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comedy conversations entertainment funny humor

‘What water tank?’ – Conversations with Mam

Water Tank
Not our Water Tank

My mam calls me on Skype. I’m on video. She’s not. I’m in Korea. She’s in Ireland. It’s the end of the call.

Mam: ‘I have to go. I have to run the bath every few hours to drain the water because there’s something wrong with the ball cock in the water tank.’

Me: ‘What water tank?’

‘The water tank in the attic.’

‘What water tank in the attic?’

‘The big steel thing that’s full of water.’

‘What big steel thing?’

‘It’s in the attic!!! Where did you think the water in the house came from?!’

‘The…world…I thought when you turn on the taps the world gives us water.’

The Earth seen from Apollo 17.
Where I think water comes from

‘The…world? No, it comes from the mains into the tank and then into the bathroom. Downstairs it comes from the mains into the taps.’

She pauses while I look confused and skeptic on video call.

Me: ‘What about the downstairs bathroom?’

‘That’s from the mains. Just upstairs is from the tank.’

Pause, while I contemplate this.

‘Why just upstairs?’

‘Something to do with pressure.’

‘What about the electric shower?’

‘Oh for God’s sake! That’s from the mains. That’s why you’re not supposed to drink the water from upstairs. Only downstairs. Because upstairs water has been sitting in a tank and you’re not supposed to drink it.’

Pause

Me: ‘I thought that was just a myth. I thought you just told us that to stop us drinking the water when we brushed our teeth.’

I couldn’t see her, but I pretty sure my mam shook her head in disbelief that we share the same DNA.

When we moved onto me asking how the electric shower was connected to the electricity in the house, Skype cut off our call. I think even it was getting bored with my questions.

For more Conversations:

And for more funny quotable quotes:

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comedy conversations entertainment funny humor kids Korea quotes South Korea

‘They think we’re American.’ – Quote Friday 07/06

Quote Friday: A round-up of the best quotes from my elementary school kids in South Korea this week!

Ridiculous WordPress Stat Notice of the Week:

Someone Googled ‘in what part of canada the strippers earn more money?’ and found me…

What the WHAT?! of the Week:

While walking through our neighborhood on Wednesday on the way to watch The Amazing Spiderman, The Canadian One and I (The Shamrock) had a woman and her son jump out at us, waving their arms in celebration and wishing us:

 ‘HAPPY DAY!!’

I smiled politely while The Canadian One did what I should have done, leaned away slightly with suspicion and caution. While the incident confused The Canadian One, I came up with only one explanation:

‘They think we’re American.’

REALLY?!?!! Conversation of the Week:

I walk into my classroom to my co-teacher, who has her own classroom, messing about with my clock.
 
Me: ‘What are you doing?’
 
Her: ‘Changing the time.’
 
Me: ‘It’s five minutes slow. I know. I did that.’
 
Her: ‘The parents complain you let the students go home five minutes early.’
 
I look momentarily confused.
 
Me: ‘I don’t. I let them go at the right time.’
 
She changes my clock to the correct time.
 
Me: ‘No, no, I changed the clock because all the students start packing their stuff too early and I don’t want them to so I changed the time on the clock…about three months ago.’
 
Her: ‘The parents complain.’
 
Me: ‘Ok, but…I’m changing my clock back.’
 
Reluctantly, she hands me back my clock and I change it back again.
 
And onto Quotes…Happy Quote Friday!
 
During a tick-the-boxes worksheet:
 
CD: ‘It’s warm in spring’
 
Choices a) A snowy picture or b) A spring picture.
 
Me: ‘What’s the answer?’
 
Kid: ‘B.’
 
Me: ‘And what’s the sentence?’
 
Pause
 
Kid 2: ‘IT’S B.’
 
I look at him.
 
Kid 2: ‘It’s a sentence!’
 
***
 
Me: ‘Your homework is pages 34-37.’
 
Kid: ‘FOUR PAGES!!’
 
Kid 2: ‘I want my money back!’
 
