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Tuesday Timewasters – Break Room Stories – 12/04

419In terms of sourcing Timewasters for you lovely folks, I usually do it myself. While away the hours at the computer playing on the Internet when I should be writing aka staring at my computer screen and the mocking blinking line on the white paper. Sometimes The Canadian One will send me something he thinks is Timewasters worthy, and why not, he’s already trying to start his own Quote Friday full of stuff I say but won’t publish. (Keep an eye out for that!). Very occasionally will someone else send a link but never, has a Timewaster come to me quite the same way as this week’s.

They started following The Ketchup War.

No, seriously.

A while back, while in the middle of hell-month NaNoWriMo November, Breakroomstories started appearing in my WordPress feed. ‘Liking’ stuff and ‘Following’ me. I immediately became intrigued about who they were, what they were and what was with the name? A few clicks later, and I was hooked. I began reading it everyday…well, everyday until my school copped on and recently blocked wordpress.com from our computers.

But not Facebook.

Logic: Missing.

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Born and breed in the good ol’ USA, founder Chris Simon put in his time in customer service industry, spending five years ‘getting extra ranch, trying to figure out how to describe the degree of spice an entrée pack [has], avoiding co-workers that are on the breaking point, and getting stiffed for no reason’.

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He tells The Ketchup War, ‘I was attending college in Southern California and I needed to find a job that had flexible hours and could provide me with enough income to first of all maintain my drinking habits (I was in college) and second of all put a roof over my head. Boom, I landed a server position at America’s favorite place to get diabetes….The Olive Garden. Italian food at its finest. While working there I noticed one very specific thing that united a very diverse work force, their desire to commiserate on break by recounting the horror stories of the current shift.’

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‘Servers and bartenders are a very unique bunch,’ Simon continues, ‘They usually possess a very dynamic set of communication skills necessary for a position dealing with the general public and after dealing with that general public and their food they have also developed a general disdain for humanity. So I would sit and listen to very animated group of  individuals recount the most outrageous stories of what happens to them on a day to day basis, usually adding quips and insults to the story that would make me belly laugh to the point of crying. I remember thinking one night that if I could find a way to build a public forum for these stories to be published it could be quite entertaining but I didn’t do anything at that time.’

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After quitting The Olive Garden to work at Yardhouse in Southern California, Simon once again found himself listening to his fellow employees commiserate and bond through these ‘break room horror stories’. It was then that he knew he had to make them public and, much like The Ketchup War and its quotes, Break Room Stories was born.

Now with over 75 submissions a week, Simon finds himself inundated with stories from all around the world.

When asked what his favorites from the site are, Simon tells us:

‘”I know my shift is almost over when I can smell myself, I smell like ranch and B.O.’ – A Waiter in Dallas

“I just witnessed a 250 pound woman take a body shot off of another 250 pound woman” – A Bartender in Chicago

“Some lady just sent her roast beef sandwich back because it tastes too much like roast beef, really?”  – A Waitress in Los Angeles

But his all time favorite story (not just because it happened to him) goes like this:

“I work at a restaurant across the street from a hotel and a big convention center so we often get customers from business conventions. One night a late 30’s business women came in solo and sat at my table. Four martinis later she and I got real chatty. She told me all about her directional drilling company blah blah blah I was trying to act interested to get a big tip. She is finally ready to go and I drop the check. She leaves and winks at me on the way out. I go back to the table and open the check presenter. Inside was exact change for the bill, a room key, a condom, and a note. The note said I have the rest of your tip in room 613 and I got you something to wear….”

He tells us he does get ‘some pretty weird submissions. But there is one guy who sends me the same story every week. It goes like this:

“It is my duty to the serving community to fart on all these needy geeks and tweaks. Thug Life forever son.”

No joke I get this story every week. I have no idea what it means nor do I want to know.’

Personally, I have to say the following are my favorites but for a daily dose of waiter horror stories and funny Restaurant Randomness Galleries, please check out breakroomstories.com.

Got a story to share, send it on into them and let us know!

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Don’t forget, The Ketchup War needs YOUR help! We’ve been nominated for an Expat Blog Award.

Uh huh! Insert happy dance here.

