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Day 2: I’m Glad This Is A One Time Deal

A few months ago, after eating in a local restaurant by my house, I awoke in the middle of the night with crippling stomach pains. For next 12 hours, I would intermittently lie on the bed and the floor flat on my back barely breathing due to the pain and then several times an hour rushing to the bathroom to throw up and / or poop blood. Just blood. Nothin’ but blood. I eventually got it together enough to go to the hospital who pumped me full of medication, including Morphine, and it was only at about 3pm I realised I should call my manager at work to let her know I wasn’t coming in…I text my friend instead and got her to tell her, I didn’t trust myself not to say something stupid on the phone.

THIS pain, today, has been worse.

I woke up at 3:29am and was wide awake in zero pain and spent my morning playing with the cat and reading Next Issue.

Louie is never impressed when I wake up and promptly covers his eyes
Louie is never impressed when I wake up and promptly covers his eyes

At around 5am, I napped a bit and at 6am, I took more painkillers. I hung out in bed reading and looking at wedding invitation templates for a while (and emailing them to The Canadian One) and eventually got up at 11am, in a bid to have some soup. And threw up.

Then I ate the soup and threw up all over the floor, twice. I mean, for anyone who’s actually been to our apartment is probably wondering how on earth this happened as our apartment is tiny and you literally can’t make it to the bathroom in less than 3 seconds but meh, I’m as confused as you.

And The Poor New Roomie rushed to my aid and cleaned up the puke from the floor. That was probably the worst part…watching someone else clean up your puke…and the action of throwing up with stitches in my mouth. I would not say positive things about that either.

Deciding it was maybe the blood swallowing in my sleep or the masses amounts of painkillers I’ve been taking, I stopped taking the painkillers as I technically felt fine. I know what you’re thinking, ‘because of the painkillers’….I’ll give you a moment to roll your eyes and predict how the rest of my day went.

Anyway, so I’m looking at my mouth with a flashlight, because that’s what you do right, you want to look at it, and I realise, holy sh*t, my crown is missing from one of my other teeth…and it all comes back to me why my dentist was explaining to me about my crown while I was high on sedatives yesterday. He took it. He took my crown! A quick call later, and I’d explained that my pain is ok (because it was at this point), that I have weird taste and smell from my mouth which I was assured may be normal but if I want I can pop into the dentist anytime tomorrow for a checkup and I booked an appointment to reclaim my crown. If Game of Thrones was this easy, I probably wouldn’t watch.

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Photo by CTV

Next up was a call to my manager to ask for the crown-day off work, some accidental swearing and a quick apology (for swearing) followed and then my assurance to her I would be sending out an email about The Amazing Race Canada tomorrow. I was on a roll. I was getting things done. My work sponsors The Amazing Race Canada and so we’re running some employee games revolving around it. I’m the chief get-people-enthusiastic-about-it person for my team. I’m sure there’s a better title for it than that. I’ll ask my manager. But I basically just send out reviews of each episode and remind people to vote for their favorite to win next week. And then remind them again. And then stalk them until I know they’ve done it.

And no, I don’t work for Mentos.

But wouldn’t that be awesome?!!

Moving on.

After all this, I was feeling good. I feel like I could eat. Which is what I did.

Then I threw up again. And again. And then again. In the bathroom this time though, GO ME!

I gave up on eating, being awake and my planning viewing of the last 5 episodes of season 5 of White Collar (yay, they got six more!) and went back to bed. I stayed there (with Louie for company) in ungodly pain, having taken no more painkillers, until about 1 hour ago when The New Roomie and The Canadian One convinced me to take some painkillers…and brought me ginger ale….then The Canadian One had to shake the ginger ale in a jar to get all the bubbles out because I very quickly realised why my dentist said no carbonated drinks.

photo (13)

And so here I am, still in my pajamas, at 8:41pm, still sitting next to Louie (who’s been with me all day and had to be coerced not to walk in the puke…or lick the blood pool off the bed…) having only had a 1/4 mason jar of ginger ale in the past three hours and waiting for The Amazing Race to come on.