***
 
During a break, the younger kids are messing about. One kid tries to kick another kid from the other side of a desk but misses.
 
Kid 2: ‘Hahahaha, you have short legs!!’
 
We had literally just learned body parts, etc in the previous class. I was so proud!…Until I had to break up the ensuing fight.
 
***
 
Kid: ‘He goes go camping.’
 
Kid 2: ‘NO!’
 
Kid: ‘He goes go camping.’
 
Kid 2: ‘NOOOO!’
 
Kid: ‘It says!!! He goes go camping.’
 
Kid 2: ‘NO GO!! NOOOOO GOOOOOOO!!!’
 
Kid: ‘He goes…camping?’
 
Kid 2 exhales.
 
***
 
Me: ‘Today we will do all of unit 6.’
 
Kid: ‘No thanks.’
 
Me: ‘That wasn’t a question.’
 
Kid: ‘Oh…’
 
***
 
I immediately regret the page in the book that says: ‘Interview your English teacher and write up the interview.’
 
Among the questions I got asked:
 
‘Do you have a Korean name?’
 
‘Are you intimate with Korean teacher?’ (who’s female and works in the next classroom)
 
‘Do you have boyfriend?’
 
‘Do you like fruit?’
 
‘What are you weight?’
 
‘After school you do what?’
 
‘England and Korea which is better?’
 
‘How much you get monthly salary?’
 
‘Will you marry me?’
 
Luckily class ended before I answered….well, any of them! Thank God for well-timed classes!
 
Categories
comedy conversations entertainment funny humor kids Korea quotes South Korea

‘Relax!!!’ – New Quotes Added

My students this week have been learning ‘writing’ and my good God, it’s been…well, interesting to say the least. See for yourself! (Some are more cute than funny so I thought I’d throw them up on the post anyway…)

Writing tasks always ALWAYS remind me of back when I used to teach Kindergarten and had to correct their weekly diaries. One kid (6 years old) wrote about how his mom liked ‘black cock’ and ‘was sad there was no black cock in the home’ so she went out ‘to get black cock’…Took me half the page to realise he’d just spelled ‘coke’ wrong.

So anywho, Happy Friday, here’s the quotes from this week:

One kid misunderstands (OR totally gets) the task:

Example:

‘When I was seven, I wanted to be a soccer player.

I practiced soccer and exercised a lot.

Now, I want to be a scientist.’

Kid’s Answer:

And then the entire class breaks into ‘I believe I can flyyyyyyy’.

One kid boycotts the writing task:

Meanwhile, another kid uses the writing task to make fun of me:

In another class, the kids were tasked with designing a new useful invention. The class was spilt into three boys and three girls. (Bare in mind, the two groups were sitting no where near each other!)

The girls’ entry:

And the boys’ entry:

Next, one of my students is tasked with writing about ‘Then and Now’:

FOOL!!

A cute written piece about fish by one of my favorite students:

My company teaches my student’s their ABCs in an unconventional way….Wouldn’t learning ‘A is for Apple’ be better? No?

Her father buys chocolate and WHAT???

And finally, courtesy of Alex Washko:

***

Not school related but a funny quote none the less: I threaten to kill The Canadian One with an umbrella…I can’t quite remember why but he most likely deserved it! His response:

‘You just fell off the bed, how are you gonna make a murder scene look like an accident?? People with fluffy hair like yours DON’T make murder scenes look like accidents.’

***

My grade two students are yelling for no apparent reason.

One little girl yells: ‘Relax!’ to the class.

The class stops momentarily to look at her and then yells again.

She stands up, ‘RELAX!!’

Everyone shuts up. New. Favorite. Student.

***

Me: ‘Ok, everyone write down what you want to be when you grow up?’

Kid puts his hand up.

Me: ‘Yes?’

Kid: ‘How do you spell legend?’

***

Kid 1: ‘I want to be a chef.’

Kid 2: ‘SHIT?!!’

Kid 1: ‘No, chef.’

Kid 2: ‘Ohhhh. Teacher, what’s shit?’

Kid 1 tells her in Korean what it is.