But we need YOU. The winner will be announced in December and is based on reviews left on the site from its readers. That’s YOU! Just pop on over to The Ketchup War’s page and leave us an awesome review. You just KNOW you want to!

Dooooooo ittttttt and also have a lovely day!!

If only I could learn how to do this with chopsticks over here!
If only I could learn how to do this with chopsticks over here!

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Tuesday (Mini Star Wars) Timewasters – 10/16

A mini edition for this week! Happy Timewasting!

First up, when Germany does flashmobs, they bring an orchestra! Check out the Star Wars FlashOrchestra:

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Another Star Wars themed video, this time the Star Wars theme done 30 Rock style:

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And that’s all for now! A shortie but a goodie…come on, IT’S STAR WARS!!

DON’T FORGET, IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO ADD ABOUT YOUR CAT TO ‘CAT WEEK: LIKE SHARK WEEK BUT FLUFFIER’ SEND IT TO US: jenny@theketchupwar.com

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Typhoon Timewasters – Top 10 10s – 08/28

The MODIS instrument on board NASA's Terra sat...

With the day off school today to await the imminent arrival of Typhoon Bolaven, I’ve redubbed today’s post Typhoon Timewasters!

Happy Timewasting!

To help you while away your time indoors during the storm, we here at TKW have compiled a list of the best of the AllTime10s. With all videos coming in at under 3 minutes long, they’re the perfect way to waste at least 30 minutes and perhaps learn something that you never thought you needed to know.

1. Top 10 Most Useless Body Parts

Covering such uselessness as wisdom teeth, male nipples and why some people can wiggle their ears and I some people can’t.

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2. Top 10 Everyday NASA Inventions

Did you know the substance used to make invisible braces was originally used by NASA to protect infrared detectors? No, me neither!

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3. Top 10 Craziest Ice-Cream Flavors

Bacon? Not that weird. Fried Chicken Wings? A little weirder. Breast milk? Ummm…..ooookkkkk. Viagra? WTF?

For more, check out The Food Network’s list.

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4. Top 10 Dumbest Criminals

Take the story of Krystian Bala, who’s 2003 book ‘Amok’ detailed a gristly murder of a Polish businessman. Noticing the eery similarities between the book’s plot and a murder from 2000 of the same nature, Chief Inspector Jack Wroblewski arrested Bala who’s currently serving 25 years for the murder. In my writing class I was always taught to write what you know but…well….

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5. Top 10 Bizarre Business Ideas That Made Millions

From toilet training kits for your cat to a website that faciliates peole in relationships to have affairs to…well, number three on the list…this list just goes to show, there’s no such thing as a stupid idea an idea that can’t make money.

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6. Top 10 Illegal Baby Names

I once had a co-teacher name one of my students Lucifer. He was the sweetest kid in the world and was only maybe 7 years old when he joined my class but still, I couldn’t help scrunching up my face everytime I had to say or write his name. It’s worth noting, since some of the older kids get to give themselves an English name I’ve had kids named ‘Pencil’, ‘Lightnening’, ‘Apple’, ‘ChocoPie’, ‘Carrot’ who changed her name to ‘Ninja’, the list goes on. The only time I’ve ever refused to let a kid name himself something was when one of my worst student tried to change his name to ‘Smart’, all the other kids complained it was a lie and he got outvoted.

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7. Top 10 Ill-Advised Publicity Stunts

From the US Department of Defence causing widespread public panic and Snapple’s failed world record attempt which resulted in kiwi-strawberry liquid flooding the streets of Manhattan, this list is one of my

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8. Top 10 Accidental Discoveries

Obviously Viagra is on the list but chocolate chip cookies and Play-Doh? Proving some accidents are totally awesome.

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9. Top 10 Suprising Facts About Google

Google have their own dinosaur! Their own DINO-SAUR!! His name is Stan. Stan the Dinosaur.

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10. Top 10 Things That Make You A 90’s Kid

(Sorry, Canadian One, but this ME!!! This is you….) Tamagotchis, Power Rangers and ‘In West Philadelphia born and raised….’

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There are literally hundreds more on their channel so it was hard to just list 10…this may be renamed Part One at some point. Notable mentions: Top 10 Unusual Mating Rituals, Top 10 Greatest Con Artists and Top 10 Lesser Known Natural Wonders.

