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comedy funny humor

Tuesday Timewasters: Admin Edition

I have been an admin assistant for almost 3 years. 2.5 years with one company and 3 months with this new company. I adoooore my new company and my boss. Also, math is not my strongest asset.
Here are some things I happened upon I could not relate to more in my old job…and one I could not relate to more in my new one!
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Now you’re wondering when Administrative Professionals’ Day is, aren’t you?
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It’s not today, don’t worry.
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Nor was it yesterday.
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But good news!
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You still have time to buy a gift!
A whole 24 hours in fact!
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Post-its are nice.
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Or vodka.
Only those two will be accepted as gifts.
Failing that, not walking to my desk to tell me you sent me an email asking me to print a piece of paper to the printer you walked past on your way to my desk would be nice.
Unrelated: regarding one of the posts above, I was asked to plan my own goodbye party and book the restaurant. #truestory
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Because today was password reset day and within an hour I was swearing at my computer.
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I have never related to something more.
Never.
Ever.
And finally, this:
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Not office related but….I just couldn’t not post it!
That face you just made reading that, that confused face, I would like free rein to make that face at people just once a day.
Maybe twice.
Three tops!
Happy Administrative Professionals’ Day – It’s April 25th! 🙂

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comedy entertainment funny humor internet random

Tuesday Timewasters – 04/17

We’re back with a weekly roundup of five awesome timewasters for you to avoid doing anything productive today!
Sorry not sorry.
Happy Timewasting!

  1. 10 Honey Recipes For Every Occasion – Buzzfeed

One can never have too many honey recipes. Although, if anyone has any hints on how to stop my honey hardening, requiring a soak in hot water and then…well, it explodes.
Ugh. Honey on the floor.
Why?
(Bonus points for the awesome URL with this one! ‘those donuts tho’!)

2. Periodic Table of Condiments That Periodically Go Bad.

It’s exactly that.
EXACTLY. THAT.

3. Magnets and Marbles

Still from Magnets and Marbles

*Rabbit Hole Alert*
Ok, so this I became every so slightly obsessed with one day and wasted a lot of data on my phone watching You Tube videos of magical magnetic marbles doing their own version of Rube Goldberg Machines.

4. …I am genuinely unsure how to describe this….

Safe for work.
Also don’t sit too close to the screen.
I warned you.
Yep.

5. 12 Weird Things The Have Washed Ashore – Mental Floss

God, I wish I was there the day they found the life-sized E.T.. Could you imagine?
(I had trouble typing that sentence as I was laughing so much!)

Still got time to waste? For more Timewasters, check out:

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K-Pop Vrs Dublin, Obituary Confessions and A Floating Stage – WTF Wednesday!

You know when you just get one of those days where the day is filled with shakes of the heads, mouth slightly ajar and your voice saying ‘What the %$&*?’??

Today was one of those days.

Up first:

I have a class I teach Monday, Wednesday and Friday. With lessons planned a month in advance, doing roughly 2-3 pages a day, when I’m filling in my lesson sheets the month before, I usually just write ‘3 pages each day’ in each square. The class before I check what we’ll being doing in the next class to make sure it’s not something too complicated. If it is, it gives me 48 hours to prepare for it.

The next class is on Friday.

I checked today what we’ll be doing on Friday.

It’s my birthday on Friday.

My name is Jenny.

This is what we’ll be doing (completely by accident):

Sooooo, yeah…that happened.

Up next: An Obituary Confession

As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest. – Val Patterson

Tragically, Val Patterson, a Salt Lake native, lost his battle with throat cancer earlier this month but not before he had the chance to pen his own obituary. In what turned out to be a touching, humorous confessional, Mr. Patterson, 59, has created one of the best obituaries ever written and truly has had the last laugh.

He goes on to confess:

I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn’t even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters “PhD” even stood for.

And

To Disneyland – you can now throw away that “Banned for Life” file you have on me, I’m not a problem anymore – and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this.

I urge you to read the obituary in full here: The Salt Lake Tribune

And finally: K-Pop Vrs Dublin

As first reported here (and then accidentally posted by my computer when it was a mere title so sorry for any confusion this has caused), Korean Pop, or K-Pop, hit the streets of Dublin recently!!