Kid 2: ‘Nevermind.’

***

Me: ‘What’s made of glass?’

Kid: ‘A smartphone screen.’

***

Kid 1: ‘Teacher, why are you smiling?’

Me: ‘I’m happy.’

Kid 1: ‘Why are you happy?’

Me: ‘Because after this class, I go home.’

Kid 2: ‘To Canada?’

Me: ‘I’m not from Canada.’

Kid 2: ‘Oh Iceland?’

Kid 3: ‘IRELAND. Teacher live IRELAND!!’

Me: ‘Yes, I do but I meant my home here. I’m not going back to Ireland after school.’

***

Kid 1: ‘A BEE!!!’ (pointing at a fly in the classroom)

Kid 2: ‘It’s no bee. It’s fly! It’s no summer!! No bee!’

Kid 1: ‘IT’S A BEE!!’

It wasn’t a bee.

***

Speaking of summer, I once taught a movie scriptwriting class to some teenage Italian students one year during summer school. While working on their scripts, one of the boys asked:

‘Teacher, Viagra in English is what?’

Me: ‘Viagra.’

‘Ahhh, good. How do you spell?’

Me: ‘Why?’

‘My story, baby eat the Viagra and become ninja and kill people.’

Pause

Me: ‘V-I-A-G-R-A.’

Another question, different kid, same class:

‘How do you spell transsexual?’

Unfortunately this conversation took place in the Teacher’s Room later:

Me: ‘Transsexual has just one ‘s’, right?’

Other Teacher: ‘No, two, why?’

Me: ‘Dammit!’

Other Teacher: ‘You spelled it wrong, didn’t you? You know the rules, teach it wrong, you gotta reteach it the next class!’

AND

‘I think priest make girl pregnant and she….um….what’s….no baby….um….oh, abortion!’ (in response to what happens next in the soap opera picture)

***

Little Grade One student who NEVER speaks in class. EVER. Suddenly, during a listening task he stands up, flaps his arms and screams:

‘STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP!!!’

I stop the CD and look over, worried he was in pain.

He takes out an eraser and starts erasing his worksheet. Turns out he suddenly, after two months, grasped what we were doing and realised instead of drawing on his worksheet he could actually fill it in, he just needed to erase his drawing first!

***

Kid 1: ‘Teacher, what’s 9 times 9?’

Me: ’81…Are you doing math homework during my class???’

***

Courtesy of April Lynn Amador and her Kindergarten students:

A little boy has his hands in his pants.

Teacher:  ‘Um, sweetheart, why is your hand in your pants?’

Pause

Little Boy: ‘I’ve got lots to play with!’

***

Got a funny kid’s quote, send it our way at theketchupwar@gmail.com and don’t forget, you can find more quotes on the wall and in the index.

Categories
comedy conversations entertainment funny humor kids Korea quotes random South Korea

‘She is like wi-fi!’ – New Quotes Added

Happy Quote Friday! A round-up of this week’s best kid’s quotes:

Courtesy of April Lynn Amador

One of our rules in class is ‘No (speaking) Korean’.

I explain tattling to the class and how it’s not allowed. 10 minutes later, a little boys is standing up and shouting at a little girl during gametime.

Me: ‘Sammy!!! Why are you yelling??!’

Sammy: ‘Teacheeeeer, Ginny Korean!!! You say, NO KOREAN!! And she, Korean….Teacheeeeer!!’

Me: ‘Ginny, stop speaking Korean to Sammy, it’s making him sad.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Same class as above:

Kid 1: ‘Teacher, Sammy….me….’ She makes a crazy motion with her hand.

Me: ‘Did he hit you?’

Kid 1: ‘No.’

Me: ‘Are you hurt in any way?’

Kid 1: ‘Umm, no…no. But teacher, he say me….’ She makes a crazy motion with her hand again.

Kid 2: ‘Ha, Sammy say you crazy?!! Hahahahahahahaha.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Little girl looks at little boy: ‘Oh teacher, his t-shirt, very sexy!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘Ok, today we need to do all of Unit 6 because we’re behind in the book.’