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Tuesday Timewasters – 08/21

A funny, random pictures edition featuring a round-up of my favourite SomeEcards part 3! (Parts 1 and part 2 are here!)

Happy Timewasting!

On Facebook chat:

Me: ‘I logged onto the internet to write Timewasters but got distracted. Now I dunno what to write about.’

Pomegranate: ‘Write about what distracted you.’

Me: ‘I don’t think Facebook and reading about Tony Scott is Timewaster worthy.’

My favorite Facebookness:

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Sent by The Canadian One:

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Ricky makes a point:

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From the bar menu on Friday night:

Interesting beer bottle…

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Found while reading the news on my iPhone recently. As my mother would say….’WOT???’

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And finally, some Ecards to keep you laughing:

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Tuesday Timewasters – The Random Edition – 07/17

Here’s a collection of pictures I have on my computer that have not managed to find their way into any other Timewasters edition in 3 months so I present to you: Timewasters: The Things You May Have Missed Edition.

Happy Timewasting!

 

This is just wrong….

 

When bags go wrong:

From the BBC News Site:

And finally, an example of texts The Canadian One gets when I’m bored on the subway:

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Tuesday Timewasters – 06/12

Ok, so it’s been a while since I did a round-up of random sites on the interwebbie so I figured I’d do one this week and oh boy, did I find a plethora of random sites to recommend! Happy Timewasting!

1. First up, something somewhat topical to me: The 9 Ways of Hangman: 

(source)

Now, personally, in class, I don’t play hangman. I had a teacher once who told us a harrowing story of a kid in her class whose father hung himself and an innocent game of hangman during the lesson sent her into a whirlwind of tears and panic. And so, I play Snowman. Same concept, just a snowman instead:

TA-DA!

Moving on.

2. Up next, Matt Green and his blog of interesting, though-probably-not-true-but-funny-none-the-less, trivia. With gems such as:

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water!

AND

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

3. There’s a website out there dedicated completely to chronicling truck spills aka the things that spill outta trucks at random intervals in life, such as Doritos or Olympic Coins or Russian Rocket Containers…or a Whale…wait…a WHAT?!

Yep, a whale! 

Apparently in Taiwan in January 2004 a whale exploded in the street. IN. THE. STREET.

Now, before any animal activists contact me, it’s said the whale died of unknown causes on a beach and was being transported to a research facility to determine cause of death when it, ya know, exploded.

4. So far we’ve dealt with suicide by hanging and whale guts today….let’s lighten the mood with some of the strangest  airline baggage left behind by passengers courtesy of the Unclaimed Baggage Center:

  1. Hoggle from the movie “Labyrinth.”Yes. Someone checked the orignal puppet.
  2. A Gucci suitcase filled with ancient Egyptian artifacts.
  3. A rattlesnake. A SNAKE…ON A PLANE!
  4. A $250,000 guidance system belonging to the U.S. Navy.
  5. A Barbie doll stuffed with $500 in cash.
  6. A suit of armor.
  7. A 300-year-old violin.
  8. An ordinary-looking sock, which contained a 5.8-carat diamond set in a platinum ring.
  9. A camera designed for the Space Shuttle.
  10. A 40.95-carat natural emerald.

I once left a teddy bear on an airplane when I was little and my aunt returned to fetch it for me but you would think if you left a 40.95-carat natural emerald on a plane, you’d be wanting it back…No?

5. The people over at Crazy214 have compiled a list of the most AMAZING like a BOSS gifs floating around on the interweb. You. MUST. check. them. out!

6. Over at The Chicken Hammer Blog, they have a section dedicated to ‘Idiot Sightings’. Now, does anyone remember when The Canadian One though the flowers that spelled out ‘Spring’ actually spelled out ‘Sprin 9?’…It’s just like that…but with other people.

7. And finally: THE. BEST. PAINTJOB. ON. A. PLANE. EVER.

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Tuesday Timewasters – 06/05

Some more of my favourite Someecards! Happy Timewasting!! I feel some of them give a nice insight into my Tuesdays at work.

I felt like this in my old job during our Monday meetings!!

For more of my favorite Someecards, check out Part One here!

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Tuesday Timewasters 05/29 – ‘The Best of George Takei’

Recently, The Canadian One asks: ‘Are you friends with George Takei?’