Having gone to school in Dublin city center, I had to walk past that very spot they’re dancing in day in, day out for two years while attending my last two years of school. That park behind them I walked through daily (except that once when there was a dead body found in it and the police taped it off) and that mall to the right, I’ve wasted many an hour wandering around.

K-Pop flash mob in Dublin, eh? What next? Leprechauns doing a jig down by the Han River? …Wait, that’s a good idea!!

Oh and speaking of havin’ a jig down by the river, The Canadian One and The British Friend are putting on a free music festival on a floating stage (A. Floating. Stage.) this September if you’re in Seoul and happen to be near the river, want to see free music and sit in the sun…I know, you read none of that, did you? I had you at floating stage, didn’t I?

A stage that floats.

It kinda floats.

It’s on the water.

Like an island.

It’s more like a stage island that, you know, floats.

Islands float, right?!

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comedy entertainment funny humor internet random timewasters

Tuesday Timewasters – The Random Edition – 07/17

Here’s a collection of pictures I have on my computer that have not managed to find their way into any other Timewasters edition in 3 months so I present to you: Timewasters: The Things You May Have Missed Edition.

Happy Timewasting!

 

This is just wrong….

 

When bags go wrong:

From the BBC News Site:

And finally, an example of texts The Canadian One gets when I’m bored on the subway:

For more Timewasters, check out:

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comedy entertainment funny humor internet Korea random South Korea timewasters websites

Tuesday Timewasters: The Viral Edition – 06/19

Ohhhhh Facebook, you are the BIGGEST timewaster in my life currently!! THE BIGGEST!

Although, thanks to Facebook, in the past few weeks a lot of things have appeared in my interwebosphere…that’s a word, right?!…No??

Oh well, here’s a selection of my favorites anyway:

Happy Timewasting!

First up, ohhhhhh MBC MBC MBC, what a silly little mess you’ve managed to create for yourself here in The Land of The Morning Calm…or rather not-so-calm in your case. A video that spawned a Facebook group that garnered over 8,000 members within the first week or so of it’s inception and a public…eh…statement by the TV channel that broadcast it. It’s been dubbed ‘racist’, ‘xenophobic’ and ‘demeaning to both foreigners and Korean women’ but you should, of course, check it out for yourself and form your own opinion.

The Shocking Reality About Relationships with Foreigners (in Korea)

For anyone wanting to read the transcript of the video, Zackary Downey has very helpfully posted a full script and subtitled version here.

The only good thing to come out of this whole mess and uproar is the pictures of the happy multicultural couples appearing all over the web. They just make you wanna say ‘Awwwwww’.

Next up, another Korean video and I dare you to get in touch with your juvenile side and make it through the entire video without a giggle…or two….or three. (If watching at work, headphones are your friend)

Now, for my favorite site of the week, kikinitinkorea and oh my good God, if you’ve ever lived in Korea YOU. WILL. LOVE. THIS.

My top two posts from the site are these two and trust me when I say, it was hard to choose just these two:

Crossing the street in Korea

Trying to blend in as the only foreigner in my Kpop dance class

Just to note, the site is based on another site called whatshouldwecallme, my favorite two of that site, adapted to suit me, are:

How I wake The Canadian One up: 

When people ask me if teaching crazy kids in Korea will drive me to alcohol:

I’m like:


And now moving on to a word from Henry Rollins:

Aaaaaaand finally, a site that I read about in The New York Times yesterday and CNN this morning and dedicated to anyone living in Korea and who does the happy dance whenever it’s Bibimbap Day!

Now, personally, I don’t eat lunch at my school. I bring my own. Our lunches tend to consist of spicy soup, a mystery stew containing both octopus/fish/squid AND beef/chicken, plain rice and sometimes a piece of fruit. I was told by my company that I ‘must eat lunch at the school in order to seem like I’m trying to assimilate into Korean culture‘. NO mention of me living here for the three years prior to me starting there nor the fact that I’m not a newbie and I know which Korean foods I DON’T like. It lasted all of four days before I opted to risk being fired over having to eat plain rice for lunch each day and being stared at in the canteen for being the only foreigner. On day four when the questioning, translated through my co-worker, of ‘You don’t like Korean food?’, ‘Oh, you’re not hungry?’ and ‘Here try it, you’ll like it’ started, I bailed.

