The Twelve Steps of Christmas Shopping by The Ketchup War

The Twelve Steps of Christmas ShoppingStep 1: Search and find gifts online.

Step 2: Order gifts…and wait.

Step 3: Discover UPS is on the way to your home with your gifts. YAY!mail-box-1190160-1600x1200

Step 4: Return home from work to find NO UPS tag on door.

Step 5: Log into UPS and discover someone REFUSED your package. At your home. While you were at work.

Step 6: UPS reschedule delivery to your home against their protocol and without you calling them.

Step 7: 24 hours later discover your item has been damaged, then refused by someone at your home while you weren’t there, then the damaged parts discarded, then the rest mailed back to the sender and an investigation opened.UPS

Step 8: Call UPS while hungry, tired, in period pain, lacking vodka and bananas and feeling ill from too many gummy bears.

Step 9: Call UPS to apologise for behavior and swear you are not usually like that.

Step 10: Discover sender is closed for the weekend and has DISCONTINUED the items you ordered so you can’t reorder them…EVER…Go drinking on 17th Ave with visiting friend. THIS STEP IS ESSENTIAL.

Step 11: Opt not to call – as it didn’t work out with UPS – and instead send nicely worded email to sender to explain UPS issue ending email with ‘Although this does not reflect on my feelings towards your company nor will it have an impact on me ordering from you in the future, it will, however, lead me to never use UPS for personal use. I expect my refund in full within a business day.’

Step 12: Receive full refund and apology 24 hours later. Celebrate by beginning Step 1 again.

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