My first, immediate thought was: ‘WHO?’….My second thought was: ‘No.’….What I actually said was: ‘What?’

If you aren’t friends with George Takei and need a laugh each and every day, you need to be friends with George Takei on his Facebook. Friend him. Now.

Until you do, here are my favorite things he’s ever posted, which are probably ALL over the web in other places anyway but still, they keep me entertained at work during ‘lesson planning’.

Related:

Thursday Timewasters – 04/05

Tuesday Timewasters – ‘Dear Internet, Stop being so distracting…’ – 04/10

For more Timewasters check out the Index.

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Tuesday Timewasters – 05/22

Happy Timewasting!!

Yesterday, I wrote about how the plan to make The Canadian One dance for charity was going and included the video of him doin’ his thing! So today, I thought I’d write a little more about it!

The song The Canadian One dances to in theketchupwar video is this:

When I went home last year for two weeks during a break in contracts, this ad was on tv and as soon as I saw it it, for no apparent reason AT ALL, it reminded me of The Canadian One. As soon as I returned, I sat him down and made him watch it on YouTube.

We watch a lot of things on YouTube. I make him watch a lot of things on YouTube. A video of a baby panda sneezing? I’m on it. A video of a baby panda growing up? All over it! It’s posted to his Facebook wall!(I’m going through a baby panda phase) Videos from various contestants on Britain’s Got Talent? He’s seen every one of them. Some twice.

Him: ‘I’ve seen this one. You showed me this one.’

Me: ‘Let’s watch it again.’

So him watching an ad for an ice-cream in the UK was not unusual. Within minutes, we were watching the full song on YouTube dancing in the kitchen…well, one of us was dancing, the other was not partaking…although he’s nooooo problems with dressing as a bear and being recorded….just pointing that out!

YouTube is a fantastic teaching tool. Not only do I use it to keep my Grade One students quiet while I correct work (thank God for Tom and Jerry and their love-hate relationship and short short episodes), I use it at home when I want to do something.

Need to go to the bank and use the all-in-Korean bank machine to pay your bills? Watch this handy video which walks you through it.

Toilet broke? It’s a Sunday? Your maintenance man doesn’t consider anything under COMPLETE DESTRUCTION OF THE APARTMENT to be an emergency and takes up to two weeks and three reminders to visit your apartment? We got you covered.

Wanna sneak peek at next week’s Fringe episode? A type in the search bar and up it pops.

Here are some of my favorite videos from YouTube, starting with Mary Convery’s charity donation requiring The Canadian One to dance!

Thanks for your donation!!

The Original Video, in case you missed it yesterday!

This is why we don’t give drugs to spiders kids!

Growing a panda!! Watch and then let me know if you thought it was born all furry and black and white too!

Dr. Seuss and Burning Man…what could possibly go wrong? Nothing. Nothing is the answer.

Where the hell is Matt?!!

This video always makes me wanna go home to see my mammy…eventhough we don’t live in England and that’s Heathrow Airport!

Annnnnnd just in case you think The Canadian One and I just happen to have a bear suit knocking around the apartment in case on of us decides to start a blog and raise money for charity, here’s where we borrowed the suit from:

Don’t forget, if you want The Canadian Bear to dance for YOU, all ya gotta do is email us (theketchupwar@gmail.com) with your song choice, what you’d like on your sign and details of how you plan to send us your fiver. All money goes to the Canadian Diabetes Association.

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Tuesday Timewasters – Oh, the things people will do for a fiver!

(source)

While the world around us is in economic turmoil, is there is a refuge for budding entrepreneurs to make a buck? Oh, why yes there is! Enter: The Internet. Upon an earth filled with artists, writers, musicians and freelancers, a world of opportunity has arisen in the form of fiverr.com (USA / Canada) and fivesquid.com (UK)

Siting the rise in unemployment as a springboard for launching a site such as this, fiverr’s creator Micha Kaufman wanted to create a place where people could offer gigs, build a fanbase and earn money. Take a simple concept: Sellers offer a service for £5 / $5. Buyers become intrigued and purchase said service. And thus the circle is complete.

With some really odd offerings among the gems, you really do have to be open-minded when trawling through the site’s offerings but bear in mind, some people have made up to $15,000 from gigs on the site! Seriously. This dude is one of them.

