comedy funny humor quotes South Korea timewasters

Tuesday Timewasters – Hedgehog Unleashed – 04/30

hedgehog (4)This week, Timewaste with Quote Friday!! Ou, it’s like an illicit affair, right? The two weekly posts, joining forces…it’s all so exciting.

Yes, ohhhhh yes, it’s that time! It’s FINALLY. THAT. TIME!!


And to celebrate this Tuesday/Friday get together, here at The Ketchup War, we’re giving you, YES YOU, a whopping 50% off your purchase of the book.



So, have you enjoyed Quote Friday as much as I have? Sad to see it over? Well, I have good news for you! It’s now a book!

Four years of hilarious kids’ quotes from the ESL classroom in South Korea.

Following on from the success of Quote Friday – a round up of the best quotes of the week from my elementary school classroom – comes the full and unabridged book featuring some never before read additions from students, family and, of course, The Canadian One.

Packed full of hysterical quotes such as:

Having just read the sentence: ‘Baby wallabies are born without fur.’
Me: “What are baby wallabies born without?”
Kid: “Hope.”

Me: “What’s a baby chicken called?”
Kid: “An egg fry.”

Me: “What’s your favorite book?”
Kid: “Harry Potter.”
Me: “What’s the story?”
Kid: “It has no story.”

Me: “What are eyebrows?”
Kid: “People’s eye fur.”

Me: “What’s a ‘tail’?”
Kid: “A dog’s antenna.”

Me: “When do we find out who wins this election in America? Is it like the same day or is it weeks later like on The X Factor?”
The Canadian One: “The US election is NOT like The X Factor.”

Watch Out For The Hedgehog is the must-read book for educators, travellers, ESL teachers and anyone who’s ever been curious about what it’s like to teach English in a foreign country.

To claim your 50% discount:

  1. Click this link: THE LINK
  2. Go through the motions of signing up to Smashwords. Now, I know what you’re thinking ‘I don’t wanna join a random site, they will spam me‘. They will not. I promise. They’re a fantastic organization that allow independent writers and publishers publish their books online and liaise with all the big companies on your behalf to get you the best possible deals for your book. Think of it as discovering and supporting more independent writing.
  3. Use your special code: ZX38T
  4. Download the book as MOBI, PDF, EPUB, RTF or HTML (or all five if you wish, you get all versions with your purchase).
  5. Read and enjoy.
  6. Offer valid until May 3rd 2013.

The book’s also available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble (no, I have no idea why the book cover isn’t there) and Kobo bookstores (but without the discount).

comedy funny humor kids quotes

“Ms. Ireland?” – Quote Friday – 03/15

lil leprechauns
Image by Jasmaine Mathews

This week I’ve been busy sub-teaching at a school and as a result, QUOTES!! Ta-da!! Ok, so I wanna say this is the last ever, there’ll-be-no-more, Quote Fridays BUT I just asked to sub-teach on Monday at a different school sooooo if those kids are interesting, Quote Friday is a go-go…If not, well….you know….

All of these questions came up in the different books and were all asked to different classes.

Me: “What do you do on sport’s day?”

Kid 1: “Swimming.”

Kid 2: “OLYMPICS?!!”


Kid comes into class, looks at me and says: “Ms. Ireland?”


Kid, in Korean: “You don’t know Korean?”

Me, in Korean: “No, I don’t know Korean.”

Kid pauses and looks at me skeptically.


Me: “What don’t you like?”

Kid 1: “I don’t like fish.”

Kid 2: “I don’t like nuclear weapons.”

Kid 3, turning slowly to look at Kid 2: “I don’t like rain…”

Kid 4: “I don’t like crazy people.”


Me: “What do you like?”

Girl: “TEACHER!!! HE (pointing at the boy sitting opposite her) likes here!!!” (she points to her vagina)


Me: “What’s your name?”

Kid: “Honey.”

Kid 2: “Honey Boo Boo?”


Me: “What smells bad?”

Kid: “Alcohol.”

Me: “OK.”

Kid: “But not beer. Other…”

Me: “Soju?”

Kid: “Yes.”


Me: “What are you scared of?”

Kid 1: “Fire.”

Boy: “Flowers.”

Me: “Flowers?”

Boy: “Yes.”

Me: “OK, next.”