Lessons learned today:

  1. Take your painkillers. DO it. Do it even if you don’t want to. Do it. At one point I was in so much pain I started sweating. SWEATING. Our heat isn’t on and there’s a snowstorm outside (for God’s sake Calgary!) and I’m lying in bed sweating. It went away. I’m normal temperature now. But my cheeks have puffed up. I’m starting to look a little squirrel-like.
  2. Do not trust that being on painkillers means you don’t have to take painkillers because you’re no longer in pain. That’s stupid.
  3. Always look in your mouth after oral surgery, someone may have stolen something! My crown. They stole my crown. Now it’s just a weird looking tooth with no lid and I still don’t know if it’s safe to touch. But if I touch it, I’ll let you know.
  4. The discovery that there are stitches in your mouth will be momentarily odd for you until you realise, logically, they should be there. Resist the urge to poke them with your tongue. They say not to. I did. I couldn’t help it.
  5. They tell you not to drink carbonated drinks for a reason. If you don’t believe me, try it.
  6. Whatever you do, always, ALWAYS try your best not to puke on your very fluffy cat. ALWAYS.
  7. Switch with salt water a lot. Swish swish swish. Gently. Swish gently.

Hopefully tomorrow’s update will include the words ‘I finally had a shower’ and ‘I no longer look like I had cotton balls stuck in my cheeks’. Wish me luck!

For more information on my Wisdom Teeth Journey, check out:

 

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Canada comedy Cooking entertainment food funny humor random

Day 0 – Preparing for Wisdom Tooth Removal

So in less than 24 hours, I’m going in for oral surgery to get all my remaining wisdom teeth removed, all three of them. Which is, incidentally, something I don’t quite understand as I was originally under the impression that I would only be getting the bottom two out, the top right one having been removed previously and the top left one not doin’ anything exciting other than being a fully grown, popped out tooth. The bottom two are not popped out thus some cutting will be involved in this endeavour. I’ve been told no, however, I will indeed get all three out. I argued and was told by the receptionist that she’s the receptionist…which pretty much ended the debate.

I’ve spent the last few days preparing myself. As I have to be there at 7:30am, The Canadian One can drop me off but as I’m having conscious sedation, I am required to have an adult pick me up. When I was told this I thought ‘An adult? Who else would pick me up? A child? Oh hey, this is my two year old, he’ll be accompanying me home…No no, he knows how to call 911 if I choke on my own blood, we have him well-trained’

Moving on.

Luckily, one of our Korean friends (we met him in Korea, he, himself, is not Korean. He’s Canadian) has ventured to Cow-Town in search of work and fortune and has moved in with us while he gets on his feet. Unemployed and literally already at my house, The New Roomie’s job will be making sure I don’t die, choke or try to swallow the gauze in my mouth while suffering the after-effects of the sedation.

When I first made the appointment, I had figured they’d put me to sleep but alas, no, that was not an option. It was conscious sedation or nothing. And conscious sedation is $70 extra I was told. It was kinda like the time I had an endoscopy and was asked if I wanted to be knocked out or not. You mean, do I want to be WIDE AWAKE when you shove a camera down my throat and make a small movie in my stomach? No, no I do not. $150 for sedation you say? Would you like cash, credit or debit, where do I sign?

For my laparoscopy earlier this year I wasn’t given a choice. They knocked me out. But right beforehand made some amusingly inappropriate jokes about Cape Bretoners which I told The Canadian One about when I came to.

The past few days have been whiled away trying to avoid Googling ‘Wisdom teeth removal’ (…again…I looked at pictures. I should not have looked at pictures), seeking out advice from anyone I could about the procedure and recovery (my friends, my dentist’s receptionist, my physio’s receptionist, The New Roomie, my manager at work…who made a scrunchy face when I told her I wasn’t being put to sleep) and cooking up some homemade soups. So far, the soups have been my favorite part…and I’ve already started eating them, even though nothing has happened yet. Just practicing, you know. It’s always good to practice your soup eating. I also had one of my smoothies for breakfast this morning.

I made a large batch of five soups, each consisting of 4-5 servings each. I don’t know how long I won’t be able to eat solid food for so I figured 20 soups would be enough to survive on and I don’t want to risk getting hungry and eating carton or canned soup. Being dairy-free, soy-free and sesame-free, life can be a little challenging when you have to rely on store-bought food for survival. Currently housed in my freezer are:

Curried Zucchini Soup: A mass of zucchini, curry powder, potato, garlic and onion blended together to create…well, a slightly odd curried green soup. It’s not bad. I made it because I found myself with a lot of zucchini in my house after a co-worker said, ‘Hey, my boyfriend’s parents own a zucchini farm, do you want a zucchini?’. I’m thinking, tiny Walmart-type zucchini so I say ‘Sure, I like zucchini, I eat it every day’. That’s not an exaggeration, I do. I grate it and add it to my sandwiches at work. Or I add it in strips to lasagna to cut out some carbs.