Among my favorite oddities the sites have to offer would be:

– I will sing Happy Birthday to you in Welsh wearing only a Welsh flag thong and a wooly hat for $5 (from a guy…who is interestingly listed as a top seller)

– I will teach you how to land a plane if the pilot passes out for $5

–  I will make my brother dance like a bee holding your sign for $5

– I will send you a one dollar bill folded into a random origami shape for $5I will send you or a friend a single bag of tea with a special message in it for $5

– I will pretend to be married to you on Facebook for $5 / I will be your girlfriend on Facebook for 5 days for $5

– I will allow my friend to kick a basketball at my face for $5

– I will send you the link to get the best playground equipment online for $5

– I will video chickens pecking your photograph into tiny, terrifying pieces for $5

– I will FINALLY settle a dispute between you two for $5

– I will write your message on my huge beer gut…AS SEEN ON THE JAY LENO SHOW (Seriously, it says that…)

– I will make a 20 second video crying about anything you want for $5

I’m kinda tempted to request a picture of a zebra wearing wooly boots and a sun hat…what, she says ANYTHING

(source)

(source)

It begs the question, what would you pay someone to do for a fiver…or more importantly, what would you do for a fiver?

In the spirit of this entrepreneurship, The Canadian One has come up with his own fiverr offer. Give him a fiver and he’ll dress up as a bear holding a sign with your name on it and dance to a song of your choosing for 30 seconds. We’ll post the video on our YouTube site just as soon as my eyes dry from laughing so much. All fivers sent will go to the Canadian Diabetes Association and links to the videos will be on next week’s timewasters (or the week after). Email us at theketchupwar@gmail.com for more details, requests will be taken for two weeks only!

If YOU have Paypal, YOU can make The Canadian One dress as a bear and DANCE!

You know, I may just pay him a fiver to hold a sign with the blog name on it and dance to ABBA….Ohhhh, lightbulb…now where can I get a feather boa in Korea….

UPDATE: 05/16 – The Canadian One has so far made $10 for the Canadian Diabetes Association! Filming Sunday (05/20) if you want to appear in next week’s Timewasters, get your order in before then!

THE BEAR!!

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Thursday Timewasters – 05/10

I’ve spent a lot of this week reading the news as my Kindle battery died and there was nothing much else to do as once it was charged, I kept forgetting to bring it with me on the train. And so, I present, my favorite news items of this week:

(Source)

Following hot on the heels of Carolina’s ban on same-sex marriage, with in 24 hours, come this little item…..I’m not American, but I’d vote for you again!

On a related note, I would urge everyone to watch this video. Ketchup World, this is Shane. This past Monday marked the one year anniversary of the sudden and horribly tragic death of his boyfriend, Tom (29 years old). If anything ever happened to The Canadian One, I’d be lost. If anything ever happened to The Canadian One and then THIS happened…there are no words to describe how I would feel. This is Shane’s Story.  

Moving onto dinosaur news, my favorite kind of news!

(source)

I got nothing to say about this one but bahahahahahahahaha!

Imagine the pitch: ‘Eh, we need funding?’ ‘For what?’ ‘A study on dinosaur farts….’

In other, dinosaur related news, a variation of websites have carried the headline ‘Toddler encounters dinosaur and reacts accordingly’ thanks to this little video in which two year old Zack sees a dinosaur and reacts the way we ALL would, let’s admit it!

Yet more dinosaur related news:

(source)

AND (not dinosaur realated)

(source)

Now, you may think these are strange but a few years back, while in England  as a student and working part-time at a call center, a co-worker of mine had a rather interesting call. Hearing her giggling behind us, we all started to look out of our little booths to peer at what was so funny at her desk. As it turned out, the caller she’d been tasked with interviewing was named ‘Mr TickleMyFancy’. Apparently, as a joke and to win a bet (OF COURSE!), he’d changed his name to that. Unfortunately, during that time, he’d purchased a car and, having to use his legal name to sign the papers, poor Mr. TickleMyFancy then got a follow up service call from our call center where he was forced to explain to my giggling friend the origins of his moniker.

