‘Relax!!!’ – New Quotes Added

My students this week have been learning ‘writing’ and my good God, it’s been…well, interesting to say the least. See for yourself! (Some are more cute than funny so I thought I’d throw them up on the post anyway…)

Writing tasks always ALWAYS remind me of back when I used to teach Kindergarten and had to correct their weekly diaries. One kid (6 years old) wrote about how his mom liked ‘black cock’ and ‘was sad there was no black cock in the home’ so she went out ‘to get black cock’…Took me half the page to realise he’d just spelled ‘coke’ wrong.

So anywho, Happy Friday, here’s the quotes from this week:

One kid misunderstands (OR totally gets) the task:

Example:

‘When I was seven, I wanted to be a soccer player.

I practiced soccer and exercised a lot.

Now, I want to be a scientist.’

Kid’s Answer:

And then the entire class breaks into ‘I believe I can flyyyyyyy’.

One kid boycotts the writing task:

Meanwhile, another kid uses the writing task to make fun of me:

In another class, the kids were tasked with designing a new useful invention. The class was spilt into three boys and three girls. (Bare in mind, the two groups were sitting no where near each other!)

The girls’ entry:

And the boys’ entry:

Next, one of my students is tasked with writing about ‘Then and Now':

FOOL!!

A cute written piece about fish by one of my favorite students:

My company teaches my student’s their ABCs in an unconventional way….Wouldn’t learning ‘A is for Apple’ be better? No?

Her father buys chocolate and WHAT???

And finally, courtesy of Alex Washko:

***

Not school related but a funny quote none the less: I threaten to kill The Canadian One with an umbrella…I can’t quite remember why but he most likely deserved it! His response:

‘You just fell off the bed, how are you gonna make a murder scene look like an accident?? People with fluffy hair like yours DON’T make murder scenes look like accidents.’

***

My grade two students are yelling for no apparent reason.

One little girl yells: ‘Relax!’ to the class.

The class stops momentarily to look at her and then yells again.

She stands up, ‘RELAX!!’

Everyone shuts up. New. Favorite. Student.

***

Me: ‘Ok, everyone write down what you want to be when you grow up?’

Kid puts his hand up.

Me: ‘Yes?’

Kid: ‘How do you spell legend?’

***

Kid 1: ‘I want to be a chef.’

Kid 2: ‘SHIT?!!’

Kid 1: ‘No, chef.’

Kid 2: ‘Ohhhh. Teacher, what’s shit?’

Kid 1 tells her in Korean what it is.

Kid 2: ‘Nevermind.’

***

Me: ‘What’s made of glass?’

Kid: ‘A smartphone screen.’

***

Kid 1: ‘Teacher, why are you smiling?’

Me: ‘I’m happy.’

Kid 1: ‘Why are you happy?’

Me: ‘Because after this class, I go home.’

Kid 2: ‘To Canada?’

Me: ‘I’m not from Canada.’

Kid 2: ‘Oh Iceland?’

Kid 3: ‘IRELAND. Teacher live IRELAND!!’

Me: ‘Yes, I do but I meant my home here. I’m not going back to Ireland after school.’

***

Kid 1: ‘A BEE!!!’ (pointing at a fly in the classroom)

Kid 2: ‘It’s no bee. It’s fly! It’s no summer!! No bee!’

Kid 1: ‘IT’S A BEE!!’

It wasn’t a bee.

***

Speaking of summer, I once taught a movie scriptwriting class to some teenage Italian students one year during summer school. While working on their scripts, one of the boys asked:

‘Teacher, Viagra in English is what?’

Me: ‘Viagra.’

‘Ahhh, good. How do you spell?’

Me: ‘Why?’

‘My story, baby eat the Viagra and become ninja and kill people.’

Pause

Me: ‘V-I-A-G-R-A.’

Another question, different kid, same class:

‘How do you spell transsexual?’

Unfortunately this conversation took place in the Teacher’s Room later:

Me: ‘Transsexual has just one ‘s’, right?’

Other Teacher: ‘No, two, why?’

Me: ‘Dammit!’

Other Teacher: ‘You spelled it wrong, didn’t you? You know the rules, teach it wrong, you gotta reteach it the next class!’

AND

‘I think priest make girl pregnant and she….um….what’s….no baby….um….oh, abortion!’ (in response to what happens next in the soap opera picture)

***

Little Grade One student who NEVER speaks in class. EVER. Suddenly, during a listening task he stands up, flaps his arms and screams:

‘STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP!!!’

I stop the CD and look over, worried he was in pain.

He takes out an eraser and starts erasing his worksheet. Turns out he suddenly, after two months, grasped what we were doing and realised instead of drawing on his worksheet he could actually fill it in, he just needed to erase his drawing first!

***

Kid 1: ‘Teacher, what’s 9 times 9?’

Me: ’81…Are you doing math homework during my class???’

***

Courtesy of April Lynn Amador and her Kindergarten students:

A little boy has his hands in his pants.

Teacher:  ‘Um, sweetheart, why is your hand in your pants?’

Pause

Little Boy: ‘I’ve got lots to play with!’

***

Got a funny kid’s quote, send it our way at theketchupwar@gmail.com and don’t forget, you can find more quotes on the wall and in the index.

11 thoughts on “‘Relax!!!’ – New Quotes Added

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