Kid: ‘Jump the unit!’

Me: ‘No!’

Kid: ‘No no, jump the unit. It’s ok. Shhhhh, secret. No tell.’

Me: ‘We can’t!’

Kid: ‘Jump the unit!! Shhhhhh! Secret!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘What’s your hobby?’

Kid: ‘I read a book.’

Kid 2: pointing at kid 1 ‘No, NO read a book!! Computer games!!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘Do you play any sports?’

Kid 1: ‘No.’

Kid 2: ‘Computer games!’

Me: ‘Computer games is not a sport.’

Kid 2: ‘It’s a hand sport!!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: ‘What are you going to do on your birthday?’

Kid: ‘I will going to fire the cake.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Q: ‘What do you like about New Year?’

Kid’s Ans: ‘I eat dainty food.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Q: ‘She was in a hurry to make a sandwich and she cut herself with a knife. Give her some advice.’

Kid’s Ans: ‘She shouldn’t cut herself with a knife.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

A girl comes to class wearing inline skates. 10 minutes later, her friend arrives wearing inline skates too.

Girl 1: ‘OH, teacher, look inline skates!! I don’t know! Oh teacher, telepathy!!!’

Girl 2: ‘Yes, teacher, she is like wi-fi!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

While teaching, ‘I am……because I…….’

Kid: ‘I am amazing because I learned earsmurfs!’

Me: ‘What the….NO!!!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

The above, incidentally (and in case you can’t be bothered to click the link), is referring to this conversation from Monday and posted on Tuesday but in case you missed it:

I show my students a picture of ‘earmuffs’.

Me: ‘What is it?’

Kid 1: ‘Headphones…no…no wait a minute.’

Kid 2: ‘I don’t know.’

I write ‘earmuffs’ on the board.

Kid 3: ‘Earmuffins?’

Me: ‘Earmuffs.’

ALL: ‘Earmuffs.’

Kid 2: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘No no, earMUFFS.’

Kid 1: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘No, no…’

Kid 2: ‘I don’t like Smurfs. They’re blue and skin like a snail. And no clothes, Teacher. No clothes. Only hat and pants. Where do they poop???!! I don’t like them.’

Me: ‘Noooo, but they’re cute.’

Kid 2: ‘They are not cute. They are horrible. No clothes. I like Gargamel. He usually wears clothes.’

Kid 3: ‘I like his cat.’

Me: ‘Me too!’

Kid 2: ‘Teacher, it is disgusting. They have no clothes.’

Kid 1: ‘I like Pororo.’

Me: ‘He’s a penguin. He has no clothes.’

Kid 2: ‘But that’s ok. He’s cute. And when he take off his glasses and then, he’s more cute.’

Kid 3: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘EarMUFFS!!’

Kid 3: ‘Teacher, if you move ‘s’, it’s earsmuffs.’

Me: ‘What about the ‘r’?’

Kid 3: ‘No ‘r’.’

Me: ‘They’re SmuRfs not SMUFFS.’

Kid 3: ‘No, Smuffs.’

Me: ‘SMURFS!!’

Kid 3: ’You’re wrong!’

Me: ‘I AM NOT! Everybody, EARMUFFS.’

ALL: ‘EARSMURFS!!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Kid: ‘What is it?’

Me: ‘A hoodie.’

Kid: ‘Why?’

Me: ‘Why is it called a hoodie? Because it has a hood, I guess.’

Kid: ‘No, really why??’

Me: ‘I think that’s why.’

Kid: ‘Ask Google!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

While teaching cause and effect:

Me: ‘Ok, the dinosaurs died, this is the effect. What’s the cause?’

One kid gasps.

Me: ‘It’s ok, it happened a long time ago. It’s not new.’

Kid: ‘Oh, ok.’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

One of my youngest students looks sad, I go over to find out what’s happened.

Me: ‘What’s the matter?’

Kid next to him, trying to help too and repeating what he thinks I’ve said in a concerned tone: ‘Watermelon?’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

We studied animal for a while so the kids knew the answer to this question:

Me: ‘What’s my favorite animal?’