On that note, have you heard about Martha Payne? Well, this little Scottish 9 year old is taking the world by storm. Unhappy with the state of her school lunches, she decided to start a blog, Never Seconds, about it. She started taking a picture of her lunch everyday and posting them online. She rates the lunches based on her own ‘Food-O-Meter’ scale and the site has generated worldwide attention with over 5,800,000 views in just 7 short weeks. SEVEN. SHORT. WEEKS.

Last Thursday, the council unfortunately decided to ban Martha’s camera from her school thus signalling the end of her blog. Martha posted a ‘Goodbye’ message to her fans and that was it…until 24 hours later when the council leader, responding to worldwide public outcry including statements from celebrity chefs Nick Nairn and Jamie Oliver, overturned the senior officials’ order and Martha’s blog shall resume normal business on Monday…with the time difference, she’s probably still at school right now.

Martha is also using the blog to raise money for Mary’s Meals, a charity which sets up school feeding programmes for children in some of the poorest countries in the world. Initially aiming to raise £7,000, Martha’s JustGiving page records that she’s currently made £83,479.46 for the charity!

What do / did YOU think of your school lunch? Lemme know in the comments.

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Tuesday Timewasters – 06/05

Some more of my favourite Someecards! Happy Timewasting!! I feel some of them give a nice insight into my Tuesdays at work.

I felt like this in my old job during our Monday meetings!!

For more of my favorite Someecards, check out Part One here!

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Tuesday Timewasters 05/29 – ‘The Best of George Takei’

Recently, The Canadian One asks: ‘Are you friends with George Takei?’

My first, immediate thought was: ‘WHO?’….My second thought was: ‘No.’….What I actually said was: ‘What?’

If you aren’t friends with George Takei and need a laugh each and every day, you need to be friends with George Takei on his Facebook. Friend him. Now.

Until you do, here are my favorite things he’s ever posted, which are probably ALL over the web in other places anyway but still, they keep me entertained at work during ‘lesson planning’.

Related:

Thursday Timewasters – 04/05

Tuesday Timewasters – ‘Dear Internet, Stop being so distracting…’ – 04/10

For more Timewasters check out the Index.

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entertainment random

My Nine Addresses…Part One

View from my bedroom at Address Two

Recently, I was asked to list all my addresses from when I was 18. I wrote back with:

‘There’s only space for three. I have nine. Is that ok?’

I’m 27 years old.

Address Two

University accommodation in the UK is more like a very large apartment share. An enclosed area contains six buildings, all lettered. Each building contains five floors. Each floor contains three apartments. Each apartment contains 10 rooms, two bathrooms and a kitchen/tv area. Each room comes with a single bed, a closet, a sink, a desk, a chair and a small bookshelf.

Block E Floor 4 Room 1. My first home abroad and the first place I ever lived by myself. Just me, the only straight girl, living with seven guys and two other girls.

Oh, and I was the only foreigner too.

I’ve long suspected I only got into the university due to their need to fill a quota of overseas residents they must let in each year. I got the biggest room. I got accepted before ANY of my test scores came back….three months before I actually sat any of my final exams. Ok, I got done for plagiarism my first year and had to retake some of my first year course during my second year as a penalty by hey, I wasn’t kicked out.

‘You’re not even a writer yet and you’ve been done for plagiarism!’ – My flatmate

To get into my room you needed three keys. One for the main door, one for the apartment door and one for my room door. Everyone lost their keys at least once and everyone had their set of keys tossed out the window for the locked-out member of our tribe to catch drop and let themselves in. We were four floors up with no elevator. We weren’t walking down to let someone in. Ever.

It was here during my first week, I suffered from food poisoning and became a vegetarian for the year.

It was here on my first night, we had an earthquake. Something I didn’t realise until the next day.

It was here that we had random fire alarm emergencies at incredibly early times of day. Forced to stand outside in the cold because one of the other 18 year olds didn’t know how to use a toaster or because someone put bread in the microwave to make toast. (I kid you not)

It was here that the fire alarm system malfunctioned due to someone pouring alcohol on a sprinkler during a fire department strike and we were forced to sit outside in the car park until every part of the building was checking. This was after waiting for the reserves to get their asses into gear and find their way out to us in the first place.

It was here that we had a drug talk due to a raid during our first week which lead to a ‘drug finding frenzy’…Police words from the memo, not mine.

It was here that I met The Scottish Writer, who nine years later I would talk into moving to Korea.