Kid 2: “Spider.”

Kid 3: “Height.”

Kid 4: “BIRD!!!”

Kid 5: “Poo.”


Me: “What’s terrible?”

Kid 1: “War.”

Kid 2: “Die.”

Kid 3: “Kill.”

Kid 4: “Kim Jong-Un.”

Kid 5: “Rain….wet….”


Do you love Quote Friday? Sad to see it come to an end…eventually? Who really knows at this point?! I keep saying ‘It’s the last one’ and then I do one more….

OUT NOW: The QUOTE FRIDAY book, the best of four years of quotes including some never before published ones: Watch Out for the Hedgehog’.

hedgehog (4)

For more Quote Fridays, check out:

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RE: Obama: ‘I don’t wanna see his mustache all over the TV.’ – Quote Friday 10/05

The best of this week’s quotes from my elementary students in South Korea (and some thrown in from friends too)

Firstly, this is only my second day at school this week due to Korean Thanksgiving so I ain’t got a lot to share but my students DID do writing work during the break and came up with some gems during their written work.

Before all that, a note pinned to the wall outside our local bar explaining it’s closed for Thanksgiving:


Kid: ‘I don’t like buddism because I go to church.’


Kid: ‘Today is my mom and dad wedding anniversary but I’m not give my present but my parents say ‘we’re precious in your and be born’. That time my heart is moved and my heart happy cry.’


Kid, re: Costco trip: ‘There were many people so I experience inconvenience.’








From my mother, who’s a music teacher in Ireland:

While teaching a kid what an octave is:

Mam: ‘Ok, think of an octopus? How many legs does an octopus have?’

Kid: ‘Three!’


From April and her 7-year-old kindergarten students:

Kid: ‘Teacher, did you vote for Obama?’

Rich Teacher, joking: ‘Did YOU for Obama?’

Kid, thinks: ‘Nah, I don’t like his mustache. I don’t wanna see his mustache all over the TV.’




For more Quote Friday’s, check out:

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‘Giraffe is no tall.’ – Quote Friday 09/14

The best of this week’s quotes from my elementary students in South Korea (and some thrown in from friends too)

Guy to girl who’s just explained how a guy she recently went on a date with used the ‘let me tell your fortune’ line on her to hold her hand: ‘Uh huh, and then he’ll be like I wanna tell your fortune…from inside you…’


Same guy, during dinner in a fancy hotel: ‘Am I making too many orgy jokes?’


Guy: ‘There are plenty of girls who want to see my Google history.’


A kid draws all over the board messily with a board marker.

Other kid, gasps, ‘Teacher!! White board terror!!!’


Me: ‘What’s tall?’

Kid: ‘A giraffe.’

Me: ‘Very good!’

Kid 2: ‘Teacher, giraffe is no tall. Giraffe has long neck. It’s no tall.’


Some pictures from April Lynn Amador and her 6 year old Kindergarten students!


I call mam at 12:20am.

Mam: ‘I’m knitting you a hat. I wanna know what kinda hat you’d like.’

Me: ‘One with ear flaps. Like flaps that cover my ears.’

Mam: ‘Ok. Do you have a hat like that already?’

Me: ‘Yes. It’s got stuff inside it.’

Mam: ‘Oh lining. I can put lining in it.’

Me: ‘No, not lining.’

Mam: ‘Like the stuff in the hat I got you at Northface.’

Me: ‘No, it’s fluffy.’

Mam: ‘It’s lining.’

Me: ‘No, it’s not the same. It’s fluffy. It’s like…3D…I can pet it.’


Mam: ‘You can pet it? Does it have a name? Do you feed it?’

Me: ‘I don’t want a hat anymore. Go away!’

We end the conversation and The Canadian One comes into the bedroom.

Him: ‘What was that about?’

Me: ‘She’s making me a hat. I was trying to describe that hat to her (pointing to my hat on the ground). I told her the fluff was 3D.’

Pause. He takes a deep breath.

Him: ‘You do realize the entire hat is 3D, right? I mean everything you touch is 3D.’


Me: ‘Shut up!’

Mam calls back at 9:19am.

Mam: ‘I made you a hat. I sent you a picture.’

Me: ‘ALREADY?!!’

I check my phone.