Kid 1: ‘Turtle!’

Me: ‘No, that’s number two. What’s my number one favorite animal?’

Kid 2: ‘BOYS!!’

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Categories
comedy conversations entertainment funny humor internet kids Korea quotes random South Korea timewasters websites

Tuesday Timewasters – 04/17

Yesterday, I get text from mam:

‘Are you ok? Are you at home? On Skype???’

I call her.

Mam: ‘Oh, I was just checking you were ok. I checked the Facebook and you’ve not been there all day. I looked. Nothing. I was just wondering if you were ok.’

I swear, I spend way to much time on the internet if my own mother is checking Facebook and deems no posts in 12 hours to signal death or serious injury on my part!

Anyway, on the subject of spending too much time on the internet, thanks to my school blocking all non-essential websites (yet not Facebook for some reason, go figure), this week’s timewasters is a short one!  

Happy Timewasting!!

First up, this week’s BEST headline:

 Source: The Northampton Chronicle and Echo

Covered by a wide range of news outlets (did nothing else happen this week??), the story centers around a hamster named Smurf and a Spiderman toy with a magnet. Smurf ate the magnet, climbed about in his cage and then the magnet, doing what magnets do, stuck him to the bars like a pizza menu to a fridge.

Hahahaha, could you imagine coming home you your pet dangling in midair…and then it all ending up on the news?! You can read all about his plight by Googling ‘Spiderman Hamster Magnet’ or by checking out the BBC Radio bit.

Speaking of The Smurfs, THIS conversation happened yesterday:

I show my students a picture of ‘earmuffs’.

Me: ‘What is it?’

Kid 1: ‘Headphones…no…no wait a minute.’

Kid 2: ‘I don’t know.’

I write ‘earmuffs’ on the board.

Kid 3: ‘Earmuffins?’

Me: ‘Earmuffs.’

ALL: ‘Earmuffs.’

Kid 2: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘No no, earMUFFS.’

Kid 1: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘No, no…’

Kid 2: ‘I don’t like Smurfs. They’re blue and skin like a snail. And no clothes, Teacher. No clothes. Only hat and pants. Where do they poop???!! I don’t like them.’

Me: ‘Noooo, but they’re cute.’

Kid 2: ‘They are not cute. They are horrible. No clothes. I like Gargamel. He usually wears clothes.’

Kid 3: ‘I like his cat.’

Me: ‘Me too!’

Kid 2: ‘Teacher, it is disgusting. They have no clothes.’

Kid 1: ‘I like Pororo.’

Me: ‘He’s a penguin. He has no clothes.’

Kid 2: ‘But that’s ok. He’s cute. And when he take off his glasses and then, he’s more cute.’

Kid 3: ‘Earsmurfs!!’

Me: ‘EarMUFFS!!’

Kid 3: ‘Teacher, if you move ‘s’, it’s earsmuffs.’

Me: ‘What about the ‘r’?’

Kid 3: ‘No ‘r’.’

Me: ‘They’re SmuRfs not SMUFFS.’

Kid 3: ‘No, Smuffs.’

Me: ‘SMURFS!!’

Kid 3: ‘You’re wrong!’

Me: ‘I AM NOT! Everybody, EARMUFFS.’

ALL: ‘EARSMURFS!!’

 

And finally, for your amusement, some food related funny pictures found in the land of the interwebbie this week:

 

 

 

 

Categories
comedy conversations entertainment funny humor quotes

‘His name is ERIK!’ – Conversations with Mam

So this conversation happened:

My mam calls me up, I answer. She’s in Ireland at work and I’m at home in Korea just sitting about.

Mam: ‘Pick a number between 1 and 30.’

Me: ’14.’

My mam checks the horses for the next race and checks the name of number 14.

Mam: ‘Ou, Prince Eric. I was gonna pick that one after the penguin in Happy Feet.’

Me: ‘What? That wasn’t the penguin’s name!’

‘Yes it was! His name is Erik!’