And finally:

(Source)

Wait, so, The Pentagon quit The Avengers because of it’s UNREALITY?! Did they not have a small inkling that perhaps this wasn’t going to be the most realistic portrayal of a norse God, a rich playboy in an iron suit, a man who turns into a green giant when he gets angry and a man from the past, frozen in time and thawed out in modern day…none of that made them think it’s perhaps not the most reality based story in the world..? No?

Not done Timewasting? Find more in the Index!

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Oh Yahoo, you’re doing it wrong!

I found this online on one of my favorite websites: The Oatmeal (and missed it out in yesterday’s Timewasters). If you’ve never checked it out before, you should. Now. Go….Well, not right now. I mean, check out my website first and then head over to The Oatmeal.

I feel this picture sums up EXACTLY what I do almost everyday when something appears in my newsfeed. Although, to be fair, it gets so much worse. The other day, I used Google to look up ‘Yahoo News’.

Seriously.

(source)

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Tuesday Timewasters – 04/24

***To avoid any confusion: Links are now underlined and no longer appear in blue. This message has been sponsored by ketchup and tomatoes everywhere.*** 

Soooo Timewasters are a little late today due to a trip to Korean immigration to renew my Korean visa and a long, lengthy and, as usual, stressful trip to the post office…and then I watched a movie.

In case anyone cares, Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows – good.

BBC TV show Sherlock Holmes – better…just sayin’.

Moving on.

Up first we have my favorite thing forwarded to me this week.

Turns out, the TV channel TNT installed a BIG RED PUSH BUTTON BUTTON on an average town square in what looks like an in-need-of-an-injection-of-drama town to advertise their Belgian TV channel launch. In what’s possibly the best intentional twist of marketing ever, a sign next to it invited people to ‘Push to add drama’. I watched it twice then made The Canadian One watch it with me. Trust me when I tell you YOU WANT TO SEE THIS!

Next, we have the 9 Strangest Things Found While Searching For Waldo…or Wally as we like to call him in my part of the world. I mean, the part of the world I am from, not where I live…No writing to me on Facebook telling me I’m mistaken please.

This one is my favorite and destroys all innocence I associate with finding Wally.

A Man About to Be Raped By a Mountain Lion in “Fun and Games in Ancient Rome, Find Waldo Now”

Check out the link for the other eight.

Next, The Most Persistent Flirter on Facebook.

Now, The Canadian One and I started to get to know each other better via this particular social site after we’d met in real life after being introduced at a dinner party by The British Friend…more on that another time. I lived two hours from him so we spent a lot of time texting, calling, Skyping and stalking talking to each other on Facebook. But this guy…this ‘Most Persistent Flirter on Facebook’, fair play for trying dude, not giving up but the line is behind you buddy, you crossed it a while back and you’re never gonna get a date with that girl. But hey, at least you’re now famous on the internet! Cloud – Lining – YAY!

Oh God and in unrelated news, I read THIS this week and thought yep, most of those sum up me.

I can safely say 2, 4, 6, and 12 are me…and possibly 3…and only that ONCE 9….but I didn’t ‘YELL’…The music was loud so I raised my voice. What? Don’t look at me like that!

Speaking of drinking, The Canadian One and I were in our local bar recently where they play music videos on a big projector screen in the center of the bar. Now, I don’t know how many of you have heard / seen this song before but it’s, well, I felt slightly violated afterwards and immediately whipped out my iPhone to Google it.

I’m warning you NOW (so people don’t write to me) DO NOT, I REPEAT,  DO NOT WATCH AT WORK…OR WITH KIDS NEARBY!

Made by ‘Duck Sauce’, the people who also brought you the massively popular song ‘Barbra Streisand’, the DJ duo are now accused of celebrated for making one of the most shocking videos of last year. Check it out!!

But repeat with me: NOT. AT. WORK.

Two more things before I go, this is totally what I’m dressing up as this year for Halloween:

Uh huh, that’s right. Officially licensed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Sexy Dresses. Officially licensed!! Although headbands and weapons not included but I can get over that.

NOW to think of which turtle I’d like to be. If you want your own, you can go HERE for TMNT ones and HERE for Power Rangers ones. I kid you not people of the interwebbie. Power Rangers. I. Kid. You. Not.

And lastly, IF you’re going out this weekend, please read this helpful PSA to avoid the risk of sexual assault!

Have a good week and Happy Timewasting. Don’t forget, you got any Timewasters to share, send them along to the email theketchupwar@gmail.com or check out previous week’s Timewasters if you really wanna waste some time discover something awesome in the index.

 

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Tuesday Timewasters – 04/17

Yesterday, I get text from mam:

‘Are you ok? Are you at home? On Skype???’

I call her.

Mam: ‘Oh, I was just checking you were ok. I checked the Facebook and you’ve not been there all day. I looked. Nothing. I was just wondering if you were ok.’

I swear, I spend way to much time on the internet if my own mother is checking Facebook and deems no posts in 12 hours to signal death or serious injury on my part!

Anyway, on the subject of spending too much time on the internet, thanks to my school blocking all non-essential websites (yet not Facebook for some reason, go figure), this week’s timewasters is a short one!  

Happy Timewasting!!

First up, this week’s BEST headline:

 Source: The Northampton Chronicle and Echo

Covered by a wide range of news outlets (did nothing else happen this week??), the story centers around a hamster named Smurf and a Spiderman toy with a magnet. Smurf ate the magnet, climbed about in his cage and then the magnet, doing what magnets do, stuck him to the bars like a pizza menu to a fridge.

Hahahaha, could you imagine coming home you your pet dangling in midair…and then it all ending up on the news?! You can read all about his plight by Googling ‘Spiderman Hamster Magnet’ or by checking out the BBC Radio bit.

Speaking of The Smurfs, THIS conversation happened yesterday:

I show my students a picture of ‘earmuffs’.

Me: ‘What is it?’

Kid 1: ‘Headphones…no…no wait a minute.’

Kid 2: ‘I don’t know.’

I write ‘earmuffs’ on the board.

Kid 3: ‘Earmuffins?’

Me: ‘Earmuffs.’

ALL: ‘Earmuffs.’

Kid 2: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘No no, earMUFFS.’

Kid 1: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘No, no…’

Kid 2: ‘I don’t like Smurfs. They’re blue and skin like a snail. And no clothes, Teacher. No clothes. Only hat and pants. Where do they poop???!! I don’t like them.’

Me: ‘Noooo, but they’re cute.’

Kid 2: ‘They are not cute. They are horrible. No clothes. I like Gargamel. He usually wears clothes.’

Kid 3: ‘I like his cat.’

Me: ‘Me too!’

Kid 2: ‘Teacher, it is disgusting. They have no clothes.’

Kid 1: ‘I like Pororo.’

Me: ‘He’s a penguin. He has no clothes.’

Kid 2: ‘But that’s ok. He’s cute. And when he take off his glasses and then, he’s more cute.’

Kid 3: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘EarMUFFS!!’

Kid 3: ‘Teacher, if you move ‘s’, it’s earsmuffs.’

Me: ‘What about the ‘r’?’

Kid 3: ‘No ‘r’.’

Me: ‘They’re SmuRfs not SMUFFS.’

Kid 3: ‘No, Smuffs.’

Me: ‘SMURFS!!’

Kid 3: ‘You’re wrong!’

Me: ‘I AM NOT! Everybody, EARMUFFS.’

ALL: ‘EARSMURFS!!’

 

And finally, for your amusement, some food related funny pictures found in the land of the interwebbie this week:

 

 

 

 

Categories
entertainment funny humor internet random timewasters Uncategorized websites

‘Dude, where’s my pic?!’

Hello, I’m Jenny and I’m a Draw Somethingaholic. I honestly think I say ‘Did you get my pic?’, ‘Did you see my pic?’, ‘WHERE’S MY NEW PIC?!’ more than I say ‘I love you’ to The Canadian One recently.

It all started about a week ago when a friend called to say ‘You gotta download this app, it’s called Draw Something’. Ok, that’s not why she called but it is the main thing I remember from the conversation. Next morning, on the train, I download the app. Instantly I get a text from The Canadian One: ‘You downloaded an app?’. Ohhhhh yeah, we share an iTunes account so we each get messages whenever the other downloads something. (It was a credit-card-can-only-be-used-with-one-account-situtation that meant one iTunes account for the both of us.) I quickly work out that I need an opponant, this is not a one-player game, and within minutes, The Canadian One has ‘Draw Something’ too.

And so it starts….