Sometime last year, I became obsessed with the Lawrence PD Twitter account. Someone in my feed reposted something of theirs and in typical fashion on a 1 hour bus ride, I went down a rabbit hole of reading ALL. THEIR. TWEETS.
If you have to blow into a Tostitos bag to know if you're intoxicated, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT DRIVE https://t.co/gnTcIIL7Oj
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) January 26, 2017
Things I know about them:
They have two dogs: Cheeseburger….
Happy Valentine’s Day to our 122k closest Valentines. Even though we all know police are heartless, cold, OH MAN A PUPPY! HI CHEESEBURGER! pic.twitter.com/kRM6h6F8cM
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) February 14, 2019
…And Deuce:
You all were real salty about us not putting a photo of Deuce with his haul. Sorry, here he is with a half smile like he knows he’s the boss. pic.twitter.com/1Gnadh35vV
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) November 19, 2018
Cheeseburger is more popular though. It causes….problems….
The handler of K9 Deuce is concerned with Cheeseburger’s level of fame. He thinks Deuce is a much more handsome pupper. Thoughts? #DeuceVsCheeseburger pic.twitter.com/2OmZa6w9Yh
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) June 15, 2018
They encourage people not to crime.
1985: "By 2020 we'll have flying cars, be able to time travel, and have floating hover boards."
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) March 18, 2020
2020: "Please don't crime. Also, please kindly wash your hands after you pee, poop, or cough to avoid spreading death."
Halloween tips with LPD:
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) October 30, 2019
1. Don’t crime.
Thank you.
To all the ppl @-ing us about all the cow in your freezer that you bought months ago from a farmer. We aren’t talking about you. We’re talking about the people panicking and spending $600 per household member at the grocery store. Let’s be reasonable. Also crime is still banned
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) March 12, 2020
And encourage people to help them solve crimes – both were found. #yaytwitter
This guy robbed a bank. He’s probably less blurry in real life, but if you recognize him, call (785)830-7430, or dime him out anonymously at (785)843-TIPS(8477) pic.twitter.com/XmY9J3nab7
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) February 1, 2020
Just in case he’s changed clothes, try to look for the neck beard guy with the open mouth probably buying lip balm with a big wad of cash.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) February 6, 2020
They also give helpful life tips:
Annual reminder that celebratory gun shooting is illegal. Also non-celebratory gun shooting. And also driving drunk.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) December 31, 2018
*Non-exhaustive list. Other stuff is illegal too. Like urinating in alleys and murder.
(•_•)
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) October 31, 2019
<) )╯Birthday
/
(•_•)
( (> Suits
/
(•_•)
<) )> Aren't
/
(•_•)
<) )╯Costumes
/
Here are some more of my favorites:
Roundabouts are not difficult. Yield to traffic coming from your left. That’s it. Done. Don’t wanna look right? No problem! Proceed right through, buddy.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) October 16, 2019
Does this need a graphic? Because we can google a graphic.
Looking forward to a significant drop in crime correlated with the release of Disney+. Who has time for petty larceny with all the childhood memory movie options? Probably no one.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) November 13, 2019
This light dusting of snow in pretend winter is good practice for real winter. If you’re having trouble driving in pretend winter, then during real winter you should take the real bus.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) November 11, 2019
Literally do not tear down the goal posts https://t.co/0VubqmJgUy
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) September 14, 2019
This feels like an appropriate time of year to remind our followers (again) that if you sell weed out of your apartment, you're gonna get robbed at gunpoint. When you call 911, just say they stole your weed, don't lie and vacuum the coffee table. It complicates the investigation.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) April 17, 2018
It’s almost 4pm and @RileyCountyPD hasn’t even wished us a happy Father’s Day yet.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) June 16, 2019
If you call dispatch when there are fireworks going off, and claim to be an expert on the difference between gunshots and fireworks, and you know it was gunshots, you are likely not an expert.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) January 13, 2019
Please stop shooting off fireworks people. It’s a division round game.
Please don’t shoot at the tornados. https://t.co/NEA3CDftQS
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) May 6, 2019
Update: supervisors would prefer we not say it’s ok to criminal. It is always too cold to criminal, so please refrain.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) February 13, 2019
BUT if you do criminal, we will come for you.
Finders keepers is not a legal principle. It only works for Easter egg hunts.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) April 8, 2019
Thanks for coming to our Ted Talk.
It’s snowing again. You know the drill. We say roads are getting slick, tell you to stay home, most of you do, some of you can’t, some of you like to slide around to pick up Cheetos at the gas station. It is what it is.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) February 20, 2019
As you can imagine this goes over like a snickers bar in the punch bowl. #LKPDTweetalong
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) April 14, 2019
This isn’t snow. It’s just rain. Please don’t allow your motor vehicle to touch other motor vehicles. It’s not that hard if just try.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) April 30, 2019
Update: meth dealers lying low. Moving on.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) April 13, 2019
To a less conspicuous hiding spot.
Or are we? Now the meth dealers will all wonder if we’re talking about them and if we’re creeping down the street. #CrimePrevention
This same Tweet-a-long went a little off topic for a bit:
It’s slow, it’s quiet, who has a question for Officer Inman that doesn’t involve his relationship status?
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) April 14, 2019
Officer Inman’s mom also made a appearance and later cupcakes did indeed arrive at the station!
Cupcakes and singlets. Nothing more wholesome. We’re 23 minutes into the #LKPDTweetalong and we’ve had a mom appearance. It’s gonna be a great night https://t.co/YiYFpnNspX
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) April 13, 2019
We’re doing an #LKPDTweetalong Saturday. Get your life right to avoid being featured. Join us at 5pm sharp.
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) April 7, 2019
If you want more, I highly recommend this thread:
The most ridiculous call of 2019 (so far)
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) February 28, 2019
A thread. pic.twitter.com/F2SKHqDdZV
Thanks Lawrence PD, for both keeping the residences of Lawrence safe and everyone else amusing.
Post more Cheeseburger.
The Ketchup War 