It was here that one night, upon returning from work, I found one of my flatmates outside smoking and looking panicked. Turned out while I was at work (from 4:30m-9:30pm), one of our other flatmates, let’s call him Fred, had been arrested. Not only ‘just arrested’, his room was searched, his laptop and other ‘belongings’ taken and he was handcuffed and frogmarched across the courtyard and into a squad car.

Given my love of crime dramas, I, still to this day, am really sorry I wasn’t there to witness it.

As it transpired, Fred had been arrested for suspected rape.

Now, Fred was a little weird. He had six toes on one foot, claimed to be rich but worked at the grocery store, was overweight and could, in the right light, be a little creepy, but ‘rapist’ just didn’t sit right on him.

The nine of us got called in for an apartment meeting by the accommodation director and they explained Fred had been arrested for suspected rape. Apparently he’d walked a girl home, dropped her off and went home. The girl had woken up, on her floor, naked and unable to remember what had happened. Her tampon was missing, she panicked and called her friend. They both then called the police, which is the correct thing to do under the circumstances.

The incorrect thing to do under the circumstances would be to immediately run out and arrest the guy who’s dropped her off at her apartment.

We were told the girl was refusing to believe Fred had done anything wrong. She was insisted no charges were brought against him. Police were apparently ignoring her.

This was all the information the university gave us. Followed by ‘We advise you not to call your parents…or tell anyone about any of this….at all…’. Image first, safety next. Let’s not panic the parents, ey?

It fell to me to say whether, during the period of time they were trying to sort this out and while he was out on bail, if I felt comfortable with him living in the apartment with us. The boys started up about the safety of the girls while I remained quiet. During the first few weeks of university, Fred had taken to leaving me gifts and cards outside my door. I felt uneasy about it and quietly approached my RA. I asked him to discreetly give the gifts back to Fred and have a word with him about it. I asked him to tell him it was inappropriate and he should stop. The RA did as directed and I considered the matter settled. No animosity, no drama, solved quickly and quietly before it escalated. Done.

During the meeting, I maintained my composure. Fred wasn’t proven guilty and for all we knew it was a misunderstanding. I didn’t want him arrested, embarrassed AND kicked out of the apartment over nothing. I stayed out of the ‘vote’ and Fred got to stay in the apartment.

The following day, while hungover (cos when your flatmate is arrested for suspected rape the natural thing to do is get drunk), I got a call. I was in the middle of a production meeting / having my senior tutor give me a warning about conduct on set as the previous weekend I’d shot our lighting director with a BB gun in the leg. I was called back to the accommodation office and told our merry band of nine (sans Fred) would be having another meeting.

We climbed up the stairs to the office and sat, once again, around the board room table.

We were told the charges were being dropped.

We were told CCTV had Fred dropping the girl off and moments later leaving the building.

We were told the girl was brought to the hospital and diagnosed with epilepsy.

We were told as it was Friday, Fred would not be notified that the charges were being dropped until he appeared at the police station on Monday.

We were asked politely to please refrain from telling him.

When I returned from work on Monday evening, we opened all the windows and watched as Fred set fire to the form the police had given him pertaining to his innocence.

It burned quickly on the kitchen table and soon it was like it had never existed.

We never spoke of it again.

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comedy entertainment funny humor internet random

Oh Yahoo, you’re doing it wrong!

I found this online on one of my favorite websites: The Oatmeal (and missed it out in yesterday’s Timewasters). If you’ve never checked it out before, you should. Now. Go….Well, not right now. I mean, check out my website first and then head over to The Oatmeal.

I feel this picture sums up EXACTLY what I do almost everyday when something appears in my newsfeed. Although, to be fair, it gets so much worse. The other day, I used Google to look up ‘Yahoo News’.

Seriously.

(source)

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comedy entertainment funny humor internet random timewasters

Tuesday Timewasters – The Newspaper Edition – 05/01

Before we launch into this week’s Timewasters, if you’re sitting at a desk, give this a go:

Lift your right leg off the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this, draw the number ‘6’ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction and there’s nothing you can do about it.

True story.

Your mind is blown right now, isn’t it? You’re gonna put that as your Facebook status now, aren’t you? It’s ok. I did the same thing.

Moving on.

First up, an awkward moment for…well, anyone really:

Next, these are my five favorite newspaper clippings that have appeared around the web this week (or appeared previously and I just never happened upon them before):

And finally, speaking of ‘a senior moment’, here’s a lovely letter an old woman wrote about her new radio:

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comedy entertainment funny humor Korea random South Korea

‘Do you think the fan is plotting to kill us?’

As summer slowly approaches and the heating in the apartment is switched off, I find myself starting to look through boxes to locate my flip-flops, sunscreen and sundresses. Packaged up for the long Korean winter, my dresses have barely seen the light of day in over 6 months but alas, as jacket-less days draw close, so too does a formidable threat.

A threat at the very heart of summer. A threat so inconceivable it just might be true. A threat of death.

Or rather, a threat of ‘Fan Death’.

A few years ago, during one of our weeks off school I decided to go to Jeju Island, an island off the coast of South Korea. Just so that you don’t think I’m off work all the time, here in Korea we get two weeks per year off work, one in summer, one in winter…and winter isn’t usually Christmas week like you’d think. It’s usually the week after or in February for some people. The Canadian One and I have never managed to have the same week off and, as such, have never taken a vacation together. Given also that my company is only required to let me know when my week off will be 30 days before the actual week off happens, there’s not much prep I can do even if we did want to go away somewhere.

So anyway, while everyone else used their week off and went to the Philippines or Japan (I’d just spend 10 days in Japan two months earlier), I signed up for an adventure trip to Jeju with a travel company. Also on this trip was a Korean girl, raised in USA and now teaching English in Korea, and her younger sister (about 20) who was visiting. Over dinner one night, this conversation took place:

Some guy: ‘I bet you believe in fan death too!’

Younger sister: ‘Wait, fan death isn’t real?!’

Older sister: ‘No!’

Younger sister: ‘Mom always told me it was real!!’

Older sister: ‘Oh my God!’

Fan Death is one of those weird things you hear about and don’t think people actually believe in until you have a conversation like that.

Based around the concept that if you sleep in a sealed room with an electric fan on, you could may will die. The theory is during the night, the fan will suck all the oxygen from the room thus suffocating you OR it’ll make the room too cold while you sleep, causing you to die of hypothermia.

Now, The Canadian One and I sleep with the fan on all the time as it gets so hot in summer here a good night’s sleep becomes a distant memory by mid June. Although maybe we’re the lucky ones. Like those people you hear about who jump out of planes and their parachutes fails, yet they survive with merely a bump and a bruise.

It’s at this point in my post I really wish I was kidding.

On 18th July 2006, The Korea Consumer Protection Board (KCPB) issued a consumer safety alert after analyzing injury data related to summer accidents collected for the past three years through its Consumer Injury Surveillance System (CISS).

The top five recurring accidents they found were as follows:

1. Asphyxiation from electric fans and air conditioners

2. Children’s asphyxiation inside cars

3. Explosions inside cars

4. Air conditioner explosions

5. Sanitary accidents at home

Their advice for dealing with ‘Fan Death’?

Doors should be left open when sleeping with the electric fan or air conditioner turned on

If bodies are exposed to electric fans or air conditioners for too long, it causes bodies to lose water and hypothermia. If directly in contact with a fan, this could lead to death from increase of carbon dioxide saturation concentration and decrease of oxygen concentration. The risks are higher for the elderly and patients with respiratory problems.

From 2003~2005, a total of 20 cases were reported through the CISS involving asphyxiations caused by leaving electric fans and air conditioners on while sleeping. To prevent asphyxiation, timers should be set, wind direction should be rotated and doors should be left open.

Incidentally, part of their advice regarding Number 3: Explosions inside cars is:

In addition, it is dangerous to leave opened orange juice or tomato juice bottles in the car as it ferments and explodes. This can be especially dangerous while driving. Ten cases have been reported through the CISS.

I have no idea if this is true…although I kinda want to test it out. I need a car, orange juice and summer….

According to the press release, in Korea between 2003-2005, there were 20 (that’s TWENTY) cases of Fan Death, 10 cases of exploding orange juice and 12 cases of exploding disposable lighters inside hot cars.

Interestingly, a year after this press release came out, Dr. John Linton who’s autopsied one of the ‘Fan Death’ victims told the International Herald Tribune:

There are several things that could be causing the fan deaths, things like pulmonary embolisms, cerebrovascular accidents or arrhythmia. There is little scientific evidence to support that a fan alone can kill you if you are using it in a sealed room. Although it is a common belief among Koreans, there are other explainable reasons for why these deaths are happening.