For more Quote Friday’s, check out:

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‘I’M NOT OK!!!’ – Quote Friday 08/24

The best of this week’s quotes from my elementary students in South Korea (and some thrown in from friends too)

Before I launch into this week’s Quote Friday, I just wanna point out an awesome website / wedding invitation that was sent to me (to look at, not to go to the wedding….just to be clear). It didn’t make it into this week’s timewasters but IT. IS. AWESOME. And may will make you cry…at your desk…in front of other people…cos it’s just so damn cute. Ketchup World, meet Jess and Russ.

Moving on.

Between job hunting, going for interviews and stalking the mailman waiting on a letter from Canada regarding my visa, I feel like I’ve not had a lot of time this week and am failing to believe that it is actually Friday today.


Me, reading from the book: ‘What day is it today?’

Kid: ‘Tuesday.’

Me: ‘No, it’s Thursday.’

Kid: ‘It’s Tuesday.’

Kid next to her nods.

Me: ‘It’s not. It’s Thursday. Isn’t it? Is it? Wait, lemme check.’

Google confirmed, yes, yes it was Thursday. Kids still looked skeptical though.

This week also marked the last week of random arty/science classes and as such, I have spend the week being quite arty.

Not on purpose, mind you. I got forced into teaching a ‘Clay Cooking Class’ to a bunch of 7 year olds who spoke no, and I mean NO, English. Though thankfully they all understood not to eat the clay unlike those 7 year olds I had in science who tried to lick a battery.

God, kids are stupid.

Moving on.

Here is some of the arty crap I got to make this week:

Bibimbap, a traditional Korean dish

Meanwhile, The Canadian One and I had to do an airport run to pick up some newbies.

I made a sign.

He made a sign.

And although you may think his was better, he did look like ‘a sixteen year old waiting for Justin Bieber’ (- his words, not mine) and I didn’t.


I often wonder exactly what The Canadian One does all day at work. Luckily, his 6 year old kindergarteners write about it.

Women’s clothing….?


Boy: ‘Teacher, teacher, gaaaaame!! Let’s play Dancing Queen!!’

And with that he leaps from his seat into the middle of the classroom and starts disco dancing.


From The Canadian One:

The Canadian One: ‘Are you sure you’re a book helper?’ (to a kid handing out books, a job for kids dubbed ‘Book Helpers’)

6 year old kid: ‘Yes, trust me.’


After a listening task, I stop the CD.

Me: “Is everyone OK? Do we need to listen to it one more time?’

Class: ‘It’s ok. No.’

One kid: ‘I’M NOT OK!!!’


Splitting the class up for a game:

Me: “Kevin, you’re on Calvin’s team. Kitty, you’re with Lucas.’

Lucas: ‘YESSSS!!’

I look at him.

Lucas: ‘Kevin is not smart.’


The Canadian One: ‘Why is there bread in the recycling?’

Me: ‘Ohhhhh, yeah, I sometimes get confused in the mornings and I had the bread and the plastic thingy and I…I just put it all in the recycling.’

He stares at me.

Me: ‘I also put my pen in my lunch box….I’m not so good with the morning time.’


The Canadian One, after I explain why I need help downloading something: ‘You need a life coach.’


For more Quote Friday’s, check out:

comedy entertainment funny humor kids Korea quotes South Korea


The best of this week’s quotes from my elementary students in South Korea (and some thrown in from friends too)

And so the week wraps up with the start of my vacation week and a month of uncertainty to follow. You see, yesterday, my company announced that my school no longer wishes to partake in the after-school English programme anymore thus rendering both my job and my co-teacher’s job obsolete…aka, we were let go. Or at least we will be come August 31st.

‘I am supposed to tell you after vacation but I thought I would tell you before so you can prepare.’ – My manager trying to give me the silver lining of ‘in a month you’ll have no job and unless you find one, you may not have a visa to stay in the country either…oh and you’ll also have no health insurance…’

In other, school related matter, this has been the first week of the ‘summer schedule’, whereby my students are on vacation from normal school and come to me in the daytime instead. Half my students are missing / away in a far flung, much more interesting land, and the classes are starting a whole four hours earlier than usual. Any takers on what the most complained about thing has been this week?

Yep, kids moaning that they’re in class at 10am on a vacation day and that it’s hot outside. Very very hot outside.

Oh and I now teach Science and Art as a special ‘summer class’ for grades 1-3…who speak absolutely zero English…and the classes are 75 minutes long…Here’s a sample of what we made this week:

Pop-Up Binoculars…We went outside and looked at bugs
A magnet tree
A Syringe Crane…or something you’d see on the set of Breaking Bad I would imagine
I have no idea what this is! It said ‘A Flute’ but all I heard was ‘Annoying object that will require you to need an Aspirin after the kids make it’

As usual, never to be outdone, my students in their art class just prior to mine, made these:

Moving on!

This week also deal with the aftermath of Mosquito Attack 2012:

Me on Day Two following Mosquito Attack 2012

My students regarding the GIANT blotches all over my legs:

Kid, staring at my legs: ‘Teacher….um….cry?’


Kid: ‘Teacher, why?!!’

Me: ‘Mosquitoes.’


Me: ‘No no, there was more than one!’


I scratch my leg in class.



Kid, giving advice on how to kill a mosquito: ‘Teacher, baseball bat and hit.’


A kid is lying on a desk.

Me: ‘Andrew, you can’t sleep on the desk in class.’

Kid: ‘I’m not sleeping on the desk. I’m sleeping on my hand.’


Me, reading the sentence in the book: ‘It is fun to tickle the little baby.’

Kid: ‘PICKLE???!!’


The Web-Designing Singer regarding me saying ‘Dor-ee-toes’ as oppose to ‘Dor-ee-do’: ‘The British always like to put T into things, it’s like they get halfway through a word and think ouuu let’s stop for some T, shall we?’


Next week there’ll be no Quote Friday as I’m on a week off school but it’ll be back August 10th. In the meantime, feel free to check out past Quote Friday’s here:

comedy entertainment funny humor kids Korea quotes South Korea

‘Give me your coffee’ – Quote Friday 07/20

The best of this week’s quotes from my elementary students in South Korea (and some thrown in from friends too)

It’s my birthday today!!

I just wanted to point that out before we begin.


Me: ‘You’re like a domesticated puppy.’

The Canadian One: ‘I’m like a half domesticated puppy that still pees on the floor sometimes.’

Me: ‘Can I put that on my blog?’

The Canadian One: ‘Not out of context!’

Context: I was sitting on the floor of the kitchen with a teapot cosy on my head while he was cleaning the top of the fridge.

No, I didn’t think the context would help either!

To be fair, after this happened, he said this about me:

The Canadian One: ‘I think of living with her the same way I do living with a puppy, one day I’m gonna come home and she will have broken something I really like.’

A mere seconds later I saved his life. Saved. His. Life. Who’s the puppy NOW?!

Moving on.


Kid: ‘Teacher, ummmm, tomorrow happy birthday…ummmm, do you like pencil?’

Birthday Cupcakes (neither made by nor eaten by me!)

Me: ‘Yes! I love pencils!’

Kid: ‘And sticker?’

Me: ‘Yes, I love stickers.’

Kid: ‘Teacher, you Korean yes?’

Me: ‘No.’

Kid: ‘Ummmmm, happy birthday card korean me…you no?’

Me: ‘Korean teacher can tell me.’

Kid: ‘OK!!’

She runs away smiling.


Describing a picture:

Kid: ‘He is scared because his bride’s face is ugly.’

Kid 2: ‘She is sad because she doesn’t love bridegroom.’


Kid points to candy on my desk.

Kid 1: ‘Candy!’

Me: ‘The candy is for grade six.’

Kid: ‘I’m great! Kitty’s great!!’ (pointing at her friend)

Me: ‘No no, GRADE six. Not great.’

Kid: ‘Kevin is grade six!’ (pointing at another boy sitting behind her)

Kevin looks up at me.

Kevin: ‘Yes, teacher, give me your coffee.’


A kid has no pencil.

Me: ‘If someone gives him a pencil, I’ll give you a sticker.’

Kid, being mean to all the other students: ‘No, no, I have a pencil.’


Someone hits my door during a lesson. I open the door to find kids scattering and one boy standing, staring at me like a deer in headlights.

Me: ‘Who hit my door?!’

Kid: ‘I don’t know…I don’t know…’

I stare at him.

Kid: ‘I don’t know…’

Me: ‘Come here.’