Zucchini Lasagna

Or I make Zucchini Chips out of it. Or I make Zucchini Spaghetti and serve it with some Garden Lentil Bolognese – which also has zucchini in it.

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Or it gets thrown into a Thai Vegetable Curry or a Spicy Vegetable Curry. So when my co-worker arrives in the next day with these:

Two Large Zucchinis

And then a week later with this:

Large Zucchini

I’m at home with all this zucchini wondering, what the hell do I do with all this zucchini?!! The cat started sleeping next to one. I think he was upset when I killed and ate his friend.

Louie and the Zucchini

potatoes 2The second soup I made was Potato Soup. I’m Irish, it’s almost mandatory I have a potato soup recipe up my sleeve. All the potato soup recipes I found all had milk or butter in them so I had to improvise. I grabbed 5 large Russet potatoes, peeled and diced, 3 diced onions, 4 cups of chicken broth, 1/3 cup of nutritional yeast, a pinch of Cajun spice, salt and pepper and tablespoon of dried parsley and threw them all into a pot and brought it to the boil. I simmered it for an hour. THEN I added 2 tablespoons of plain flour mixed with 4 tablespoons of water to the pot and allowed it to simmer and thicken for 5 more minutes. I took it off the heat and blended it in batches in the blender – NEVER filling the blender more than halfway full – and boom, Dairy-Free Potato Soup. It’s like Ireland in a bowl…almost.

tomatoNext up was Pasta Soup. Now, in my hunt for soups to make, I wanted to make sure that I was eating well-balanced…ish…soups. If I was going to survive on soup for a week and not lose any weight I would need to make sure they all contained enough carbs to help me power through. Also, apparently, nourishment is the key to healing. Not losing weight, was the main goal though as up until recently – and we’ll talk about this another time – I was sick for maybe 5 years, stomach sick…and all that entails. The 6-9 months has been a whirlwind of tests and medication and the accidental loss of 4-5kgs (9-11lbs) in weight. Bear in mind, I was tiny to begin with at just over 49kg (110lbs) so losing a bunch of weight without wanted to was not ideal. Luckily, I eventually found a family doctor who figured it out – again, we shall discuss at a later time…if this is a blue link NOW is that time…. – and I started eating properly again. I puffed back up to my original weight pretty quickly and mourned the loss of Frappy Hour at Starbucks. Oh God, it’s all coming back to me now, I feel like I need a moment. Frappy Hour, I miss you.

Moving on.

Pasta Soup was something I thought up while eating my Homemade Pizza Sauce with a spoon out of a pot…what, I swear I am not the only one who does that! I gathered a handful of cooked minced beef (like maybe a cup, it was a large handful. Let’s agree on 1 1/2 cups), a large can of whole tomatoes (Unico brand if we’re being specific), 2 tbs of tomato puree, 1 tbs of Italian seasoning, 1 tsp of oregano, 1/3 cup of nutritional yeast, 3 cups of beef stock, 1 diced onion, 2-3 cloves of crushed garlic, 1 1/2 cups of broken uncooked spaghetti pasta (both the stock and the pasta are approx, if you add more pasta, add more stock) and then some salt and pepper. I literally just threw it all in a large pot, brought it to the boil, simmered it for 30 minutes with the lid on, then for 20 minutes with no lid to thicken and then took it off the heat and blended it all in batches into a smooth, easy-to-swallow meal in a cup.

The last two I made were Carrot Soup with some added ginger and zucchini because obviously, we have a lot of zucchini and Red Lentil Curry Soup, which was finished off in the blender to get a smoother consistency. I also added a potato to it for extra carbs and because I have found myself with a lot of leftover potatoes.

I feel ready. I feel prepared. I feel like 6am on a Monday morning is definitely not too early for a vodka-shot-of-courage. Hell, ten years ago, 6am woulda been still-at-the-party-playing-drinking-games time so it’s all good.

The only thing helping my nerves is that by this time tomorrow, it’ll all be over. Heck, in 20 hours it’ll all be over and I’ll be on my couch with The New Roomie eating soup and watching The Mindy Project high on painkillers, him poised with his iPhone camera ready in case I act stupid while still sedated…so also we have that to look forward to!

Bring on Day 1!! Any advice, hit up the comments below!

For more information on my Wisdom Teeth Journey, check out: