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Tag: fears

by Jenny
Posted on March 15, 2019

Would You Walk a Plank 80 Stories Above the Ground for Cake or Kittens?

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I just wanted to thank everyone who has reached out since I told our #IVF story and I PROMISE I am getting around to finding the words to reply to every message. * There was a little confusion though and a theme to the questions so lemme clear that up. * On our second round of IVF, in April 2019, we got pregnant. Positive sticks. I peed on ALL THE THINGS! Positive blood tests. I punched a nurse in the face - story for a different time. All roads lead to baby. BUT my betas didn't rise and I would ultimately miscarry in May. * The weirdest part is they give you enough meds (the shove-up-your-vagina kind) to get you to about a week after the pregnancy test. * So my betas weren't rising a week later but I was still technically pregnant so had to continue to act like it aka shove the pills up the foo (and not drink...). I, having devoured every piece of information the internet has to offer on the subject, KNEW what not-rising betas meant! #peestickmeansnothing * But the doctors couldn't tell me to stop the meds because on paper, I was pregnant. So I go in to pick up my renewal and they know renewal = pregnant = joy and so give me my meds in a gift bag with a smile and a celebration. * I thank them and smile and say the bag is lovely. I walk into the lobby unsure how to react. I took the below picture and sent it to Ian. Then wandered to the bus stop and waited for the bus, little gift bag in hand. * I got on the bus. * I cried. * And panicked. * Then cried some more. * Then I got off the bus, walked into the work bathroom, cleaned myself up and went back to my desk. * An hour later, I shoved one of the new tablets up my foo cos...why not at this point. * It was the second weirdest 'keep-your-shit-together' moment. * First was when at 1pm a few weeks previous, I gave myself 3 injections, hit a vein, bled on my dress and tights, cried (#onbrand) and then went to do a 1:15pm training session on how to submit your expenses with a new employee. * Oh and we're not doing it again so thanks for all the good luck wishes for our third time...but....no....just....no. #twiceisenough * ...I mean....it WAS a really nice gift bag. I probably shouldn't have burned it. Oops.

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