Kid: ‘It was Tony!!’


Kid talking to me randomly about food.

Kid: ‘Oh teacher, I see, the jungle man say eat this and the people eat and then bleeeeeh…’

Me: ‘What did they eat?’

Kid: ‘Thin white ants and iguanas.’

Me: ‘Ewwww…’


Me: ‘It’s big and brown. It has a big head and four legs.’

Two kids put their hands up.

Kid 1: ‘It’s a bear!!!’



Kid: ‘Oh teacher, do you know sweater?’

Me: ‘What?’

Kid: ‘Sweater?’

I look at her, skeptically.

Kid: ‘Sweater? No? Wait…’ (to the kid next to her) ‘…Sweater? Sweater?’

Kid 2: ‘No, Twitter!’

Kid: ‘Ohhh, do you know Twitter?’


Me: ‘What country do you live in?’

Kid: ‘Japan!’

Me: ‘NO!! This is Korea!!’

Kid next to her, pointing at her: ‘Japan spy!!!’


Me: ‘What do you not want to be?’

Little Boy: ‘I don’t want to be a mom!’


Me, trying to get a kid to move to a different desk and pointing at am empty desk: ‘Move it!’

Kid, looking at me quizzically: ‘Movie? We watching movie?’

Me: ‘No! Move it!’


Kid: ‘Move it…? I like to move it move it?’

Me: ‘Come sit here!’

Kid, gathering his stuff: ‘I like to move it move it! I like to move it move it!’


Me: ‘Your final text will be in three weeks.’

Kid: ‘What?! Test last week!!!’

Me: ‘I know, it makes no sense to me either but it’s on the schedule so…we’re having a test.’


Submitted by Michael Holman:

When talking about good/bad habits:

Me: ‘What’s a bad habit you have?’

Girl1: ‘What is ‘habit’?’

Me: ‘Something you do every day.’

Girl1: ‘I have a bad habit of hating my baby brother.’

Girl2: ‘Me TOO!!’

At least she decided it was a ‘bad’ habit.


For more Quote Fridays, check out:

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‘He said I am sweet potato!’ – Quote Friday 06/29

Quote Friday: A round-up of the best quotes from my elementary school kids in South Korea this week!

Some school-related news: this week marks Open Class being upon us…today in fact…in T-60 minutes. For those who don’t know, Open Class is where all of my classes I teach across two days are combined into just 5 classes via time not level…where’s the logic, really?!!…and then the parents and other teachers from the school get to come in, watch the classes, take notes and grade me on how well I do…yep….so that’s happening today. Due to this, Quote Friday is being posted now, as oppose to later as the plan for today is 1) Do Open Classes, 2) Do Not Freak Out, 3) Go home, get changed, get The Canadian One to buy me dinner and copious amounts of alcohol….4) Wake Up Saturday Afternoon.

And so I present: Quote Friday!

I get the sneaky suspicion my kids are getting tired of my reminders that Open Class is almost upon us.

Me: ‘Ok, so on Friday it’s Open Class.’

Kid: “WE KNOW!’


Giving warnings about Open Class, pointing to the three naughtiest boys in my class:

Me: ‘You, you and you…’

Kid: ‘Shut up?’


Me: ‘Well, yes be quiet.’


Me: ‘What must we remember for tomorrow?’

Kid: ‘Speak in medium voice.’


Talking to my Grade Twos:

Me: ‘Ok I’m going to take your books…’

Kid: ‘You take my book??!!!’

Me: ‘And give it back to you tomorrow.’

Kid: ‘Why?!!!’

Me: ‘Because I think you will forget your book.’

Kid: ‘No. I remember.’

Me: ‘Ok. You won’t forget?’

Kid: ‘No.’

Me: ‘You’re sure?’

Kid: ‘Yes.’

Me: ‘Ok but if you forget your book I’ll minus you three stickers.’


Kid: ‘You can have my book.’


A kid walks into class, eyes the newly decorated back wall of the classroom and looks at me.

Kid: ‘For mommy and daddy?’


Me: ‘For Open Class, you will work in pairs. There will be 15 students…’

Kid: ’15 people? One people solo?’


Me: ‘Write down a problem and two solutions.’

Kid: ‘I don’t have money. I really want money. Let’s call my mom.’


Me, telling a kid off: ‘You know if you say what what what it’s very bad, it’s not very nice.’


Kid, eyeing me suspiciously: ‘But…teacher just say…’


Me: ‘I said…’

Kid: ‘You sad?!!!’

Me: ‘What?’

Kid: “Why teacher sad?!!’

Me: ‘What?!’

Kid: ‘Teacher say, I sad.’

Me: ‘I SAID…not SAD…I’m not sad, I’m fine.’


Kid: ‘In fall, I go hiking.’

Kid next to her: ‘Ouuuuu leaves!’


Kid: ‘Teacher, look I make!! At school! It’s a Christmas card.’

Me: ‘It’s June!!’

Kid: ‘I know. At Christmas I give to mommy!’


Regarding Open Class:

Kid: ‘Mommy and daddy books?’

Me: ‘No, mommy and daddy don’t get books.’

Kid: ‘Mommy and daddy stickers?’

Me: ‘No, mommy and daddy are watching the class not doing the class.’

Kid: ‘No stickers?’


Me, describing a spider from the book: ‘It has big, black eyes. It is small. It has fur. It is cute…’



Regarding a ‘hamster’ flashcard I’d just given him:

Me: ‘Where’s your flashcard?’

Kid: ‘I don’t know.’

Me: ‘Give me the flashcard!’

The kid takes the flashcard out of his desk and holds it up.

Kid: ‘But I want. I can have?’

Me: ‘No, you cannot.’

Kid: ‘But it’s so cute!’


I come back from the bathroom and the giant TV mounted on the wall is shaking.

Me: ‘Why is the TV shaking?!’

Kid: ‘It’s happy! It’s happy so it shake!’

She’d run into it accidentally but still, good answer.


A kid yells an answer at me.

Me: ‘Why are you yelling at me, I’m right beside you?!’

Kid repeats answer, whispering.


Kid: ‘Teacher, smell my pencil.’

Holds out pencil.

Me: ‘Um, no.’


Kid, looking at my coffee: ‘Is it like medicine?’


I hold up a picture of a hippo.

Me: “What is it?’

Kid: ‘People…no…wait…no…’


From a written task: ‘This is my mom. She’s in the dad.’


I hold up a picture of a whale.

Me: ‘What is it?’

Entire class: ‘I don’t know. I don’t know.’

One kid: ‘Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale. Whallllllllllllllle. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale.’


From a written task, describing her friend: ‘She likes brutal.’

Me: ‘She likes brutal? What?’

Kid mimes killing and stabbing.

Me: ‘Oh, violence….v-i-o-l-e-n-c-e.’


Kid: ‘Teacher, Friday, Open Class, I don’t come.’

Me: ‘What?! Why not?! You have to come. I need an even amount of students!’

Kid: ‘I am the only boy.’

Me: “You’re the only boy everyday, that’s not a valid excuse!’


Me: ‘What can you do in Winter?’

Kid: ‘Ohhhh ummmmm teacher….ummmm….it….snow….and ummm….ohhhhhhh play……….snow……..SNOW SURVIVOR!!!’
Kid 2: (looking at her friend) ‘Snowfight.’
Kid: ‘My school teacher called me…um….고구마….It’s potato’s brother.’
Me: ‘고구마 is a sweet potato. Your school teacher called you a sweet potato?!’
Kid: ‘He said I am sweet potato!’
Me: ‘Why?’
Kid: ‘I DON’T KNOW!!’

By the time third period rolls round, I usually have an iced latte in the class and all the students know the unspoken (and occasionally very spoken) rule of DON’T TOUCH TEACHER’S COFFEE…which also encompasses Don’t knock over Teacher’s coffee and Do not drop anything into Teacher’s coffee.

This rule especially comes into play when we’re playing ball games in class or the kids are running about.

On Wednesday, a kid wrote on the board and on her way back to her desk, bumped into the desk with my coffee on it. The kid was fine.

Me: ‘Be careful of the coffee.’

Her Friend: ‘TEACHER….(pointing at her friend but looking at me sternly)…Are you ok?!!’

Me: ‘Sorry, yes, are you ok?’

Kid: ‘Yes.’

Me: ‘Good. Be careful of the coffee.’


 Find more Quote Friday’s here:

And many more in the Index and on The Wall!