It IS worth noting that Dr. John Linton appears on my (very short list) list of designated medical practitioners in Seoul with the authority to conduct my official Canadian Visa Medical Check.

Why didn’t I pick him?

His hospital would have charged me $20 more than the other hospital and I figured with the savings, I could buy a fancy latte and a muffin for lunch…which I did. Although NOW, I totally wish I had’ve gone to see him. I could have asked him directly about ‘Fan Death’.

Oh well, guess The Canadian One and I will just have to risk our lives once again this summer and leave the fan on at night.

Although, to give the Koreans some credit, dying because a fan was left on while you were sleeping is not the weirdest way to die.

150 people are killed each year by coconuts and an average of 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

In 2008, a man in Russia was killed by his couch and just last year, a woman was killed by her recycling bin in America.

So, you know, stranger things…

 

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comedy entertainment funny humor internet random timewasters websites

Tuesday Timewasters – 04/24

***To avoid any confusion: Links are now underlined and no longer appear in blue. This message has been sponsored by ketchup and tomatoes everywhere.*** 

Soooo Timewasters are a little late today due to a trip to Korean immigration to renew my Korean visa and a long, lengthy and, as usual, stressful trip to the post office…and then I watched a movie.

In case anyone cares, Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows – good.

BBC TV show Sherlock Holmes – better…just sayin’.

Moving on.

Up first we have my favorite thing forwarded to me this week.

Turns out, the TV channel TNT installed a BIG RED PUSH BUTTON BUTTON on an average town square in what looks like an in-need-of-an-injection-of-drama town to advertise their Belgian TV channel launch. In what’s possibly the best intentional twist of marketing ever, a sign next to it invited people to ‘Push to add drama’. I watched it twice then made The Canadian One watch it with me. Trust me when I tell you YOU WANT TO SEE THIS!

Next, we have the 9 Strangest Things Found While Searching For Waldo…or Wally as we like to call him in my part of the world. I mean, the part of the world I am from, not where I live…No writing to me on Facebook telling me I’m mistaken please.

This one is my favorite and destroys all innocence I associate with finding Wally.

A Man About to Be Raped By a Mountain Lion in “Fun and Games in Ancient Rome, Find Waldo Now”

Check out the link for the other eight.

Next, The Most Persistent Flirter on Facebook.

Now, The Canadian One and I started to get to know each other better via this particular social site after we’d met in real life after being introduced at a dinner party by The British Friend…more on that another time. I lived two hours from him so we spent a lot of time texting, calling, Skyping and stalking talking to each other on Facebook. But this guy…this ‘Most Persistent Flirter on Facebook’, fair play for trying dude, not giving up but the line is behind you buddy, you crossed it a while back and you’re never gonna get a date with that girl. But hey, at least you’re now famous on the internet! Cloud – Lining – YAY!

Oh God and in unrelated news, I read THIS this week and thought yep, most of those sum up me.

I can safely say 2, 4, 6, and 12 are me…and possibly 3…and only that ONCE 9….but I didn’t ‘YELL’…The music was loud so I raised my voice. What? Don’t look at me like that!

Speaking of drinking, The Canadian One and I were in our local bar recently where they play music videos on a big projector screen in the center of the bar. Now, I don’t know how many of you have heard / seen this song before but it’s, well, I felt slightly violated afterwards and immediately whipped out my iPhone to Google it.

I’m warning you NOW (so people don’t write to me) DO NOT, I REPEAT,  DO NOT WATCH AT WORK…OR WITH KIDS NEARBY!

Made by ‘Duck Sauce’, the people who also brought you the massively popular song ‘Barbra Streisand’, the DJ duo are now accused of celebrated for making one of the most shocking videos of last year. Check it out!!

But repeat with me: NOT. AT. WORK.

Two more things before I go, this is totally what I’m dressing up as this year for Halloween:

Uh huh, that’s right. Officially licensed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Sexy Dresses. Officially licensed!! Although headbands and weapons not included but I can get over that.

NOW to think of which turtle I’d like to be. If you want your own, you can go HERE for TMNT ones and HERE for Power Rangers ones. I kid you not people of the interwebbie. Power Rangers. I. Kid. You. Not.

