…No, it’s not.”
Kid: “Yes!”
Me: “No. It’s 87 kilometers to Cheonan.”
Kid: “No…really?”
Me: “Yeah, I lived there. I know how far it is.”
Kid: “10 kilometers to Busan.”
Me: “No.”
Kid: “No, by airplane.”
Me: “That…no, it’s still the same distance. Even by airplane.”
***
While teaching ‘I’m not __________ yet’:
Kid: “I’m not psycho yet.”
***
Watch Out For The Hedgehog, out now at Smashwords (for 50% off at Smashwords, use coupon code ‘HX78J’), Amazon , Barnes & Noble and Kobo.
For more, check out:
Chapter One: On Love and Relationships
Chapter Two: On Historical Events
The Ketchup War 
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