And lastly, IF you’re going out this weekend, please read this helpful PSA to avoid the risk of sexual assault!

Have a good week and Happy Timewasting. Don’t forget, you got any Timewasters to share, send them along to the email theketchupwar@gmail.com or check out previous week’s Timewasters if you really wanna waste some time discover something awesome in the index.

 

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comedy conversations entertainment funny humor kids Korea quotes random South Korea

‘She is like wi-fi!’ – New Quotes Added

Happy Quote Friday! A round-up of this week’s best kid’s quotes:

Courtesy of April Lynn Amador

One of our rules in class is ‘No (speaking) Korean’.

I explain tattling to the class and how it’s not allowed. 10 minutes later, a little boys is standing up and shouting at a little girl during gametime.

Me: ‘Sammy!!! Why are you yelling??!’

Sammy: ‘Teacheeeeer, Ginny Korean!!! You say, NO KOREAN!! And she, Korean….Teacheeeeer!!’

Me: ‘Ginny, stop speaking Korean to Sammy, it’s making him sad.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Same class as above:

Kid 1: ‘Teacher, Sammy….me….’ She makes a crazy motion with her hand.

Me: ‘Did he hit you?’

Kid 1: ‘No.’

Me: ‘Are you hurt in any way?’

Kid 1: ‘Umm, no…no. But teacher, he say me….’ She makes a crazy motion with her hand again.

Kid 2: ‘Ha, Sammy say you crazy?!! Hahahahahahahaha.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Little girl looks at little boy: ‘Oh teacher, his t-shirt, very sexy!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘Ok, today we need to do all of Unit 6 because we’re behind in the book.’

Kid: ‘Jump the unit!’

Me: ‘No!’

Kid: ‘No no, jump the unit. It’s ok. Shhhhh, secret. No tell.’

Me: ‘We can’t!’

Kid: ‘Jump the unit!! Shhhhhh! Secret!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘What’s your hobby?’

Kid: ‘I read a book.’

Kid 2: pointing at kid 1 ‘No, NO read a book!! Computer games!!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘Do you play any sports?’

Kid 1: ‘No.’

Kid 2: ‘Computer games!’

Me: ‘Computer games is not a sport.’

Kid 2: ‘It’s a hand sport!!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘What are you going to do on your birthday?’

Kid: ‘I will going to fire the cake.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Q: ‘What do you like about New Year?’

Kid’s Ans: ‘I eat dainty food.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Q: ‘She was in a hurry to make a sandwich and she cut herself with a knife. Give her some advice.’

Kid’s Ans: ‘She shouldn’t cut herself with a knife.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

A girl comes to class wearing inline skates. 10 minutes later, her friend arrives wearing inline skates too.

Girl 1: ‘OH, teacher, look inline skates!! I don’t know! Oh teacher, telepathy!!!’

Girl 2: ‘Yes, teacher, she is like wi-fi!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

While teaching, ‘I am……because I…….’

Kid: ‘I am amazing because I learned earsmurfs!’

Me: ‘What the….NO!!!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

The above, incidentally (and in case you can’t be bothered to click the link), is referring to this conversation from Monday and posted on Tuesday but in case you missed it:

I show my students a picture of ‘earmuffs’.

Me: ‘What is it?’

Kid 1: ‘Headphones…no…no wait a minute.’

Kid 2: ‘I don’t know.’

I write ‘earmuffs’ on the board.

Kid 3: ‘Earmuffins?’

Me: ‘Earmuffs.’

ALL: ‘Earmuffs.’

Kid 2: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘No no, earMUFFS.’

Kid 1: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘No, no…’

Kid 2: ‘I don’t like Smurfs. They’re blue and skin like a snail. And no clothes, Teacher. No clothes. Only hat and pants. Where do they poop???!! I don’t like them.’

Me: ‘Noooo, but they’re cute.’

Kid 2: ‘They are not cute. They are horrible. No clothes. I like Gargamel. He usually wears clothes.’

Kid 3: ‘I like his cat.’

Me: ‘Me too!’

Kid 2: ‘Teacher, it is disgusting. They have no clothes.’

Kid 1: ‘I like Pororo.’

Me: ‘He’s a penguin. He has no clothes.’

Kid 2: ‘But that’s ok. He’s cute. And when he take off his glasses and then, he’s more cute.’

Kid 3: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘EarMUFFS!!’

Kid 3: ‘Teacher, if you move ‘s’, it’s earsmuffs.’

Me: ‘What about the ‘r’?’

Kid 3: ‘No ‘r’.’

Me: ‘They’re SmuRfs not SMUFFS.’

Kid 3: ‘No, Smuffs.’

Me: ‘SMURFS!!’

Kid 3: ’You’re wrong!’

Me: ‘I AM NOT! Everybody, EARMUFFS.’

ALL: ‘EARSMURFS!!’

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Kid: ‘What is it?’

Me: ‘A hoodie.’

Kid: ‘Why?’

Me: ‘Why is it called a hoodie? Because it has a hood, I guess.’

Kid: ‘No, really why??’

Me: ‘I think that’s why.’

Kid: ‘Ask Google!’

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While teaching cause and effect:

Me: ‘Ok, the dinosaurs died, this is the effect. What’s the cause?’

One kid gasps.

Me: ‘It’s ok, it happened a long time ago. It’s not new.’

Kid: ‘Oh, ok.’

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One of my youngest students looks sad, I go over to find out what’s happened.

Me: ‘What’s the matter?’

Kid next to him, trying to help too and repeating what he thinks I’ve said in a concerned tone: ‘Watermelon?’

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We studied animal for a while so the kids knew the answer to this question:

Me: ‘What’s my favorite animal?’

Kid 1: ‘Turtle!’

Me: ‘No, that’s number two. What’s my number one favorite animal?’

Kid 2: ‘BOYS!!’

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comedy conversations entertainment funny humor random timewasters websites

Thursday Timewasters – 04/12

Texts From Dog

I’m adoring this new site!! ADORING it! I don’t have a dog, I’m more of a cat person, but if I did, I’d hope my dog was as cool as this one. Could you imagine what your pet would say if it could text you? I have two turtles, Gir and Zim (points for whoever can name the show they’re named after) and The Canadian One and I sometimes pretend they’re talking to each other. Their conversations mainly revolve around Zim, who’s constantly trying to escape, and Gir, who just sit on the rock and watches and their daily lives. Not interesting to outsiders but more interesting than watching TV sometimes. 🙂

Here are my Top 6 posts from Texts From Dog:

Categories
comedy entertainment funny humor internet random timewasters websites

‘Dear Internet, Stop being so distracting…’ – Tuesday Timewasters

There’s a website that I’m addicted to called ‘Dear Blank, Please Blank‘ – Be warned, once you check out this site, the next hour of your life is gone! Here are my top 15 submissions on the site and, in case you’re wondering, yes, yes I do totally hope life in Canada is exactly like the Canadian note.

Happy Timewasting!

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entertainment funny humor random timewasters websites

‘Let’s get ready to rummmmmmmmmmble!’

If iPhone apps aren’t your thing, please feel free to stop reading now and check out these special Easter timewasters:

15 of THE creepiest Easer Bunny photos you will EVER see!

If iPhone apps ARE your thing, please check out the above link, laugh and then return here and read on:

A few days ago, this exchange between myself (in blue) and my you-gotta-get-draw-something friend takes place:

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comedy entertainment funny humor random timewasters

Thursday Timewasters – 04/05

Some of my favourite (because I’m NOT American it gets a ‘u’) eCards so far:

Categories
entertainment funny humor internet random timewasters Uncategorized websites

‘Dude, where’s my pic?!’

Hello, I’m Jenny and I’m a Draw Somethingaholic. I honestly think I say ‘Did you get my pic?’, ‘Did you see my pic?’, ‘WHERE’S MY NEW PIC?!’ more than I say ‘I love you’ to The Canadian One recently.

It all started about a week ago when a friend called to say ‘You gotta download this app, it’s called Draw Something’. Ok, that’s not why she called but it is the main thing I remember from the conversation. Next morning, on the train, I download the app. Instantly I get a text from The Canadian One: ‘You downloaded an app?’. Ohhhhh yeah, we share an iTunes account so we each get messages whenever the other downloads something. (It was a credit-card-can-only-be-used-with-one-account-situtation that meant one iTunes account for the both of us.) I quickly work out that I need an opponant, this is not a one-player game, and within minutes, The Canadian One has ‘Draw Something’ too.

And so it starts….